Face-Chomping "Vampire" Attacks Geriatric At Hooters

[KoSTHB]

cocaine is a hell of a drug....

 

[Jodah]

...I don't get it. No criminal history, and just all of a sudden mauls a sleeping old man with her mouth, and has no pants on when the cops show up?

This is either drugs or a mental breakdown. Or both!

Mental drugdown! But seriously, what possess someone to attack an elderly man to consume his blood...besides being a vampire I suppose. Being a vampire would possess them to do it...but that brings us back to the beginning!

 

[King of Wei]

Wasn't the last article about a "vampire" attack on an elderly person as well? Is there some kinda health benefit to munching on a retiree that the rest of the world doesn't know about?

These people freak me the hell out.

 

[The Random One]

Either she is clinically insane, or... well, non-clinically insane. My money's on the first one.

 

[The Arctic Nun]

CLEARLY SOMEONE HAS BEEN PLAYING FAR TOO MANY VIOLENT VIDYAGAMES. BAN! BAAAN! BAAAAAN!!!

This article made my brain hurt. A lot. It's just....what...I just can't understa- WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD?!

 

[Sarah Frazier]

By that same logic, how did an alcoholic wheelchair bound man get away from a woman completely off her tits (hey, that phrase actually makes sense in context for once!) who thought she was a frikkin' vampire?

Was he drunk at the time, or just sleeping through the day for lack of anything else to do? Of course he may have been drunk and that fact skipped out of the news blog.

 

[kickyourass]

Drugs were involved, I don't know what kind, but only drugs would make someone, while not wearing any pants, bite a senior citizen on the face because they thought they were a vampire.

 

[Thedayrecker]

Anyone know the best way from Chicago to Florida? Planning a roadtrip. No reason in particular..
I'd fly, but the authorities told me I couldn't ship the throwing knives, bladed Crux and my whip with me; hell, not even my holy water!

Probably just take the interstates

 

[Kontar]

Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.

This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced

okay... let me get this straight on what you are saying, a alcoholic wheelchair bound man, was able to catch, a 22 year old woman *with a jawline of a line man* drug her, molested her, then went to a gas station WITHOUT anyone noticing a obviously drugged/molested 22 year old woman screaming for help or anything, oh no wait she wasn't screaming for help or anything, what I am trying to say is how did a old man in a motorized wheelchair catch AND forcibly drug 22 year old woman, seriously, get off the whole feminism band wagon and stop making obvious attackers into victim just because feminism scores awesome intercool points. Also she probably had her pants and underwear down because blood turns her on, you think I am kidding, but that is a fetish, a weird fetish but one anyways.

Is it any more believable that an old man in a wheel chair was able to escape a 22 year old woman "*with a jawline of a line man*" who was bent on eating off his face, then call the police, then sit there for the police to arrive without more face ripping occuring? Also it appears no one heard the old man yelling while getting his face ripped off either. The few facts in the article are odd and either side could be the aggressor. Hard to tell without more information.

 

[let's rock]

oh dear, zombi apacolie (and if that isn't plural for apacolypse, spelling not counting here, the english language can suck it because I don't care) wern't enough, now we have vampire apacolie, grab your shotguns and sharpen your wooden stakes my friends this will be a long night.

(also "insert twilight joke here")

 

[Cid Silverwing]

Look at those eyes. She's clearly an abuser.

On the other hand, I find it more likely that she read Twilight one time too many (i.e. more than zero).

 

[Dfskelleton]

I think I know what we need:
A: A guy in an orange outfit
B: A whip
C: A radio that plays this song forever
Come, tonight we break into the prison. The night is still young...
OT: Okay, what the hell. First, why would some lady be inclined to bite someone's face, and two, why was Painis Cupcake the first thing that came to mind?

 

[Double A]

Her eyes don't match...

So? If she were a vampire, we wouldn't be able to see her eyes because they don't appear in photos. She's just some crazy *****, or maybe she got high while watching a vampire movie. Who knows, and more importantly, who cares?

 

[UnderCoverGuest]

Josephine Smith, 22, was arrested today and charged with felony aggravated battery on an elderly person.

Huh. What else.

"I'm a vampire, I am going to eat you," Smith announced.

What the...ooookay, that's the kind of thing I'd expect Vagineer to say in a video by R33MIX or whatever on YouTube...

Ellis, 69, received stitches to close up wounds suffered during the assault [...]

Poor fellow.

[...] which occurred in front of a vacant Hooters in St. Petersburg.

...what?

Ellis, who uses a motorized wheelchair [...]

Uhh...

[...] was asleep when Smith pounced on him [...]

...?!?!??!

[...] commenced biting, and announced that she was a vampire.

Again, totally hearing Vagineer--but in the meanwhile a question features prominently in my mind; why was a 69 year old man in a wheel chair sleeping in front of a vacant Hooters...in St. Petersburg? Definitely need to either read the full story, or rest my head in my hands and wonder what the world is coming to. I think I'll just 'face palm' briefly and move on with my life.

 

[Lt. Vinciti]

Her eyes don't match...

She is obviously part Husky...not vampire...

Yeah....see this is what happens when shit hits an epic stage...the crazy leak out.

Also....a vacant Hooters? Then again this is Florida they have beaches if you want T&A for free...

 

[renegade7]

Looks like someone decided to...

*puts on sunglasses*

Take a bit out of crime.

Yeah.


That was my first time doing that. Did I do it right?

You should have said "bite"

 

[Death God]

All we need now is a story about some big hairy dude, half naked, barking at cars, and howling at the moon.

 

[emeraldrafael]

thats funny, ususally the men attack the women in hooters.

 

[New York Patrick]

Her eyes don't match...

maybe shes malkavian?

Oh GOD! THEIR BACK!!!