De/motivational things your parents have told you.

TheMatt

New member
Jan 26, 2009
1,001
0
0
Sup people's.

Anywho me and some buddies were talking about this last night and to be honest we came up with some hilarious shit. There were only 5 of us so I figured with a community the size of the escapist the results could be endless.

They can be motivational (though these are less funny, generally) or just funny crap your parents have told you over the years. i have 2.

1) "Son, the only reason I had you is because I was sick of mowing the lawn" Dad

2) "Matthew, your greatest strength and your greatest weakness are the same thing. YOU think you're hilarious." Dad

Touches the heart.
 

Rascarin

New member
Feb 8, 2009
1,207
0
0
From my mother "Don't get your hair cut short; you'll look like a dyke."

Thanks, mum. Thanks a lot.
 

WrongSprite

Resident Morrowind Fanboy
Aug 10, 2008
4,503
0
0
My friends Dad upon seeing his haircut.

"You like like action man let himself go"
 

Cowabungaa

New member
Feb 10, 2008
10,806
0
0
Meh, the usual:
I'm an addict (gaming obviously).
I will never ever get a girlfriend.
I will never get kids.
I am an idiot.
I will end up working 40 hours a week in a supermarket with no prospect of a better future.

Yay...
 

Hot'n'steamy

New member
May 14, 2009
247
0
0
She said I shouldn't apply to Cambridge as I would never get 3 As in my A levels.

I got 3 As.
 

TheMatt

New member
Jan 26, 2009
1,001
0
0
Rascarin said:
From my mother "Don't get your hair cut short; you'll look like a dyke."

Thanks, mum. Thanks a lot.
rofl... not going to lie, THAT is funny... and kinda mean.

You ever have your parents tell you that you were pretty? Then tell you someone else was pretty? But THAT person was ugly? For me it was handsome of course but I was like... If she things THAT guy is handsome, I might be in trouble.
 

Booze Zombie

New member
Dec 8, 2007
7,416
0
0
Rascarin said:
From my mother "Don't get your hair cut short; you'll look like a dyke."

Thanks, mum. Thanks a lot.
That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard, some of the sexiest dykes- er, women I've ever seen have had short hair.

Anyway, I can't really think of any. I'm not one to go for motivation or de-motivation.

Assassinator said:
Meh, the usual:
I'm an addict (gaming obviously).
I will never ever get a girlfriend.
I will never get kids.
I am an idiot.
I will end up working 40 hours a week in a supermarket with no prospect of a better future.

Yay...
Wow, you must have the best parents ever.
 

EMFCRACKSHOT

Not quite Cthulhu
May 25, 2009
2,973
0
0
Assassinator said:
Meh, the usual:
I'm an addict (gaming obviously).
I will never ever get a girlfriend.
I will never get kids.
I am an idiot.
I will end up working 40 hours a week in a supermarket with no prospect of a better future.

Yay...
i get the same. Add you havent got a girlfriend, you must be gay and you'll never amount to anything, and you get my dad.
 

GodsOneMistake

New member
Jan 31, 2009
2,250
0
0
Life Sucks than you die.

Your gonna be a horrible father with that attitude (FUCK YOU DAD)

Your opinion doesn't matter till you eighteen. (FUCK YOU MOM)
 

IntoxicatedKnight

New member
Jan 8, 2009
290
0
0
My stepdad: "If you were anymore laidback you'd be horizontal."
A general (and common) comment in my family. It should be the family motto.
Thing is, it actually demotivates me further, oh the beautiful irony!
 

SpikeyGirl

New member
Jun 30, 2009
409
0
0
'If you keep spending time on your computer, you'll never get into sixth form'

Well here I am, in sixth form, still addicted to my computer.

I would have more but I generally avoid talking to my parents as I end up wanting to kill something
 

Sparrow

New member
Feb 22, 2009
6,848
0
0
"You couldn't cook to save your life, gayboy" - Love you too Sis!

"Yeah, yeah. You only whooped me at pool because I'm getting old. When I die you won't enjoy this moment so much, son." - I would've prefered a "Good Game", Dad.
 

Cowabungaa

New member
Feb 10, 2008
10,806
0
0
EMFCRACKSHOT said:
i get the same. Add you havent got a girlfriend, you must be gay and you'll never amount to anything, and you get my dad.
Aaa yes, how could I forget the "you're gay" thing.
Booze Zombie said:
Wow, you must have the best parents ever.
O yea it's a real blast here, a week or so ago he (dad) suddenly freaked out and whacked my laptop of the coffee table. Ofcourse I freaked out after that and became almost demonic. I would've almost ripped him to shreds if my mum didn't jump between us, crying. When I finally cooled down a bit he threatened to hit my mum, after wich I again became almost demonic. If such an incident happens one more time, one of us will leave the house on a stretcher.
Hot said:
She said I shouldn't apply to Cambridge as I would never get 3 As in my A levels.

I got 3 As.
Did you give her the finger and a really broad smile? I would've. That's fantastic. Did you actually apply as well?
 

Mardy

New member
Apr 7, 2009
448
0
0
That I suck at school, even though I keep getting near top grades. That I'll never succed at life unless I begin listening to my dad, and he's the one who ran away from home.
 

Osloq

New member
Mar 9, 2008
284
0
0
Jeez a cemetery is cheerier than this thread.

My parents have always been pretty sensible and on the straight and narrow so they haven't come up with any strange or funny ones that I remember but my friend's parents have said some crazy things to me to motivate me

"Morgan, you can only succeed in life as a games designer if you've got a solid background in car repair"

a friend's dad I'd only met 40 secs before, bizarre


"Morgan, life is like one of those things, you know what I'm talking about? One of those things that's like uhhh a thing. *5 minute silence* An orange is what I'm talking about"

Just me and my friend's mum while waiting for my friend to get ready for the movies. One of the wierdest conversations I've ever had


"Morgan, you know you're problem? No one's going to hire you because you're too intelligent. You've got to dumb it down, son, otherwise people won't hire you."

Friend's dad who also happened to be a school guidance counsellor. Would've loved to go to that guy for a future career. "You know what a career with a future is? Janitorial work. That's where the big money is"
 

Hot'n'steamy

New member
May 14, 2009
247
0
0
No I didn't apply as she filled out the form for me over the phone as I was in hospital.

Meh, I've had a PhD offer from Cambridge anyways so fuck you mum.