i was playing dnd last night with some buddies and it occurred to me, "this kinda stuff cant be going on just here" so as said above, what is your funniest (or weirdest) D&D session you can remember
funniest D&D session you can remember
- Thread starter Maddenfreak
- Start date
Well, it wasn't so much weird, but the funniest session for me had to be at basic training for the Army. It was funny in that we were playing at all at basic, but we couldn't have books or anything, so we had to write down our own maps, weapons, armor, and items lists, damage matrices (which took weeks), and our dice was a bunch of scraps of paper thrown in a helmet. Best D&D game EVER.
Friend told me about a quest he went on with several other players, after some necromancer or something that had torn through a village. The only survivor was an old lady who was dying, and they decided it was best to put her out of her mystery.
He kept rolling so low, that it took seven hits from a mace to put her out of her mystery and the dwarf in the group got pissed at him for laughing about it and tried to kill him.
His rolls got better and he killed his friend in 3 hits, leveled up to an insane amount, and then promptly killed the group when he rolled 100 when he was supposed to roll between 1 and 99.
Goes to show that D&D can be funny. Even more so when you're there and know what the heck happened, cos I sure as hell don't.
He kept rolling so low, that it took seven hits from a mace to put her out of her mystery and the dwarf in the group got pissed at him for laughing about it and tried to kill him.
His rolls got better and he killed his friend in 3 hits, leveled up to an insane amount, and then promptly killed the group when he rolled 100 when he was supposed to roll between 1 and 99.
Goes to show that D&D can be funny. Even more so when you're there and know what the heck happened, cos I sure as hell don't.
This D&D party we had a cleric (me) a twin brothers (one a LG paladin the other a CN Ranger) a bard with the low intelligence and a useless mage. The DM was tired of the crappy mage and bard so he concocted something truly evil. We were on the road chasing down this evil magic user and the group was camping in the woods for the night. The group was taking turns staying up to watch. At this watch it was the bard and the mage. Well the bard wasn't paying attention and the mage went to take care of the call of nature. Well a giant skeleton comes along grabs the mage and carries her off. The bard wakes up the rest of the party but it too late. Later the remaining party is taking on a group of skeletons at range since some of the skeletons have a nasty habit of releasing an AOE negative enery blast when they die. When the bard decided to melee a group of them right near the horses. Well they blew up taking her out and our rides.
if my friend mike is running it's usaly a fun time, right know he's running what he calls "d2o Awesome" in it you can use any d20 book and shoehorn it in. last time we fought (and then ran from) Cyborg-Lincon.
Let me explain to you why it is a bad idea to play D&D with a bunch of people who can find a double entendre in ANYTHING.
In college, I was playing D&D with some of my dorm mates. We got to divying up the treasure, and our DM was explaining what we found.
"You have found a rod."
We were ALREADY sinckering at this. But then he said...
"On it is an inscription of someone lying down and then suddenly erect."
We couldn't stop laughing for half an hour.
In college, I was playing D&D with some of my dorm mates. We got to divying up the treasure, and our DM was explaining what we found.
"You have found a rod."
We were ALREADY sinckering at this. But then he said...
"On it is an inscription of someone lying down and then suddenly erect."
We couldn't stop laughing for half an hour.
There was that time when the Invoker in our party got jumped by some sort of ice golem thing. I shot the golem and killed it and our Invoker
Using a magic disk as a magic carpet. Using a flaming bedroll as a weapon. An evil illusionist turning shoes pink. Finally inventing football in a D&D game.
Note: These were games I was watching on LordKat's livestream. They place almost every sunday.
Note: These were games I was watching on LordKat's livestream. They place almost every sunday.
This is kind of a story, but I swear to god this happened.
I DM a lot nowadays. But unlike many people, my first game DMed was also my first playing. I had never played D&D before. We had a big session tomorrow, so my friend decided that he was going to teach me how to DM correctly by playing a small campaign. It was him, playing a fighter, and my brother, playing a ranger.
I started them off in a bar, because I was feeling generic. They immediately walked outside, and the fighter dropped his pants. A guard walked up to them and asked them if they would, kindly, pull their pants back up. They bluffed the guard into not fining them, and then decided that he had offended them by asking them to not run around pantsless.
