I'm feeling pretty beat up right now, and for the first time in my life suicide was more than just a vague thought in my mind. I have no energy for anything anymore, my grades are on the decline--I'm a junior in High School--and more often than not I worry about being alone.
My entire life I've been a loner, mainly by choice, but I'm realizing that the further I push people away the less meaning I have to anyone, and my greatest fear is being forgotten. I'm scared of being nothing, being less than nothing, and with the road I'm on that seems to be the only destination.
I only have one real friend, we met two years ago during our school's production of Romeo and Juliet--with me as Tybalt and her as Mercutio--since then the two of us have always been good friends, but in the past year the two of us have kind of drifted apart. We only talk on Facebook now. I think I love her.
But I don't deserve any of it, I'm a B- student, I'm anti-social and I don't know how to talk to people.
I can't keep going on like this. I just don't know what to do.
Join a club or something so you've got some kind of common interest to start conversations with. Talk to the other members about whatever you all are there for, and see if it leads to any kind of friendship.
There's strong probability that it's not you talking/thinking/making your choices, but those damned hormones. Please don't mistake them for yourself - whatever you're feeling it's like being under mesmerizing spell. It's.not.you. Period.
- First of all, put off every mood-affecting food/beverage. No, i'm not joking, this is important stuff.
That means no coffee, no alcohol (if you drink some). Try to change your diet a little (more fresh stuff). If you're listening to some dark, depressing music, change it. I'm not saying "don't ever listen to it". Just leave it for times you'll be stronger.
- If it's possible, try not to think that much, especially about the possible future. Stop watching/reading/listening to news. We're living in rather difficult times and you're risking to become even more depressed by poison that is called "media". They'll make you think world is gonna end tomorrow or, three days after (at best) which is false.
- People and relationships are strange things. They come and go, change and evolve. You'll meet more people later in life, just don't push it or think you're inferior than others just because legions worshiping your every word can't be found nowhere around. It will change, you just need a time.
- Don't mistake love with "affection". It's pretty common to think "she's the one" about first nice person of opposite sex you form some bond with. It's mostly just an illusion that would quickly fade away in real relationship. Not always of coruse - there are exceptions to every rule - but often.
- Probably you have some free time. Are there some things you like to do ? Give some examples here please. We will think about something.
I agree. Stay away from coffee and alcohol and other caffeine drinks.
I found it either makes me depressed and lethargic or ignite a massive migrane.
I also avoid matching the news. I only watch shows I know I will enjoy and get a laugh out of. Even if that mean I only watch anime and comedy shows.
I also limit my contact to people I get along with so I don?t have to feel frustrated about being a loner/ left out.
I may have said this somewhere, or read someone post this, but basically, back in the days (don?t ask me when) it was perfectly ok to be a hermit and keep to yourself and your cats and prune roses for your whole life. Its society today that makes you feel like you are doing something wrong if you don?t socialize and know everything in the news etc etc. so maybe things will become a little easier for you if you change your thinking a little bit and embrace your nature and adjust your environment rather than trying to fake who you are
Depression can be a terrible thing to deal with, but it doesn't have to define you. I suffered from depression for many years, and most of the people I knew had no idea. For me, recovery started when I realized why I was depressed, which allowed me to start making things better. As hard as it might be, I would suggest finding someone you trust to talk to about how you feel. If there isn't a friend that would work for this, find a counselor or a religious leader to help you start figuring things out. You are not alone in this world, as much as it can feel that way sometimes, and there are people who will be happy to help.
When I was feeling depressed I found that the only thing that really brought me back up was sunlight. Just being out in the sun for an hour or so really made a difference. I know it can be difficult to convince yourself to go outside when your feeling depressed, but it made a difference for me.
Additionally it may help to find some kind of gardening work, as that might give some purpose to being outside, or you could go for a walk, just to get a bit away from it all.
If you don't like the outdoors you could try taking some vitamin D, it's what the body generates from sunshine and it helps to keep one happy.
Sunshine, my friend, is what I recommend.
I've never been good at finding friends, so can't help you there, sorry.
I'm feeling pretty beat up right now, and for the first time in my life suicide was more than just a vague thought in my mind. I have no energy for anything anymore, my grades are on the decline--I'm a junior in High School--and more often than not I worry about being alone.
-snip-
But I don't deserve any of it, I'm a B- student, I'm anti-social and I don't know how to talk to people.
I can't keep going on like this. I just don't know what to do.
I'd be willing to offer advice on life and love if you were feeling a little down. However you seem to think you're depressed and you show several signs of depression. I know being a teenager isn't easy and I'd like to offer some advice on how to handle the day-to-day life in junior high.
But it's unethical for me to tell you that anyone on here can give you the perfect advice for your situation. If you are depressed and having thoughts of suicide you need to see a doctor. Everyone gets upset sometimes but depression is a serious problem, one that might not be easily fixed without treatment.
