Ethical Dilemma - Sperm Donation

emeraldrafael

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Thats kinda odd that your mom asked you too. dont they have sperm banks where you live, or are you special for someone reason? And a toned body is more about your personal practice and exercise.

I dont know. I dont know if its necessarily an ETHICAL problem so much as its a Personal problem. Theres not really anything ETHICALLY wrong with someone asking you to be their sperm donator. Now if they stole it, that would be ETHICALLY wrong (no I dont know why I keep drawing attention to that).

Id ontk now. I'd feel kinda weird about it, but if they really were stuck on me,I guess I would. Continues the blood line and they want a child. As long as they seem like they would be a competent and healthy family that would love and care for the baby, I guess so.
 

Tommeh Brownleh

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Why? Children are AWFUL! By refusing, you are doing this couple a favor. The world is already overpopulated enough, another child isn't going to help. Tell them to adopt! These children come from parents who realized a few minutes too late that they can't raise the little moron, and I suppose if they want a kid that badly they shouldn't have to go to the trouble of giving birth to it themselves. At the end of the day though, do you really want another worthless human in the world? Do you really want another environment ruining, money chewing, machine designed to eat, crap, and cry 24/7 in the world? Do you want to put this couple through the trouble of raising a child, cradle to whenever it decides to leave? The correct answer is no, but use your answers to these questions to decide whether or not you want to give them some sperm.
 

Boba Frag

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I think were I in the same situation, I'd probably decline. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but at the end of the day, it's their baby, but my son/daughter/thing from the black lagoon.

Where I come from blood ties mean a lot, particularly in my family.
I feel for the poor people that can't conceive, I assume that the man is too sick to produce anything approaching healthy sperm, though there is a case of a woman giving birth to a child using her deceased partner's sperm (frozen, then IVF).

I think a sit down and an open and frank discussion with the couple would be the best course for now, but don't make any promises if you're not sure that you'll be able to keep them.

Maybe they're too embarrassed to approach you directly, I don't know, but it might imply that they're sounding out multiple donors.
 

Blow_Pop

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Just_A_Glitch said:
Well, aside from the fact that its kind of awkward that your mother recommended her son's sperm, I'd say go for it. If you think the people are responsible enough to care for the kid and will love it as parents should, I don't see the issue. You're being paid to masturbate. Isn't that most guys dream?

This. A million times. I find no issues with it as long as you deem the people responsible enough. You get paid to masturbate AND help out a couple who obviously wants their own children but for reasons can't.
 

Spacelord

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I'd see no trouble donating per say, and I don't think you have an ethical obligation either way. It would be kind to do, but if you'd want to go the extra mile - also, something I'd do - is get to know the prospective parents a bit better.

How healthy are they, exactly? You said the husband is a cancer survivor, what're the odds of relapse; the essential question would be: what're the odds of the child growing up without a father? Also, would you say they're good parenting material? As a product of bad parenting, it's something I'd look into.

These are things you could consider, were you so inclined.
 

LongAndShort

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May 11, 2009
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Wanking for a good cause, why the hell not?

Ethically you avoid the usual issues often associated with IVF and such similar methods, usually broadly eugenic in nature, because the husband is unable to provide due to a severe illness.

Go for it.
 

Bara_no_Hime

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Electric Alpaca said:
I've been asked to be a sperm donor - by my mother - for a couple she knows of whom are unable to conceive.

With the information presented above - what would you do? Donate or not, and why?

Thank you for your time.
Well, I say you should do it. What you are doing is giving this couple a chance at a family, and that's a wonderful thing to give them. You asked if there was anything morally or ethically wrong? No. You are committing an act of kindness and generosity.

Of course, being a woman, I may be biased. :p

Still, IF I was asked to donate eggs to a couple in the opposite situation (ie, to a woman who couldn't produce eggs anymore) I would do it.

As for how your future partner will react - I can only imagine that such a story would be a GOOD thing. I mean, you didn't donate for money - you did it out of kindness. That's touching - I can't imagine someone being jealous about that - particularly since you have no plans to be involved in the child's life.
 

Hipsy_Gypsy

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Electric Alpaca said:
Where it would be a kind gesture or even compliment, if it were me, I probably wouldn't and reason why is that it may cause complications as the child grows up. I.E., at the end of the day, you're the biological father and that fact may usher the child to want to get to know you. Aye, there's nothing wrong with that at all but at the same time, by a small technicality, it's not your child. Am I making sense?

