#4.
Standing Next to Someone at a Urinal
Notice I said "standing," and not "peeing." That's because, for the socially awkward male, this is the thought process that accompanies every trip to the urinal:
*Oh, good, there's no one else here. This'll be easy. In and out.
*You settle yourself in front of a urinal.
*The door to the restroom opens abruptly. The sound and implication that you are no longer alone startles you.
*You feel cold.
*You pray that the new occupant opts for a stall instead, because-
*Oh, shit, he didn't.
*Okay, this is fine. Stare straight ahead and just go. Just go. I really have to go, this shouldn't be a problem.
*He starts peeing. In the otherwise silent bathroom, his proud and confident stream does nothing but highlight the fact that you clearly haven't been peeing.
*He can hear. He can hear you not peeing right now. He knows.
*Don't think about that, just focus on peeing and all-
*"What's up, Man?"
*How have guys who talk in the bathroom not been shunned out of society?!
*"N-nothing, man." Just peeing, is all.
*"Oh, yeah. Chillin' chillin?"
*This conversation should be illegal.
*"Yes, I am chilling chilling."
*"No doubt. Crazy weather," he says, and he continues to chat, because you are the only one in the world who doesn't know how to talk and pee and stand next to another human at the same time. The only one in the world.
*Giving up, you pretend to shake away make believe urine, and maybe you even say "That sure was a good urine session," to really drive your ruse home, and then you make your exit. It is the toilet equivalent of faking an orgasm.
--
The only thing worse than not being able to pee in front of someone is knowing that they know. You know they're thinking about it, because there's very little else to do in a public restroom but evaluate your surroundings. It's already weird, but to the awkward, there's something extra bizarre about two guys standing next to each other at urinals. The awkward man knows that, at any moment, either one of them can say "Hey, I just realized that we are coworkers who rarely see each other outside of work and, at this moment, we are standing eight inches away from each other with our penises in our hands. Just figured I'd point that out in case it wasn't the only thing you could possibly think about under these circumstances." You never pull back at a urinal and think It's weird that it's socially acceptable for me to have a conversation wherein sometimes I look at you, and sometimes I look at my dick, but the socially awkward man thinks of absolutely nothing else.
Source: [link]http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrible-situations-socially-awkward-man/#ixzz1cyqUTzB0[/link]
