Fictional characters you wish you could punch in the face?

Eternal_Lament

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Sep 23, 2010
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A little bit of an obscure one, but after seeing Bringing Up Baby for film class this year (1938 film), I would have to say that Susan Vance meets that list. She is like an early manic pixie dream girl, and is just as awful. Seriously, fuck her. She essentially ruins the life of Cary Grant's character by causing his fiance to leave him, nearly has him arrested, makes him the laughing stock of his colleagues and therefore ruins his chances of ever receiving funding again, and destroys his work that he had spent 5 years on. All because she believes in love at first sight and thinks that Grant's character is meant to be with her. It's only made worse when the film tries to convince us that Grant's character is better off with meeting, and eventually dating her. There isn't a Falcon Punch strong enough to express my hatred for her.

captcha: whoa there

I'd like to point out that, while typing, I switched over to another tab to check something. Only coming back to finish typing did the captcha suddenly appear. Oddly enough right after I typed "Seriously, fuck her." Is this thing gaining sentience or something?
 

Lynx

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Jul 24, 2009
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Joffrey in Game of Thrones.

But not as much as every badly written goody-two-shoes character that's in every cheesy American TV show, the one who ceaselessly moralizes over everybody and says things like "You know, we're all gonna be okaaaay" in a voice-over... Like in Grey's Anatomy or 7th Heaven or any "after school special" that tries to teach teens to behave... GHHHHH. *rips hair*

Other than that, no.
 

GonzoGamer

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Apr 9, 2008
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Abomination said:
Skyler White from Breaking Bad. Her moral compass points squarely in the direction of "what suits me best and fuck everyone else". Only reason she's still alive is due to Walter's charity.
I'd just like to say everyone in Breaking Bad. Everyone in that show is either a total prick or a total loser. My wife got into that show but I just can't and I think that's why.

Also I'd like to get on the line to sock Joffrey; I'm picturing that scene in Airplane.
 

Colonel Mustard

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Jun 2, 2010
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TThat kid from A Fistful of Dollars. I don't think he's ever named, so I just call him 'shithead', and all he does is cry and whine in the most annoying manner imaginable whenever he's on set. The bit where he and his family pack off and leave the film was one of my favourite parts of the movie.

Captcha: Miss You

I most certainly did not miss him, Captcha, I most certainly did not.
 

triggrhappy94

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Apr 24, 2010
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TheBlueRabbit said:
Ann Coulter.

What? She's real? Well, shit. Guess I'll have to go with anyone French Stewart has ever played.
Wait, you haven't seen Boondocks? Ann Colter just gets paid to say crazy stuff to increase ratings and to give her "opponents" someone to argue against. She actually has a black boyfriend and isn't a bad person.
 

Exius Xavarus

Casually hardcore. :}
May 19, 2010
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Every single stupid Player Character, ever.

What's that? You knocked my sword all the way across the room? Wait, I have another one, let m- PSYCHE! I'm not gonna use it until I get back the one I lost!

Hey, they guy's sword looks fuckin' awesome! I can take it when I kill him! And because he was a boss it's obviously a powerful sword!

NOPE, I'm just gonna leave it there!

I wanna punch every asshole PC in every game for acting like this.
 

songnar

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Oct 26, 2008
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Okay, so, has anyone else here watched District 9?

Yeah.

I hate that protagonist so much.
 

Lazy Kitty

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May 1, 2009
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This guy.



I'd say more precisely what I'd do to him, but they might put me in a straight jacket.
 

RJ 17

The Sound of Silence
Nov 27, 2011
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The four playable characters in Dead Island (the first game that is, I haven't played Riptide and I have absolutely no intentions to)

In which they all just stand around like a bunch of slack-jawed morons when one guy with a pistol is keeping them away from the chopper. Nevermind the fact that they're armed to the teeth with guns and flaming katanas, never mind the fact that they had previously launched full-on assaults on dangerous ciminal bases in town and in the jungle. No, this one guy with a frickin' pistol manages to stop them all in their frickin' tracks and all of a sudden they all become a bunch of worthless worthless tools.
 