Maybe it is just teenage hormones messing with your brain but if you think suicide is a legitimate, viable option than you shouldn't take the risk.
Everyone has bad times in their life, some worse then others. Friends and family, can help, but sometimes you need someone who really knows how to talk to people, and help you get past it. Talk to your parents, go see your doctor and see what suggestions they make. At the very least make use of one of the myriad help lines, they'll gladly set you in the right direction.
I see, feeling alone is an unhealthy thing for people. If you feel some courage, tell your friend how you feel. We can't often get out of trouble ourselves without help. How do you feel exactly? Do you feel safe around her? If you can, find the source of your depression. We never get depressed without reason, there is no reason to blame hormones for it. My depression was the lack of purpose or ability to do what I wanted.
I dream of many things that I couldn't do because of my age. That why today I'm fighting that now.
If something is getting in the way of your happiness then I suggest you to fight. Do what you need to do.
I can give you advice, but in the end "you" will have to make a decision. A decision that is you decide.
IF you think you love her let her know it, don't live on with the regret of wondering what could have been, the worst thing she could do is say no.......now that doesn't mean you should run up to her teary eyed screaming your love for her. don't do that.
and you only deserve what you are willing to get for yourself, if you don't want to be forgotten then make damn sure you aren't. grades in school barely matter a great man once said "if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live forever thinking its useless."
you say you met this girl in a play, and from this i can gather you likely have some talent for acting well the number one way i overcame my social awkwardness was through acting, i just thought of the most socially successful person i knew, and i acted like them.... nowadays i think of that person and compared to me they seem like the awkward one.
finally the thing that helped me most getting through depression was meditation,
I just sat down and thought, thought who i was,thought of who i wanted to be,and i thought of how i was going to get there. the depression stopped me for a while but eventually it got to the point where i thought to myself "SCREW IT If i can't become everything i want to be then ill die trying!!!" and look at me now. I'm a popular well liked person.
just remember i used to be in the same place as you.
1. Change yourself - the hardest to do but it will make you the happiest in the end. Get helop whether it be from family, friends or a professional. If you're scared of doing nothing and being forgotten then go do something. You can choose what you do, if you don't want to be forgotten you have the ability to do something about it. Sitting on your ass will not help, and no one will do it for you.
2. Learn to like where you're at - go into denial and put on a fake smile and pretend everything is all right. Your life may feel hollow and pathetic but you still have the option to change it.
3. Kill yourself - the easy way out and no taking it back.
If you don't know what to do try different things and see what you like. Even if you'll think you'll hate it it will at least get your mind off it and let you know yourself better. The hardest part is taking the plunge. Everyone fears rejection, and it will happen but don't let it stop you.
Consult a health care professional. Anti-depressents are usually a good start. They helped me a lot. They might take a month or so to start, but they will help you feel happier and allow you to start helping yourself.
I'll give you a rather large list of ways to become an alpha male.
We'll start with some hygiene and fashion advice
1. Buy some cologne. Georgio Armani Acqua di Gio and Chanel are my brand. It doesn't seem much, but when someone tells you smell great, it's a nice boost to your ego. Also if you're a sweaty person, buy antiperspirant and wear %100 cotton undershirts, especially if you're wearing buttoned shirts of all kind. I'll be honest: appearance is everything if you're in school.
2. DON'T go for the rich-guy look. Expensive watches, chains and jeans makes you look like a douche. At most, jeans should cost $110.
3. No scarves. Ever.
4. Smelly feet? Wash between toes, and when you come out of the shower, DON'T step on the thing you stepped on when you entered the shower. Also put baby powder in your socks.
5. If you're grooming "down there", just trim. Being completely shaven makes your junk sweaty.
6. Shower EVERY morning. That shit you had on your pillow is the same shit you had on your face yesterday. A shampoo/conditioner is great to avoid greasy hair.
7. Use good old-fashioned soap on your body before using body wash.
8. Acne problems? Wash you face every morning and night to avoid breakouts. Sleep with a clean towel over your pillow. For body acne, change your bed sheets every week and flip your mattress.
9. For facial hair, avoid mustaches, but if you can, grow a beard. Wash your beard as often as your hair. Also, after eating. Don't want some leftover food on your facial hair.
10. Brush your teeth(and tongue) every morning and night and follow-up with floss and listerine. If your tongue is white and not pink, you're brushing it wrong. To test your breath, lick the top of your hand, wait a few seconds, then smell it. It's disgusting, but it works.
1. Only talk to a girl you're interested in if it's an inquiry about hanging out or going on a date.
2. When asking said-girl, don't make it a question. Say something like, "I'm free tomorrow. Come over if you want to have fun" or whatever like that. REMEMBER: NO ASKING!
3. If you text a girl, don't fucking text her for around three days. If she doesn't reply the second time, forget her or just wait for a response. Also, NEVER One or two-word text her. EVER.
