Embarrassing sex-related stories

Doclector

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Anoni Mus said:
Doclector said:
Anoni Mus said:
Doclector said:
I'm twenty one. I haven't had sex.

That, my friends, is embarassing.
Ever tought of hiring a slut?
Yes, but I'm a student. I don't have that kind of money. I don't have any kind of money, coming to think of it.
That makes us two. thought i'm not a student, and am looking for work.
btw how would you hipothetically react hiring a whore? Talk normally? Talk like she's your slave? Being honest sayings you're noob? Sounds awkward lol.


wow, captcha is "Life's too short" while moving sideways, is this some kind of sign?
I'd say just being honest would be the best course. I mean, it's this woman's job, if you explain, she'd probably be able to do what you wanted better.

This is a strange little conversation. I wonder how long it will be before someone calls me sexist for pointing out that prostitutes (including male ones) have sex with all sorts of people for a living.
 

game-lover

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Well if you're talking about both the women and men in the profession... I wouldn't say it's sexist. Could be a little discriminatory maybe but eh...


8-Bit_Jack said:
one was going over to this girls house, fucking her, then we got dressed and watched a movie on her couch. shortly after the credits rolled, her then-unmentioned boyfriend showed up. she quickly explained i was just a friend from her class, and that i was totally gay. he believed her. I know that the REASON he believed her is that he and i had been flirting online. So she went to sleep, he and I played halo on the couch, then I decided that these two deserved eachother, blew him, and vanished into the night
Ooh, I like this one! Lol...
 

userwhoquitthesite

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Jul 23, 2009
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Slayer_2 said:
] The first one made me lose it, especially the last line. The second one... That's fucked.
Thanks, i'm kind of proud of that first one :)
Bara_no_Hime said:
Sounds like my cat. She has been known to attempt to cuddle while my spouse and I are having sex. Or, if we try to shut the door, she'll scratch on the door and yowl until we let her in.
Yeah, but the WAY she said it... i just really got a "i fuck my dog" vibe.
game-lover said:
Ooh, I like this one! Lol...
This hit my inbox as soon as i loaded this page to reply to the others lol
 

TakeyB0y2

A Mistake
Jun 24, 2011
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At night during one of my school trips, I was listening to music to help me fall asleep when my iPod died. Immediately when it died I heard a shlick shlick shlick noise from the bed next to mine. I turned over to see my classmate masturbating quite... Vigorously.

I had no choice but to awkwardly listen to him continue and moan during his... release... Blah >.<

He didn't get up to go to the washroom afterwards so he didn't wash his hands after that. First thing in the morning my phone starts ringing and he grabs it and tosses it between his hands while walking up to me to hand it to me. Not wanting him to think I caught him last night, I just had to take it and thank him...

Everytime I saw him that's all I could think about x_x

EDIT: Oh, and to add to this, before the trip I linked my facebook account to my FurAffinity account so I could share a a completely clean and non-sexual picture with my friend. I forgot to unlink the accounts or editing the sharing options before going into some R-rated art and favoriting some. I had no internet access during the entire trip so when I finally went on Facebook after 3 days, I found my wall filled with "James liked *image title* on FurAffinity" complete with links and even THUMBNAILS of what I was favoriting, and several friends commenting "WTF" on everything. Thankfully I don't have relatives on FB but I still had to do some explaining to friends. I managed to get an openly furry friend to pretend he stole my password and did this as a prank and for the most part people believed him. But still, ick.
 

OctoH

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Feb 14, 2011
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My girlfriend was not terribly experienced when we started dating. So when she climaxed, she had a tendency to grip my...thing...really hard. It made things very uncomfortable.
 

MaxwellEdison

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Suicidejim said:
Various incidents of having just tied up/handcuffed/otherwise severely bound my girlfriend and then someone knocks at the door. The scramble that follows is terrifying to experience, but kind of funny afterwards (aside from my girlfriend's muted growls of murderous rage).
This happens so often to me.
 

freakydan

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Jan 28, 2010
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I have a couple, both with the same girl.

