Describe your current thoughts on your life

[bulbasaur765]

So far I'm better off than most people my age, but there's always room for improvement. I should seek out a job next week and start saving up some money for the time I move out of my parents' house. Probably should start looking into a military career after college as well...

I also need to more mature more as well. I haven't had much of a social life and I know that's something I need to take care as soon as possible. I also need to start driving more whenever I get the opportunity. Though I'm not sure if I'm confident about that or I'm content with perishing in an accident. Overall life's been good to me so far.

 

[Ryotknife]

Kinda in a wierd position with my new job. On the one hand it is wonderful to have a non-minimum wage job where i actually feel useful and get to use my head (rather than just repetive physical labor).

On the other hand, i live in hotels in the middle of nowhere for months at a time and work is literally the high point of my day as it is the only time i get any social interaction (but the few people that i do work with are great).

usually, very rarely get to see my friends or family, and i end up missing most social events/holidays/parties/weddings/etc. I say usually because as of right now ive been home for nearly 6 months without pay. They told me after the last job was finished that there would be a month or so until the next one is ready. Well 1-2 months turned into 3 months yadda yadda yadda.

While the job is satisfying, it is not something i could do for a long time as it ruins my personal life. Problem is, im working for my friend's father, and the company is in a rough spot so i feel obligated to stay until things patch up or they finally find a professional replacement. That said, im not sticking around too much longer.

So im kinda in a limbo state. That and im really REALLY not looking forward to finding another job. The least enjoyable thing ive ever done. It is expensive to go on interviews out of state, i HATE playing "the game" (you know the one. oh im perfect in every single way, my one flaw is that im too perfect!). I played the interview game once, and i was so sick of myself that i became physically sick for a day.




Oh, and i have been getting really bored as of late.

 

[Right Hook]

Okay, here's a fair warning. You may have noticed I haven't been such a whiny ***** in a while. Sure, there was that whole anger thread, but I'd hardly catagorise that that under "whiny". I've been making a genuine effort not to do this so much anymore. One of the main reasons I like forums is that I like to discuss things and entertain people. Nobody wants to discuss my issues for obvious reasons, and beyond laughing at my attempts to reach that "humanity" thing, it isn't funny. Of course, at the same time, my mind would have to decide to give me the biggest, most brutal beating I've had in a while. So this is gonna be, to be frank, emo. It's going to be so emo, I actually might harm myself a little. Not to be more emo, but as punishment for being emo, as an attempted aversion therapy from being emo.

Jesus, this has become a wall of text before I even got to the spoiler tag. Let's get this weak ass shit over with.

Spoiler

Well, I feel strange about my life. I'll say I've felt worse, but I've felt far better. Something that hasn't reared it's head for a while has come back in; Loneliness. Simple isolation. It feels like so long since it happened that for a while, I couldn't identify this feeling properly. This is because after all the crap I went through in college (most of it my own fault, but still, it all made me tire of people a little, especially seeming as it felt like I could never understand them), I was happy to go on summer break and be away from them for a little while. I didn't hate people like I did before, but I still felt far from them, I didn't feel too much of a need for company. Coming away from uni, I felt genuinely sad to leave. I felt genuine sadness about my friends one by one leaving as I chose a late time to finally move out for summer. Hell, sometimes I found it hard not to cry. It was all for the first time, y'see. That's the thing about having a childhood that couldn't be called as such. All your "firsts" get delayed, and nobody really seems to understand or remember how much of a big deal this kind of stuff is for the first time it happens.

For this reason, I guess, I feel lonely. And it all reminds me how far from humanity I feel. It seems strange to say, but I barely feel human at all most of the time. What is human? I would have to act like a human being. For the majority, I don't act like a normal human being. I wonder whether I even think like one. I don't look like what it seems a picture of a "human" has become. Point is, no matter what the truth in the matter is, no matter what side of that human line I'm on, I feel seperate from normal people. I feel like nobody can ever understand me, and I can't fully understand normal people.

I long for a group of misfits and outsiders. Where I'd fit. I played that "loneliness" game that was mentioned in the latest episode of extra credits, and that taught me something about myself, that I crave interaction deep down inside, but I don't even tend to bother with "normal" groups anymore. I'll rush headlong into anything out of the ordinary, in the hope that I've found others like me.

