E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial Dump Faces Excavation

MrMisfit

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Apr 8, 2008
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These guy clearly never saw that episode of Xplay that stated the portal to Hell is located under the ET landfill. They're going to doom us all if they dig it up.
 

Nurb

Cynical bastard
Dec 9, 2008
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I actually found an intact cartridge on an expedition out into the desert with a small group.

Herbert, my DM and guide, bought a map drawn on the back of a TGIF table mat from a grizzled, rambling man who once worked in a Video Express, an ancient time when libraries of VHS and game cartridges could be bought or rented, known as "The 80's".

It took weeks to find, but we eventually deciphered the map's writings and faded words under potato skin grease stains and set to work excavating right away.

The ground on which we were digging gave way and I fell into a cavern made of concrete.

When I came to I heard the sounds of the digging team calling for help but I was alone in the dark, dusty tomb.

A crack sent a shaft of light on a single plastic case atop a pile of crumpled debris, and while I knew I shouldn't, I walked toward it... drawn to it.

Its texture was both soft and rough at the same time, with a label showing "E.T.". It was an impossibility, something that shouldn't exist, yet I held it in my hands.



I traveled back to the city, but I couldn't help be feel a sense of dread, like I shouldn't have ever set foot inside the old unsold games' tomb.

I played the game with few friends on their Atari consoles which they saved from their brothers or fathers, and the horrible things I saw on those screens could not be described. Was this made over a weekend? This was awful!

I soon found out days later that my friends were brutally murdered, skin shreded from their bodies, faces turned inside out... and the Atari consoles were melted into still warm puddles. I couldn't help but feel responsible for what happened to them. Something was following me.

To my horror, I found Herbert had been killed as well when I went to ask him about what was happening. His multi-sided dice and carefully painted figurines for his table top games were shoved down his throat an filled him until he split down the middle in a grusome display... Warhammer figures were tangled in his intestines.

A darkness was out there, killing anyone that came into contact with this damned game, and it was after me. The sounds of old Atari games and glitched screens haunted my nightmares. I was screaming for 8-bit visuals.

I e-mailed everyone on Herbert's contact list, hoping someone could tell me what might be going on, recieving replies that were of little help... and forwarded messages containing government conspiracy theories.

I did get a cryptic e-mail from someone telling me he knew what was after me, that I could hold back the darkness, the guardian of the cartridge, the universe itself would stop at nothing to kill me and reclaim the game.

He said he could help, but at a price....

Anyway, I'm now headed to meet some Prussian baron in his castle somewhere in the woods... seems legit.

 

frizzlebyte

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Oct 20, 2008
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kajinking said:
Wow can we get the Mythbusters in on this?

Jamie: "So Adam how are we going to find this supposed dumping ground of bad games?"

Adam: "Truth be told I have no idea, BUT I do know that when we find it we're going blow it up and film it on highspeed"
I would totally watch that, and I haven't watched Mythbusters since they ran out of real myths to test/detonate, and became "movie stunt plausibility testers."
 

Tim Chuma

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Jul 9, 2010
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I thought it wasn't a "dump" as much as they smashed all the cartidges up with a steamroller before they dumped them and the pieces went to separate landfill sites.

There is a rebuttal on the original article that claims the issue was already resolved in a book published last year - http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985597402
 

Mid Boss

Senior Member
Aug 20, 2012
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kajinking said:
Wow can we get the Mythbusters in on this?

Jamie: "So Adam how are we going to find this supposed dumping ground of bad games?"