Boba Frag said:
I think were I in the same situation, I'd probably decline. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but at the end of the day, it's their baby, but my son/daughter/thing from the black lagoon.

Where I come from blood ties mean a lot, particularly in my family.
I feel for the poor people that can't conceive, I assume that the man is too sick to produce anything approaching healthy sperm, though there is a case of a woman giving birth to a child using her deceased partner's sperm (frozen, then IVF).

I think a sit down and an open and frank discussion with the couple would be the best course for now, but don't make any promises if you're not sure that you'll be able to keep them.

Maybe they're too embarrassed to approach you directly, I don't know, but it might imply that they're sounding out multiple donors.
This is sort of what I'm getting at too and I agree 100% with everything else that has been said. However, if the couple felt too awkward to ask you themselves and you simply heard from your mother, personally, that would have been an automatic decline from me. My mother or father asking something like this of me alone would be bizarre enough but if she's asking entirely on behalf of the couple - if that is the case, though I'm not saying it is - and you're yet to discuss the matter with them, then it would be a definite no. That's me, anyroad.
 

fix-the-spade

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Electric Alpaca said:
I'm assuming this process will lack professional mediation so I imagine I'll have to seek to investigate legalities myself.
If there is no professional involvement and it's a 'between you and me' thing, do not get involved, you could be opening a whole can of worms for yourself in twenty years time when 'your' child bangs on the door. Or even in five years time when the couple change their mind (or change their circumstances) and you are suddenly getting pinged for alimony since you're the father and nothing of the 'arrangement' was written down.

If they aren't willing to go through proper channels, you have to question why.
 

SillyBear

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I'm not a male, but I wouldn't do it.

That child is yours - it will have your DNA. I wouldn't allow any of my children to be raised by other parents. It would drive me insane.

Your call though dude.
 

thiosk

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Sep 18, 2008
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I'd donate my sperm if requested. In vitro fertilization is different from going in the back room with the lady and maekin' teh babiesss.
 

ZeroMachine

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I wouldn't call this a moral dilemma, more of a personal one. Are you willing to be the father of a child who may never know that you're his father? Who may never know you exist?

Also, make sure all the paper work is there. If you end up being OK with it, you don't want to deal with the potential shit storm of opening your door one day to the sounds of "Daddy, mommy and fake daddy don't want me anymore, you have to take care of me."

Not that it'd go down like that, but I like making things sound funnier when I'm being dead serious. It's a crutch.
 

teisjm

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Mar 3, 2009
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Well, i don't see any moral issues, yet i wouldn't have done so myself.
I wouldn't mind donating sperm anonymously, but i wouldn't personally like to know about the result of those donations, even less to have the possible child know about me, since the thought of having any responsibility for children is really frightening to me. It would be even harder to keep it out of mind, with the knowledge that my mom knew about her new grandchild, and most likely would see it.

Heres what you really need to think about.
The child will probably end up knowing that you're it's father, and seek you out, given that you would be donating to people close to your social circle. Your mom would know her grandchild whether you wanted to take part in it's life or not.
So would you be willing to take the role as genetic father, or willing to tell the child to beat it, caouse you don't want any part in it's life, cause you're most likely gonna end up having to choose one of those options the way i see it.
 

Viral_Lola

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Tommeh Brownleh said:
Why? Children are AWFUL! By refusing, you are doing this couple a favor. The world is already overpopulated enough, another child isn't going to help. Tell them to adopt! These children come from parents who realized a few minutes too late that they can't raise the little moron, and I suppose if they want a kid that badly they shouldn't have to go to the trouble of giving birth to it themselves. At the end of the day though, do you really want another worthless human in the world? Do you really want another environment ruining, money chewing, machine designed to eat, crap, and cry 24/7 in the world? Do you want to put this couple through the trouble of raising a child, cradle to whenever it decides to leave? The correct answer is no, but use your answers to these questions to decide whether or not you want to give them some sperm.
You don?t really like kids do you?

As for adoption, there may be a reason why they can?t adopt. They could have been denied due to the husband?s health.
Electric Alpaca said:
I've been asked to be a sperm donor - by my mother - for a couple she knows of whom are unable to conceive.

