Every kid in the US has to take a test made by you

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Oct 26, 2011
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SenseOfTumour said:
For US students: If the Constitution is so revered and unchangable, what's the deal with amendments being added, 27 times so far? Why do some people seem to worship the unchangable nature of the Constitution and the 2nd Amendment equally, without seeing the irony inherent in that?
Its insanely hard to get a amendment passed in the US. I think around 3/4 of the states must approve of it and it must be passed through Congress, the courts, and the president. Thats why theres only 27 of them in 200+ years. The constitution (sans the bill of rights) must be able to accept changes from time to time to remain relevent in current times. And amendments can change and be repealed (also very difficult), so people really shouldnt "worship" their "unchangeable nature"
I'm glad you have a interest in one of our founding documents :D
 

Zaverexus

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Mine would be a test of common sense and logical reasoning.
You fail and you are too stupid to live. Extremely low grades result in execution. Moderately low grades result in revocation of voting rights, placement on a watch list that may recall you to retake the test upon stupid actions, and predesignation for menial labor.
If you pass congratulations, you're a human being.
This test would be part multiple choice and part oral in the form of debates upon important topics. If you argue for the wrong side with no evidence you fail. If you argue for the right side with no evidence you fail. If you argue for the wrong side with a well formulated argument you receive a moderate grade. If you argue well on the right side you pass.
 

Belaam

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1) Explain how the scientific method works.

2) Apply it to the alternative medicine or religion with which you are most familiar.

3) Define the differences between at least three political/social classifications seemly considered synonymous by either OWS or the Tea Party, which ever you feel the most affection towards.

4) Define Godwin's Law; for extra credit, include the difference between there, their, and they're.

5) Analyze the fallacy in your favorite "slippery slope" argument.

6) Using a map of the galaxy, indicate the relative value of your opinion on your favorite subject.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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I'd probably force an aptitude test, nothing more.

If I have had to personalize, I'd take the opportunity to troll the crap out of all the atheists (mostly because of some the responses in this thread. :D).
 

BrotherSurplice

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Apr 17, 2011
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madster11 said:
Failing the test results in being forced to read the My Immortal fanfic beginning to end without the use of marijuana.
Thats it, I'm reporting you for intent to commit crimes against humanity. It's a shame that that hasn't happened to the author of that . . . thing though.
 

MaxwellEdison

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Sep 30, 2010
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Midgeamoo said:
1) Describe Communism
2) Describe Socialism
3) Describe Capitalism
4) Describe Nationalism
5) Describe Fascism
6) Put them all on a scale from left to right wing

Estimated about 10% of people getting it anywhere near right.
Nationalism has nothing to do with government or economics, though.
 

SPARTANXIII

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Nov 24, 2009
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#1: If an event like the Airport killings in MW2 happened in real life, what would the likely percentage of real war (Remember to include modern politics, unknown factors and "The stateless being of Terrorism" in your answer)

#2: Describe the differences and similarities of war to modern FPS's WITHOUT using Multiplayer as a basis.

#3: Describe the plot and themes of Alan Wake in detail.

#4: Subtract Q to a percentage if Q,R and P and all members of angles in a metaphysic cuboid (How's your lucky pencil case NOW?!)

#5: How long would it take you to find Waldo without cheating off someone else

#6: Chuck Norris, Batman, Jesus, Superman, Celestia: Who would win?

#7: How manly is My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (NOTE: people with wrong answers will be allowed to regain points in a physical exam, overseen by Princess Celestia in her private mansion in the middle of nowhereville, nowhere)

#8: African Swallow or European?
 

MaxwellEdison

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I'd make them take classes on basic philosophy and political science. Dunno how the tests would work.
The more I learn about both, the more I realize that people being more educated on this stuff would really help the country.
 

C F

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him over there said:
C F said:
Well, I'd definitely grill them on the American government and economy. But that's boring and something they should know anyway, so let's skip it.