I've made friends, plenty of them, but I can't really bring myself to open up to any of them fully. I joke, I hint, but I can't confess. I guess it's for the same reason that I don't want to play the emo on here. I like to entertain people. I am no crying clown. I no longer feel it my duty to entertain, I like to. I feel ten times better about myself when I make somebody laugh. I don't wait for meetings with people in the hope that they'll cheer me up, I await meetings with people in the hope that I can cheer them up, which'll cheer me up. I can't figure out whether that's selfish or not.

I'm paranoid as well. Nothing new. But I find myself more ready to admit it now.

Then there's anger. That post I made may have been made at a low, but none of it was a lie. I wouldn't say I fear it though. A little anger's good for motivation, and while a lot of anger's bad, I feel I'm a lot better prepared than all these people who will walk around holding it in, denying that they feel like ripping someone apart. You can't stop an impulse which you won't even admit.

I guess overall I feel like I'm slowly inching towards understanding my problems. But the question still bothers me as to whether I can ever understand normal people, or whether I can ever be understood. Hell, you're probably screaming "BULLSHIT!" at the screen right now.

Rightly so. You read through all that shit, you deserve a chocolate covered celebrity of your choice.

I guess I feel like I have a lot to do, which is daunting and exciting in equal measure.

Ah fuck, why did I do that? Now I need cider.

Thanks for being so real with us dude. That wasn't emo at all. Big respect.

Doclector is always real, the dude has his share of problems but he keeps working at them. We are all in your corner, man.

OP: I've had a really weird revelation tonight, just getting back together with some of my friends helped me realize the change. When I'm alone too long I just end up grinding deep within the recesses of my own mind, until the point where I feel I am literally standing in the corner of my mind, where a fiction I've created for myself becomes reality. Being the cynic that I am, this almost always ends up leaving me worse for wear. I guess I've realized that I am more than I give myself credit for, other people see it and I only manage it when I'm willing to look past myself.

 

[Theo Rob]

locked in a endless loop of job hunting despite my skills
overweight to the point that electric scales cant read me
stressed to the point that I have strands of grey hair since I was 17 (im 20 now) and i harbor a deep hatred of my brother
random suicidal impulses at the lowest of my depression

but I'm not giving up!
I've got my buddies and I've got something to work on outside of jobsearch

ill but my hopes in the now and work for my future

 

[airwolfe591]

Well I guess it's about time as any to unload things off my chest.

Simply put, I feel like I'm at a terrible point in my life. I have a wonderful wife and son, but I can't be with them.

I met my wife three years ago now, over an online game, getting into detail would just make this even more of a book, but we hit it off, over time our feelings grew for each other and that we wanted to date. It was long distance however, I'm an american, at the time, living in Arizona, and she's canadian. This was all while I was going to the University of Advancing Technology (protip: don't go there for a game design degree, it's toilet paper basically, most other courses are OK, but it's a glorified daycare imo). I eventually dropped out when I realized I was going to be paying out the ass for nothing and didn't want to be too far into debt at the time.

Back on track, my wife, then girl friend, never met face to face for over a year. I lost my apartment after some financial trouble blindsided me, and now to this day am on a Debt Collector's hit list for over 3.5k. I was able to move in with my old college roommate after he'd given up on going to school as well, at his dad's house, which was an experience to say the least. In no time at all I got a job, at Dunkin' Donuts, pay was shit, but I was able to start picking up the pieces, managing to get my Passport and eventually take time off to go up and see her. During all of this, we decided that we wanted to be with each other forever. I went up there, and right at the airport I proposed to her, she knew because we had talked about it, but it was nice regardless, we had Tim Horton's employees as witnesses lol.

Those two weeks was probably the best time of my life so far.

While I was up there, my wife had quit her job because she was tired of being harassed by her employers for things that weren't her fault.

Eventually, she had moved back in with her parent's while I was back in Arizona, and as a couple of months passed, we found out she was pregnant with my son. (Birth control never showed positive with her until she had a blood test.)

We finally married the next month, May 13th, 2011, it was a nice, small ceremony.

The next month I quit my job and moved up there, because I wanted to be with my wife as she went through her pregnancy, which was really rough on her and because her parent's weren't really there for her, even though she lived with them.