The male is unable to supply due to cancer, the woman states sex with strangers (or the basic equivalent) is out of the question. I've been turned to as 350 english pounds per shot is pretty pricey, and I'm deemed worthy (how complimentary -.-). I haven't discussed anything with the couple, as I'm still weighing this (hence the thread), but I'm assuming this process will lack professional mediation so I imagine I'll have to seek to investigate legalities myself.

To break it down to brass tacks;
I'm 24, perfectly healthy (haven't seen a doctor since childhood, no mental illness, however heart issues present on mother's side for males), intelligent (I'm a trainee actuary), looks wise: average to moderately attractive, 6' dead, well built and toned (weight not an issue in the direct family).

With the information presented above - what would you do? Donate or not, and why?

Thank you for your time.
Here?s the thing: Whatever your doubts or questions you may have, you might want to sit down and talk to the couple. If they are serious about it, they?ll sit down with you. Ask them honestly, where do I stand? Will I have a role in this child?s life or not? If something should happen to the two of you, what will happen to the child? You will have to ask them about the legal stuff too. At the end of the day, it?s your choice and even though we can give you our advice and our opinions, you are the one that has to be able to cope with it.

As for future relationships, it?ll really depend on the person. I personally would not think less of it. There is a difference in donating sperm for a couple to have a kid and just knocking somebody up and leaving.
 

Electric Alpaca

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May 2, 2011
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AverageJoe said:
Am the only one who noticed your profile lists you as female?

Anyway, I'd do it, I don't think genes really mean anything morally. I've even thought about donating sperm just for a bit extra cash.
He he, I'm not really Peruvian or called 'Google Proof' either ;)

emeraldrafael said:
Thats kinda odd that your mom asked you too. dont they have sperm banks where you live, or are you special for someone reason? And a toned body is more about your personal practice and exercise.

I dont know. I dont know if its necessarily an ETHICAL problem so much as its a Personal problem. Theres not really anything ETHICALLY wrong with someone asking you to be their sperm donator. Now if they stole it, that would be ETHICALLY wrong (no I dont know why I keep drawing attention to that).

Id ontk now. I'd feel kinda weird about it, but if they really were stuck on me,I guess I would. Continues the blood line and they want a child. As long as they seem like they would be a competent and healthy family that would love and care for the baby, I guess so.
True, I was just trying to illustrate the 'potential' I guess of my bloodline. It's peculiar viewing yourself in such a disassociative manner if I'm honest.

Maybe ethical was the wrong word - I think I'm 'special' as they know me quite well, they know what I do, how I behave and they must judge something attractive about the package. Makes me wonder how long they've been sizing me up when writing it like this however.

Bara_no_Hime said:
Well, I say you should do it. What you are doing is giving this couple a chance at a family, and that's a wonderful thing to give them. You asked if there was anything morally or ethically wrong? No. You are committing an act of kindness and generosity.

Of course, being a woman, I may be biased. :p

Still, IF I was asked to donate eggs to a couple in the opposite situation (ie, to a woman who couldn't produce eggs anymore) I would do it.

As for how your future partner will react - I can only imagine that such a story would be a GOOD thing. I mean, you didn't donate for money - you did it out of kindness. That's touching - I can't imagine someone being jealous about that - particularly since you have no plans to be involved in the child's life.
I need bias, don't worry about that. I need the extremes and everything in between for me to consider and review.

Thank you for putting a different light on the future partner bit, at the moment I'm focusing on the worst that can happen as a result of this - with the logic if I can manage that than anything that is thrown up from this will be manageable.

fix-the-spade said:
If there is no professional involvement and it's a 'between you and me' thing, do not get involved, you could be opening a whole can of worms for yourself in twenty years time when 'your' child bangs on the door. Or even in five years time when the couple change their mind (or change their circumstances) and you are suddenly getting pinged for alimony since you're the father and nothing of the 'arrangement' was written down.

If they aren't willing to go through proper channels, you have to question why.
Funds are the main concern, lack of faith in system secondary; but I won't do this without a binding contract, should I decide to so at some point a bill will have to be footed.

And I'm not that nice.



ZeroMachine said:
I wouldn't call this a moral dilemma, more of a personal one. Are you willing to be the father of a child who may never know that you're his father? Who may never know you exist?