RJ 17

The Sound of Silence
Nov 27, 2011
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EternalNothingness said:
Shining Armor and Cadence: They were the ones who saved the day at the end of A Canterlot Wedding, not Twilight and her friends. Though, I have to wonder: In the comic books, Queen Chrysalis decided to take vengeance against Twilight, even though it was Cadence and Shining Armor who foiled her plans. Why? I may never know.
Seems you're a little bass-ackwards on this one. Twilight was the one that ruined the Queen's plans. Sure, Shining Armor and Cadence got to do their super-love-bubble and expell all the changelings out of the kingdom, buuuuuuut what about everything leading up to that?

If Twilight wasn't there, no one would have known that Cadence was actually an imposter. For that matter, if it weren't for Twilight, the real Cadence would be rotting away down in the Crystal Mines beneath the castle. The Queen's plan failed specifically because of Twilight's meddling. Without her, there couldn't have been a super love bubble between Shining and Cadence because the real Cadence would have never been found.
 

Quaxar

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Sep 21, 2009
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Batman.

Because who wouldn't wanna say that he once punched the fracking Caped Crusader right in the face?
 

Spiritofpower

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Aug 29, 2011
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Joffrey. He deserves it oh so much. And Cersei. And Danaerys, she needs some sense knocked into her, though she might have gotten better by the end of Dance with Dragons, I don't know. It wasn't very clear. And Theon Greyjoy.

And Shinji Ikari from Evangelion. I know he's got problems, and his attitude is understandable, but my god his whinging and crying got annoying. Also Asuka, for similar reasons.

Actually, screw it, the entire freaking cast of Evangelion. Except Kaji, he wasn't so bad. Everyone else gets a good right hook to the face, and hopefully I'll be able to channel Simon and Kamina well enough to give a sufficiently Hot-Blooded and badass speech to fix their various psychological issues.

Now, for the very first (and only, to this day) character that is so terrible I have had to physically restrain myself from punching my computer screen...

Shinn Asuka from Gundam SEED Destiny.

Oh god where do I start. Firstly? His entire character is literally:

"My sister died in an attack on Orb by the Earth Alliance, along with my family, but my sister is the only one I care about. Clearly, the proper way to respond is to blame Orb for being attacked by enemies with weapons, and not having magic force-fields to stop the bullets and lasers. I will then join ZAFT for no goddamn reason whatsoever, and whenever I open my mouth to spout hateful, emo, childish tripe, everyone else will just let me waltz all over them without even trying to point out how stupid I am acting.

Then, after some time, I meet a hot chick, who, unbeknownst to me, works for my enemy, LOGOS. When she is stuffed into a gigantic, terrifyingly powerful Mobile Armor and begins going on a rampage across several cities, likely killing millions, I decide that, clearly, the proper response is to angst and do nothing. When Kira Yamato, someone who is actually willing to get shit done occasionally, comes in and takes her out, he is clearly in the wrong and I must clearly go on an obsessive revenge-quest over a girl I met ONCE and who was KILLING MILLIONS IN A CONTINENT-WIDE RAMPAGE and then, after a lot of effort, appear to kill him without actually doing so.

Then, when my superior officer, the not-an-asshole Athrun Zala, punches me in the face for my sheer stupidity, he is clearly in the wrong. Then, I will decide to join up with Durandal/whatever his name is, who obviously didn't learn anything from WWII and decides it's an excellent idea to execute someone because the poorly-explained gene computer decided he would do something bad in later life."

Now yes, that's a rather long rant, but notice how Shinn does one thing, and one thing only, throughout the entire plot: Angst, whine, and seek vengeance. That is it. Not only that, no one seems capable or willing to call him out on his BS, so he just gets away with it. I am completely honest when I say that the scene where Athrun punched Shinn is without a doubt one of my favorite scenes in GSD.
 

takemeouttotheblack

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Apr 4, 2013
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Sean Devlin from The Saboteur - Possibly one of the most misguidedly cocky and self righteous arsehole protagonists in the game, coupled with an accent that made my ears bleed and writing that was so corny I could have made my breakfast from flakes of his corpse when I'd finished with him.

Irish, Seth, De Santa and MacDougal from Red Dead Redemption

Joffrey, and John Snow (the latter more in a 'sort your life out' way). Also, to an extent, Sansa and Catelyn Stark in S1.

Warren from BTVS (and Kennedy and Andrew). Nolan ****ing Kinnard from Dollhouse.