2) What is the best elemental typing for a Pokemon to have in terms of weakness/resistance?
The best elemental typing is ghost/dark of course because you get a resistance and three immunities. Plus your next question is impossible because it has no weaknesses.
Foresight [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Foresight_(move)#Trivia] or Odor Sleuth negate the effect Ghost typing has on Normal and Fighting-type moves, effectively resetting it to 1x effectiveness. Combine that with Dark's weakness to Fighting, and you can actually leave them vulnerable to a super-effective Fighting-type attack.

How often seemingly pointless moves are overlooked. I'm sorry, but you would have been penalized right there. Hooray for pointless trivia!
 

Whodat

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Jul 14, 2009
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1) Beat STALKER in 2 hours.

2) How deep is the Marianas Trench?

3) Space Marines or Terrans? (executed if they say Terrans)

4) Are Cr1TiKal's nipples lactating? (Win if they say yes)

5) Waterbuffalo
 

Lord Penney

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Dec 26, 2010
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I would have them write a few simple essays to demonstrate their rationality.

1)a) Why was Hitler one of the most evil men ever to exist (5 Marks)

b) What are the similarities between Hitler and my political enemies? (15 Marks)

2)a) Why are all those who oppose me wrong in every way? (10 Marks)

b) List the strengths in their arguments. (5 Marks Deducted for each point given; I just hate hypocrisy)

3) 'PenneyBack is the ideal candidate for the position of "Supreme Ruler of Earth"'. Discuss. (1 Mark given for each unique correct answer; a point against me an incorrect answer will result in an instant fail)

4) What is life's purpose. (Anything other than 'to serve PenneyBack', or words to that effect, will result in an instant fail)

Candidates must gain a minimum of 200 marks to pass. No exceptions.
 

DaBozz

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1: Write a essay explaining how the beatles changed the music world and why they where ahead of there time.
2: Name all six main ponies from MLP:FIM
3: Who is better Queen or Justin bieber (instant fail if they say bieber)
4: Explain why music from the 60s to the 90s is much better than the music we have today.
5: Is the main villain in sonic called A: Doctor Eggman or B: Doctor Robotnik (Fail if they say A)
6: Play nothing but SNES/Megadrive/N64/NES for a week and explain your favorite game titles.
7: Explain why the 1986 transformer's film is better than the Michael Bay films.
8: Han Solo or Greedo who shot first ?
9: Name the four ghostbusters
10: Write an essay on why ocarina of time was a great game.
 

Jodah

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Aug 2, 2008
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Torrasque said:
Jodah said:
Mortai Gravesend said:
Hmm let's see...

1) Is Creationism a valid theory? (Instant fail if they say yes)
...

Actually now that I think about it such a test wouldn't be too fun to construct. D=

Maybe I could just throw in: "What can change the nature of a man?" and leave it at that.
Actually there is a specific Creationist theory that is semi-valid. The Futurama episode actually made it perfectly. I think of it as the petrie dish theory. Some higher power made life then evolution took over. IE The Universe is just an experiment in the laboratory of God! Not saying I personally believe it but I've yet to see anything to truly shoot any holes in it. In a way it combines the best of both worlds.
Oh that theory? It is pretty easy to refute actually.
Ok, what is the difference between "god created man and the universe" i.e. the classic Christian myth, and god's petrie dish? The Christian myth states that he is there the entire time and everything is "god's will". The other is "god threw some shit in a vat and walked away". In regards to the formation of life and matter, it doesn't matter which one you pick, they are both the exact same things. The difference between these two are a concern of free will, which is an entirely different matter altogether.
Once you realize that, refuting this god's petrie dish theorem is as easy as "well that is a crock of shit, you mind as well replace the word 'god' with 'giant spaghetti monster' and call it a day".
Hope that helps.

My test:
1. Point exactly on a map where Iraq and Afghanistan are. (If you get one wrong, you fail the test)
2. Name the most influential president in the last 100 years, in 140 characters or less (this is purely for the sake of lols)
3. Do you believe in god? If so, have you read the entire bible? If you do not believe in god, have you read the entire bible? Please state why you have read the entire bible if you have.
4. Explain in 500 words or less why Imperial is a better measurement system than Metric (This is also for lols, I want to see what stupid answers people come up with since Imperial is the dumbest measurement system on the face of the earth)
5. What is the single most important issue facing Americans today? Take as much time as you want for this answer.
6. Who is your daddy and what does he do?
7. If a man has stolen something from you, what nationality is he? (I'd loooovvve to see the racism in this answer)
8. If the world was ruled by a single corporation, what corporation would you like it to be?
9. What countries are America's allies?