Also, make sure all the paper work is there. If you end up being OK with it, you don't want to deal with the potential shit storm of opening your door one day to the sounds of "Daddy, mommy and fake daddy don't want me anymore, you have to take care of me."

Not that it'd go down like that, but I like making things sound funnier when I'm being dead serious. It's a crutch.
It isn't entirely implausible, I've read one news story with this occurring and one is enough to view it as an issue in my book.

ForgottenPr0digy said:
I might do this if I can keep my name off the records so if the kid tries to find he/she can't and if the father dies from cancer I'm not forced to pay any form of child support.
The issue with this - is that these people are liked to my mother. If they want me to be found, I will be.

teisjm said:
Well, i don't see any moral issues, yet i wouldn't have done so myself.
I wouldn't mind donating sperm anonymously, but i wouldn't personally like to know about the result of those donations, even less to have the possible child know about me, since the thought of having any responsibility for children is really frightening to me. It would be even harder to keep it out of mind, with the knowledge that my mom knew about her new grandchild, and most likely would see it.

Heres what you really need to think about.
The child will probably end up knowing that you're it's father, and seek you out, given that you would be donating to people close to your social circle. Your mom would know her grandchild whether you wanted to take part in it's life or not.
So would you be willing to take the role as genetic father, or willing to tell the child to beat it, caouse you don't want any part in it's life, cause you're most likely gonna end up having to choose one of those options the way i see it.
The thing that I'm thinking more of than anything - I've never considered being a donor, not even a second's thought. I'm being forced to consider it here so clearly it's already against my grain. My natural stance is no, much like you.

Parenthood and responsibility is a big deal to me. On one hand it will be awful for me to relinquish part of my lineage, but on another this child will have a fantastic environment - being a 'miracle' occurrence.

Viral_Lola said:
Here?s the thing: Whatever your doubts or questions you may have, you might want to sit down and talk to the couple. If they are serious about it, they?ll sit down with you. Ask them honestly, where do I stand? Will I have a role in this child?s life or not? If something should happen to the two of you, what will happen to the child? You will have to ask them about the legal stuff too. At the end of the day, it?s your choice and even though we can give you our advice and our opinions, you are the one that has to be able to cope with it.

As for future relationships, it?ll really depend on the person. I personally would not think less of it. There is a difference in donating sperm for a couple to have a kid and just knocking somebody up and leaving.
At this stage, the manner of which I've been asked is to put as little pressure on me as is possible with something like this. I haven't met these two, but it could be easy for my conscience to guilt myself into acting out of compassion and not reason.

I do indeed - but views and opinions I hadn't thought of are of great use. Your own mind can get stuck in circular logic and do nothing but destroy you. I may even get a 'Eureka!' comment in this thread.

I know I shouldn't bear what hasn't come to be any weight, but there is a consequence for everything, I can't help it. Good things don't happen to good people always.

To those that I don't directly quote I apologise, but I felt that my comments in response to others answers the points raised - but I do read everything placed here.
 

emeraldrafael

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Electric Alpaca said:
...

emeraldrafael said:
Thats kinda odd that your mom asked you too. dont they have sperm banks where you live, or are you special for someone reason? And a toned body is more about your personal practice and exercise.

I dont know. I dont know if its necessarily an ETHICAL problem so much as its a Personal problem. Theres not really anything ETHICALLY wrong with someone asking you to be their sperm donator. Now if they stole it, that would be ETHICALLY wrong (no I dont know why I keep drawing attention to that).

Id ontk now. I'd feel kinda weird about it, but if they really were stuck on me,I guess I would. Continues the blood line and they want a child. As long as they seem like they would be a competent and healthy family that would love and care for the baby, I guess so.
True, I was just trying to illustrate the 'potential' I guess of my bloodline. It's peculiar viewing yourself in such a disassociative manner if I'm honest.

Maybe ethical was the wrong word - I think I'm 'special' as they know me quite well, they know what I do, how I behave and they must judge something attractive about the package. Makes me wonder how long they've been sizing me up when writing it like this however.

...
Oka. Like i said, its a personal choice. from some of the other posts I've seen in this thread you made, you're worried about any responsibility to this child, and I dont think you will have any. You may be something like an adoptive big brother or maybe a god father, but I dont think you'd be the primary father to this child. They just want your sperm cause they know and feel comfortable with it cause they know your family history and its low level of health problems.

at least, thats how it seems.