Emasculation of and the modern age: The appeal of power fantasies in videogames

[alexdakid6]

I've grown up being bullied.

Not just getting the crap kicked out of me. I don't know what it is about me- I seem to attract assholes of every description, and even those who aren't [assholes] seem drawn to me 'cause I'm easy to mock and emotionally exploit. That's one thing I've figured out on my 19 years on planet earth, but what I've been contemplating for a while is the relevance this has to the rest of my life and the things I do. Since coming home to live with my family for the holidays after my first year of university, I feel something painfully obvious has just smacked me in the face.

I play games, (specifically ones that make me feel powerful) because I have been robbed of my confidence, masculinity and self-belief.

Don't get me wrong, I love games and defend them at every turn- but because of who I am and how I conduct myself, it is often to little or no avail.

I'm the middle child- and the only gamer. Went in and out of counselling in high-school (without my parents being aware of it) and found I had a stress disorder and just how prone to depression I was. But as I got older, my confidence got better- I went to college, got a girlfriend, experimented with *things* and generally felt like I was my own person for a while. Soon as I come back to my family, I sink right back in to depression and worse still, I have no games to escape from reality with. The middle child thing is kind of important- one older brother, one younger sister: one indignates me throughout my life with violence and machismo, and the other condescends me because I find it harder to make friends because I don't stoop to the lowest common denominator for simple company, as I could just go get lost in a game instead.

Then there are the parents: you're required to love them, but no one said anything about liking them. Dad's been absent for over half my life (working overseas to support a family of five will do that), and then mother dearest is a feminist, slave-driving, neurotic madwoman who can't be argued with and will psychologically scar you, should you not act as another robot. I have been reminded since I was 5 years old that I am an inferior, and flawed being because "All men are bastards".

Now to the bloody point: I have been a mentally stable person for the entire year, have improved many areas of my life in doing so, but as soon as I get back, I feel like the world is tearing out my teeth through my nostrils- I'm that neurotic. I feel that all those years I spent in front of my computer screen happened not simply because I needed an escape from everyday boredom, but from the psychological pain an unhappy home provided to me. Worse still, my entire family treats me as an anti-intellectual dreamer because I spent so much time playing games. Not to mention, NONE of the have played, or been willing to understand the games I enjoy- my mother thinks Half-life is a work of perverts because of the way Gordon Freeman looks. Yep, that's how much of a clue she really has.

So now I put the question to you:

Have you been a gamer to escape a feeling of insignificance or psychoses? So as least not to become one of those attention seeking wankers of the emo-culture? (No offense intended if you are an emo, just a bit of Jingo-ism for those who don't understand your truly heartfelt view on life )

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

Well, I am a gamer because:
A: It is fun
B: It gives me a false sense of accomplishment
Not for power fantasy. I would work out if I wanted that.

 

[Marrra]

I find it a lot easier to make friends through the internet than in real life, so mmo games have been my addiction. I help people out, do what I can for them, chat easily and have a lot of fun - all of which I find harder to do in Real Life? because I have no self-esteem and very little self-worth.

So yeah, I play them to escape.

 

[Ibaapzo]

My life is relatively similar. I didn't grow up with friends, and the ones I called friends often betrayed me. My family life is stale, and I no longer enjoy the comfort of my parents because of certain traits they have. I've been an introvert my entire life.

With that, I didn't start gaming to get away. I started it because it intrigued me. My first console was a SNES, and I reveled in it's existence - absolutely loved it. Loves the colors, the stories, the technology. I took it apart and put it back together at age nine to figure out how it worked, and I have it, working, to this day.

When I got to middle school, my parents were divorced, and I stumbled into the rut of being fifteen. I was told often by my mother that she'd throw my PS2 out the window if I didn't pay the family some attention. To her, I was obsessed with gaming. Gaming then, did become an escape for me - and escape from life and all the bullshit that comes along with it.

Out of high school, I game now because I enjoy it. Sure, there are some days I play to relax (relaxing to me means blowing zombie hordes or Nazi's off the planet) and get away from adult bullshit. I don't allow gaming to rule my life, however.

I've never used gaming as a fantasy lived. I don't need it to feel empowered.


