Escape to the Movies: Battleship

[ZippyDSMlee]

Green Lateran was better HA!!!

 

[metal mustache]

so they don't say the line? why didn't you say that in that first place instead of making watch a whole review first

 

[Falseprophet]

I will say that the premise of sailors from America and Japan, the last two nations to fight a major naval battle [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Leyte_Gulf], uniting against a common enemy just a few miles from Pearl Harbor made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

[Sovereignty]

I hadn't known about MIB 3, I kinda wished it'd stayed that way. I mean seriously are they still giving Will Smith work after his last few failures?

 

[RJ Dalton]

Just a minor point here, but it should be written "MovieBob lets you know." Let's is a contraction of "let us," as it "let us go to said location," or "let us eat this food," or "let us tell the whole world what a piece of shit Battleship is."

Also, every bit as bad as I thought it was going to be? Holy shit, that's bad!

 

[somonels]

I am more partial to rubber duck warfare in my make belief world called "The Bathlantic Ocean."

Spoiler

There was a twist ending as a brontosaurus came in late and smushed the competition

How much faith can one man place in a movie he only knows about by some news article of Will Smith gifting the suit he wore in the movie to some tennis tournament winner?

 

[MB202]

I love the metaphor of an expert chief trying to make a Big Mac. I also like the idea that ANYTHING can be made into a good movie, with the right people and right execution.

 

[Crazy Zaul]

'No such thing as a bad idea for a movie'?

Challenge accepted.

Megan Fox stars as a 90 year old man who is looking for his teddy bear which he lost in 1958. It is vital he finds it because Lionel Ritchie appeared to him a dream and told him that all along the bear had a magic compass which points to the location of Atlantis, inside its belly. After visiting his childhood home in an attempt to trigger his memory fails, he visits a wizard in Mongolia who enchants his wardrobe with the ability to travel through time. He goes to 1958 and... you know what, I'm bored of my own joke now, but it was gonna turn out Atlantis is on the moon.

But no 'good execution' could make that movie good.

If they want to do a really good naval battle film, why not od one about the "Battle of Jutland"

Let me set the scene. 1916. 99 German ships vs 151 UK/Canadian/Australian ships.

The whole 'nobody actually won' thing would make a pretty suck ass ending though.

 

[Kargathia]

What's his problem with Men in Black 3?

MIB 3 has basically everythin workin against it right now. The reason they even started shootin it was, and I quote "Everyone was finally free and we didn't know when that would happen again" so they started filmin. They had absolutely no script when they did this and simply said fuck it we'll figure it out as we go.

That doesn't necessarily mean it absolutely will be bad, but it does put a lot of doubt on the movie.

It probably will save it from the worst possible fate in cinema: mediocrity. Either it accidentally becomes legendary (One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest), or it turns out hilariously awful.

If they want to do a really good naval battle film, why not od one about the "Battle of Jutland"

Let me set the scene. 1916. 99 German ships vs 151 UK/Canadian/Australian ships.

The whole 'nobody actually won' thing would make a pretty suck ass ending though.

Not like Hollywood ever felt restrained by such minor details as "historical accuracy".

 

[saruman31]

Hi Bob! Will you review "God Bless America"?

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Ah, and here I was with ridiculous optimism, hoping it would be good. I knew the characters would probably be worthless, but I guess I was hoping the action would play it off. No such luck, apparently. And I was really hoping someone would unironically say that line. Guess I've got some extra beer money this week.

 

[LordLundar]

Point the first: The best thing about that version of Batman is that Alfred will take on his activities that he was doing before he became the Wayne family's butler.

Point the second: So they make a movie "based off" a board game that the only relationship between the two is the use of the navy (and even that connection's pretty loose considering the namesake and the destroyer haven't had a serious use since WW2)and they don't even have the synonymous line for it? Not that I was going to see it anyway, but that really does clinch it for me.

Point the main: If you think the movie is bad, take a look at the video games based off of it.

 

[Azuaron]

The only "Battleship" movie we needed was Jim Carry and Tommy Lee Jones in that Batman movie.

"YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!" *maniacal giggling*

 

[Tireseas_v1legacy]

Hi Bob! Will you review "God Bless America"?

He did a written review last week in the Intermission.

OT: Sorry Bob. We didn't even need to finish that first trailer to know this was going to be bad. You knew it. I knew it. We all knew it. Embrace that feeling of futility...

 

[Lunar Templar]

I believe I said when this was first announced, "Oh God... Really?" in a tone of "this movie is gonna suck".

I would like to say I called it, but so did everybody else...

takes all the fun out of being right doesn't it :/

 

[imnot]

Wow once Bob mentioned the lens flare, I couldn't stop noticing it in the clips.

 

[Deacon Cole]

You sank my battleshit.

 

[Deacon Cole]

'No such thing as a bad idea for a movie'?

Challenge accepted.

Megan Fox stars as a 90 year old man who is looking for his teddy bear which he lost in 1958. It is vital he finds it because Lionel Ritchie appeared to him a dream and told him that all along the bear had a magic compass which points to the location of Atlantis, inside its belly. After visiting his childhood home in an attempt to trigger his memory fails, he visits a wizard in Mongolia who enchants his wardrobe with the ability to travel through time. He goes to 1958 and... you know what, I'm bored of my own joke now, but it was gonna turn out Atlantis is on the moon.

But no 'good execution' could make that movie good.

To be fair, a lot of this idea has execution written into it.

 

[Mayhaps]

The bleeping really annoys me, if you can't use a word, don't. Please.
I never understood the point of bleeping them half way through anyway, it's not like the letters in the word is the "bad" thing, it's what it implies, and you still get that across.