this, exactly... though in my case all the medications i was given turned the depression into sheer rage and i didn't have much of a choice but to stop.Nexxis said:
Depression: Describing it and anyone here ever have it?
- Thread starter Quiet Stranger
- Start date
To be honest I don't think I suffer it at all, I just have some of the symptoms really, but they do vary by person. For me it was a lack of passion to do anything at all, I would withdraw from the world then have these episodes where I won't want to do anything but I'll sit and feel like everything in my life is going wrong. I just call it me having a silly episode or "Going weird for a while" The time these episodes last can be days or a week or so. When I snap out of it I get extremely apologetic, saying sorry to everyone for everything. These silly episodes lead me to thinking that no one really wants me around, no one needs me in their lives, no one cares anyway, which lead to dreams about committing suicide. I never have thoughts of suicide while awake, it's only ever in dreams and they are very very few and far between.
I'll also go thinking that everything is pretty much hopeless. Anything I do will be hopeless. Playing video games or trying to get my piano sounding right will be hopeless. I get worn down by this state of not doing anything, but I feel too "mehish" to do a thing to change. It's only when I think everything's falling apart and someone tells me it isn't, that I come out and apologise for being so neglectful and so damn unlikable.
I find that anything can spark my silly episodes, either something someone said (not even to me, or not even an insult, this can be anything at all) and it will make me sit and ponder on it. Or it could be a really stressful time in my life, my last year of uni caused it, and moving house caused it, and massive financial issues and family issues caused another. Sometimes it doesn't have to be anything stress related, it can just randomly occur.
As I said, I do not suffer depression, I have not been to see a doctor about any of it. I won't self diagnose myself either. I believe that I just have a few problems because I've been cut off from my piano (used to play it daily, it gave me so much freedom and I could forget all my troubles and everything bothering me for hours on end, been playing for over 10 years now and my piano officially died last year) Piano kept all the bad thoughts away and made me feel fresh and new. I have some loneliness issues because I only get to actually hang around with friends about 4 -10 times a year now (distance problems) Oh and I no longer seem able to write. I feel everything I write is not good enough. I have been writing for many years, and for the past year I just haven't been able to. I just can't find it in me anymore and I'm struggling to accept that.
I'll also go thinking that everything is pretty much hopeless. Anything I do will be hopeless. Playing video games or trying to get my piano sounding right will be hopeless. I get worn down by this state of not doing anything, but I feel too "mehish" to do a thing to change. It's only when I think everything's falling apart and someone tells me it isn't, that I come out and apologise for being so neglectful and so damn unlikable.
I find that anything can spark my silly episodes, either something someone said (not even to me, or not even an insult, this can be anything at all) and it will make me sit and ponder on it. Or it could be a really stressful time in my life, my last year of uni caused it, and moving house caused it, and massive financial issues and family issues caused another. Sometimes it doesn't have to be anything stress related, it can just randomly occur.
As I said, I do not suffer depression, I have not been to see a doctor about any of it. I won't self diagnose myself either. I believe that I just have a few problems because I've been cut off from my piano (used to play it daily, it gave me so much freedom and I could forget all my troubles and everything bothering me for hours on end, been playing for over 10 years now and my piano officially died last year) Piano kept all the bad thoughts away and made me feel fresh and new. I have some loneliness issues because I only get to actually hang around with friends about 4 -10 times a year now (distance problems) Oh and I no longer seem able to write. I feel everything I write is not good enough. I have been writing for many years, and for the past year I just haven't been able to. I just can't find it in me anymore and I'm struggling to accept that.
Every time I think there's hope, the little demon in my head drowns it out with doubts and projections of failure. I lived with this demon for so long that it's my "normal." It's crippled my social development. It sabotages every attempt to claw my way out of the abyss it made for me.
I'm taking Cipralex for it. So far, I feel a very minor improvement.
I'm taking Cipralex for it. So far, I feel a very minor improvement.
I had it in early stages for a while.
It sort of feels like nothing is worth doing and nothing you do matters. Everything feels like a burdening chore, even to the point where your favourite activity or event just can't pique your interest. Early stages essentially feel like chronic and unrelenting boredom.
