Cola Consumption Causes Muscle Problems, Say Doctors

Earnest Cavalli

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Cola Consumption Causes Muscle Problems, Say Doctors



In a bid to sadden caffeine-addicted gamers around the world, doctors have revealed new findings linking cola consumption and hypokalaemia.

The frightening sounding condition is typified by a decrease in blood potassium levels that leads inevitably to a decrease in vital muscle function.

Potassium helps regulate the function of many important muscles within the human body, particularly the heart. Once potassium levels in the blood drop too low the heart simply seizes up, often leaving those afflicted with a severe case of death.

Hypokalaemia however, can also cause degraded function in other muscle systems. Research published in the latest issue of the International Journal of Clinical Practice [http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090519075420.htm] found that cola junkies can suffer from a range of symptoms that "can range from mild weakness to profound paralysis."

The good news is that the doctors also discovered that those cola drinkers afflicted with hypokalaemia can reverse any damage they might have done to themselves by giving up the sugary beverage and taking a short course of oral or intravenous potassium supplements.

[Image [http://www.flickr.com/photos/cpan/2692006760/]]

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CoverYourHead

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Dec 7, 2008
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Do bananas help? That'd be better then taking an "intravenous potassium supplement". And why does science have to ruin everything tasty?
 

Jumplion

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Tenmar said:
Oh thank god I can keep my banana and cola snacks together. They cancel each other out right? :p

That would make sense though, well looks like no more cokes for me for lunch.
Thank god I don't even like sodas and colas! Hate the fizzy feeling to cokes and stuff. Bleh.

I feel so healthy now!
 

oliveira8

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Feb 2, 2009
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Like the good ol' Doctor once said.

"I like Bananas. Bananas are good source of potassium!"
 

Fingerprint

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Oct 30, 2008
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Well I'm stuffed then.

I love the picture... If I were going to change my avatar that would be the picture I'd use.
 

Andalusa

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Feb 25, 2008
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Oh.
*puts down glass of diet Coke*
I'm a bit screwed then.
The only cold drinks I'll have are water and Cola.
 

Lvl 64 Klutz

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Apr 8, 2008
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I drink the occasional gingerale, but for the most part I stopped drinking soda about a year ago, and I've completely eliminated caffeinated beverages from my diet. This study makes perfect sense. Even before I quit drinking soda, certain sodas would make my entire body get cramps.
 

Mstrswrd

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Mar 2, 2008
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I drink Sprite (and 7-Up, and Sierra Mist), which has some different ingrediants from Cola's, so I think I'm safe. Caffiene free Dr. Pepper is safe as well (and it even tastes liek Dr. Pepper, inlike diet Dr.Pepper, which just tastes odd).
 

Internet Kraken

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Mar 18, 2009
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You know what?

I'm going to go get a coke right now, and I am going to enjoy it. Take that muscles.
 

MrSunshine

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May 21, 2009
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The key word (which is found throughout the source article, while being entirely absent here) being "excessive", as in "excessive cola consumption". Specifically: "The case studies looked at patients whose consumption ranged from two to nine litres of cola a day."

Almost anything is going to be bad for you when taken in excess... it's more or less what the word means.
 

Fraeir

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MrSunshine said:
The key word (which is found throughout the source article, while being entirely absent here) being "excessive", as in "excessive cola consumption". Specifically: "The case studies looked at patients whose consumption ranged from two to nine litres of cola a day."

Almost anything is going to be bad for you when taken in excess... it's more or less what the word means.
2 to 9 litres a day? Damn... I stick with my happy 0-1 litre per day, even less at where I'm located now! 8D

As for Cola itself... Yum.
 

asinann

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Guess I should stop drinking the half case a day then.
Ollie596 said:
Wish I had a camel like that.......wished I had a camel :(
I have a whole carton of them. Sweet sweet cancer.
 

Lord George

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Glad I've never liked the stuff, I only drink it when its the only thing left at parties and I'm thirsty, even then I'm more tempted to find a tap.
 

The Rogue Wolf

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I severely cut down on my soda intake a few years ago. At one point I was drinking an entire 2-litre bottle every day, but now it's usually just a can or 20-oz. bottle at work every day. The headaches were a pain (see what I did there?) to deal with, but nowadays I feel quite a bit better, I sleep a LOT better, and my overall thirst levels have gone down. It used to be that, at restaurants, I would polish off one or two glasses of soda before the entrees even came; now, one glass will last me a whole meal.

CoverYourHead said:
And why does science have to ruin everything tasty?
Why does everything tasty have to ruin us? :(
 

CoverYourHead

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The Rogue Wolf said:
I severely cut down on my soda intake a few years ago. At one point I was drinking an entire 2-litre bottle every day, but now it's usually just a can or 20-oz. bottle at work every day. The headaches were a pain (see what I did there?) to deal with, but nowadays I feel quite a bit better, I sleep a LOT better, and my overall thirst levels have gone down. It used to be that, at restaurants, I would polish off one or two glasses of soda before the entrees even came; now, one glass will last me a whole meal.

CoverYourHead said:
And why does science have to ruin everything tasty?
Why does everything tasty have to ruin us? :(
Touche.