For those who have been in an interacial relationship.

[Lufia Erim]

I have a question for those of you who have been in or currently in an interacial relationship.Have you ever noticed people looking at you weird or made comments on your relationship? I'm talking about an obvious interacial mix.

I ask because i am currently in one, and i have noticed that people looking/staring a lot more than when i wasn't in one. Not necessarily a disguted/dissaproval look( i get those sometimes) but sometimes a curious or a " wait something is off "kind of look. I don't mind so much as i find it a bit unnerving. It is 2015 afterall. Just curious as if anyone had similar experiences. I'm guessing that where you live and what ethnicity the two people are is also a factor.

 

[Lilani]

I have known a few people who have been in interracial relationships, and they have shared similar experiences. Odd looks, people being unsure if they are together, sometimes passive-aggressiveness or disgust. It is 2015 and things are getting better, but yeah. Unfortunately it's still an odd thing for many people.

In my time working in retail I noticed many interracial couples, or women out shopping with mixed-race children in tow. It is something I noticed on some level, but it didn't take long for it to be anything more odd than any other trait of people--such as age or clothing style or accent. I simply didn't have the interest, time, or energy to gawk at every single one I saw.

 

[FalloutJack]

We've all been in an interracial relationship. It's just that there are a alot of people who have similar characteristics (like skin color) rolled into one group. So like, a Nigerian and a Kenyan might not get funny looks, but they ARE different, as much as an Irish and Italian might be from each other. It's all about...culture.

 

[Zontar]

Am currently in one, and for me the answer is no, but there is a reason for that, I'm a mix of different European ground and she's Korean, and in my area it's actually uncommon for East Asians who where born here to not end up in a relationship with someone of European decent. Things would probably be different if one of us was Caribbean or South Asian.

Though then again, in my small town specifically (pop. 1500) we aren't exactly diverse. Like, even within Europeans. According to the latest census, only 2 of us in my town are visible minorities (no points for guessing one of them was my other half), 10 of us are English mother tongue, and 5 are have neither English nor French as our mother tongue. Or in other words, we are 99% White French Canadian.

If you are getting looks though (which wouldn't surprise me in the case of most places) it's probably mostly due to just how rare it is. Say what you will about mixed relationships that cross the skin colour line, at the end of the day they are far from the norm in most places, even in places where members of one specific race ending up with another specific one is the norm.

 

[Eddie the head]

Well no I'm not, and haven't. However my old roommates where an interracial couple in north Idaho. (The town is like 90%+ white) Courtney did say that when she tells people shes married people just assume her husband is black. I mean that dose comes across as kinda raciest. But what you're talking about might just be people thinking "hmm. Don't see that every day. Well time to move on."

We've all been in an interracial relationship.

Nope. Forever alone.

 

[FalloutJack]

Nope. Forever alone.

With...certain exceptions. My condolences and apologeys.

 

[Gizmo1990]

I remember seeing people give me a strange look every now and then but my girlfriend says she has never really noticed. My sister and her partner on the other hand get looks all the time however it is hard to tell if it is because my sister's partner is black or because they are gay. I guess it could be a 50/50 split.

 

[renegade7]

I have a question for those of you who have been in or currently in an interacial relationship.Have you ever noticed people looking at you weird or made comments on your relationship? I'm talking about an obvious interacial mix.

I'm currently seeing an Asian-American classmate. She came to the US with her family when she was 2.

We do get some jokes, but very little of it is particularly offensive.

But there are some people, who I think are just paranoid racists in general, who have made comments about how I "shouldn't be fraternizing with the Chinese" because Communism or something (seriously, are the Chinese actually still communist?). These people are few and far between and not difficult to ignore.

I think the worst stereotype, personally, is that of the "white guy with Asian fetish". The "mail-order bride" comments are obnoxious. And the most unpleasant are the implications that it's due to a fetish based on a stereotype that Asian women are easier or more subservient, that I'm one of those awful "Western American women are all sluts so date an immigrant" PUA types, or that I'm only interested in Asians (well, sort of- I like small faces, straight hair, and tan skin as a simple matter of preference, and guess which continent just happens to have a lot of people who look like that?) because I watch too much porn.

 

[L. Declis]

I am a European, and my fiancee is Chinese.

When we are in China, we get a lot of looks. Especially if you move away from areas with lots of foreigners like Shanghai, Hong Kong or Beijing, then people will actively stare, I've had people take photos of me, I've had people move so they can get a better look at us, and I've even had children start crying at the sight of the foreigner (literally crying about the 'waiguoren 外国人').