So, he and the ranger stalk the guard back to the guardhouse, sneak inside, and send the guards to go help a person that they themselves were supposed to be helping.
Then they burned the building to the ground, ran away, and dropped a portcullis on the guards.
I was slightly pissed off at this point, so I dropped them down a pit. In the pit were several deadly traps, one of which knocked them out. They woke up, and noticed that they had been tied up by gay dwarves. The dwarves left, and they got free of the ropes. They looked around for their gear, but couldn't find any. The dwarves came back, and they hid in a room full of gold coins. They fashioned their loincloths (which was all the clothing they were wearing--the dwarves took the rest) into slings, and killed the dwarves with the gold coins. The end.
I DM a lot nowadays. But unlike many people, my first game DMed was also my first playing. I had never played D&D before. We had a big session tomorrow, so my friend decided that he was going to teach me how to DM correctly by playing a small campaign. It was him, playing a fighter, and my brother, playing a ranger.
I started them off in a bar, because I was feeling generic. They immediately walked outside, and the fighter dropped his pants. A guard walked up to them and asked them if they would, kindly, pull their pants back up. They bluffed the guard into not fining them, and then decided that he had offended them by asking them to not run around pantsless.
So, he and the ranger stalk the guard back to the guardhouse, sneak inside, and send the guards to go help a person that they themselves were supposed to be helping.
Then they burned the building to the ground, ran away, and dropped a portcullis on the guards.
I was slightly pissed off at this point, so I dropped them down a pit. In the pit were several deadly traps, one of which knocked them out. They woke up, and noticed that they had been tied up by gay dwarves. The dwarves left, and they got free of the ropes. They looked around for their gear, but couldn't find any. The dwarves came back, and they hid in a room full of gold coins. They fashioned their loincloths (which was all the clothing they were wearing--the dwarves took the rest) into slings, and killed the dwarves with the gold coins. The end.
It's a toss up for me. It might have been the time that we foiled the guards that were convinced we were pick pockets (we totally were) by finding an existing pick pocket and catching him red handed. We did this by dressing myself up as a rich lord from a foreign land, with a big fat wallet for him to display. The others then told this petty thief that there was a rather stupid nobleman they'd point out for him if he gave them 10% of the wallet. Naturally, he took the bait, and so was immediately apprehended by Lord Montgomery of Acle, whose ridiculous French accent and monacle helped convince the guards that I was completely in the right. And now Mon. Acle is pulled out whenever we need a nobleman.
The other possibility would Be Aurealis, the resident Uber-NPC the DM gave us for a quest line (kind of like Gandalf from DM of the Rings). He was suppossed to be this amazing super-tank, with amazing armor and deadly attacks. His armor was made of a theoretical Mithril-Adamntite alloy, his helmet protected from all sonic based attacks, his guantlets shielded him from fire, etc. etc. What the DM did not count on was every roll involving him being awful. Despite his high attack bonuses, he missed nearly 100% of attacks, even against an unconcious, fallen, unarmored opponent (He managed to roll a 1 there). It was further discovered that this effect seemed to extend to 3 spaces around him, so he declared to have a "Fail Aura" that continuously worked against him. Strangely enough, this even extended to the non-combat areas. We finally lost patience when he acidentally unleashed an ancient evil bent on the corruption and destruction of the Material Plane. We promptly murdered him by enchanting what we called the "Apple of Screamy Death" (an apple with a potent sonic AoE) which was given to my rogue. I jumped onto his shoulders, took off his helmet, stuffed the apple inside, shoved it back on, and our warlock spoke the command word and so what normally would have been an explosion of roughly 5 cubic metres was concentrated into about a foot. It was... Messy.