And anyone who threatens to hurt, injure or in any other way make life even the littlest bit more annoying for the following:

Kaylee from Firefly.
Rarity/Fluttershy/Twilight Sparkle
Sierra/November from Dollhouse
Cyclops from X Men

That's as good a start as any
 

cojo965

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Jul 28, 2012
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ShogunGino said:
I have always hated Ariel from Little Mermaid. She's a selfish mary sue who causes all the problems in her movie, has them all solved by other people, gets absolutely everything she wants at the end, and didn't earn a single thing of it. I bring up Mary Sue because none of her flaws are meant to be problems to be overcome through character development, there just supposed to be there to make you 'like her more', and if you don't agree with her, well, then you're just like her father, who most definitely has to change to acquiesce his daughters' will.

If she suddenly just showed up in front of me, I would take one long swing at her face. All I need is just one.

I would also punch G1 Starscream very, [b\very[/b] hard if not for the fact that he is large and made of metal. But seriously, I don't why, for a guy who trend-set the 'obvious second-in-command trying to take over his boss' archetype, he sucks so horribly at it. He is absolutely stupid. And, I mean, I already think Transformers is an abominable show, but his stupidity is unbearable, along with his voice, which is completely unbearable. You ever watch a show and wonder why the villain just doesn't kill someone? I've always wondered why Megatron never got rid of the obvious mutineer the first chance he got.
Apparently they were counting on her "hot" factor to pick up the slack.
 

Lunar Templar

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Sep 20, 2009
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Johnny Novgorod said:
The cast of Evangelion, Punch them long and punch them hard. Punch them until their whiny/bitchy molars are flying in bloody arcs through the air while the Eva community watches in silence. In the distance, someone snivels.
sweet, you posted half what I was gonna say.

:3 Edited with my own object of unending disdain

Spiritofpower said:
Shinn Asuka from Gundam SEED Destiny.

Oh god where do I start. Firstly? His entire character is literally:

"My sister died in an attack on Orb by ZAFT, along with my family, but my sister is the only one I care about. Clearly, the proper way to respond is to blame Orb for being attacked by enemies with weapons, and not having magic force-fields to stop the bullets and lasers. I will then join ZAFT for no goddamn reason whatsoever, and whenever I open my mouth to spout hateful, emo, childish tripe, everyone else will just let me waltz all over them without even trying to point out how stupid I am acting.

Then, after some time, I meet a hot chick, who, unbeknownst to me, works for my enemy, LOGOS. When she is stuffed into a gigantic, terrifyingly powerful Mobile Armor and begins going on a rampage across several cities, likely killing millions, I decide that, clearly, the proper response is to angst and do nothing. When Kira Yamato, someone who is actually willing to get shit done occasionally, comes in and takes her out, he is clearly in the wrong and I must clearly go on an obsessive revenge-quest over a girl I met ONCE and who was KILLING MILLIONS IN A CONTINENT-WIDE RAMPAGE and then, after a lot of effort, appear to kill him without actually doing so.

Then, when my superior officer, the not-an-asshole Athrun Zala, punches me in the face for my sheer stupidity, he is clearly in the wrong. Then, I will decide to join up with Durandal/whatever his name is, who obviously didn't learn anything from WWII and decides it's an excellent idea to execute someone because the poorly-explained gene computer decided he would do something bad in later life."

Now yes, that's a rather long rant, but notice how Shinn does one thing, and one thing only, throughout the entire plot: Angst, whine, and seek vengeance. That is it. Not only that, no one seems capable or willing to call him out on his BS, so he just gets away with it. I am completely honest when I say that the scene where Athrun punched Shinn is without a doubt one of my favorite scenes in GSD.
one thing, it was the Earth forces that attacked Orb, not ZAFT, other wise, as you where. I hated that little shit to.
 

Johnny Novgorod

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Lunar Templar said:
Johnny Novgorod said:
The cast of Evangelion, Punch them long and punch them hard. Punch them until their whiny/bitchy molars are flying in bloody arcs through the air while the Eva community watches in silence. In the distance, someone snivels.
sweet, you posted half what I was gonna say.

:3 Edited with my own object of unending disdain
Sure, if it makes you feel any better.
 

Johnny Novgorod

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TheKasp said:


This little piece of shit from FF X! God do I hate his hair, his grin and his... wait a second? That isn't him, this is Meg Ryan!

The resemblance is uncanny! D: