ESRB Says Dead or Alive: Paradise is "Creepy" and "Bizarre"

[dalek sec]

Maybe I'm missing the point here but what's the big deal exactly? I'm not trying to be rude I don't don't follow this report.

The first report on DOA was the boxed text, the second was a little less subjective.

It's sort of like how the Earth was taken down to "Mostly Harmless".

Ok but I still don't get what the big deal was, the reports seem fine to me.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Maybe I'm missing the point here but what's the big deal exactly? I'm not trying to be rude I don't don't follow this report.

The first report on DOA was the boxed text, the second was a little less subjective.

It's sort of like how the Earth was taken down to "Mostly Harmless".

Ok but I still don't get what the big deal was, the reports seem fine to me.

The ESRB are supposed to be neutral. "Dental floss thongs" tends to give more away about the mind of the reviewer than the game itself.

 

[Beowulf DW]

Games need more than JUST sex appeal to get by on. Sex appeal is normally the icing on the cake. Well the diamonds in the turd, No wait neither of those work... Fuck can't think of an appropriate one to use.

The catchy slogan that gets you to listen to a politician?

No, something like "icing on the cake" But games that try to get by using sex appeal are not normally cakes, and sex appeal is not the diamond in the turd. Maybe "the generic cleavage in the bland as hell game"

Yes, that last one sounds just right.

 

[Brotherofwill]

I love the description. Everyone could benefit if the video game industry's critics and analyst would speak honestly about the products they encounter. There is so much repressed truth and neglected criticism in your average review it makes me almost physically sick to listen to most mainstream reviews.

It does appear to be more of a rant but atleast the person in question has moral and quality standards.

 

[tsu-money]

Should this come off as a surprise to anyone? A person is better off just watching porn on their PSP or other mobile device.

 

[MurderousToaster]

They would not keep making these fanservice-fests if people were not buying them.

I wonder how many copies they shift outside of Japan? I also wonder what the average gamer is like who buys this?

Hormonal teenager? Fat guy in a basement?

Perhaps just ordinary people looking for a good-ole-fashioned fapfest. Wait, you can get that from the internet...

 

[Kenjitsuka]

That description itself is GOLD XD

Best line: "they can 'gift' these items to eight other women in hopes of winning their friendship, in hopes of playing more volleyball"

Whoa! I can play more volleyball? Ka-ching!!!

 

[AgDr_ODST]

hahahahahaha the ESRB has done it again(but in a good way though) by admitting themselves just how creepy and pointless this game is

 

[Booze Zombie]

This reads less like a "professional" discription and more like opinion.

Regardless, it's amusing.

 

[DaxStrife]

So, it's another version of "Sexy Beach" by Illusion [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusion_%28company%29] (the geniuses behind "Rapelay"), only you do everything but The Nasty.
Uh, what?

 

[manythings]

Honesty isn't going to sell things. It is great when one thing like this comes out but if all of them gave honest opinions then we would have a new crop of games reviewers. It has to be dry to work. Dragon Age looked at by a person doing this could've turned it into "the blood and gore orgy fest trying to turn your kids towards satan and even DOUBLE SATAN". I'm sure the phrase ultra-rape will be used soon by anti-games activists.

 

[Jared]

Ill give the ERSB something...they know how to make a rating entertaining! lol

 

[jackanderson]

Now here is an exclusive no one will be upset about missing out on. Can't they stick to fighting games?

Remember, in Japan, these things sell like hot cakes.

 

[jubosu]

I don't think i would call the ESRB "good company"

 

[CyberKnight]

My regret, on the other hand, is that the ESRB sees this as regrettable. Maybe if more videogame ratings made a point of telling it like it is, parents might actually start paying some attention to them.

This.

And,

Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs.

Depends on what you mean by "felled tree trunks".

Oh. You mean an actual tree trunk, not a... *sigh* never mind.

 

[Caligulove]

Wow thats actually the thoughts I had of the game when I saw the trailer for it... but then again there are tons of games like this in Japan so its not really too surprising. There are worse things than this but its still pretty damn creepy

 

[Julianking93]

What out of Japan that features half naked women not creepy and bizarre?

 

[The Rascal King]

That chick is straddling dead wood

There isn't anything sexual about it, and she seems to be disappointed.

 

[Outlaw Torn]

Does anyone else think Yahtzee should write his own versions of the ESRB ratings? Maybe he could even get a job writing the actual ones too. I imagine most would boil down to 'complete [insert profanity here]'. They'd be more informative too.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

I thought the whole point of this sub-genre of DoA was to raise the sexual subtext to actual text. I have DoA Volleyball 2, I admit it, I'll also admit I like it, but the jiggle level is disturbing, I can't engage my "willing disbelief" while playing it.