Being ten years your senior, let me tell you, you need to be grateful for what you have achieved. I know anxiety doesn't check your resume or bank account before moving in, but know that there are millions of people out here whose goal is to attain what you already have. You're winning this rat race.How come my brain is never happy?
I'm 31. I have a good job making pretty decent money, I have a college degree, my own house, my own car. I get 6 weeks of vacation a year (in the US), I've traveled the world. I'm reasonably good looking, healthy, in pretty good shape. By basically all metrics I've been decently successful in life.
Despite all this I'm always anxious, I'm always feeling like I'm missing out on something, like life is supposed to be a big adventure that I've never had. Like I'm supposed to make accomplishments for other people to be impressed by. Our society has hard wired my brain to only be interested in outside recognition, but all of the pats on the back and gold stars don't really cut it.
Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Is this all there is to existence? I keep telling myself that all I need is more money so that I can retire early. I keep telling myself that I'll be happy with more freedom and free time, when I can stop working and dedicate myself to hobbies, but I'm pretty sure I'm just lying to myself to get through existence.
Fuck, is this what a mid-life crisis is? Is this the part where I buy a motorcycle? I kinda really want a motorcycle.
Elden Ring will be out in a month, that will dull the existential dread for a while.
Not taking away from how you feel, not at all. I know this world is perceived subjectively by each of us, but as you can make a laundry list of all the reasons you should be satisfied, re-read that list and realize the countless people for whom good money, a degree, and home ownership are each or collectively the finish line.
I know anxiety. I deal with it every day. But were I in as secure a position as you seem to be, I'd be a lot less anxious given where I am now. I'd offer you should challenge yourself. If you're not content where you are, put yourself in a position to aim for something beyond. Clearly, you've not met your own expectations, so define those expectations and shoot for them.