First story:
First, my first time. Not hers, but mine. So I was giving her a ride home from my house, which is about a half hour drive. We'd been dating for about three months at this point, and I was ready to get beyond just groping. As we were passing the local CVS, she said "You know, we should probably keep some condoms on hand, just in case..." Me, being the calm, cool, collected guy I am, cut across a lane of traffic, cutting some very upset person off, just so I wouldn't miss the parking lot. I dashed in, like a kid at Christmas, and ran back to the condom aisle, took a moment to get over the initial shock of how many there were, and just grabbed a box. I paid for it, dashed back out, and quickly got back on the road. We got back to her room, spending the remaining 20 minutes in mostly silence. We got back, got into her room, and I was ready to just get down to it. She, on the other hand, stuck the box in her dresser, and said "We'll just leave these in here for when we need them." I moped to the bed, and sat down as she turned on the TV. Flipping through the channels, she kept trying to strike up a conversation, but all I could think of was "I just bought condoms. I'm supposed to be making the sex right now." More importantly, my dick was at attention, wondering when the fun was going to start. Finally, the gf settled on Scarface, since I'd told her it was pretty good, and she'd never seen it. So she laid down in bed and managed to get me in a horizontal position. I was watching the movie, and my mood started improving. Eventually, my train of thought went something like "Y'know, this is a pretty good movie. Al Pacino's a badass, can't beat the tacky shirts, they're running around with a chainsaw, I have a hand on my dick, Al Pacino's accent is pretty coo...wait...hand on my..." at which point, I glanced back to see her smiling at me. We commenced with the kissings, the gropings, the strokings, and finally, she told me to go get a condom. I jumped up, sprinted across the room, grabbed one out of her dresser, and dashed back, ripping open the wrapper, and putting it on. She positioned herself accordingly, as did I, and it happened.

Now, up to this point, she had sworn that she had been with two guys, and I had believed her. What it felt like, though, was that she made a habit out of being fisted by the Hulk. I continued though, getting no traction whatsoever, but I was playing the good sport, and she seemed to be enjoying herself.

Cut to an hour later. She's still having the time of her life, and can't believe I'm nowhere close to finishing. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it felt like I was thrusting into an oversized hole in the wall. Finally, I let out a grunt, tell her I just finished, then removed the condom and threw it away before she could investigate. I felt REALLY bad afterwards, since she was singing my praises, but I was getting seriously winded, and she wasn't all that interested in getting on top. And thus, Dan lost his virginity.

Funnier second story:

So, before we get to the funny, some not-so-funny backstory. The gf had been raped by her step father when she was younger, and was taking part in regular therapy sessions to get over it. I was sympathetic, and was always ready to throw on the breaks and come to a full stop at the first hint of tears, no matter what we were doing.

So one day, she said she was going to be having a therapy session, and it was going to be pretty intense, so she'd appreciate it if I could be around, and possibly even stay the night. I was cool with it, and I hung around while she was off at her session. When she finally got out, after a couple hours, she seemed pretty well put together. In fact, she walked in and immediately started kissing me. I resisted at first, thinking maybe she was just trying to compensate for the negative feelings of the session with some positive ones, but she was pretty insistant, so I cautiously proceeded, telling myself that I would follow her lead. I wouldn't push her at all for anything. Good move on my part, since she went from full on tongue wrestling, and she was winning, to end of the world kind of crying. I dutifly switched to the caring boyfriend and comforted her. She wanted to talk to her mother, so I ventured into the forbidden land of "the purse" got her cell phone, got her mom's number dialed, and handed it to her. After a bit of talking, she hung up, threw herself on me, and sobbed into my shoulder. I just listened to her pour her soul out. After a couple hours, she laid down and started drifting off. I asked if I could borrow a pillow so I could sleep on the floor, because I figured, after such a traumatic evening, the last thing she needed was a big guy like me draped over her while she slept. So I curled up on the floor, and after a while, slipped off to sleep.

Now, for the record, that WAS NOT meant to be funny. That was there so the next part would make sense.

I woke up the next morning, and didn't even open my eyes. I just laid there, and enjoyed how nice and soft the bed was. Then something clicked. I wasn't supposed to be in the bed. I was supposed to be on the floor. I sat bolt upright, looked around, and saw my gf at her computer.

"Oh," she said, without looking at me. "You're awake."
"Uh huh..." was all I could manage.
"Do you remember what you did last night?" Her voice was flat. I couldn't read anything in it. Was she angry? Sad? Upset?
"Um...nuh uh..." At this point, I realized, much to my dread, that I was not wearing my pants. I was ready to throw myself in front of an oncoming 18 wheeler.
She turned around, finally. "I woke you up at about 2 in the morning and told you to come to bed." Alright, well, I was seeming like less of an asshole. At least I had a reason to be in the bed.
"..Kay..."
"You got up and crawled into bed. By the time I got your pants off, you were already asleep."
"...Kay..." It was getting a bit clearer, though I still could remember a damn thing.
"I straddled you, and you didn't wake up. I shook you and told you that you were forgetting something."
"...Kay..." She was silent. "...Did I do something bad?"
She stood up and thrust a finger in my face. "You asshole! You pushed my horny ass off of you, got up, and picked up the goddamn pillow you borrowed, appologized, and went back to sleep!"

And that, fair audience, is how I cockblocked myself.
 

Sectan

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renegade7 said:
The TV is one of your best friends. Like a best friend, it can entertain, or be a tremendous cockblock.

OT: My embarassing sex story? I'm 18 and I haven't even be kissed.
I know that feel bro. You aren't alone.
 

