Embarrassing sex-related stories

[Bara_no_Hime]

In terms of actual sex, not much except being really drunk and fingering a girl in the middle of a crowded nightclub on holiday, with lots of people watching. Though to be fair, we were far from the only ones doing stuff like that, I'm pretty sure there were two people having actual sex against a wall.

By any chance you arn't one of the inspirations for the Inbetweeners are you!?

Reminds me of a mate of mine... the first time he ever fingered a girl was in the sea...! :O

The sea? As in salt water? As in various plant, animal, and microbial life living in it?

EEEWWWWWW.

That is not at all sanitary. That's actually a good way to get all sorts of urinary and vaginal infections. Ick.

Besides, wouldn't that, you know, sting like a mother fucker?!

Also, Sadistic Brownie - where was this nightclub? I always hear about nightclubs that basically turn into orgies, but whenever I go clubbing, it's just dancing and maybe a little making out/grinding in the cages.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

The sea? As in salt water? As in various plant, animal, and microbial life living in it?

EEEWWWWWW.

That is not at all sanitary. That's actually a good way to get all sorts of urinary and vaginal infections. Ick.

Besides, wouldn't that, you know, sting like a mother fucker?!

Also, Sadistic Brownie - where was this nightclub? I always hear about nightclubs that basically turn into orgies, but whenever I go clubbing, it's just dancing and maybe a little making out/grinding in the cages.

I agree... I thought it was quite disgusting too... But hay-ho... he was 16!
Not something I would want to try...! :/

I also would like to learn of the whereabouts of this kind of establishment... not to visit, but just because I have heard of them too! :S

Sounds like a Brighton, or Weston Super-Mare... or even somewhere like Scunthorpe, Watford, Grimsby or Bognor Regis... basically anywhere dire and not so nice to visit[footnote]To those who live in any of those places... I am sorry, but your home towns are pretty shit... but you know what... so is mine, so it is ok![/footnote]!

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I once impregnated a female and then made her get an abortion. WHOOPS.

Fist bump.
OT: Well this was this one time I [sub]cried myself to sleep[/sub] [sub][sub]because I'm so lonely [/sub][/sub][sub][sub][sub]ohgodwhydoesnobodyloveme[/sub][/sub][/sub]

This thread was going so well and you had to go and remind me!

Q_Q

I would suggest that we cry one another to sleep but I like the mystique that we have going on here.

Ah, rejected again.

Forever awkward-zoned...! :/

To be honest, i'd put my money on you guys being closet sex gods...!

 

[renegade7]

Mines more of a sexual faux pas than a story, but let it serve a warning to anybody who enjoys family guy, do not leave the tv on during sex.

Anyway i was with my current sort of gf (classification is a different story)we were comfortable getting close on the bed watching tele, cheeky making out and groping. She pretty much pounced on me during the adverts (yeah i know right) so i got deep in it too. rolled over and took control.

The program carries on and i mostly ignore it because sex is pretty fun and theres a focus. Amd then one of the scenes that always makes me laugh comes on.

<youtube=d0aIqx1McVI>

Needless to say i pretty much collapsed laughing (just by hearing it). She got her revenge in other ways later on.

And iv learnt the mute button is my friend.

The TV is one of your best friends. Like a best friend, it can entertain, or be a tremendous cockblock.

OT: My embarassing sex story? I'm 18 and I haven't even be kissed.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

That I'm 30 years old and I haven't had any yet. :|

That officially qualifies you for wizardry. Or it would have had you honed your skills, but alas you are now forever a mortal.

Um thanks. ...I think. o__0

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

Errrrr...Right, I was a this party with my brother.
I was a quite young virgin hanging out with the older crowd.
So after a fair bit of drinking I was dragged into this room by a woman about 9years older than me.
What happened later may have been the most terrifying moment of my sex life.
So we start out, with kissing, foreplay, etc...
I lie down on the bed and she starts riding me, after around 5 minutes with me closing in on my limit, she, stark naked, brings out a whip.
See, there was absolutely no place except for her tooshie that whip could have been hidden...
It all ended with my pushing her off, scooping up my clothes and running out the door...