That should have been my hint, but as I am ever oblivious to things, I decided that I would go through the Immigration process during my stay. Suffice it to say, that never happened, because I thought my in-laws would be able help me or rather not use me. I'm part native american, I receive monthly income from my tribe because of the casino it owns. I know I am lucky for this and appreciate it every time I receive it. Though while I was there, living with my in laws, who didn't work, lived in a shitty farm house that had no hydro (electricity) other than a gas powered generator used occasionally. Over the months of using my income to feed a family of six (My In-laws, sister-in-law, wife and unborn son and myself), not to mention the unnecessarily large amount of animals (Think at the time it was 6 dogs, maybe 2 dozen barn cats and a few horses?). My wife and I were finally able to get our own apartment between my income and her EI.

Skipping the next 7 months, my son was born, I was being worked to the brink of insanity at an exotic pet shop (how? A month without a day off AFTER my new born son was born). My wife's EI ran out and we eventually (and disdainfully) moved back in with my in-laws. Now remember how I mentioned that I was planning on my immigration being done up there? Well I never could manage to afford it (it costs about 1200 before any costs to get the necessary information for it). While we were living there, my in-laws still sucked any money I had out of me as I still tried to support my wife and son and all the animals, but eventually my in-laws eventually got fed up with me because I couldn't work (yadontsay.jpg) and told me I had to be out the following month, that was last april.

So I made arrangements, I got in touch with my old roommate from college (not the same one I lived in before I moved to canada.) and told me there was room where he lived, rent was cheap. I took a bus, from Toronto to Boston, stayed in Massachusetts for a week to see some old friends in family, before I went back to Boston and took a train to Connecticut, where I am now.

I got a job relatively quickly, guess where? Dunkin' Donuts.

Now here I am, posting a quick run through of the past three years of my life. I'm writing this at 3:33am, I got off work at midnight (3hrs and 30mins ago), and am going back in at noon today.

I haven't seen my wife or son since, though my wife and I text each other constantly, she doesn't have internet so we can't Vid Call, but she sends me pictures of my son so I can see how big he's getting, he'll be a year in November.

I'll be 22 in a couple weeks. I've saved up nearly enough to start my immigration process, but likely I won't be able to get it, because there are places I need to go that are too far away and I don't have a vehicle, my roommates are usually busy and we don't have the same time off.

My wife and I are both back to work and I send her money every month (sometimes more often if she needs a hand) to help her purchase the things she and my son need. She still lives with her parents too.

And to answer the question now that I got that off my chest. I feel like a failure, of a husband, of a father. Though I work everyday for a better future for my family, clinging to whatever hopes I have left of a successful future. Next year, I hope to be with my family again, though it's hard to see that happening even if I do manage to get my application in. Is life frustrating or pleasant? It's a roller coaster, it's whatever you make it. I'm frustrated in myself but even though, there's nothing I would change, as dreadful as this may be. I love my wife very much and I love my son, I miss them both and would suffer anything just so I can make them happy.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Now I need to get some sleep before it gets too late, I really need to talk to my boss about putting me on afternoon shifts right AFTER I work the night/midnight shift lol. I'm used to going to bed at 5am and waking up around noon lol.

 

[Sneezeguard]

Steadly getting worse but It's not terrible, just kinda crappy. I've pretty much failed education/ given up on it. I've been looking for a job for a while now and it's not going so good considering I have no qualifications, training or experience. I've been in a new city for a year now and know no one and don't go out and my few friends are getting fewer as we become more distant or they move on and soon I will have no friends. I'm becoming increasing isolated and lonely but I've learned to live with some of it.

I've been in a rut the last few years, everyone else has changed and moved on while I haven't.

I feel like I've been left behind.

I need to find some friends in cambridge and a job or go back into education.

 

[Myndnix]

I've just come out of a romantic relationship that lasted four years, and didn't end on good terms.
I don't think I've ever been this depressed before- but thankfully I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow so maybe he can convince me that I shouldn't kill myself.
But those are my current thoughts on life. How much I want it to end.

 

[Nouw]

My life is great. My attitude and perception of it however, is average.

 

[DonTsetsi]

I graduated from university 6 months ago. I have no actual job, but I did projects for several different people. I haven't got paid for any of them, even though some of my work was shown to government officials and approved, bringing a lot of money to the architect I helped (I did the 3d modelling and visualization stuff). Lost several job opportunities thanks to my master's degree in architecture. Already hate my chosen profession.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Annoyance, frustration and perhaps a little depression. I feel like such a lazy shit as I don't have a job yet and I don't even know what I want to do or where to go for University yet. Results day for my first year of sixth form is very soon and i'm shitting myself.

