I can't remember when I played the demo, but it was... Reletively new then? In it's infancy I guess one could say. I was... Probably just 18 or so, and I'm nearly 22 now. (honestly I don't care who knows these details, they're just numbers)
When I'd first tried it, I played around, as it was the first time I'd played a game like it, going through the mini arcs for each girl, feeling somewhat interested overall. And then I hit Rin's path last. Now, I had a feeling her path would hammer me then, years back, as I was trying to improve as an artist. And then I experienced her character. And it hit me like a brick shithouse. I'm not one to openly pull the "oh god I can seriously connect with these pixels in all ways" card, but I was pulling it then. The ending of that path, the fireworks, the chill-out, it all clicked; I have a similar way of thinking compared to Rin, similar interests, hell, I tend to have the same expressions and mannerisms. So a few years ago, I connected to the bare-bones characteristics of an armless artist.
Jump forward to present day, and of course, the first route I play is Rin's, just on the vague memory that it was the single route that jumped out of the screen and fucking mule-kicked me in a very special place. Reaching the fireworks scene brought back nice memories. Then I carried on. I answered how I would answer if it were really me, and enjoyed things more as her character grew. Then something unexpected happened; I bombed in the art studio, got Hisao and Rin bitterly angry at each other, and hit (one of) the bad end(s) first. I was, in a word, at a loss. Then I remembered, oh right, I tend to bitterly hate myself; Answering like I was talking to myself? Kind of a dumb move. This brought up things I'd forgot for years, repressed feelings mostly.
So I'd decided that, as this is a game after all, I'd shake those feelings off and pick up from where I thought I screwed up; I hadn't saved in a while however, so I found the skip button, and blazed through. First thing I do is have a MANLY PICNIC, and fall off a roof in a drunken stupor. That set back aside, I tried again, picking the choices I knew were right, and that I knew... I don't know, would sound right to me, oddly. The main mistake I made in that art studio, was caring. Which makes sense now, but enough 'life immitating art' correlations; I carried on from then, more cautious than before. This was my path to the good end, I would have my head-in-the-clouds artist, by god; And I did. The whole way though, I was on edge and slightly misty, you know, onion dust in my eyes and blah blah. Then I'd cleared up the scenes I'd missed, felt a bit depressed after a happy end, and decided to watch my 'triumph' again.
Rin's path went from mesmerizing to a fresh out of high school me, to full on gut wrenching and emotion boiling now; There is no other single way for me to simplify it. Many of the events would give me serious butterflies (oh the coincidence of it all), mainly just relating to how she 'talked', and more butterflyingly so, to quote, "I have no idea what's wrong with me!". That single line was the hammering I was expecting years ago. It's something I battle with constantly, I don't ever know what's my problem, but it's some huge mental block that no one but me can see apparently, despite no one ever understanding my words. I almost lost it reading that, and if it weren't for feeling like such a jerkass thanks to previous mistakes, those damned oniondusts would have made me cry a torrential storm of biblical proportions.
This is getting QUITE long winded, and I know there'll be those that will read this and laugh or consider me a creep should they read it all, but I welcome that; This ONE game made me realize that somewhere down the line, I've lost sight of who I am and why I do what I do. Why I draw, why I create, why I shut people out, and why I can't ever figure out what's wrong with me. I'm happy to be a creep if it means I can see where I've gone wrong, greatful to be one even.
And this was only one path, I shudder to imagine what'll happen if I play them all; I may change into someone new again. Quite a feat for a game that's at it's basis, all about scoring them tickets into pantyville.
(And now I go back to hiding in my shaded corner in pre-emptive fear of ridicule that will more than likely not be imminent at any time.)