If gaming has taught me anything, it's that life itself is a game of balance. To balance play, work, family, etc.



I game because I enjoy it. I game because I enjoy the community. I game because it's an escape. Not to be in power of anything. I find my power and happiness through balance.


That's it. ^.^

 

[alexdakid6]

I would work out if I wanted that.

Really?

Working out I've always felt was more for aesthetics. I only really feel powerful from physical activity if it's a sport. Just me.

 

[Bored Tomatoe]

I really don't know why I am a gamer, I've just always been drawn to it... And I'm the oldest! Ahh...its good to be the oldest.

But on topic, games can be a way of self medicating, if one goes through a stressful period of their life, they will seek escapism to sooth the pain; Escapism can come in the forms of TV, movies, drugs, sex, games and any number of things that can disconnect oneself from reality.

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

I would work out if I wanted that.

Really?

Working out I've always felt was more for aesthetics. I only really feel powerful from physical activity if it's a sport. Just me.

When you push past a previous limit it feels great. Like you could only do ten reps at 200lbs then you go to like fifteen. You feel so much better about yourself.

 

[alexdakid6]

Alright,

I say "Power-fantasy" because of games like Prototype, The Hulk:Ultimate Destruction, The GTA series, 'unlikely-hero' stories (my favourite being Half-life, primarily).

Prototype and The Hulk:UD aren't about handing out any morale superiority to the role of the player, but instead about allowing an expression of destructiveness and violence against the entire worlds around them. They are empowering experiences, as I felt was their main appeal. The protagonists act selfishly (and are thought of as 'dark' because of it), and act out frustrations through their god-like abilities. God of war too, can be accused of subscribing to the same mindset.

GTA's allowance for wanton violence and challenge through killing police gave a similar appeal in the series' earlier incarnations. The gameplay lead to a story, as with GTA, but first person shooters offered initially a bizarre kind of power ideal of pure physical expression.

Eearly shooters (like Wolfenstein) were either about killing Nazis or criminals- they offered a kind of loose moral high-ground to indulge in a more visceral kind act of violence. Half-life changed this, and I feel it is the most important action game because of it, because it provided a deeper and more challenging context to your actions and developed the player's active role from one of self-interest into one of being an unlikely hero- Gordon and his geeky glasses, me and my geeky hobby.

/beat over head with argument

 

[alexdakid6]

When you push past a previous limit it feels great. Like you could only do ten reps at 200lbs then you go to like fifteen. You feel so much better about yourself.

I work out so it makes me stronger, I get the satisfaction from going out and being able to do things in parkour that I couldn't do before, and I feel more free. I do feel satisfied in working out, but not because it makes me feel more powerful, but because I'm not wasting my body.

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

When you push past a previous limit it feels great. Like you could only do ten reps at 200lbs then you go to like fifteen. You feel so much better about yourself.

I work out so it makes me stronger, I get the satisfaction from going out and being able to do things in parkour that I couldn't do before, and I feel more free. I do feel satisfied in working out, but not because it makes me feel more powerful, but because I'm not wasting my body.

If that works for you then go for it. I used to do parkour. But Injury stopped me from really wanting to start again. I don't want to hear the whole get back up on the horse thing please.

 

[TMAN10112]

I'm the oldest in my family(I got 2 younger brothers), but I had a few issues with being picked on back in middle school which still bothers me, mainly because I did nothing about it back then when I had a good excuse to fight. I guess videogames used to be an escape, or method of feeling powerful for me, but I have long since regained my confidence so now I mostly play games because they'r just plain fun. I do have to admit that dispite mostly getting over those few years, I am still ready to snap at anyone who dares justify a fight. I would sooner tear off my nails with a pair pliers then let anyone mess with me ever agian. I'm not someone you ever want to fuck with.

 

[alexdakid6]

Well, let me put it to you guys this way-

when or if you lose your confidence again, be sure to look at this forum and reflect on your previous comments.

 

[alexdakid6]

If that works for you then go for it. I used to do parkour. But Injury stopped me from really wanting to start again. I don't want to hear the whole get back up on the horse thing please.

I'm sorry to hear that dude, and no I won't preach. But it's a fun horse to ride, if you'll forgive the horrible, horrible pun.