Doom: Annihilation movie to release this fall.

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

TIL they're doing another Doom live action movie adaptation. Releases this oktober. Trailer time:
Aside from looking like a cheapass direct to video movie (which it is) and of course the severe lack of Dwayne Johnson, I have questions, such as:

- Has this 30 second trailer already shown us the best this movie has to offer?
- Will sitting through this movie be considered a hellish experience?
- Will this supplant Mortal Kombat: Annihilation as the worst video game movie with that particular subtitle?
- What is the likelyhood showing B-Cell there's going to be a female fronted Doom movie would give him an aneurysm?
- Why did they give the Doomgirl a dumb name like Joan Dark, and not the also dumb but much more amusing Billie Jean Blazkowicz?

I want theories, everyone! Ready? Go!

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Most important: Will it be as utterly stupid and banal as the first Doom movie?

...also, "Joan Dark"? Why not go whole-hog and name her Joanna Dark so Rare's lawyers have something to do?

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Spoiler: Oh no.

That looks bad. Like not even fun bad. Is this an uwe boll? It looks like an uwe boll.
To answer: yes, yes, probably not, only one way to find out, and yes. I mean, because it's bad and all the people involved are bad at this, which also includes giving names to their fictional characters.

 

[Agema]

That actress looks like she'd have trouble lifting a glock, never mind the BFG-9000. Couldn't they get someone beefier?

If we're imaging the Doom main character can savagely pound a large demon to death after grabbing a berserk powerup, she could at least look a bit like she could punch her way out of a paper bag in the first place.

 

[CaitSeith]

"She is Joan Dark, but everybody here calls her 'Doomgirl' because... reasons"

 

[Agema]

"She is Joan Dark, but everybody here calls her 'Doomgirl' because... reasons"

Everyone else around her is going to die in the course of the movie: maybe it's not the first time it's happened to her.

 

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

That looks bad. Like not even fun bad. Is this an uwe boll? It looks like an uwe boll.

Alas no, it's directed by a dude called Tony Giglio. His most notable achievements are directing the direct-to-video sequel to the direct-to-video sequel to SWAT, that movie with Sam Jackson you don't remember and writing all three direct-to-video sequels to the 2008 Death Race remake. Yes there's 3 of those.

 

[Worgen]

Ugh, why? I mean it doesn't even look like they really gave it a budget, that looks like a cheap cheap movie. Maybe they were about to lose the movie rights to Doom and decided to just crap out something to hold onto them.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Alas no, it's directed by a dude called Tony Giglio. His most notable achievements are directing the direct-to-video sequel to the direct-to-video sequel to SWAT, that movie with Sam Jackson you don't remember and writing all three direct-to-video sequels to the 2008 Death Race remake. Yes there's 3 of those.

That makes far too much sense. A jobber for sure. Can't say those are particularly tempting backlogs, who the hell is keeping the demand up for those sequels? Seems like something you could outsource to an algorithm these days.

 

[Palindromemordnilap_v1legacy]

...also, "Joan Dark"? Why not go whole-hog and name her Joanna Dark so Rare's lawyers have something to do?

Possible reference to Joan of Arc, who in her native French would have been Joan d'Arc?

 

[Samtemdo8_v1legacy]

This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Doom 3 was more Doom then this.

 

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

Possible reference to Joan of Arc, who in her native French would have been Joan d'Arc?

Jeanne d'Arc, tho that's actually what the French called her. Her real name was probably closer to Jehanne Tarq or something.

This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Coincidentally, the director for this was 2nd unit director under Paul W.S. Anderson for one of the Resident Evil sequels. In short, a hack who's a discount version of another, bigger hack.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Doom 3 was more Doom then this.

Doom 3 is an underapprieacted game. As a run/gun Doom game? Nah, its bad. As a first person space horror game? Yeah its pretty good.
Just like Resident Evil 6 as a spooky survival horror game? Nah. As Call of Duty: Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah its pretty good.

 

[Trunkage]

Spoiler: Oh no.

That looks bad. Like not even fun bad. Is this an uwe boll? It looks like an uwe boll.
To answer: yes, yes, probably not, only one way to find out, and yes. I mean, because it's bad and all the people involved are bad at this, which also includes giving names to their fictional characters.

Uwe Boll was utilizing tax breaks to make a profit on his movies. Those tax breaks no longer exist, so neither does Uwe.

Alas, no more Blubberella

 

[Avnger]

This looks like Starship Troopers sequels level of awesomeness. I'm so in.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Uwe Boll was utilizing tax breaks to make a profit on his movies. Those tax breaks no longer exist, so neither does Uwe.

Alas, no more Blubberella

Ahh, a fellow mov... spin-off doctors listenee?
Yeah, did hear a couple of things about Uwe's creative accounting there, but wasn't confident enough in how accurate any of it was to bring it up. That explains his stroppy Kickstarter failures at least.

 

[Agema]

... and writing all three direct-to-video sequels to the 2008 Death Race remake. Yes there's 3 of those.

And even the 2008 version isn't as good as the original Death Race 2000.

Incidentally, I quite enjoyed the original Doom movie. It's junk, but a perfectly good popcorn-muncher. I actually thought the Wing Commander movie was decent in the same sort of way, too.

 

[Samtemdo8_v1legacy]

This looks less Doom and more Live Action Resident Evil.

Doom 3 was more Doom then this.

Doom 3 is an underapprieacted game. As a run/gun Doom game? Nah, its bad. As a first person space horror game? Yeah its pretty good.
Just like Resident Evil 6 as a spooky survival horror game? Nah. As Call of Duty: Zombie Apocalypse? Yeah its pretty good.

Doom 3 only sucked to people because Half Life 2.

 

[Marik2]

the only good scene in the first doom

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

...also, "Joan Dark"? Why not go whole-hog and name her Joanna Dark so Rare's lawyers have something to do?

Possible reference to Joan of Arc, who in her native French would have been Joan d'Arc?

I think you're giving them waaaaaaaay too much credit.