So yeah, not very good lately.

 

[WaysideMaze]

Well I just got back to work after 2 months sick leave, and as a result my boss has decided he's going to make my life hell.

Because I've had 2 months off I've very little money, and had to cancel the holiday I'd planned with my friends. They've all gone, don't expect them to cancel because of me, but still, it sucks.

Noticed yesterday that my abcess has returned, and when I went to hospital I was told I also have a fungal infection and then I need to be tested for diabetes.

Still, happy birthday, right?

 

[King of Asgaard]

I'm in the prime of my life, and I'm wasting it with constant work.
Here's the kicker; despite all the work I do, I'm still mediocre in school.
I can't get a girlfriend to save my life, and am socially inept.
I'm depressed due to all the bad choices I've made with my life thus far.
On the other hand, I'm pretty damn good at Dark Souls, so there's that.
But overall, I'm not overly happy. What guy is depressed at seventeen?

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

SNIP

Persevere man. I can't imagine being separated from a family I started in such a way but you'll find a way to be together some how. Love her and your boy as much as you can. Who knows what opportunities will lead you back to them?

You might call me an optimist at heart but I truly do think that something will come up that allows you to go back to them.

 

[Tallim]

I have Trigeminal Neuralgia (otherwise known as 'Suicide Disease') which is horrendous and I have a mysterious leg pain problem which doctors have no idea about but makes my legs constantly feel like the bone is under pressure and might snap.

Two dead children and a dead wife so now I'm the lone parent of a 3 year old.

But screw it, I like my life because I'm damn well not going to waste the time I have left moping about like I did when I was younger.

 

[cerealnmuffin]

A few months ago, my answer would be much different. For once, I can say that I'm improving. Throughout my life, I have suffered deep depression and attempted to end my life a number of times. Seeing therapists and taking medicine has never helped. Now, I'm taking it into my hands. I've mostly broken out of my habit of negative self talk and have gotten back into running (up to 9 miles per run, 3 times a week) which helps thanks to happy endorphins.

I used to have such severe social anxiety that I was ever afraid to raise my voice to say 'excuse me'. That caused me to have to get off later bus stops or avoid most public places. I'd cry all the time. Now I am much better though I do become silent in groups.

I'm now acknowledging that I'm actually cute, albeit in a shy bookwormish way. I look a lot like my avatar. In the past, I'd call myself ugly and avoided mirrors due to my prominent nose.

While I'm improving, I'm rather lonely. I never really had any friends save for some online ones. Those I meet in person never share my interests. I'd love to have someone to go to museums with, cuddle and read a book together, and play video games. I'd rather play piano (just learned howl's moving castle theme) than go to a movie theater or a bar (though I'm not opposed to cocktails).

TLR learning to be my own best friend despite life long depression and no in person friends.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Well I was able to get out of the unemployment status and landed myself my first job (months ago) after Uni which was years ago so yeah it's a big improvement on my life.

While I am content where I'm working at but my parent insist I look for a better paid job. I mean seriously? Sure it's part time and the pay is slight above min wages but I ain't gonna risk switching out just because of that! As far I'm concern at least I am getting some cash as oppose to nothing and I intend to worked there for a while (ideally just over a year) just so it look good on my CV.

Also it seen the years of being unemployed had made me so conscious of my money since I am so careful of my spending that I only spend when I really need to. Sure this is a good thing but I don't want to boring all the time (lived life alittle). Sure I'm still single and lived in the middle of nowhere but I get by as I still keep in touch with my closet friends.

These days I'm utterly bored when I'm not in work and got nothing to watch. This is because I got no new games to played (concious of my money again) but that goona change in two weeks time(Guild Wars 2)

 

[Casual Shinji]

I'm 29 years old, and I don't have a job or an education. I'm basically stuck providing support for my parents with whom I still live.
I don't have any friends and never had a relationship, and this is unlikely the change anytime soon, because the longer time goes by, the more I get isolated from my own generation.

I've wasted the best years of my life being an awkward smuck, which I still am. I have no prospects for the future and the only skill I have which gives me the slightest bit of self-worth (drawing) is quickly deteriorating.

