Every kid in the US has to take a test made by you

[Matthew Dunn]

I think 10 questions of different subjects for example
1: What colour is the original carrot? (Its not orange)
2: What Caliber does the M4 Assault Rifle use?
3: What is the Hebrew meaning of Mattheus?
4: Which game is the father of the modern FPS?
5: Which RTS game was the first to have full 3D graphics?
6: Explain what is the Diameter of something is?
7: What was the name of the first game that was played on an oscilloscope?
8: Who is best pony?
9: Explain the origins of batman
10: Do not answer any of these questions.

 

[pirateninj4]

1: What is the square root of 64?
2: Where is New Zealand on a map?
3: Why do you want to have children when you get older?
4: Please sign this form releasing us from liability to neuter you if you got these 3 questions wrong.

 

[Malyc]

Question 1: What is your name?
Question 2: What is your favorite color?
Question 3: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

If you pass, you move up a grade and take the test again. If you fail, you die.

We talking African or European swallow here?

 

[madster11]

16+60-54+10*2?

Number of gallons in a barrel of oil?

A=1, B=2, C=3, etc

Betty was walking home from the
Ihop when she saw a
Giant cat assaulting a
Big dog. The dog won the fight by killing the cat and started running off
At which point should she have interfered:
Never, before the cat died, after the dog ran off or just as
George the policeman was driving past?

[The answer field will be only big enough for 2 letters/numbers]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?


Failing the test results in being forced to read the My Immortal fanfic beginning to end without the use of marijuana.

 

[Rikkano]

1. Name the members of the Beatles.
2. What was the cause of Freddy Mercury´s death?
3. What book was BioShock inspired by, and who was its author?

...and more questions like these.

Question 1: What is your name?
Question 2: What is your favorite color?
Question 3: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

If you pass, you move up a grade and take the test again. If you fail, you die.

1. Shane van Beveren
2. Red... NO BLU-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Always nice with some fellow Monty Pythonees.

 

[imnot]

1: name 5 batman villans
2:name 5 batman characters that are good
3:Where does batman live
4:Analyse the Jokers orogin story(s)

 

[Urgh76]

1. In Chrono Trigger, what is the strongest sword Crono can equip, and what is it's bonus?(Super Nintendo edition or DS edition - both answers are valid)

2. How do you evolve Staryu, Eevee and Jigglypuff? (4 marks total, 1 per correct element)

3. In Pokemon Red, the Elite Four Trainer Lance has a Dragonite that knows a move it cannot learn. What is this move, and what is it's effect?

4. What move can Aerodactyl learn now that it couldn't in Red/Blue, despite the move being a valid TM then? (Answer: Earthquake)

5. How much does the Atlas Twin Laser cost in Raptor: Call of the Shadow?

6. What are the fan-made names for the six most popular non-mane cast ponies from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? (Derpy, Dr. Whooves, etc.)

7. Name 5 quotes from Duke Nukem 3D and what movies they come from.

8. In Fallout 3 my character has 67% Damage resistance and 270 HP. A Deathclaw does a leaping power attack at me that normally deals 150 damage. Factoring in my Damage resistance, how much HP do I have left after the attack?

9. Is K-nex the most amazing product in existence? (Right answer: Yes)

10. Why doesn't Captain Benjamin Sisko from Star Trek: Deep Space 9 like the 1950s holodeck programs? Explain your answer in 500 words (10% lee-way)

Because people need to know more random crap about Video games, god dammit.

1. Rainbow and Dreamseeker

2. Water Stone, essentially any stone, moonstone

3. Barrier

4. Earthquake :3

5. --

6. Lyra, Caramel, Berry Punch, Colgate, Derpy, Dr. Whooves

7. --

8. 220.5 HP

9. Yes. :3

10. ---

Hell I'll take a 70% :3

EDIT: Forgot to say the bonus on Crono's weapons

70% Critical hit chance with Rainbow, 90% with Dreamseeker

 

[Timzilla]

I would make my test an insanely hard math test,and have the directions be something like:

Do not answer any of these questions. Every question you answer will be a mark off your score.

Cause I'm an asshole.