All of this is fine, but after a while, especially if you can speak Chinese, you learn the darker side to this. People will whisper about the foreigner, and due to all the foriegners coming here with 'yellow fever', there is now a stereotype that all foriegners are sluts who steal the virginities of their women and then leave them pregnant before they return. Even my fiancee's family (other than her mother) were apprehensive about her dating a foriegner, and all of her family's friends and relatives had an opinion about her not dating a proper Chinese man.

I've heard people call my fiancee a race traitor, or a dirty slut. She has had to hold me back from punching quite a few people. People get angry that I am stealing women in a country where there is a bit of a gender balance issue, and other people assume she is only dating me because of money (ha! She's the rich one in this relationship) or because of a passport (When actually, I moved to China so she could be with her family).

In places like Shanghai, you may only get a few looks. But there are a lot of horrible opinions floating around about mixed couples, and it doesn't help that people (most the French and Americans, I've noticed) have come to treat Chinese women like an all-you-can-eat buffet.

One of my previous relationships failed with a Shanghainese lass because her family decided that her dating a foreigner was too much, and they gathered all of her family together and threatened her with disownment if she didn't leave me. I left her if only to stop it all going to hell for her.

However, there is also the massive stereotype that mixed children are supposed to be healthier, smarter and more beautiful, and so whenever my fiancee will post something online with a picture of us, one of her friends will almost always comment "Ah, you two shall have such beautiful children" and there is always a comment about my eye colour.

 

[L. Declis]

But there are some people, who I think are just paranoid racists in general, who have made comments about how I "shouldn't be fraternizing with the Chinese" because Communism or something (seriously, are the Chinese actually still communist?). These people are few and far between and not difficult to ignore.

In my experience, the Chinese have become more capitalist than the Americans, but still apply the label of Communist because if they didn't, they'll have moved away from Mao and his influence, and you can't spend most of your time telling everyone Mao is a hero and should be upheld, and then say "But he was wrong".

So they just became capitalist and didn't mention it to anyone. The average Chinese person has long since given up on relying on the state and rely mostly on family and friends.

I think the worst stereotype, personally, is that of the "white guy with Asian fetish". The "mail-order bride" comments are obnoxious. And the most unpleasant are the implications that it's due to a fetish based on a stereotype that Asian women are easier or more subservient, that I'm one of those awful "Western American women are all sluts so date an immigrant" PUA types, or that I'm only interested in Asians (well, sort of- I like small faces, straight hair, and tan skin as a simple matter of preference, and guess which continent just happens to have a lot of people who look like that?) because I watch too much porn.

God, this. I think it's slightly better in the U.K. because we have a somewhat more respectful relationship due to our long-standing trade with the Hong Kongers, so we don't get mail order bride jokes about the Chinese (date a Thai though, and you'll get them constantly according to a friend).

Not sure how dating an immigrant because they're less slutty is a PUA thing, seems more like a redpill kind of thing.

That said, there is something to be said. Part of the reason I love my fiancee is that she is indeed very family orientated and a lot of our views regarding gender roles match up; chivalry is still very much in demand, and at least she is willing to act with a bit of dignity, unlike most of my chavvy British options. And the chances of being less likely to divorce line up with my personal views as well. One of the biggest issues in modern China has been the encroachment of Western values in regards to marriage and dating, leading to a rise in abortions and pregnancies, a massive increase in divorces from both men and women, and a large abandonment of family in search of personal gains. But this is a discussion for another time.

 

[lechat]

I would say it's all about the mix.
Noone bats an eye when a white guy dates an asian in my area but black guys dating white girls still get a few looks and white guys dating black girls would freak a few people out.

I also found myself staring at an odd mixed race couple the other day. the guy looked maybe.... carribean? and the chick was a fairly standard chubby white aussie girl. Not for racist reasons mind you but he was about a 8 and she was about a 4 so on the off chance you were the couple i was staring at you can do better dude!

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

It depends on locality really. In some of the US interracial pairs, and to an extent gay pairs are rarely worth a second glance. Where in others people just seeing it find it personally offensive for some reason. I'd assume there are fewer stigmas in Europe and Australia, but more possibly in east Asia. I've dated people of various races different than my own and both genders. In smaller towns, like the one I grew up in you're likely to get stares, and occasional negative reactions of varying intensity. On the other hand in bigger towns and larger cities you'll get far less of it. It just depends on your location largely.

