Cracked Aquarium Launches Sharks at Shoppers

[Riobux]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

I read that in a cockney accent... does that make me a bad person?

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...

Haha, it might of been because I wrote "alright" as "awright" as though it was a London mobster.

 

[LordMonty]

Tbh its china, they probally shot someone for this (joke, i hope... <.<) but some one got in a pile of crap for this so fear not the sharks were probally avenged for the massive amount of stupid in play here.

 

[The White Hunter]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

I read that in a cockney accent... does that make me a bad person?

OT: aww ): Those poor sharks. Why are they so horrid to sharks in China?...

Haha, it might of been because I wrote "alright" as "awright" as though it was a London mobster.

That may well have been it. I love sharks though, so this is kinda sad ):

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

"Sir! The people are enjoying the fish too much!"

"Very well. Release the sharks."

 

[dyre]

It's too bad this particular aquarium didn't work out, but I've gotta say putting shark tanks in shopping malls seems pretty cool.

This sounds like the injuries were due only to the the glass and water, not the sharks. That much water and glass being thrown at people would be just as harmful if it contained sea bass, even if they were not mutated or ill-tempered.

Yeah it is a bit sad to see such headline-behavior on the Escapist.
I am not calling out a case of KOTAKU just yet (i was there when it all went down pretty fast. X-( ) but it is still a bit sad.

What happened to Kotaku? I haven't read much from them in awhile, but I remembering them being a pretty decent publication.

 

[Erttheking]

Why is it I get the feeling PETA is only going to care about the Sharks?

 

[DarkRyter]

This is the second saddest news I've heard all year.

Those poor sharks.

 

[Riobux]

This is the second saddest news I've heard all year.

Those poor sharks.

...I'm not sure if to ask about the most saddest news, but I'm guessing it's going to be something akin to "I went to the fridge one day and found out we're out of Coca Cola, and all we had left was store brand diet cola. It was terrible."

 

[lacktheknack]

POSTING IN AN EPIC THREAD

And here I was thinking we had another innovation from Cracked.com... Dang you, misleading headlines!

 

[Strazdas]

looking at the video: this is what you get for photographing sharks. they suicide just so the picture wont come public.

 

[Akimoto]

-Cracked-Aquarium-Launches-Sharks-at-Shoppers'

Who chose this title? This is a much better title than Yahoo's. --> http://sg.news.yahoo.com/shopping-terror-as-shark-tank-bursts-in-busy-mall---video-010321090.html

4 people =/= busy mall.

 

[LtFerret]

This is the second saddest news I've heard all year.

Those poor sharks.

...I'm not sure if to ask about the most saddest news, but I'm guessing it's going to be something akin to "I went to the fridge one day and found out we're out of Coca Cola, and all we had left was store brand diet cola. It was terrible."

Have you had store brand cola? I'd be bawling my eyes out if I had to drink that stuff.

 

[FalloutJack]

It was the Evil Porpoises. They planned it every step of the way.

 

[sora91111]

I guess the moral is if you're going to have a giant fish tank in a shopping center and then you're going to then fill said tank with sharks then you either want to have frequent maintenance checks or stronger glass.

 

[Infernai]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly
back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

 

[knight steel]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly
back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Shark 6:Hey hare those human pricks taking pictures of us
Shark 7: OMG were going to be famous make sure they get my good side ^_^

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly
back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Shark 6:Hey hare those human pricks taking pictures of us
Shark 7: OMG were going to be famous make sure they get my good side ^_^

Shark 8: "Why did they put so many sharks in one tank? No wonder it broke."

 

[Karelwolfpup]

Look at those arse holes just snapping pics of the poor sharks, THEY NOT SELL BATH TUBS IN THAT SWANKY MALL, THEY NOT SELL EVIAN AND SALT!?! DO SOOOOOOOOOOOMETHIIIIIIING!!!

It's China - the sharks might have been toxic to human skin.