4. If a girl is interested in a guy, most prefer to talk side-by-side with them. If a guy is interested in a girl, they talk to her face to face. Use this to your advantage. Keep up with the eye contact and don't switch from eye to eye. Only break eye contact when switching subjects, and only for a few seconds.
5. Have a sexy smile. Practice in front of a mirror. You don't want to look like a creep. Smile when talking to girls. Especially if she seems interested.
6. If she's with a friend, avoid serious discussions with the friend. You can switch some focus to the friend, to play a little bit of hard to get. But remember: Focus your attention on Her. (from now on, I'll refer to the girl you're interested in as "Her")
7. Never have bad breath. Have mints on you at all times. If you prefer gum, get a minty one. Always have an extra for Her. If she doesn't ask, offer Her some.
8. NEVER cheat on a girl. Not even once. If you want to, break up with her. If you have a bad rep, no decent girl will be after you.
9. If a girl has a history of cheating, even only once don't bother. She'll do it again. If your girl cheats on you, dump her ass and never look back. And by never, I mean NEVER.
10. Be nice to ALL girls. One hears you talking trash about another girl, it'll spread. Trust me on this one. It'll make you look like a desperate douche. Your opinion of girls will change, and you don't want to limit yourself on something you said before you even knew the girl.
11. Okay, I might sound harsh on this one, but honest: There are tiers on girls. Just like Pokemon. There's shit-tier(NU), bad-tier(RU), OK-tier(UU), good-tier(OU), and Goddess-tier(Ubers). Always go for good-tier or over. Remember: The tiers are what's in YOUR opinion and no one else's.
12. When or if you dump a girl, NEVER go after her friends. You need to show respect.
13. You're in school, eh? Walk Her to her classes as much as you can, IF you are at the point of talking to each other. It fucking works.
14. Compliment your woman. If you aren't going out, and you know she's interested, tell her she looks pretty today or something like that. Notice the small things like nails, hair, piercings, slightly different hair, etc.
15. Don't let things get physical fast. Wait a month and a half. Don't let your cock take over your brain.
16. NEVER tell her you love her unless you mean it. And if you do, wait about 4-6 months into the relationship.
17. Say hi to Her EVERYTIME you meet her, but don't shout from across the hallway.
We're done with girls now, now we go on to some health. No, don't groan, you magnificent bastard.
1. You want energy? Get multi-vitamins and have them with breakfast and lunch. It works and keeps you wide awake and alert for the rest of the day. Also promotes good health and muscle build. Much, much better than caffeine drinks.
2. Get your sleeping hours back! Go to sleep around 10 or 11. Going to parties or out with friends are the exception.
3. Don't be embarrassed to go to the gym. Even if you look like a weakling or overweight. There are many people at the gym who are more concerned with themselves than the "noob".
4. Whey protein is best protein. Low-fat, good carb count and tastes better than most muscle-building drinks. Get a gold card at GNC or whatever elite-membership the big health chain they have there. You're a teenager? Your parents will pay for it. I guaranteed it. If your parents are scumbags, just have some chocolate milk after a work out, no matter what it is.
5. When working out, it's best if you follow this: Mondays- Chest and back. Wednesdays: Biceps, triceps, and abs. Fridays: Legs and back. You can join something like a martial arts club too. They're almost as good and you get to meet new people!
6. Bike or walk often. Swim too, if you live somewhere warm.
That's about it, and remember this: Carpe diem. Fuck YOLO.
Hope my advice will help you, Bucholz101, and remember that your family loves you.
Here's some funny things to help your day:
God Bless
EDIT: Also PM me if you want someone to talk to. I'm no life coach, but I was sort of in your position back in high school. My life has drastically improved since then.
Yeah, stop right there. Depressed people should not be allowed to use the word "deserve," because we don't use it the way a word should be used, to convey information; we use it as a scourge to flagellate ourselves with. Just cut that word from your vocabulary until your mind is right.
Talk to your doctor. Depression can be caused by a lot of different factors (some of which you control, and some of which you don't) and talking to a trained professional is probably the best way to go about identifying the factors that are causing your depression, and for determining how to actually deal with those factors.
It's been said, but I recommend taking up running. Even if it's just a jog to the end of your street to start off with. I find I feel sharper and less gloomy after a run; runners high is a real thing and can last for a while. Just don't overdo it; even if it feels like a pathetic effort, it's better to run to the end of your street every day than to run half a mile once and then never go back to it. If you can run further (or already run) then that is great; but the key word is moderation and repeatability.
Other than that, seek a therapist.
And as for your friend... I really can't help you in terms of your feelings. But at least get back in regular contact with her. At the very least she sounds worth the effort made to keep her as a friend. A good friend can go a long way when you're feeling down, so cultivate that friendship. Arrange a meet up, and go have a meal or something.
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