The other possibility would Be Aurealis, the resident Uber-NPC the DM gave us for a quest line (kind of like Gandalf from DM of the Rings). He was suppossed to be this amazing super-tank, with amazing armor and deadly attacks. His armor was made of a theoretical Mithril-Adamntite alloy, his helmet protected from all sonic based attacks, his guantlets shielded him from fire, etc. etc. What the DM did not count on was every roll involving him being awful. Despite his high attack bonuses, he missed nearly 100% of attacks, even against an unconcious, fallen, unarmored opponent (He managed to roll a 1 there). It was further discovered that this effect seemed to extend to 3 spaces around him, so he declared to have a "Fail Aura" that continuously worked against him. Strangely enough, this even extended to the non-combat areas. We finally lost patience when he acidentally unleashed an ancient evil bent on the corruption and destruction of the Material Plane. We promptly murdered him by enchanting what we called the "Apple of Screamy Death" (an apple with a potent sonic AoE) which was given to my rogue. I jumped onto his shoulders, took off his helmet, stuffed the apple inside, shoved it back on, and our warlock spoke the command word and so what normally would have been an explosion of roughly 5 cubic metres was concentrated into about a foot. It was... Messy.
I was a sorcerer pretending to be a mage so I could travel around easier and when people were disarmed they would take my spellbook from me and feel safe. Well, this spellbook was filled with all of my extra level 4 (I think) spells at the end of each day until it was cover to cover, front and back of every page, explosive runes. I was then about to trade it with a elder tome dragon for some of his magical stash, the DM wouldn't let me because I would have one shotted the dragon and didn't feel like having one player be in the epic levels. Although, the BBEG almost read it, quickest boss battle ever.
That and my gnomish bard that only had class levels in rouge and just a high bluff and perform. He was a blast.
That and my gnomish bard that only had class levels in rouge and just a high bluff and perform. He was a blast.
sodimising a troll for killing my druid's dog and nearly killing the paladin We litterally took my druid's metal quarterstaff, heated it red hot, and rolled a 20 for sticking it into the troll to burn it to death XD
Well that or the time our level 2 fighter who was tanking got a critical and did 83 damage with an unenchanted great axe XD
We litterally took my druid's metal quarterstaff, heated it red hot, and rolled a 20 for sticking it into the troll to burn it to death XDWell that or the time our level 2 fighter who was tanking got a critical and did 83 damage with an unenchanted great axe XD
I wwas playing a Ghost Faced Killer/rogue in 3.5e and I was hiding behind the enemies as my friends were talking to them and I was only one that made the listen check to hear the whispering about torturing one of them to get them to talk I used a frightful attack on the boss and my DM rolled a 1 for will saved failing it and asked what happens on the failed check and it was instant death. So an encounter planned to take 2-3 hours once the span was through was taken care of in seconds with a lucky roll and my DM punched me and ended the session really early the end.
There was this one session where the party enters a room and suddenly our archnemesis appears and starts clapping his hands slowly and our DM says something like "Bravo, Hexiles.I´m surprised to see you were able to come this far..." and then the DM remembered that our archnemesis was supposed to appear only a couple of rooms later and says "Crap!Forget what just happened!" We snickered a bit and went on. A couple of hours later, our archnemesis makes the actual appearance and when our DM slow claps, the whole party bursts in laughter.
Nowadays, when our DM shows up for a session...we always start slow clapping
Nowadays, when our DM shows up for a session...we always start slow clapping
Our current group is composed entirely of neutral and evil characters of varying ethics. The DM decides to staple on a modified version of the Tomb of Horrors, which some might recognize as one of the most infuriatingly trap-infested things ever to grace anything, anywhere. As evil characters, however, we discovered a very simple and efficient way of getting rid of the traps without having to have our rogue roll search and disable device checks every 10 feet.
We left the temple, traveled to the nearest impoverished town with an unusually large population, found the coal mine and offered everyone who could hear us 1 gold apiece to "help us haul untold riches from a nearby dungeon". Because the DM had previously established that this region was so poor that people would be ecstatic if they managed to make one copper piece a week, the townsfolk naturally swarmed to our call like the scarabs to anyone who fell over in "The Mummy". By the end of the day, we had gotten about 50 people, even though more than a hundred had cheered at the opportunity (we decided that any more might be a bit difficult to keep inside a confined space).