More seriously, that was damn thick glass. Even with that much water it seems like there had to have been structural flaws in either the glass or the framing structure (maybe the building pressing down, flexing it). Or maybe the sharks had diamond drill bits or frickin' lasers on their heads.

yeah, nothing new to that in China, isn't like they have codes or standards, never mind all the corruption and swindling.

 

[knight steel]

...Why would you use the word "launches"? I just imagined a shark propelling it's self out the aquarium as though shot by a cannon.

Perhaps it was some daring escape attempt by the sharks that was not properly thought through.

"Awright. What we do is we slam into the glass a few times over night until the glass is weaken, and then during the thickest crowd we can, we'll slam into the glass lightly, enough to smash it. Then, it's up to you guys to launch yourself as hard as possible into the customers, try to go for the head, or at least the chest. Once our captivators are dead, we'll escape."

And sadly, it didn't kill any shoppers.

Shark 2: "but sir..."
Shark 1: "what now?"
Shark 2: "how are we supposed to breath once the tanks broken?"
Shark 1: "We've been through this before. There is enough water in here for us to flood the ground floor and move quickly
back to the sea"
Shark 2: "I think you are greatly over estimating are chances"
Shark 1: "I think I'm getting sick of your negative attitude"
Shark 2: "Well there is no need to get angry"
Shark 1: "Alright then if your so smart, let's here your idea to get us out of here.
Shark 2: "Perhaps we should wait and befriend a small child who doesn't have many real friends, so that he takes pity on us and after a series of events helps us in a last minute desperate bid for freedom"
Shark 1: "That is the most stupid plan I have ever heard. Where do you get these silly notions?"
Shark 2: "Well I saw on the screen of the tv st..."
Shark 1: "Enough! We go ahead as planned"

Shark 1: My...My god...My plan...It failed...I...
Shark 2: I CAN'T BREATHE!
Shark 1: That's right...I'm sorry soldier, but a death on the battlefield is better than a death in a POW camp.
Shark 2: BUT SIR! I...I have children! I have a wife!
Shark 1: I know private, so do I. However, it is freedom or death, and we've been out-witted by the evil tyrannical dictatorship that is man. Let us...Let us just go to sleep and be free...Free forever...

Shark 3: Damit guys what... the $&@!... The tank was heaven we... got free food and...

Shark 4: Oh, so you're happy to spend the rest of your life behind a wall just for a few meals? Some shark you are! Back home, before all this, I was an actor! I was the greatest shark actor of all time! My movies bridged the gap between Tiger and Hammerhead! What were you? Some chum-factory chump?

Shark 3: I never wanted to be a chum-factory chump. I've always hated it. All my life I've only wanted one thing. To be.... A lumberjack!

Shark 4: Well of course you never followed your dream. You obviously never found the right...

Spoiler: ...timbre.

shark 1: Where did this forth shark come from.

Shark 4: Oh that's real nice. Doesn't know me even though we've been in the same school for years.

Shark 5: Hey guys! What if....we bury down through the ground. I hear there is water under the ground: And if we do that, we can bury a tunnel out of here and swim to the ocean!

Shark 2: .....Remind me why we havn't cannibalised this moron?

Shark 6:Hey hare those human pricks taking pictures of us
Shark 7: OMG were going to be famous make sure they get my good side ^_^

Shark 8: "Why did they put so many sharks in one tank? No wonder it broke."

Shark 9: what are you talking about son?
Shark 10: He said how many of us made the glass break!
Shark 11: How are we evening talking without water?
Shark 2: Can you guys just stop!
Shark 42: Now this is ridiculous T___T

 

[Vrach]

This sounds like the injuries were due only to the the glass and water, not the sharks. That much water and glass being thrown at people would be just as harmful if it contained sea bass, even if they were not mutated or ill-tempered.

Yeah it is a bit sad to see such headline-behavior on the Escapist.
I am not calling out a case of KOTAKU just yet (i was there when it all went down pretty fast. X-( ) but it is still a bit sad.

You think this is the first such headline? Escapist has a very good (or bad if you will) reputation for them.