Fastest way to scare off a girl/guy

[Pegghead]

Ask them why they kept tossing and turning in their sleep the night before.

 

[The Stonker]

So escapist whats the Fastest way to scare a girl off and or funniest?

Mine would be "Hey I smoke." Though it always doesn't work.

EDIT: I would like to apologize to for my sexism I forgot the ladies on her. So how do you girls scare off guys?

Are you okay with shemales? That's mine Even tho I'm a guy I would definetly use that someday.

 

[Arachon]

LOL, epic. I didn't know they were still going.

I have a couple of issues from 2000 that I bought in a bookshop in Seattle while on holiday there.

Of course they're still going, bought the latest issue just a few weeks ago.

 

[Aitruis]

Worst pickup line ever:

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

 

[Tourette]

Chainsaw

 

[Dramatic Flare]

"I'm a chef, and as a chef, I've had the pleasure to try many exotic food and drink. Far and away, of the exotic foods I've sampled, the best HAS to be when I made fresh seal fetuses, marinated in the amniotic fluid removed forcefully from a 9-month pregnant woman, and served with a sauce made from a combination of the tears of sexually abused children and mushrooms; the mushrooms, of course, came from a farm using slaves that are so oppressed, they don't even qualify as people. Oh, and it was garnished with some shredded kitten. Nummy!"

That may be the most horrible person to ever walk the face of the Earth. That I could actually dream that up and try to pass it off as some kind of dark humor shows that, well, there's something enormously wrong with me.

You forgot the puppy eyeball and virgin moon's blood soup that came as the first course.
Yeah, dark humor does usually get a negative reaction, but otherwise it wouldn't be dark humor.
My goal is either shoot for so over the top they can't help but find it funny or direct, insults that are funny. Since if they laugh, they can't really call you all that horrible.

Hell, I had this conversation with my boss:
Boss: "You what I like you for, Dramatic?"
Me: "What?"
Boss:"Pff. I dunno. I'll think of something. You shouldn't be so needy for good opinions from other people, man."
Me: "Well, do you know what I like you for?"
boss: "What?"
Me: "Your wife."

 

[TyphoidMary]

Tell them you're pregnant, or grab their hand, stare into their eyes intensely, and say with as much sincerity as you can, "I think I'm ready to have a baby. And I want you to be the father/mother."

 

[PatrickXD]

My friend actually said he was gay to a girl once... it was hilarious.

 

[ShAd0wS]

If you are going for the subtle sort of way to scare them off, you can make sure you always point out when they are wrong and argue fervently against any opinion they have. Guarenteed to make them hate you within a few hours of interaction. Unless they are into complete douchebags at which point you are screwed.

 

[CouchCommando]

after hitting it off, say you want to show them some thing, grab their head and place their ear upon your chest and then tell them it beats for them.

 

[hyperhammy]

Pull a 'Ted Mosby' and say I think I love you.

And then continue to screw with each other again and again and again...
"General Knowledge" *salute*

 

[hyperhammy]

If you are going for the subtle sort of way to scare them off, you can make sure you always point out when they are wrong and argue fervently against any opinion they have. Guarenteed to make them hate you within a few hours of interaction. Unless they are into complete douchebags at which point you are screwed.

OR... you just found your perfect partner! =)
All you have to do is redirect the douche towards other people, not each other.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Invite him/her to the goat sacrifice this evening.

 

[Shinigami214]

Subtly mention in normal conversation that your mother still washes you regularly, and that you both call it 'Touch Therapy Time'.

Or, if you're a girl, same thing, but father, and call it 'Bubble Trubble Time.'

Of course, kiss any kind of reputation you might have goodbye the moment you let that slip.

(Yes, I creeped myself out just thinking that up.)

 

[SimuLord]

Tell them you're pregnant, or grab their hand, stare into their eyes intensely, and say with as much sincerity as you can, "I think I'm ready to have a baby. And I want you to be the father/mother."

Which in turn can backfire royally on you if the guy's older and looking to start a family.

Incidentally, the single easiest way to get me (and most guys, I suspect) to run in the other direction is to prattle on about all your ex-boyfriends. Not only will I probably think you're a slut, but I really don't want to feel like another face in the crowd to you. Would you like to hear about all my ex-girlfriends? Didn't think so.

 

[Miumaru]

Use these methods:

Spoiler

 

[blankedboy]

Wow, your breasts are WAY bigger than the last time I saw you!

 

[Arkzism]

... honestly.. tell us we need a new wallet..and then tell us our hobbies are stupid and force us to listen to bad music