Escape to the Movies: Raven

[empirialtank]

The world did have a Kirk style star treck era, or at least western Europe did back in the 1800's when any one who knew how to build a rifle, or better yet a rifle factory and was will to spend a few years adventuring could go to most any part of the world show up before the local leader and say 'Hey, I can make you the dominate power in your part of the world if you give me a city to run and a harem.' and most of them would take you up on the offer. Then america invented the nuke and anthropology demonstrated the horrors of colonialism and people settled down to found the U.N. What a waste.

Seriously though, go read "The Man who would be King" or if you would like to laugh your ass off look up the Flashman novels. both are about Captain Kirk with a posh British accent, and the latter set fuses him with Rincewind from disk world to stir things up a bit.

 

[newwiseman]

So The Raven sucks, that all well and good (and to be expected). I'll also agree that the future is a bit a buzz kill, though asteroid mining is actually going to happen...

All I want to know is in one word how was the Avengers?

You can go into details later, just please tell me it isn't a giant disappointment. Joss Whedon, as much as I love the guy's work, isn't known for action scenes so I've been worried ever since it was announced.

 

[synobal]

Ya when I was little I wanted to be an explorer then I realized that what was left to explore was out in space and we would never get there in my life time. *Shrug* what are we going to do.

 

[Halfstache]

He's the only famous writer of scary stuff that everyone in the audience is guaranteed to have heard of other than Stephen King

Ouch. No love for Lovecraft, I see.

Edit for clarification: Not particularly no love from you specifically, but no love for him in general.

 

[Bigwig]

Ya when I was little I wanted to be an explorer then I realized that what was left to explore was out in space and we would never get there in my life time. *Shrug* what are we going to do.

Go explore under the sea, lots of crazy **** down there. We know less about the ocean floor then we know about the surface of the moon.

 

[Cabamacadaf]

Watched Avengers today. It was awesome. Best movie I've seen in a while, if not ever.

 

[Targh]

Andy Lau and Gwyneth Paltrow were apparently born on the 27th, sure... but it was September. Did I miss something here?

 

[synobal]

Ya when I was little I wanted to be an explorer then I realized that what was left to explore was out in space and we would never get there in my life time. *Shrug* what are we going to do.

Go explore under the sea, lots of crazy **** down there. We know less about the ocean floor then we know about the surface of the moon.

Eh it just isn't the same. Plus it's just totally dark down there.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

Not sure surprised it is tanking so bad. I cringed at the idea of Stallone doing something with Poe's work. Now that...would be a horror movie.

 

[Triaed]

Too bad, I was looking forward to The Raven.
I guess I'll have to go and watch it anyway and make my own mind. I am a Poe Boy after all.
I do like Bob's advice and opinion though.

PS a better Kirk than a Picard

 

[fieryhotaru]

John Cusack sucks. This movie sounds like the Pillowman, which is a really awesome horror play, but certainly this shit movie won't live up to its standards.

 

[Jin-Roh]

Parte the Firste: Your Picard sucks more.
Parte the Seconde: How was The Pirates: Band of Misfits?

Indeed - you couldn't have burned that extra minute discussing "The Pirates" instead of doing bad Star Trek impressions, Bob?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14MtmqOZwQA[/youtube]

Or could have talked about SAFE.

 

[ImSkeletor]

The Raven sucks? THANK GOODNESS! Now I don't have to worry about chosing between it and Safe.

 

[SnakeoilSage]

Poe was a guest character in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, maybe he'll make a more convincing appearance in the upcoming Tim Burton-produced and honestly kind of cool looking in a cheesy way film of the same name.

As for the topic you brought up during your "I only make ten minutes of video a week but this movie sucks so bad I can't even fulfill that quota" moment, lemme break it down:

1) Space is a practical problem. It will be solved by eccentric billionaires who want to mine asteroids for $400 buckets of space-water, not romanticized mascots of the 1970's civil rights movement.

2) Space is empty. Void and rocks. Any adventure we take from it will be man-made as we shape the galaxy in our own image. These adventures will largely be introspective and philosophical.

3) Space has no green alien chicks who live in an eternal state of estrus that only the touch of an eager human male can satisfy. You're less likely to get laid in space than you are if you dump glitter on your head and stand in the sunlight. Grow a pair and start talking to real women.

 

[GeorgW]

Your Picard is by far the worse. There's a great movie to be made about Poe, it's just that no one has even come close to succeeding.
I was really hoping you'd do an Avengers review today, but I guess you didn't have the time. As you haven't, I've prepared my own [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.373229-Hypnotic-reviews-The-Avengers#14417720] as an, albeit worse, substitute.

 

[Blazeaga]

avengers...i wana no ur opinion bob!!
for me it was a major let down

 

[Storm Dragon]

His Picard is definitely worse.

 

[pearcinator]

I was hoping it was for The Avengers but you're probably waiting for the US release before you do that review I guess...I expect giddy schoolgirl screaming from you Bob.

Never even heard of this Raven movie but it looks dumb. A hollywood bullshit spin on Edgar Allen Poe trying to take advantage of the Sherlock Holmes cash draw.

Also...you did Shatner better than Picard but they were both pretty bad (however they were ten times better than what I could've done!)