Still yeah some people do respond. I usually cope with such things by not paying attention to other people unless they're really eyeballing me with an obviously hostile look on their face. In which case I make sure I'm ready to defend my self.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I would say it's all about the mix.
Noone bats an eye when a white guy dates an asian in my area but black guys dating white girls still get a few looks and white guys dating black girls would freak a few people out.

This is the main thrust of it.

I mean, one of my longest relationships was with an asian woman, and yeah, we got a lot of stares. More from asian guys than anyone else. It's just new wave to see a black guy and asian girl.

I won't even get into the jokes.

But it's come to the point that I'm actually more surprised if an asian female friend of mine gets a boyfriend who isn't white. It's the acceptable thing. Asians have always been the most accepted race in terms of white standing, it seems.

But it does go to perception.

I've dated a white girl, and yeah, stereotypes abound. White girl with a black guy. Who didn't see that coming? It's a joke so old, we don't bother with the set up. We just say it and make eyes. No one really cared.

I've talked to a Latina before, but that wasn't anything new as well. I grew up in the Bronx and spent a lot of summers there. Latins and Blacks have been thrown together forever in New York. For the most part, we accept each other here. So it's bound to happen.

But black guy and asian girl? some people literally can't even comprehend the logistics of it. We had people confused on how we even met. Like an Asian girl and Black guy couldn't even cross paths in real life. It was this unheard of thing that we actually sat down and had a conversation and liked the discourse.

But the point that I'd like to make more is... who cares? Why should you even care? You don't pay attention when people of your own race look at you normally. They are judging you then. Truly, they are. They might think you're boring, they might think they can take you in a fight, they might think you're better looking than them and they hate you for it... And it's a non issue for you. In fact, throw the 'own race' part out of it. Everyone is doing that to you all the time. Even if it's just to label you as a non threat or non entity, people are always putting their perception of you on you.

So? Let them. You have your life. You have your desires. And you have only a few moments on this world. Do not get bogged down by the haters, because this world is full of them. Live your life. Let the chips fall where they may.

 

[idon'tknowaboutthat]

We've all been in an interracial relationship. It's just that there are a alot of people who have similar characteristics (like skin color) rolled into one group.

I know I was already beat to it, but... uh... maybe all was a strong word.

 

[King Billi]

I am Australian and my wife is Vietnamese and I haven't noticed any odd looks or comments about our relationship though partnerships such as ours, Asian/Australian are fairly common so I imagine most people don't care.

I have heard of some odd reactions and comments made to third parties however, like my parents mentioning us to someone else and them being overly shocked by it or something but either I'm oblivious to it out in public or just most people are too polite to react that way right to our face.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

I am Australian and my wife is Vietnamese and I haven't noticed any odd looks or comments about our relationship though partnerships such as ours, Asian/Australian are fairly common so I imagine most people don't care.

I have heard of some odd reactions and comments made to third parties however, like my parents mentioning us to someone else and them being overly shocked by it or something but either I'm oblivious to it out in public or just most people are too polite to react that way right to our face.

Just for the sake of clarity: Are you an Aboriginal Australian or a Caucasian Australian?

 

[Sleepy Sol]

I've had a handful of interracial relationships that were long-distance in nature. It obviously doesn't quite lend the same experiences as y'know...actually having to deal with real-life interactions that might be unpleasant that many interracial couples may have to face. But it still got some odd reactions from my family when I told them about them.

Being from Mississippi, though, I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised.

 

[King Billi]

I am Australian and my wife is Vietnamese and I haven't noticed any odd looks or comments about our relationship though partnerships such as ours, Asian/Australian are fairly common so I imagine most people don't care.

I have heard of some odd reactions and comments made to third parties however, like my parents mentioning us to someone else and them being overly shocked by it or something but either I'm oblivious to it out in public or just most people are too polite to react that way right to our face.

Just for the sake of clarity: Are you an Aboriginal Australian or a Caucasian Australian?

Caucasian.

 

[Abomination]

I am an anglo-saxon New Zealander. I have dated a Bangladesh woman, a Thai woman, a Chinese woman, a Samoan woman, a Polish woman (yes, we did actually look pretty different) and a hispanic woman with some other anglo-saxons thown in as well.

In New Zealand? It'd just be passing comment or friendly jab if that, there's no real issue here. It's not common and the stigma only really applies when it's an elderly white fellow with a young Oriental girl, but the same would likely apply if the girl were white as well, just wouldn't be as pronounced.

 

[Scars Unseen]

Well no, but my ex-wife is Japanese and I live in Japan. Americans and other foreigners aren't going to bat an eyelid, and even if the locals thought anything of it, they would never give any indication of it publicly.