I can usually stave off the feeling of utter despair when realizing my position, but sometimes it sneaks in there... Like now.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

Warning depression ahead; there is most likely absolutely nothing redeemable ahead, read at your own peril:

Spoiler

I feel like my life is pretty hopeless. It really has been in a downward spiral since highschool.
Some background that has been a cloud over my life for quite some time. In highschool I got stabbed in the back (literally) and when I got scanned to see if there was any leftover glass in the wound (broken bottle) they found that my kidneys were enlarged. I was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease. It really isn't a fun disease, I have to take medications that make me want to go to the bathroom every hour or so; you can imagine how it makes doing things difficult. Also the meds/ kidney problem throw off my electrolyte balance so I constantly get very painful muscle spasms/cramps. There really isn't any medical cure besides transplant. I don't know why but since I learned about it I've always thought that I could never get a transplant. I don't know why but there is something in the back of my mind that says "A lot of people die each year waiting for a kidney, who are you to have your life saved and not theirs?" So if I don't get a transplant my expected life is very early 30's; and being almost 26 yea.... I don't know if it's because I found out that you have to be under a certain weight to even be eligible for a transplant or I'm just blaming, but since then I've steadily heaped on my poundage.

Anyways I guess the true tailspin began when I completely tanked my first two years in college. I pretty much chose a workload that was impossible, my first semester was Japanese I, Calculus II, Organic Chemistry, and Biology. While I did better my last two years I'm pretty much forever haunted by a terrible GPA. I had very few friends in college, primarily because my family is low-mid class and we just couldn't afford housing me in a dorm, and living an hour+ away was just impossible to make friends. Eventually I scrounged up 4-5 friends by my junior year, but an incident happened that caused a deep schism between my friends and I took the side of one friend I got alienated by the rest. After college I tried to apply to various masters programs, teach for america etc. I got flat out rejected because my GPA was just under most cutoffs. I pretty much made my bachelor's degree completely useless.

I decided that my only viable option was to go abroad and apply to med school (lower standards). It was a struggle living in a foreign place completely alone, and I was really homesick. Because of this paired with the difficulty of med school I struggled a bit. I barely managed to keep myself together and started to get panic attacks. I had a really hard time and reached out to the one friend I had left to try and turn things around. Things turned around for maybe 2-3 months, I was hanging out with a girl who I was interested in and she showed interested in me. I was exercising and eating right. But then it all came crashing down when a teacher who wasn't a fan of mine got me for a final exam and he flat out failed me even though I got most of the questions correct (I did better than some other students who passed). I was insanely depressed, but I had the silver lining of the girl I liked. I wasn't going to give up and I planned to join what was sort of a last chance make up program in the school. I told the girl and she said she was happy that I chose not to give up. I went home for the summer and studied really hard so I could make the program. I talked with the girl for a couple of hours each day during the summer and we planned to go out on what was going to be our first date when we got back to school. She texted me the place and time. I went there and waited for hours, I texted her every hour and I was like hey what's up I'm waiting? And she would text back, really sorry I'm going to be on my way I'm held up at X place." I think I waited from 3pm-10pm like an idiot. I still don't really know what happened, she never talked to me again or responded to my texts. I asked her friend what was up and her friend said that she had met someone else and had went with the other person out of town on a trip that day.

I was crushed and bombed the make up program. After this and pretty much failing out of med school after 2 years my mind just snapped. I went and bought a rope, made a noose and just sat in my room crying with the lights off for hours. I contacted the one friend from college that I had left. I wanted to say goodbye and asked her if she could take care of a couple of personal items after I was gone. I ended up drinking a lot to get up the courage and I guess I drank too much and passed out. I ended up contacting the friend and saying that I wasn't able to go through with it, and she was upset that I didn't go through with it and she didn't want to be my friend anymore.

Since then I've moved back to the states / moved into my parent's attic, I went back to school and I'm doing ok, but I've just been in an eternal depression. I still have nightmares about my experience abroad, my health is still poor both due to kidneys and weight. I haven't had a single friend for two or so years. Before my summer break my teacher said she was going to have a fulltime job in a lab for me, but that fell through because the person who was supposed to quit didn't. And I ended up getting stuck with a part time job as a busboy/stocker on the weekends. I pretty much spend my days alone, my parents went on vacation, and when the banquet hall doesn't need me I've gone like 2 weeks without talking to another living soul. And even when my parents are around they pretty much don't get along with me, they see me as their failure and don't want anything to do with me. Tomorrow is my cousin's graduation party, and I asked my parent's what time the party would be, and they told me I wasn't welcome.