It sort of feels like nothing is worth doing and nothing you do matters. Everything feels like a burdening chore, even to the point where your favourite activity or event just can't pique your interest. Early stages essentially feel like chronic and unrelenting boredom.
I've been depressed for at least 15 years, since I was 11, but possibly longer.
For me, it's a constant dull feeling where I can't really enjoy anything (anhedonia) and my brain always feels foggy and sluggish. It's hard for me to feel motivated to do anything, since nothing makes me happy. And knowing that my life is pretty good all things considered just makes it worse. I feel like nothing is holding me back except for my horrible brain chemistry issues, but they're impossible to escape. It makes me hate myself.
The worst part is that lack of motivation leads to a lack of money, which leads to an inability to treat my depression, which leads to a continuation of the cycle.
On top of that, every few months I sink into a major depressive episode where I can barely get out of bed or do anything other than either cry or just stare at the ceiling. One description I've heard for these kinds of depressive episodes is that even if you know that there's a magic pill in the other room that could cure your depression completely, you can't summon up the energy to go get it.
And few things irritate me more than people using "depressed" as a synonym for "a bit sad."
For me, it's a constant dull feeling where I can't really enjoy anything (anhedonia) and my brain always feels foggy and sluggish. It's hard for me to feel motivated to do anything, since nothing makes me happy. And knowing that my life is pretty good all things considered just makes it worse. I feel like nothing is holding me back except for my horrible brain chemistry issues, but they're impossible to escape. It makes me hate myself.
The worst part is that lack of motivation leads to a lack of money, which leads to an inability to treat my depression, which leads to a continuation of the cycle.
On top of that, every few months I sink into a major depressive episode where I can barely get out of bed or do anything other than either cry or just stare at the ceiling. One description I've heard for these kinds of depressive episodes is that even if you know that there's a magic pill in the other room that could cure your depression completely, you can't summon up the energy to go get it.
And few things irritate me more than people using "depressed" as a synonym for "a bit sad."
It just feels like you have a giant headache. There is a constant feeling you're weighed down by led. You see the sun and feel nothing. Its a mixture of Apathy and sadness in a deadly cocktail.
I'd say it appears to be more because more people are being successfully diagnosed, now the condition is better understood and accepted by the majority as a genuine mental issue, also leading to more people seeking help instead of just suffering in silence.Vault101 said:
OP: You know all those little annoying things that happen in your average day? The nigh inconsequential gripes, grievances and insecurities that your average person can just shrug off at get on with whatever needs doing? A person with depression can't do that. Their self-esteem is so low that every negative is multiplied to extremes. Every small failure is yet more proof of your worthlessness, every awkward moment is a sure sign that everyone secretly hates you, and every wasted effort makes you just want to curl up and never try at anything again.
You show very little of this on the outside, 1) because you don't expect anybody will care, and 2) If they did, you think their reaction would likely be hostile, and 3) If it wasn't, their sympathy would just make you feel worse.
The worst part, of all of it, is the guilt of thinking that there are millions of people out there in the world with far more pressing, and more easily quantifiable problems than you have. If your life was genuinely shit on every conceivable level, then your feelings would make sense and be justified. However, you're still self-conscious enough to realise that it isn't; which, in turn, makes your total inability to be truly hopeful or enthusiastic about anything feel like yet another failure on your part to you.
I'm know shrink, but that was pretty much how I felt.
Wow, I thought it was the other way around. Then I looked up the numbers. That's really depressing (though not in a clinical sense).Ghonesis said:
As for the interwebs, I'm talking anecdotally and not trying to argue against the possible trend, but the internet has probably helped me way more than it's hurt me. This is up to and including meeting my current girlfriend.
I just kinda caved into bullies. My parents and teachers could all call me as gifted and talented as they wanted and grades could be great, but it was their word against almost every kid I met. They hated me. I looked different, thought different, was into different things, even when I was a little guy I hated violence and sports and what not, and people thought I was gay or 'girly'. I was in a situation where I thought I'd be alone for my entire life. That period of time still comprise like...a third of my life. 7 years.
