Escapist News Network: XBox Platinum

ironlordthemad

New member
Sep 25, 2009
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You know I'm starting to pre-emptively feel sorry for Gearbox, they aren't bad people but they are getting the duke nukem piled on them already. I mean sure they annoyed us with the claptrap, but now we are getting to blow them up in the new Borderlands DLC.
 

Kermi

Elite Member
Nov 7, 2007
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XBox Live Ultra-Platinum: Real-time real life consequences doled out to everyone who you deem to be playing the game improperly.
For your basic level cheaters, suspected hackers and foul mouthed tweens, a specially crafted subscriber-only controller (only $299.98 + shipping) has the guide button replaced by a deaths head, that instantly red-rings the console of anyone in the game with you when you ragequit to the dashboard.

For those truly dedicated members of Xbox Live, Microsoft will be unrolling Xbox Live Omega 2012. This invitation-only membership level will cost 4.8 million Microsoft Points per year, but comes with a range of benefits and matchmaking enhancements.
Someone getting a suspicious amount of one shot kills in Halo? Based on your pre-set voice command ("douchebag!"), that person will instantly have his controller explode, removing a guaranteed 80% of his or her hands.
Knife runners and akimbo 1887s in Modern Warfare 2? Simply by uttering "******!" into your Xbox Live headset, a professional hitman is dispatched to the players house, with guaranteed behavioural correction within 48 hours.
In addition, you are entitled to download TWO premium dashboard themes of your choice.
 
Mar 16, 2009
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PS3 has no games is still a cornerstone. It's even more hilarious now, since fanboys will freak out given there is currently a plethora of games and they still can't shed the label.
 

warfjm

New member
Nov 14, 2007
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I posted the "No computer can run Crysis" joke on incrysis.com. *Shameless Plug*

Most of our members would scoff at this joke as this was true 3 years ago but is becoming more and more not true.

Link to thread:

http://www.incrysis.com/forums/viewtopic.php?id=31375
 

WolfLordAndy

New member
Sep 19, 2008
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Landslide said:
Don't worry. We'll always have Daikatana.
Ninja'd! Although its quite likely Duke Nuke may end up replacing the Daikatana jokes...

Oh and you forgot Ubisoft's PC DRM that needed always connected to play!
 

ANeM

New member
Aug 19, 2007
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Anyone else having issues streaming the video? I can't seem to get ENN or ZP to play right now :(
This makes for a most disappointing Wednesday
 

JFSOCC

New member
Apr 5, 2010
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Kuliani said:
Just FYI, the Big O computer from Origin PC STARTS at $7600 and goes to $17,000 at it's high end config.

http://www.originpc.com/thebigo-config.asp

I also LOLed at the Xibit joke. :)
Having bought an Alienware computer at 8300 Euro back in March 2008, I can safely say, it's not worth putting money in these high end Uber machines. they often don't function (properly), customer service is poor, and it's almost impossible to get your issue resolved, legally or otherwise.

After my problems with Alienware arose, I learned that I was not the only one by a long shot. What I've taken from that is that companies like Alienware, VooDoo PC and the like should be avoided like the plague. If you want "The Best of the Best of the Best" Find some whiz-kid locally and ask him to assemble a great machine for you. You're cheaper off, can still have a nice casemodded machine, And it's much more likely to work.
 

SFR

New member
Mar 26, 2009
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Well, at least the cake is still a lie, but that'll change when Portal 2 comes out and the pie will be an actual, physical (well, metaphysical) object (thank God...)
 

Sodoff

New member
Oct 15, 2009
368
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After at long hard day of school and work. It's very nice to come home and find this piece of gold waiting for you

Many thanks to all the people of LRR
 

wonkify

New member
Oct 2, 2009
143
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"Duke Nukem Forever will still be a joke after it comes 'oot'."

So love the Canadian accent and the Canadian take on humor.

Love to all of you at LRR. Thanks for the laughs and look forward to more.

ENN is something I look forward to each week. In addition to all the contributions the LRR crew makes to The Escapist. Your various efforts are my favorite things each week on the site and brighten my day each time I find a new installment of your many excellent recurring bits.

It is seriously impressive that you all generate the quantity and quality of humor weekly through so many titles. That is a lot of funny and a credit to your talent.

Thank you!
 

Woem

New member
May 28, 2009
2,878
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GrahamS said:
XBox Platinum

Finally you can play in peace. Or not. Your choice.

Watch Video
1/ Kathleen, you look amazing.
2/ Kathleen, I really, really miss (y)our hairflip. One more time?

 

ProfessorLayton

Elite Member
Nov 6, 2008
7,452
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Microsoft doesn't understand how good of an idea this is. I would totally pay extra to have gentlemanly conversation on Xbox Live.