My brother still talks about that circumstance whenever there's a party.
I also found out the woman was quite a boy hunter.

Let's see, I have one more.
I was at another party and I hooked up with this woman.
We decided to take the room closest by, started our business on a mattress and suddenly we realized the moans we heard weren't from the room next by.
It was from the bed right beside us.
So me being the man apparently had to check out what made the sound. So I pull away the blanket and look straight in to the eyes of a female friend, wearing my hat, being licked by another friend.
We quickly found another room and continued our business.

 

[Sandernista]

Well the most embarrassing for me was when me and my girlfriend were caught by a policeman having sex in her car in the movie theater parking lot. He warned us about the video from the security camera ending up on on youtube. (Luckily he just let us go, and the windows were so foggy nothing could be seen)

 

[theswordsmn]

Well...Yeah, I guess my worst one would be my old girlfriend would come over to my house a lot and actually spend the night. I was still living with my parents and for some reason they had no problem with her spending the night. Well one day my dad approached me, sat me down and asked if we had had sex and that he found a used condom that I had hidden deep in the bathroom garbage can. I had to sit there and explain to him that the condom was actually from when I was practicing how to put one on correctly and to...erm...test...it out...by myself. He looked at me for a minute and was like "oh...okay...well...okay" and got up and walked away. I didn't really look him in the eye for a few days.

 

[Kinokohatake]

My ex and I had once decided to try this really ackward but rewarding position. The lights were off and she had a basement room with no windows so I couldn't see anything in detail. Afterwards I got up and turned the light on. Apparently in this new position, I had busted open scar tissue or a cyst in her vagina, so it looked like I had just murdered someone with my penis and her sheets and mattress were absolutely soaked in blood.

To this day I have issues doing it with my wife on her period.

 

[TheKruzdawg]

While having slightly drunk sex with a previous girlfriend, I went at least a full 20-30 seconds before I realized I had been having sex with her thigh. That was a tough one to live down for a few months.

And while it isn't exactly a sex story, I once drunk texting my girlfriend telling how much I wanted to have sex right that instant! I found out the next day that her dad had read the text first.

 

[Slayer_2]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

Oh boy that slaps me on the knee!

...same here.*sad face*

Maybe we can form a club!

OT: The closest thing I have to an embarrassing story is the first time I tried masturbating I didn't finish because I didn't know what was supposed to happen and abandoned ship/aborted the mission in panic.

Call me an ass, but that story is funnier than almost everything on here.

 

[Silverslith]

I think it was Grade 10. I had PE class after lunch break, so I headed into the change room off the gym a little early to beat the rush of the other kids. I just wanted to change early and maybe do some stretches or a lap or two of the field to warm up.

So, I go in the door and walk down a 15 foot hall and take a right turn into the wide open change area. I could tell people had recently showered as the room was warm and still kinda misty. Anyway, as I enter the room, there are two guys inside. One of them was a very popular jock (standing) and the other guy was his good friend (kneeling), and they both looked very startled to see me. They were both quite flushed, and the standing jock guy had a very fat, very red half-erection.

My guess is that I interrupted a hot blowjob scene.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

To this day I have issues doing it with my wife on her period.

Too bad. Period sex is nature's birth control. ^^

Just don't forget to bring a towel.

 

[AngloDoom]

One time with an ex of mine I was on top of her, we'd been around each other a lot but not been able to have sex. So, we're going at it like Duracell bunnies, when suddenly I feel the most awful wet sensation on my left arsecheek and yelp/scream like an injured hound, and literally jump out of my girlfriend and probably a foot or so in the air.

Behind me stands an open door, and a happy dog licking it's lips.