I really don't know what I'm doing anymore or where I'm going. And with my life quickly ticking away I just feel hopeless. I really don't think there is much left, except for me to dredge on until I die.

dude... i need friends. just to chill and game and stuff. and i really would like to be your friend. add me?

3 way hug?

Apart from feeling a bit lonely every now and again I can't complain. I'm two years into my degree and second in my class, building a good rapport with the lecturers and professional relationships with my classmates while managing to make being a student financially profitable. I have a fantastic family, brilliant parents who could have lived a middle-class lifestyle had they not sank every penny into giving my sister and I the best start in life. I'm healthy, secure in myself, good looking enough to get by, and have a great rack.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

snip.

I had a whiny post about getting jipped out of a job, but I deleted that when I saw this. That's pretty fucking terrible. I will say to just keep on keeping on. Doctors have been know to talk out of their ass in times like these. I know I have absolutely nothing to say that will make you feel better, but it's just a shitty moment in life that you're going through. I've had a depression before, and it forces you to relish on the crap and ignore the good.

We're still young, and your life hasn't even started yet. If your parents are gonna treat you like that, just work as hard as you can to get out of the house and start out on your own.

Edit: Fuck it, I'll sneak a little self pity for myself in.

I recently got my first job ever after looking for one for nearly a year. Just a pizza delivery boy, but I was happy because I was gonna be working at a store right next to where my good friend works. I'd been excepted into the job, got most of the training complete and was ready for my first day of work. Forgetting what time I was supposed to come in, I call in to ask.... only to be told that the job was given away to someone else. Because I had missed my first day of work. Which was a week ago.

I was really to shocked to explain that I had innocently heard the wrong date, but it just came out of nowhere. For a week, I had been out of this job. They didn't think to call me on the day I had missed and ask me where I was. Not once during that week did they call me to tell me I was out of a job.

It took me calling in for them to tell me that I no longer worked there. Pretty great start to my first job. You know that feeling where something great is about to happen in your life, and it's taken away and you aren't at all surprised about it? Yeah, that was me for the past few days. 19, living at home, and I have twenty dollars in my bank account, living off whatever my parents decide to throw my way. I'm really loving that self image. And seeing as how I smoked weed in celebration of getting the job, I'm gonna have to wait a few more weeks before applying anywhere else.

But hell, I got accepted into the EMT program. Let's see if I can find a way to screw this up.

 

[Eveonline100]

Ohhh man. This is one of those things that generally doesn't treat me too well, due to the fact that I've been quite self-deprecating up to this point. But you know what? The first part of solving the problem is facing it, so let's face the fire.

In short, I didn't hit rock bottom. Instead, I tunneled underneath to a point where now the only way to go is up. I've been at the bottom of a pint with ten more in my stomach, and I've been at the wrong side of a loaded gun, with my finger on the trigger. I've overdosed and found myself in some very dark places, and I've crawled out of two auto accidents. I wear a metaphorical and semi-literal mask to cover it up, hiding in plain sight for many years. My friends are no strangers to misfortune either, one having $15,000 taken from him by his deadbeat parents. We're prisoners, and our job now is to set up our escape.

I don't have high self-esteem, I'm in terrible shape, I work a dead-end job where I don't get paid nearly enough, and I drive a car which literally stabs me in the back when I drive it. My schooling is not going well, I tend to swing violently between manic and depressive states, and I've attempted suicide TWICE. I'm trying to get help but I need to figure out what I'm going to say in a manner that doesn't make me look like someone that belongs in a straightjacket. It's a challenging position.

It sucks.

try to find a support group and says you need help. Truthfully(besides the fact that from the sound of it you desperately need it) thats really all that you can do. Their is isn't any shame to say that or alternatively put you in a straightjacket(word of advice most trained professionals can determine between people those who have a lot of issues and those who are insane{ and they tend to be the ones who wind up in straightjackets}) is unlikely. Honestly best of luck to you and hope you get around to improving your life.