Generalissimo

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i like to *ahem* roleplay with my online friends.
one of them turns exibitionist and airs the logs to everyone in my college.

i still get called fluffy for it.

yayedit: i remember a funny story from a holiday to bulgaria, my and my family (three persons) were holidaying with my mum's bosses' fam, sounds innocent right?

ha ha ha.....WRONG

one night i had to share a room with bossman's wife (first day, complicated reasons) and i slept oppisite her (small room). i couldn't sleep, i looked the part, but no matter how much i twisted and turned, sleep was illusive. after a while i heard a rustling which caught my attention, i cracked an eye open and looked to notice wifey (i forget her name) she was reaching for something in her bedside cabinet. it was a large vibrator. she then proceded to strip and "make use of it" in full view of me (i acted asleep and kept one eye half open) i then closed my viewpoint when she climaxed. i thought i had been caught as she walked over to me. several points on my face were anointed with "fluid".

my thought process can be simplified to something the spy would say: "is this.....MON DIEAUUUUUU!"
she still looked at me funny for the rest of the time on holiday there.
 

Generalissimo

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SmashLovesTitanQuest said:
Tom Milner said:
i like to *ahem* roleplay with my online friends.
one of them turns exibitionist and airs the logs to everyone in my college.

i still get called fluffy for it.

yayedit: i remember a funny story from a holiday to bulgaria, my and my family (three persons) were holidaying with my mum's bosses' fam, sounds innocent right?

ha ha ha.....WRONG

one night i had to share a room with bossman's wife (first day, complicated reasons) and i slept oppisite her (small room). i couldn't sleep, i looked the part, but no matter how much i twisted and turned, sleep was illusive. after a while i heard a rustling which caught my attention, i cracked an eye open and looked to notice wifey (i forget her name) she was reaching for something in her bedside cabinet. it was a large vibrator. she then proceded to strip and "make use of it" in full view of me (i acted asleep and kept one eye half open) i then closed my viewpoint when she climaxed. i thought i had been caught as she walked over to me. several points on my face were anointed with "fluid".

my thought process can be simplified to something the spy would say: "is this.....MON DIEAUUUUUU!"
she still looked at me funny for the rest of the time on holiday there.
You should have banged that chick bro. She was asking for it.
i was 15. she was 31.

i don't think that would have worked. plus, i'm not one for adultery.
 

Bara_no_Hime

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Tom Milner said:
i was 15. she was 31.
i don't think that would have worked. plus, i'm not one for adultery.
Um... that's... kinda screwed up.

What's the age of consent in Bulgaria?
 

The Clown

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Jun 29, 2009
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I have a couple, are people still reading past the front page at this point or is it not worth telling?
 

game-lover

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Tell please! I've read this entire thread and I have it bookmarked. Believe me, I'm reading at least.
 

Anti Nudist Cupcake

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Vault101 said:
ElPatron said:
Vault101 said:
back in highschool bunch of freinds asked if I had "hooked up with a guy yet"....

...I had not...
Achievement unlocked! You would be much more preferable than a girl with several "miles" in the odometer.
I kind of get what your saying...but I dont like the Idea that "virginity" is some big special "asset" girls have....kind of goes back to the days where women were property


ForgottenPr0digy said:
[snip [quote/]

well that's a good thing you didn't end up like those other girls who got pregnant and dropped out of high school
haha..well to be fair I dont know anyone who got pregnant and droped out, the Idea of toungue wrestling with some guy just didnt make much sense to me

also watching bad movies because the main guy in it was "hawt!"...its like "this movie is awful...WHY are you watching it?...is this like porn to you guys? are you getting off it to this? seriously I DONT GET IT"
Would that movie be Twilight by any chance?
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
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Anti Nudist Cupcake said:
Would that movie be Twilight by any chance?[/quote]

nah..I was out of school before the twilight train arrived (thank god)

more like Step up, cinderlla story and such
 

Eric Morales

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Dec 6, 2011
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So back in high school it was either my second or third time. There was going to be a fairly small hour and a half/two hour window where her parents were gone and we'd have her house free.

Unfortunately, her parents got in early and I had to hide in her bathroom. Luckily, they were all supposed to go to some kind of church event or something so theoretically I just had to hide while they all got ready and left. Unfortunately, the gym shorts I decided to wear that day didn't have pockets, so I was hiding in her shower with a box of condoms in my hands (in hindsight, I suppose I could have hidden them, but meh).

Eventually they left but I still heard the TV on, tuned to what sounded like ESPN. I concluded that her Dad had decided to stay home at the last minute. So I stayed hidden for a few minutes waiting for him to get up to go to the bathroom or something. After a while I lost patience and decided I could make a break for the door without anyone seeing or hearing me.

So I ran out, made it to the door and down the street to my car with no trouble. I found out after the fact that they apparently leave the TV on for their dog sometimes, which I STILL have trouble believing.