Does sex necessarily have to be learned by trial and error?

Zontar

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Feb 18, 2013
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I don't know the answer, so the only logical conclusion is a great deal of study.

I shall return in a month after a few dozen trials to see the results.
 

Trunkage

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carnex said:
My view on that is following

Romance and sex are perhaps the most individual preferences and expressions of preferences one has.

I mean, basic mechanics are usually taught by either schools and/or parents. Also there are books with more detailed instructions, techniques etc. And I do think young people should be exposed to material. But quite soon everyone understands that most of the people have some preferences that are not really covered in books. Experimentation and expression of wishes and preferences is much more important than preloading with theoretical knowledge.
I agree that sex is something that can only be taught verbally. Romance is maybe something that could be more interactive. I remember a term at school where one session a week we'd discuss many things from what rape actually is (and paedophilia) , many scenarios around how to interact in relationships, making sure that understood that we could say no at anytime, what the first experience might be like and what to do if you feel like your being pressured into sex. In some ways, it was like a sex and relationship ethics program

It was the most informative lesson on life I've ever had. I'd doubt that most schools had it.
 

Zen Bard

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krazykidd said:
...does sex really need to be learned by trial and error?
Not necessarily. But that certainly is the most fun way to learn it!
 

LegendaryVKickr

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As someone who's practicing Polyamory and has one person who's ten years older than me and acts as a teacher (among other things, but lets not get into that), I would agree, yes, it's through trial and error, and it's not easy to happen upon someone who can teach you a lot of things. But while you can learn how to "do the sex" you have to learn the person you're having it with as well.

For example. I'm experienced enough to know, in general, how sex works. But I have two entirely different partners. One likes hair pulling, biting, rough sex. The other wants slow, sensual kisses, long, slow strokes that slowly build into an orgasm. If I went to the sensual partner and started doing what my rough partner likes, she'd have an awful time.

In other words, it's all very trial and error, yes. But (and other people before pointed this out) it's always a little bit different every time you're with a different person, and that's where it's perpetual trial and error. I'm into BDSM, don't even get me started on how "different" things can be.
 

FPLOON

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So, what you're saying is that we should hire dedicated people to perform standard sex/sexual procedures first-hand to those unfamiliar with the basics of sex and the like?

But seriously, that was the closet I could think of to making something as fundamental as sex being taught similar to how schools teach you how to do [surgery], for example... On paper, it sounds like a "good" solution, I guess, but overall, it's still trial and error just on a "smaller" scale... And, even if you did pass the *cough* hands-on portion of the "class", you're still learning through trial and error because the basics can only take you so far before you end up in an orgy you saw coming, but forgot that Z does some things that weren't mentioned on that written test you took in said "class" a while back...

Overall, you never stop learning and not even if we fucked the middle [wo]man, in terms of "conquering" the basics of sex beforehand... Then again, I just realized I have no idea what I'm talking about since I've never done it, let alone got passed "first base" or whatever slang refers to "kissing in a tree" or something like that, I guess...
 

Adam Jensen_v1legacy

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The thing about sex for us humans is, we don't use it just for reproductive purposes. We use it for entertainment. So in that regard, it is a lot of trial and error and exploration. And that's what makes it great.
 

Smooth Operator

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Well trial and error is really the only way humans can put things into practice, knowing your theories is really helpful but muscle memory doesn't come until you try doing things for real.
It would be nice however if there were solid educational videos on the subject distributed freely, probably best put porn sites since everyone interested will end up there looking for any info. Most people sadly still need to stumble into sex without knowing anything useful, usually being told random ass shit by their friends or mere technical stuff by parents/teachers.
 

rosac

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TopazFusion said:
This is also why it doesn't matter if you're a virgin. Because everyone's a virgin whenever they sleep with someone new.
admittedly I am a virgin, but one of my old flatmates was a bit of a player, had a massive dick, shagged a load of girls etc... But all the girls I knew that shagged him agreed that he was terrible. No foreplay, no nothing, they hated it, they said it was almost like he had no idea what a girl actually wanted!

OT: 2nd hand experience here, but each person knows what they like, and therefore have to adapt/compromise in order to make sure both people get what they want out of it.
 

carnex

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Let's not forget one thing though. One important part of having a good sexual realtionship is preparing your body and mind for said relationship. Just like in sports, nothing can replace actual games/competition/sex but without training you are going to suck anyway.
 

Nickolai77

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I don't think the act of sex itself is something you can really "teach" for reasons that have been explained above, but if we were to try teaching sex in school it would be probably be something like this:

[youtube=P6vjLoLtmig
 

Dreiko_v1legacy

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Aug 28, 2008
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You can't really teach people how to have sex without...you know...kinda having sex. Theory is fine and all but there's already porn and books and everything else about theory. The only thing missing would be actual physical practice and I don't ever see this society getting to a place where sex ed takes place at a brothel. :p
 

krazykidd

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Nickolai77" post="18.860557.21393093 said:
I don't think the act of sex itself is something you can really "teach" for reasons that have been explained above, but if we were to try teaching sex in school it would be probably be something like this:


That was halarious! And probably very usefull information .
 

Zack Alklazaris

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Oct 6, 2011
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krazykidd said:
No there are ways to learn before doing some more frowned upon than others.

The book titled Kama Sutra would teach you more than you would ever ask
Porn gives you insight on positions, dirty talk, games, role playing, etc
And then there is always just hiring a hooker for advice, you can't find many others with that level of experience.