Favorite Off Color Cynical Motivation and Demotivational quotes

[Riot3000]

*Disclaimer* Abandon hope all yee who enter with positive uplifting attitudes this is where the cynics thrive.

So I love quotes that are kind of cynical in nature they actually uplift more than the quotes that are meant to be uplifting. Yes that makes no sense but it works for me. One of my favorites is this

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."

W. C. Fields

I won't lie I do throw this as a rebuttal to those who throw that try again quote at me completely unsolicited.

Anyone else have any other good one.

 

[TheRiddler]

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What most people forget to mention is that it almost kills you."
-Source unknown (to me)

"There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always ? do not forget this, Winston ? always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face ? forever."
-1984, George Orwell

"Be thankful you're healthy."
"Be bitter you're not going to stay that way."
"Be glad you're even alive."
"Be furious you're going to die."
-Catch 22, Joseph Heller

Happy?

 

[Kenbo Slice]

"Hey you kids are probably saying to yourselves: I'm gonna go out there and grab the world by the tail! and wrap it around and pull it down and put it in my pocket. Well I'm here to tell you that you're probably going to find out, as you go out there, that you're not going to amount to jack squat! "- Matt Foley, motivational speaker.

If you don't take Matt's advice, you're gonna wind up LIVING IN A VAN, DOWN BY THE RIVER!

 

[blackrave]

One of my favorites.
"I thought things couldn't get worse. Apparently I had poor imagination."
Although I'm not sure who said it.

 

[JoJo]

Since someone has already done Orwell, I guess I'll dig out some Huxley:

"Violent Passion Surrogate. Regularly once a month. We flood the whole system with adrenalin. It's the complete physiological equivalent of fear and rage. All the tonic effects of murdering Desdemona and being murdered by Othello, without any of the inconveniences."
"But I like the inconveniences."
"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Since someone has already done Orwell, I guess I'll dig out some Huxley:

"Violent Passion Surrogate. Regularly once a month. We flood the whole system with adrenalin. It's the complete physiological equivalent of fear and rage. All the tonic effects of murdering Desdemona and being murdered by Othello, without any of the inconveniences."
"But I like the inconveniences."
"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

You're missing the best bit in that exchange, where Mond replies "You're welcome" with a shrug.

 

[JoJo]

You're missing the best bit in that exchange, where Mond replies "You're welcome" with a shrug.

Fair enough, I couldn't remember it word for word so I google'd it and the source I found must have left that part out >.>

 

[Riot3000]

@TheRiddler Yes that did put a smile on my face.

Yeah Orwell had some really good quotes.

"Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past." George Orwell
That quote mostly because it was in one of favorite Rage Against the Machine songs Testify.

 

[Neuromancer]

"Bigger the population, the more minorities. Don't step on the toes of the dog lovers, the cat lovers, doctors, lawyers, merchants, chiefs, Mormons, Baptists, Unitarians, second-generation Chinese, Swedes, Italians, Germans, Texans, Brooklynites, Irishmen, people from Oregon or Mexico. The people in this book, this play, this TV serial are not meant to represent any actual painters, cartographers, mechanics anywhere. The bigger your market, Montag, the less you handle controversy, remember that!... Authors, full of evil thoughts, lock up your typewriters. They did." ? Captain Beatty, Fahrenheit 451

This quote will always be relevant.