But...well, that's probably why I write what I write, make what I make and do what I do. I don't want anyone to feel that, so I guess I have that experience to thank for my perspective and empathy. Turn the frustration into something productive. It's all I can do. I'm certainly over it in a big way, as I'm hopeful and what some would call 'popular'. The feeling at the time was just...alone. Literally solitary, like nothing else even was there. I had no connection to what a person was really like outside of my family. It was seriously that bad.
Kid's can be brutal.
But...well, that's probably why I write what I write, make what I make and do what I do. I don't want anyone to feel that, so I guess I have that experience to thank for my perspective and empathy. Turn the frustration into something productive. It's all I can do. I'm certainly over it in a big way, as I'm hopeful and what some would call 'popular'. The feeling at the time was just...alone. Literally solitary, like nothing else even was there. I had no connection to what a person was really like outside of my family. It was seriously that bad.
Kid's can be brutal.
Let me just give you the description I give to my friends, feel free to quote it if you want.
"Immagine the feeling of your inner being, what makes you you, your emotions, your desires, your ambitions, and your dreams are a BOAT ANCHOR, and then, then you might get what I feel when I say "I don't feel like leaving the house today."."
"Immagine the feeling of your inner being, what makes you you, your emotions, your desires, your ambitions, and your dreams are a BOAT ANCHOR, and then, then you might get what I feel when I say "I don't feel like leaving the house today."."
Here's how I've described it in the past, but I'm pretty sure it's only pertinent to myself:
"Well basically it's the idea that there is no point to anything except the artificial one appointed by your brain to keep you from self destructing. Because everyone dies eventually even the memories of yourself will eventually fade, to the point that if you're lucky, you end up just another name in a family bible. As such humans are, by virtue of impending mortality, filled with the strive to extend the memory of themselves as far as is possible, at least on some subconscious degree. Most only feel a tinge of this need to be great, their subconscious clouded by a guise of subjective "reality", while I feel the full brunt of needing to be great. With lower levels of dopamine, I can't be happy with this trivial thing called life, and by failing so tremendously to do anything worth while I condemn myself with self hatred and self derision."
"Well basically it's the idea that there is no point to anything except the artificial one appointed by your brain to keep you from self destructing. Because everyone dies eventually even the memories of yourself will eventually fade, to the point that if you're lucky, you end up just another name in a family bible. As such humans are, by virtue of impending mortality, filled with the strive to extend the memory of themselves as far as is possible, at least on some subconscious degree. Most only feel a tinge of this need to be great, their subconscious clouded by a guise of subjective "reality", while I feel the full brunt of needing to be great. With lower levels of dopamine, I can't be happy with this trivial thing called life, and by failing so tremendously to do anything worth while I condemn myself with self hatred and self derision."
As many have noted, depression is very difficult to describe even after going through it yourself; it's one of those omnipresent and overbearing sensations, always there but never really distinct. For myself, it mostly manifested as extended bouts of apathy and indifference; I didn't want to do anything, often choosing to do whatever made me feel somewhat content and aided to pass the time most efficiently. Episodes of sadness weren't uncommon, but not a huge aspect; melancholy was definitely present.
While MMORPG addiction/compulsion/whatever isn't really the topic of debate, I can safely say that it can be a fairly strong indicator of someone having more severe mental issues; a depressed person can easily find themselves lost in these virtual worlds, as they provide a steady stream of mild enjoyment and are better time-sinks than they probably should be permitted to be.
Anyhow, I often found myself saying the words:
"I can do anything I want... but I don't want to do anything."
At the time, I would mostly attribute it to general laziness... but having gotten over my depressed state, I find motivating myself to be much easier. I can't quite explain why, as it's not because finding reasons to do things is a problem; I simply want to do something, plain and simple.
---
Explaining to someone who hasn't had a similar experience with depression is especially difficult, it's just too foreign a concept to grasp. As noted above, I don't need a reason or incentive for me to do something these days; other than indulging in some rest & relaxation, it's fairly normal for a person to want to do something. A depressed person doesn't have the luxury of wanting to do something for the sake of doing it, for whatever reason.