And more loaded questions that I cannot think of right now. I basically want to show them (and others) how incredibly ignorant and stupid they are. I'd get some pretty funny answers from people who can recognize a troll when they see it, but the people that don't know what trolling is would yield many a funny answer.
I'd also want to make it 100 pages long (with as many questions as that would be) and have the last question "##. If you did not answer any questions, you get 100%." and each person would have to write in pen.
Thats the thing. The Petrie dish theory is open to it being God, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, Aliens, Alternate Universe Humans, or whatever. It doesn't require it be God. It just requires some form of higher intelligence, which could be omnipotent or just more advanced.
 

Zorg Machine

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Jul 28, 2008
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Midgeamoo said:
1) Describe Communism
2) Describe Socialism
3) Describe Capitalism
4) Describe Nationalism
5) Describe Fascism
6) Put them all on a scale from left to right wing

Estimated about 10% of people getting it anywhere near right.
1) it's like socialism but with more violence and less reality connection.
2) it's like communism except all you ever do is sit around in a room and talk about things.
3) It's like Socialism except it's shallow and shamelessly states that humans are immoral and driven by greed...it also works about as well.
4) you're probably from another country, otherwise you would know the answer to these questions.
5) It's the first idea every child/college student/smart cynical asshole thinks of when trying to come up with a way to make the political problems go away (also known as, "wouldn't be much better if I was in charge" syndrome)

6)they all suck so what's the point?

OT: 1) Explain your religious views and why they are right even though chances are, the majority of the world thinks differently.
2)what personal information (if revealed to the world) would cause you to take your life?
3) (some logic and math questions)

the first and third questions have all the points and if they write something on the second question said answer will be revealed on the internet. if they don't kill themselves the answered the question falsely and they fail. if they do kill themselves...wel then they are massive idiots.
 

mitchell271

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Who are the following people and why are they famous?
Shigeru Miyamoto
Martin O'Donnell
John Williams
Randy Pritchard
Gabe Newell
Akira Yamaoka
Shinji Mikami
Ben Croshaw
 

BishopofAges

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Sep 15, 2010
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Personally, I would make it about 50 questions long and all of them would be deep philisophical queries, those who take it seriously would all pick D.) which is 'other' followed by a length of empty space to write their opinions. Those who don't take it seriously get the crappy jobs that require little to no thought ('yo dawg, I forgot was it bun, meat, bacon, chesse, meat, bacon, cheese, bun or bun, cheese, meat, bacon, meat, cheese, bacon?')

Those who answer using everything that's not D to try and figure out what the 'right answer' is will get okay jobs with room for improvement so they can live happily and confortably. Those who answer using D and make good standpoints get the best of jobs as I will make 'idea man' into a real paying job.

Honestly, philosophy and speculation is at an all-time low in my area, everyone wants to please or not try at all.
 

Phlakes

+15 Dagger of Socks
Mar 25, 2010
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1) Penis. Did you laugh?

A. Yes (go back to primary school)
B. No (proceed)

2) Your friend asks you if you want to steal your parents' car, get wasted, and drive around the city on the wrong side of the road.

A. "That sounds epic!" (Just leave. You are a danger to this world and have displayed a complete lack of reason. Also, that's not how you use the word epic.)
B. "You're retarded." (proceed)

3) What is your opinion on the Call of Duty series?

(Answers may vary. If the answer contains the words/phrases "best gaem evar", "worst gaem evar", "gay", or "******", subject will be drafted into the nearest available war. Otherwise they pass.)
 

Twilight_guy

Sight, Sound, and Mind
Nov 24, 2008
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I wouldn't have time to make a test, I'd be too busy trying to overhaul the US educational system and remove standardized testing. The ideology of testing has messed everything up over here.