Adam: "Truth be told I have no idea, BUT I do know that when we find it we're going blow it up and film it on highspeed"
I would pay to see that! :D
 

Lancer873

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Oct 10, 2009
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Evil Smurf said:
Was the game that bad?
Eh, never played it and don't know how bad the game itself was, but I do know that what made it so infamous is the fact that it was a gigantic financial flop. Atari didn't just assume it would be good, they assumed it would be great. They thought the game was going to be selling consoles. They made more cartridges for the game than there were consoles sold at the time, and when sales time came... well... the rest is history.
 

frizzlebyte

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Oct 20, 2008
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Lancer873 said:
Evil Smurf said:
Was the game that bad?
Eh, never played it and don't know how bad the game itself was, but I do know that what made it so infamous is the fact that it was a gigantic financial flop. Atari didn't just assume it would be good, they assumed it would be great. They thought the game was going to be selling consoles. They made more cartridges for the game than there were consoles sold at the time, and when sales time came... well... the rest is history.
From what I understand, the game also has/had a game-killing bug where no matter what you do, you can't continue because you fall through a single-pixel-wide slit in the ground, with no way around it.

That's reason enough to put the quietus on sales.
 

Lancer873

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Oct 10, 2009
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frizzlebyte said:
-snip-


From what I understand, the game also has/had a game-killing bug where no matter what you do, you can't continue because you fall through a single-pixel-wide slit in the ground, with no way around it.

That's reason enough to put the quietus on sales.
Ouch, yeah, that'd do it. I still think that the reason it's so infamous is more because of the financial flop. It would have just died the typical lonely video game death of obscurity were it not for the sheer financial backing that was put towards it. We know of its horrible gameplay so well because it was one of the two games credited with causing the video game crash, not necessarily just because of its terribadness.
 

Imperioratorex Caprae

Henchgoat Emperor
May 15, 2010
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I always felt Daikatana's source code should have been interred along with every retail copy in similar fashion. John Romero's live interment optional.
 

karloss01

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Jul 5, 2009
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One should not open Pandora's box so willingly. seems convenient that they are digging this up now when people are talking about how the game industry is going to crash at any moment. maybe E.T is something similar to the four horsemen of the game crash followed by Superman 64 and some two other god-why-did-this-exist-awful games.
 

Strazdas

Robots will replace your job
May 28, 2011
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Are they crazy? do they want to open the pandoras box next?

RJ 17 said:
oooooooo! This story reminds me that the Angry Videogame Nerd's movie will be coming out soon!
what i was thiking as well. hopefully that will come before this or it will beovershadowed as hell.
 

EHKOS

Madness to my Methods
Feb 28, 2010
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This sounds like a bad idea. Plus, I do enjoy the legend. Maybe people will gather them up and sell them. It'd be pretty cool to have a crushed shell of a game that was so horrible it was buried in the desert for thirty years. In fact, yeah I'd buy that for $5.

However this also brings to mind something like this:
 

EHKOS

Madness to my Methods
Feb 28, 2010
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Nurb said:
I did get a cryptic e-mail from someone telling me he knew what was after me, that I could hold back the darkness, the guardian of the cartridge, the universe itself would stop at nothing to kill me and reclaim the game.

He said he could help, but at a price....

Anyway, I'm now headed to meet some Prussian baron in his castle somewhere in the woods... seems legit.
Dude, just go visit this old guy out in the desert, he'll tell you all about slaying the Dahaka! It's much easier.

Seriously, all you need is water.
 

Andrew_C

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Mar 1, 2011
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It only killed the American videogame industry, the European and Japanese industries hardly noticed it. Unfortunately it was only temporary, considering the crap you've been foisting on the rest of the World since you regained dominance.
 

TheRightToArmBears

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Dec 13, 2008
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I'm predicting a Pirates of the Caribbean style curse on the team the excavates them, doomed to be undead until all the copies are returned, and the blood repaid.
 

Gray Firion

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Mar 5, 2012
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Ah, dandy! Yes, please unbind/dig up/uncover/reveal/excavate/insert-your-verb-of-choice-here the Forgotten and Buried Harbinger of Doom from Ages Past. Everyone can confirm that nothing bad will ever come of it. By all means continue.

/grabs popcorn
 

Riff Moonraker

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Mar 18, 2010
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Evil Smurf said:
Was the game that bad?
My parents actually bought me this game for my Atari back in the day. Even as a huge ET fan, and a gamer kid, it quickly fell into the untouched pile, and remained there. Yes... its terrible.