Damn it all to fiddle-sticks. I was hoping that with my flashing ninja avatar disappearing, Flashing Ninja Obscurities would die with it, therefore ensuring that I would never have to review this game. But no, I just had to have my avatar back, because it is my ?symbol?. Damn you Furburt and your persuasive talk!
But first, let me tell you about the greatest console of all time. The one true console that stands above all other consoles. Yes, I?m of course talking about:
nothing
And that my friends, was the most random thing to ever have been in a review for the past 5 minutes!
Anyway, my avatar is back, and with my avatar comes the sequel you?ve all been waiting for, the follow up to my Gamestop review, the end to all human existence [footnote]Ok, not so much that, but whatever[/footnote]! I?m talking of course about my review of
[HEADING=1]AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE[/HEADING]
[HEADING=1]ZOMBIE NINJA PRO-AM[/HEADING]
You are not prepared!
[HEADING=1]ZOMBIE NINJA PRO-AM[/HEADING]
You are not prepared!
For those of you who don?t know, Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a fairly popular tv-show that is currently running on Cartoon Networks Adult Swim programming block.[footnote] A lot of difficult words, I know, but just ignore them, sweetie [/footnote] It?s a cartoon about three anthropomorphic characters living in the suburbs of New Jersey. These characters are as follows:
Master Shake: The perfect example of why milkshakes are social rejects that nobody except I love.
Frylock: The answer to the question ?What would an evil scientist look like if he turned himself into a box of French Fries?.
And finally, Meatwad: In case you want your meatballs to be incredibly retarded and have the ability to turn into samurai Abraham Lincoln.
Wonder Twin Powers Activate! Form of: an Americans wet dream
Seeing as how the show has gained a cult following for being awesome-tastic, I would gladly recommend it to anyone who likes dark comedy in form of cartoons.
So you have a rather successful show with a cult following. Now how would you make a faithful video game adaptation for that? The answer is simple: Stay away from golfing!
Oh yes, ATHF ZNP-A is a golfing game.
A.
Golfing.
Game.
If only there was an option to beat myself to death with the golf-club..
Why is it a golfing game? I DON?T KNOW. Maybe the developers got high on glue one day and thought to themselves ?Hey, what if we take a video game genre virtually nobody except Hubilub likes, and shit all over it! Then we disguise it as food so all the Americans will eat it and get diarrhea!?
I mean my god? It?s so horrible! It?s so bad that I can?t stand playing it for more than 15 minutes before I need to rewind with some Beatles Rockband. This game is the bane of my existence! I had more fun with Dante?s Inferno, and I hated Dante?s Inferno!
This is the most simplified formula for a sports game since fucking Pong! And even Pong had more inspiration than this shit. Let me tell you how the Golfing physics in this game works. You press X. Then you press it again. Then again. Then again. THAT?S IT! You charge up your hit, you stop the charge up, then you charge up(?) your accuracy meter, and then you stop it. Unless you are putting, in which case, you just charge up your accuracy meter.
Let?s Play Grand Theft Auto: LSD!
But to give the game credit, it did include one thing about golfing that no other golfing game I can remember has ever done before. The problem is, there is a reason for why this has not been implemented. I?m of course talking about you having to walk all the way to where your ball landed!
They try to spice this up by having lots and lots of enemies popping up whenever you have to walk to your ball, but the combat system is soooooooo broken. I just randomly press the attack-button all the time, not knowing if I?m hitting something or not. And you have to kill every single enemy before you can hit the ball again.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
SWEDEN RAGE!
Broken golfing, broken combat, broken game. When I saw it in the store I was hoping that this game would be insane on such a level that my mind would explode, but it turns out that it simply rides on the fame of a beloved tv-show, and to its core is nothing more than a shitty, shitty game.
I?m sorry guys, but this was just too shitty for me to make a decent review on. I promise that next time, I will be more detailed. And I think you will like next time, for I have something special in mind for you.
[sub]Hubilub would like to remind everyone that cookies are a great substitute for fossile-fuel[/sub]