To go somewhat on a tangent, looking into the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion might be not be a bad idea. While it's not quite obvious on the surface, the series could definitely qualify as a case-study on depression in general; the series was (in)famously born out of the creator's own battle with depression, and it doesn't pull any punches. I've also found it tends to strike a chord with those who are familiar with depression, whereas those who aren't... well, the series divisive reputation exists for a reason.
---
The short term approach of working on immediate goals can help one be more productive, but that can easily become little more than a coping mechanism rather than helping one work towards an actual solution. As noted with MMORPGs creating problematic habits, they do this approach a little too effectively.
Confronting the depression itself (even if indirectly) is more or less what it comes down to, but it's still difficult to do; apart from being tough to pin down any one cause for it, and the individual has to be motivated to do something about it themselves. The last part is probably the most critical, the depressed person needs to want to get out of it; if not, any effort will be hollow and temporary at best. For someone to get out of a depression, they have to take a genuine interest in something. Oddly enough, for myself it ended up being my studies; structural engineering design to be specific, which ended up being both the most demanding of my courses but also the most engaging. Nevertheless, it's important to note that this is only the start of recovering from depression.
The phrase "vicious cycle" is often applied in a negative context, but it would be more apt to call it a "cycle of reinforcement"; it goes in both directions, believe it or not. Depression is one such cycle, people get down and "stuck in a rut" because they're down and "stuck in a rut". Apathy plays a huge role in depression, and to get out of it is to not be apathetic; obviously easier said than done, but it's the honest truth. Because it's a self-perpetuating cycle, it's rather difficult to halt; still, it has to be done.
Back to recovering from depression, taking an genuine interest in something is the place to start. Because they're really getting to the topic, they'll almost certainly be doing reasonably well (or at least showing signs of progress); this will provide a boost to one's confidence, giving them the motivation to carry on with the interest. This will start carrying over into other areas in life, building more confidence in the aforementioned "cycle of reinforcement" and providing more self-motivation. And yes, this is also a self-perpetuating cycle; once it's rolling, (formerly) depressed individuals will find it easier to carry on feeling better about themselves and what they do. Incidentally, this is also why depression can be so difficult to explain to those who haven't gone through it before; you simply don't know what it's like to be down that low until you get there yourself, nor do you really understand the difficulties of getting out of it.
---
Hope that helps, but that's my take on the subject. Best of luck.
While MMORPG addiction/compulsion/whatever isn't really the topic of debate, I can safely say that it can be a fairly strong indicator of someone having more severe mental issues; a depressed person can easily find themselves lost in these virtual worlds, as they provide a steady stream of mild enjoyment and are better time-sinks than they probably should be permitted to be.
Anyhow, I often found myself saying the words:
"I can do anything I want... but I don't want to do anything."
At the time, I would mostly attribute it to general laziness... but having gotten over my depressed state, I find motivating myself to be much easier. I can't quite explain why, as it's not because finding reasons to do things is a problem; I simply want to do something, plain and simple.
---
Explaining to someone who hasn't had a similar experience with depression is especially difficult, it's just too foreign a concept to grasp. As noted above, I don't need a reason or incentive for me to do something these days; other than indulging in some rest & relaxation, it's fairly normal for a person to want to do something. A depressed person doesn't have the luxury of wanting to do something for the sake of doing it, for whatever reason.
To go somewhat on a tangent, looking into the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion might be not be a bad idea. While it's not quite obvious on the surface, the series could definitely qualify as a case-study on depression in general; the series was (in)famously born out of the creator's own battle with depression, and it doesn't pull any punches. I've also found it tends to strike a chord with those who are familiar with depression, whereas those who aren't... well, the series divisive reputation exists for a reason.
---
Again, it's mostly about motivation.Quiet Stranger said:
The short term approach of working on immediate goals can help one be more productive, but that can easily become little more than a coping mechanism rather than helping one work towards an actual solution. As noted with MMORPGs creating problematic habits, they do this approach a little too effectively.
Confronting the depression itself (even if indirectly) is more or less what it comes down to, but it's still difficult to do; apart from being tough to pin down any one cause for it, and the individual has to be motivated to do something about it themselves. The last part is probably the most critical, the depressed person needs to want to get out of it; if not, any effort will be hollow and temporary at best. For someone to get out of a depression, they have to take a genuine interest in something. Oddly enough, for myself it ended up being my studies; structural engineering design to be specific, which ended up being both the most demanding of my courses but also the most engaging. Nevertheless, it's important to note that this is only the start of recovering from depression.
The phrase "vicious cycle" is often applied in a negative context, but it would be more apt to call it a "cycle of reinforcement"; it goes in both directions, believe it or not. Depression is one such cycle, people get down and "stuck in a rut" because they're down and "stuck in a rut". Apathy plays a huge role in depression, and to get out of it is to not be apathetic; obviously easier said than done, but it's the honest truth. Because it's a self-perpetuating cycle, it's rather difficult to halt; still, it has to be done.
Back to recovering from depression, taking an genuine interest in something is the place to start. Because they're really getting to the topic, they'll almost certainly be doing reasonably well (or at least showing signs of progress); this will provide a boost to one's confidence, giving them the motivation to carry on with the interest. This will start carrying over into other areas in life, building more confidence in the aforementioned "cycle of reinforcement" and providing more self-motivation. And yes, this is also a self-perpetuating cycle; once it's rolling, (formerly) depressed individuals will find it easier to carry on feeling better about themselves and what they do. Incidentally, this is also why depression can be so difficult to explain to those who haven't gone through it before; you simply don't know what it's like to be down that low until you get there yourself, nor do you really understand the difficulties of getting out of it.
---
Hope that helps, but that's my take on the subject. Best of luck.
Suggestion: download Louie (season 1 to 3) and watch through it. He has a great take on it, besides it just being some of the best tv programming i've ever seen.
The best way i could describe it is not possessing the concept of love. You can't be someone who is afraid of death without some degree of insanity. We have no perception or grasp of what lies beyond life as we know it. For all anyone knows the whole point of being in these oxygen based vehicles is merely to experience what hell feels like. What if there's nothing to experience beyond "existence"? surely that would simplify things, leading to the question without a tone of sombreness
"Why Worry?"
but as it stands we live in an existence of superficiality. Every little thing that we do has to have some sort of divine purpose. In reality it has consequence/repercussion but otherwise we just faithfully cling to whatever idealism we can to garner for enthusiasm to go on.
We are the ultimate goal setters as whatever goal we accomplish has to be followed by another one.....Either that or the goal is so fantastically impossible to reach! There relativity to an ideal existence leaves it unapproachable. It's approaching life as a series of obstacles never ending until death. Someone who doesn't find worth in there accomplishments is someone who is depressed, the opposite would be someone who felt a fulfilled enough by one accomplishment to work there way towards the next. Developing a sense of creation, until there ultimate invention or exploration.
Not being depressed is being able to look at the events in life as manifestations. But we do the opposite, for example we judge people we come across without taking into account what sort of environment it must've taken to nurture such a product. If you were able to acknowledge that, and refrain judgement you'd live a much more fulfilling life. It'd give you the capacity to learn more from them, and love them for who they are, and simply let them be....not a single fuck given.
I truthfully believe an "official" depressed person is merely someone who is succesfully prescribed to a said drug...nothing more or less. Said with utmost respect to those suffering with said titles. Which leads me to.....*down there*
----------------------------------------------------------------
if i were to continue i'd probably dedicate a second section of 2 to homeo-stasis.
HO-ME-O-STA-SIS! HooooMmmeeeeeooooo staaaaaasssiiisssss! homeo...stasis...homeostasis.
look it up
being depressed is a practised talent.
anywho's that's enough of my ramblings (really gotta work on my writing) hope you can apply some of this in a helpful manner!
happy Halloween!
The best way i could describe it is not possessing the concept of love. You can't be someone who is afraid of death without some degree of insanity. We have no perception or grasp of what lies beyond life as we know it. For all anyone knows the whole point of being in these oxygen based vehicles is merely to experience what hell feels like. What if there's nothing to experience beyond "existence"? surely that would simplify things, leading to the question without a tone of sombreness
"Why Worry?"
but as it stands we live in an existence of superficiality. Every little thing that we do has to have some sort of divine purpose. In reality it has consequence/repercussion but otherwise we just faithfully cling to whatever idealism we can to garner for enthusiasm to go on.
We are the ultimate goal setters as whatever goal we accomplish has to be followed by another one.....Either that or the goal is so fantastically impossible to reach! There relativity to an ideal existence leaves it unapproachable. It's approaching life as a series of obstacles never ending until death. Someone who doesn't find worth in there accomplishments is someone who is depressed, the opposite would be someone who felt a fulfilled enough by one accomplishment to work there way towards the next. Developing a sense of creation, until there ultimate invention or exploration.
Not being depressed is being able to look at the events in life as manifestations. But we do the opposite, for example we judge people we come across without taking into account what sort of environment it must've taken to nurture such a product. If you were able to acknowledge that, and refrain judgement you'd live a much more fulfilling life. It'd give you the capacity to learn more from them, and love them for who they are, and simply let them be....not a single fuck given.
I truthfully believe an "official" depressed person is merely someone who is succesfully prescribed to a said drug...nothing more or less. Said with utmost respect to those suffering with said titles. Which leads me to.....*down there*
----------------------------------------------------------------
if i were to continue i'd probably dedicate a second section of 2 to homeo-stasis.
HO-ME-O-STA-SIS! HooooMmmeeeeeooooo staaaaaasssiiisssss! homeo...stasis...homeostasis.
look it up
being depressed is a practised talent.
anywho's that's enough of my ramblings (really gotta work on my writing) hope you can apply some of this in a helpful manner!
happy Halloween!
I cant be 100% sure (as I never went to get diagnosed) however, Im sure I had a bout with it in my pervious high school years, and It ruined 10th, 11th, and a third of 12th grade for me. As I generally became more self loathing and apathetic, I lost friends, my grades slipped,I lost interest in gaming and other hobbies, which sent me into a further spiral of self pity and apathy. The fact that I happen to be an introspective as well as introverted person REALLY didnt help. It kinda got to the point where I saw hating myself as a completly logical and valid conclusion, and was always on a kind of "crusade" in the back of my head to find out what I was doing wrong compared to everyone else who had lots of friends. (not that I really lacked for them, but a mind depressed buys into some really stupidly self-hating things) After It all, I realized I had nothing wrong with me. The friends that had stayed with me, were my friends because of myself, not in spite of it or out of some twisted form of sympathy. The only thing I was doing "wrong" was allowing myself to buy into the idea that I was a terrible person for...(the odd thing is it sounds a stupid today as it was about a year ago) absolutly nothing. :/
I honestly think the reason it went on for so long was that fact that I just felt bad for thinking about getting treatment for it. I felt weak if I couldent beat it myself. Some advice for people suffering: GET HELP right away.
TL;DR Sorry for dumping some shit here, just felt like the place to get it out
I honestly think the reason it went on for so long was that fact that I just felt bad for thinking about getting treatment for it. I felt weak if I couldent beat it myself. Some advice for people suffering: GET HELP right away.
TL;DR Sorry for dumping some shit here, just felt like the place to get it out
Wait, what? "Regain control"? So you basically had to engage in some sort of internal, psychic battle-of-the-minds against your evil personality?SomeLameStuff said:
And how does MPD work even? Are those other personalities still YOU or are they basically separate entities sharing the same body?
Had a "mild" case of depression, or at least that's what my doctor described it as. I thought I had mono. For me, I had a complete lack of energy, was sleeping for fourteen hours a day, and was pissed off constantly.
I felt like I had been deeply and unjustly betrayed, but couldn't really blame anyone (even though I did). It was rather distracting me from my life. I never took any medication, and I guess I kinda beat it eventually, so take my explanation with a grain of salt.
I felt like I had been deeply and unjustly betrayed, but couldn't really blame anyone (even though I did). It was rather distracting me from my life. I never took any medication, and I guess I kinda beat it eventually, so take my explanation with a grain of salt.
I always describe the darkest days of my depression as perpetual futility.
I strongly believe that depression is an illness that noone truly understands unless they suffer it themselves. The chemical imbalance aside there are much stronger psychological bonds which bind you.
I strongly believe that depression is an illness that noone truly understands unless they suffer it themselves. The chemical imbalance aside there are much stronger psychological bonds which bind you.
Depression is feeling really sad and foggy all the time. You are unable to concentrate or function properly and you don't want to be around people and people start disliking you for being a negative person. and you have an extremely pessimistic style of thinking and are only able to see and believe the most extreme negative side of any situation. Because of this negativity you wholly believe that nothing in your life can possibly improve, which is why people with severe depression will almost certainly consider suicide and eventually attempt it if they don't experience any recovery. This negative thinking can sometimes cause you to believe people hate you and are against you.
That is my account of depression, which was diagnosed as extremely severe. I was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It seems to me that many people in this thread have self-diagnosed depression that seems fairly mild but it can get a lot worse.
tl;dr, it's pessimism taken to the extreme.
That is my account of depression, which was diagnosed as extremely severe. I was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It seems to me that many people in this thread have self-diagnosed depression that seems fairly mild but it can get a lot worse.
tl;dr, it's pessimism taken to the extreme.
Well I have it for about 6 years collectively so lets see.
Its as if all the meaning in your life has disappeared. You still see a colorful happy world, but it feels as if its not meant for you. Either you feel you don't deserve the sweetness of the world around you or it wouldn't make you happy. You feel alone, like a single life among an alien civilization.
At its worse I felt all that as well as disembodied from myself. I felt as if I was watching myself in a 3rd person kind of way. As if I was watching a movie through my eyes or playing a video game. To the point that pain no longer has feeling, nor death, or life. You are just controlling a character.
The best shortest way I can describe depression is an unimaginable absent of everything.
Its as if all the meaning in your life has disappeared. You still see a colorful happy world, but it feels as if its not meant for you. Either you feel you don't deserve the sweetness of the world around you or it wouldn't make you happy. You feel alone, like a single life among an alien civilization.
At its worse I felt all that as well as disembodied from myself. I felt as if I was watching myself in a 3rd person kind of way. As if I was watching a movie through my eyes or playing a video game. To the point that pain no longer has feeling, nor death, or life. You are just controlling a character.
The best shortest way I can describe depression is an unimaginable absent of everything.
The first 2 months, I cried every time I woke up, for no reason. Everything was sad, and I felt incredibly lonely. I felt like I needed to end my own life (even though I didn't really want to).
Then, after that came the crushing apathy. I stopped gaming, stopped enjoying anything new (or anything at all). I went from eating a normal amount, to eating roughly 1200 kcal a day, dropping my weight from 96 to 74 kg in a little over 9 weeks. How do I know how many calories I ate? Because that is the sum of the calories from 1 litre of coke + the frozen pizza I ate every day for that period. It all tasted the same anyways.
All I did every day was sit in my bed, queue up whole seasons of Scrubs on my computer, and watch them all back to back. When I reached the end of the last season, I started over again. I could only sleep about 2 hours at a time, and only stay awake for about 8.
Then, a 2,5 year road to recovery through therapy and medication.
Then, after that came the crushing apathy. I stopped gaming, stopped enjoying anything new (or anything at all). I went from eating a normal amount, to eating roughly 1200 kcal a day, dropping my weight from 96 to 74 kg in a little over 9 weeks. How do I know how many calories I ate? Because that is the sum of the calories from 1 litre of coke + the frozen pizza I ate every day for that period. It all tasted the same anyways.
All I did every day was sit in my bed, queue up whole seasons of Scrubs on my computer, and watch them all back to back. When I reached the end of the last season, I started over again. I could only sleep about 2 hours at a time, and only stay awake for about 8.
Then, a 2,5 year road to recovery through therapy and medication.