 

[Arluza]

Alright. So this test would be given at the Jr. year of high school. students who can't pass this test are not allowed to graduate. It is a simple critical thinking test. any rational person should do fairly well. Students who fail to pass this critical thinking test will be mocked for being unable to think. Students would not be taught by their teachers the answers to these questions, but would be taught how to think (so the entire US system would need to be changed before this test is 'easy')

1. what are the five (5) steps to the scientific method? List them in order. (5 points)
2. Name two types of science. Explain what that field of science studies. (2 points)
3. Name five famous scientists from any number of fields of science. (3 points)
4. What is the best explanation for the diversity of life on the planet? (10 points)
5. One of your best friends comes up to you and claim they have a unicorn in their backyard. You go to the backyard and see no unicorn. They claim it is invisible. You decide to look around and wave your hands around to touch the invisible unicorn. Your friend claims it is intangible. You hold out oats to feed the invisible, intangible unicorn. Your friend claims it will only eat from people it trusts, and it only trusts those who believe it is already there.
Is it up to you to disprove his unicorn story, or is it up to your friend to prove his unicorn story? Why? Explain how the scientific method can be used to solve the problem. (50 points)
6. Is Astrology an example of science? If so, how? if no, why not? (10 points)
7. Give three reasons why scientific claims has changed but is still is important to society today.(15 points)

 

[Yopaz]

Hmm let's see...

1) Is Creationism a valid theory? (Instant fail if they say yes)
...

Actually now that I think about it such a test wouldn't be too fun to construct. D=

Maybe I could just throw in: "What can change the nature of a man?" and leave it at that.

This is pretty much how mine would start too. Sadly I think there would be a lot of students failing...

 

[Torrasque]

Hmm let's see...

1) Is Creationism a valid theory? (Instant fail if they say yes)
...

Actually now that I think about it such a test wouldn't be too fun to construct. D=

Maybe I could just throw in: "What can change the nature of a man?" and leave it at that.

Actually there is a specific Creationist theory that is semi-valid. The Futurama episode actually made it perfectly. I think of it as the petrie dish theory. Some higher power made life then evolution took over. IE The Universe is just an experiment in the laboratory of God! Not saying I personally believe it but I've yet to see anything to truly shoot any holes in it. In a way it combines the best of both worlds.

Oh that theory? It is pretty easy to refute actually.
Ok, what is the difference between "god created man and the universe" i.e. the classic Christian myth, and god's petrie dish? The Christian myth states that he is there the entire time and everything is "god's will". The other is "god threw some shit in a vat and walked away". In regards to the formation of life and matter, it doesn't matter which one you pick, they are both the exact same things. The difference between these two are a concern of free will, which is an entirely different matter altogether.
Once you realize that, refuting this god's petrie dish theorem is as easy as "well that is a crock of shit, you mind as well replace the word 'god' with 'giant spaghetti monster' and call it a day".
Hope that helps.

My test:
1. Point exactly on a map where Iraq and Afghanistan are. (If you get one wrong, you fail the test)
2. Name the most influential president in the last 100 years, in 140 characters or less (this is purely for the sake of lols)
3. Do you believe in god? If so, have you read the entire bible? If you do not believe in god, have you read the entire bible? Please state why you have read the entire bible if you have.
4. Explain in 500 words or less why Imperial is a better measurement system than Metric (This is also for lols, I want to see what stupid answers people come up with since Imperial is the dumbest measurement system on the face of the earth)
5. What is the single most important issue facing Americans today? Take as much time as you want for this answer.
6. Who is your daddy and what does he do?
7. If a man has stolen something from you, what nationality is he? (I'd loooovvve to see the racism in this answer)
8. If the world was ruled by a single corporation, what corporation would you like it to be?
9. What countries are America's allies?

And more loaded questions that I cannot think of right now. I basically want to show them (and others) how incredibly ignorant and stupid they are. I'd get some pretty funny answers from people who can recognize a troll when they see it, but the people that don't know what trolling is would yield many a funny answer.
I'd also want to make it 100 pages long (with as many questions as that would be) and have the last question "##. If you did not answer any questions, you get 100%." and each person would have to write in pen.

 

[Edible Avatar]

1)Explain why America did not win the Battle of Britain.
2)Explain America's founding in relation to British history.
3)Define "******".
4)Explain how America have not won every war they take part in.
.

1:Because America was busy fighting Nazi-controlled sharks and other epic creatures in the multiverse at the time and did'nt have time to fap about with measly ol' England.
2:Americans came first, disguised themselves as British, conquered India as a warmup, then pulled off their disguise and declared independence from themselves.
3:A bundle of sticks
4:America has not won every war they took part in because of the gigantic muscular girth of the American people. The Nuduic Wars in the 4th Labyrinth sector of the Multiverse is a keen example of how a superior red-blooded humerican can be overcome by small passages and doorways that cannot support their naturally large size. Unable to beat these barriers, America had to settle for a truce.

Spoiler

...OT: If i was president of the education system, I would do more than just assign a measly test. I'd probably increase the expectations of all subjects and: increase aid for tutoring, rid the schools of outdated textbooks and fire all the shitty self-entitled teachers (three problems I had when i was in school).

 

[C F]

Well, I'd definitely grill them on the American government and economy. But that's boring and something they should know anyway, so let's skip it.