*Shudder*

 

[Biosophilogical]

What are your most embarrassing sex-related stories?

That I haven't had any yet.

ZING!

Oh boy that slaps me on the knee!

...same here.*sad face*

Maybe we can form a club!

OT: The closest thing I have to an embarrassing story is the first time I tried masturbating I didn't finish because I didn't know what was supposed to happen and abandoned ship/aborted the mission in panic.

Call me an ass, but that story is funnier than almost everything on here.

See, now I'm giggling a bit because I'm trying to imagine what you imagined I did and I keep coming back to this idea of me panicking and trying to back out of the situation (with the obvious flaw being that you can't really back away from your penis)

 

[Loner Jo Jo]

This is more funny than embarrassing, but here goes...

My boyfriend had come up for the weekend, and it was fall break, so my roommate was gone. We were going to go see a play, but I wanted to have some fun first. I thought I could get him off in under ten minutes, so I start playing with him. So, he's getting close, we had already run out of time, but I was bound and determined to get him off.

Well, you see, I am female. I never had to worry about aim because I do not dispel any liquids with orgasm. He does, and with some good propulsion to it too. So, I'm going to town with my hand, he's right there and suddenly he finishes... and I, not thinking, had directed it straight at my face, specifically, my left eye.

It burned like hell. I looked like I had pink eye for the next 5 hours.

 

[Slayer_2]

See, now I'm giggling a bit because I'm trying to imagine what you imagined I did and I keep coming back to this idea of me panicking and trying to back out of the situation (with the obvious flaw being that you can't really back away from your penis)

I just didn't know it was possible for a guy not to know how his junk operates. Gave me quite the chuckle.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Well, you see, I am female. I never had to worry about aim because I do not dispel any liquids with orgasm. He does, and with some good propulsion to it too. So, I'm going to town with my hand, he's right there and suddenly he finishes... and I, not thinking, had directed it straight at my face, specifically, my left eye.

It burned like hell. I looked like I had pink eye for the next 5 hours.

Ouch. Right there with you, sister.

This is why, if I'm doing that, I stay behind the guy. Or I switch to my mouth when things get close (assuming the guy in question lets me know - some are more vocal than others). Surprise facials are not fun if they get in your eye.

 

[Slayer_2]

Oh, and you're now going to wonder in the back of your head for the next while how your dick compares to a toilet paper roll. You're welcome.

I didn't just wonder, I had to try it (challenge accepted). I'm hardly insecure about my dick size, but I looked at the roll and thought "no way..." Turns out I'm actually too big to fit in the damn thing, epic.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

The first time I made out with a girl was just this last September (I was 24). (For reference, she was sort of a chubby gal, but I found I like that sort of thing.) I was awkward at first, just learning how to kiss and getting properly situated for the act. I kept setting my glasses on the couch and they kept getting crushed. Then about fifteen minutes in, she said she had to stop for a minute. She opened her purse and rubbed deodorant in her pits. I had noticed the smell a little bit and it did help. Maybe embarrassing for her, but I thought it was considerate.

About 5 months later, she started talking to me again. (I had kept asking her out, but only ever got one more date with her before she quit responding to my facebook messages.) I made a date to hang out and she completely stood me up. A couple days later, she messaged me on facebook saying she'd be willing to hang out again. She also mentioned that she'd been up all night. I asked if she should get some rest, but she said she's all good and would be ready in two hours. So, I drove over there two hours later at noon.... and she had fallen asleep. Her dad got her up, but I ended up waiting for her for 90 minutes on the couch with her father. Nice guy though. I ate lunch (she didn't want anything) and we watched a DVD at my place. She didn't want to make out because she was on her period. (I think she kept going to the bathroom to wash out her pad or something. I could kinda smell it, I think. I had tampons. Had she told me earlier I'd have offered one.) Eventually, she stopped responding to my messages again.

The embarrassing part? I still very much want to date this person.