Spoiler: The Irrelevant test questions

Considering you've actually passed the mandatory and relevant sections, I'd imagine you're smarter than most American children. This section is a lot more laid back and tongue-in-cheek than the other two. You are still required to take it, and it is possible to fail.
Or is it?
We'll start you off easy.

1) You're in a room. It is strangely structured, and the walls, ceiling and floor are made of white panels. There is a circular door up on a balcony you cannot get to without assistance. High up on one of the walls, you see an observation room obscured by thick glass. You can make out some chairs and a table, but other than that, it is uninhabited. Where are you?
1a) Should you be scared? (yes/no)
2) What is the best elemental typing for a Pokemon to have in terms of weakness/resistance?
3) Name a move that can open the aforementioned Pokemon up to a Super-Effective type attack.
4) What type is the super-effective move?
5) True or false: Monks are supernatural entities that can warp the minds of lesser individuals.
6) Is that so? Fascinating. Well, let's put that to the test. WOLOLO.
7) Did it work?
8) Was your answer proved right or wrong?
9) What is your favorite type of music?
10) Favorite band?
11) Text emoticons: yay or nay?
12) Favorite map projection? [http://xkcd.com/977/]
13) What is your favorite word?
14) What is your least favorite word?
15) Who is best pony?
16) Why?
17) Don't answer 16.
18) 17 can't be trusted. Answer 16.
19) It appears we have a spy in our midst. Is it the medic?
20) Who is it? (I think it's 17. The Miles kid. He looks shifty.)
21) Alright, let's get him. CHAERG!
22) Did we get him?
23) Are you sure?
24) True or False?
25) False or False?
26) Which False?
27) Is this statement false?
28) Is it possible to fail this test?
29) Are there any wrong answers?
30) Is there a right answer?
31) Do you think you failed?

Well, I'll be the judge of that.
Okay, I probably won't, since I have better things to do than grade everyone's test by hand. That's what my hand-picked graders are for.

Feels good to be the King President.

 

[FarleShadow]

Wow guys, you're talking about kids here, not 'battle'-hardened gamers!

I think the best test you could set would be one that doesn't require alot of previous knowledge, but instead works the thunking muscles. Like this one:

It would be a relatively simple logic test - they'd have to identify a range of logical fallacies that are commonly used in arguments.

Spoiler

Straw-man, Slippery-slope, False Dilemma, Proof by Association, and so on. It is very important to teach all children how to spot logical fallacies, because politicians love to use them (We must bomb this nation, or we will be unsafe! We must ban this technology, or the world will be destroyed! We can't let X happen because Y will INEVITABLY FOLLOW! My opponent supports Z but did you know, that HITLER once supported Z?)

They would be presented with a collection of 70 logical fallacies, presented in argument form and they must pin-point the fallacy. It would be a simple test of logic - you wouldn't have to know any facts, you'd only have to pay attention to the phrasing of the argument. As long as kids were taught about logical fallacies before the test was undertaken, they'd have no problem passing the test.

I believe I'd call it 'Critical thinking' and have any kid that can't do it do additional class on how to not think like an idiot.

 

[A Shadows Age]

Hmm let's see...

1) Is Creationism a valid theory? (Instant fail if they say yes)
...

Actually now that I think about it such a test wouldn't be too fun to construct. D=

Maybe I could just throw in: "What can change the nature of a man?" and leave it at that.

Answer: too much icecream, AKA Die-A-Beatings

 

[Dastardly]

You have just become the official education president of the US. You have been asked to create a test for all the kids in US schools to take. You may put any questions you want on it.

So, what will your questions be? How many kids will pass this test?

Several sections:

1. Basic arithmetical reasoning.
2. Basic spatial reasoning.
3. Completing a task simply by following instructions
4. Completing a task using incomplete instructions, requiring predictions and trial/error.
5. Writing complete, detailed instructions for a task.
6. Given an improperly performed task, identifying the specific errors and their potential causes.
7. Write a strong supporting article for both sides of a very divisive issue.

All sections would also be graded on clarity of expression. A person who has all of these skills is capable of learning anything else they'll need to survive in the working world.

 

[Auninteligentname]

1; Hver er kvarðrót tölunar 16?
2; Hver var Snorri Sturluson?
3; Hvað er ég með stórann reður?

Try passing.
Did I break the test or something by using a different language?

1; 4
2; A writer, which wrote down stuff about the vikings or something, back in the 11th century, or something. I really should have listened more to my norwegian teacher...
3; I don't know what that really means, but my answer is Reykjavik.

I have a bit of an advantage, as we both use nordic languages (and thusly, the test wouldn't even count for me, as I'm not from the US).

OP:

1. If you were to have an bow and arrow, where would you aim it, if you wished to kill the fastest?

If somebody said: "To the knee" or something really similar, I would launch an arrow to their knee.