Boldly, we returned to face the dungeon with our stalwart hearts and legion of disposable, unwitting slaves. We sent them in first, out melee characters blocking the exit and our mage ready with an illusory wall and mass suggestions if things got out of hand. The peons entered with high hopes, only to have the first four fall into a spike trap pit half way through the first corridor. The men behind them continued forth, apparently unaware that they were using those who were recently leading the charge as impaled stepping stones across the spike pits, a la "Wild 9". It wasn't until the second group of four vanished into a razor-filled abyss ten feet down the hall that the horde as a whole paused. Some turned to us in fear and betrayed shock as news of what had happened echoed from ahead.
"Ok," we said almost in perfect unison, "TWO gold apiece."
That sent the peasants into some kind of suicidal frenzy, where we could have ordered them to run headlong into the maw of a fire breathing dragon with smaller fire breathing dragons instead of teeth and they would have foamed at the mouth for the chance to do it. Every ten feet, they lost another two to five people to various traps, ranging from spike pits to poison darts to random shit falling from the ceiling.
By the time we reached the end of the hallway, we had lost all but ten of them. There was the infamous statue with the sphere of annihilation in its mouth down here which we ignored, and a strange, mist filled portal. We sent one of the miners in to see what happened. He vanished without a trace. We sent in two more. Vanished again. We tied a rope around the waist of one of the remaining few and had the rest hold on for dear life. When he entered the portal, the rest holding onto the rope were pulled in behind him, only to disappear. After walking through ourselves and discovering a small room filled with the horrifically dismembered and splattered remains of the workers, who had all been teleported into the same spot in rapid succession and thus violently expelled from that spot onto nearby granite walls, we found ourselves alone, but with the dungeon's first room finally cleared. Would we venture forth on our own and conquer the place on our own merits?
Fuck that noise- we went back and got the rest of the workers. Three gold apiece to not ask questions about what happened to the others.
We ended up skipping the majority of the tomb (our DM was crestfallen at our dastardly efficient approach), and by the time we got to the exit, a steep, almost slide-like tunnel to the Underdark, we had collected enough wealth to run off to Tahiti and retire while our country was razed by some sort of non-descript demon army or another. We sent the last four remaining miners down to see what happened, and they lost there balance and tumbled into the darkness as one, screaming and making various bone-shattering noises that the DM was very adept at mimicking for us. We followed them down to find them horribly crippled and in apparent agony, but still able to move well enough to help eachother back to the town. We gave them the final payment- four gold each- and they cheered and thanked us as though we were savior gods as they slowly oozed their way back up the tunnel, presumably somehow breaking even more bones along the way.
After several hours of immense satisfaction, I briefly felt a twinge of guilt over the deaths of so many meaningless fictional characters. I quickly realized that the only one to blame for this, however, was Gary Gygax for making the damn module in the first place, and my satisfaction returned as we continued to piss off our DM the next time he set us up against a trap filled dungeon by repeating the process again.
We left the temple, traveled to the nearest impoverished town with an unusually large population, found the coal mine and offered everyone who could hear us 1 gold apiece to "help us haul untold riches from a nearby dungeon". Because the DM had previously established that this region was so poor that people would be ecstatic if they managed to make one copper piece a week, the townsfolk naturally swarmed to our call like the scarabs to anyone who fell over in "The Mummy". By the end of the day, we had gotten about 50 people, even though more than a hundred had cheered at the opportunity (we decided that any more might be a bit difficult to keep inside a confined space).
Boldly, we returned to face the dungeon with our stalwart hearts and legion of disposable, unwitting slaves. We sent them in first, out melee characters blocking the exit and our mage ready with an illusory wall and mass suggestions if things got out of hand. The peons entered with high hopes, only to have the first four fall into a spike trap pit half way through the first corridor. The men behind them continued forth, apparently unaware that they were using those who were recently leading the charge as impaled stepping stones across the spike pits, a la "Wild 9". It wasn't until the second group of four vanished into a razor-filled abyss ten feet down the hall that the horde as a whole paused. Some turned to us in fear and betrayed shock as news of what had happened echoed from ahead.
"Ok," we said almost in perfect unison, "TWO gold apiece."
That sent the peasants into some kind of suicidal frenzy, where we could have ordered them to run headlong into the maw of a fire breathing dragon with smaller fire breathing dragons instead of teeth and they would have foamed at the mouth for the chance to do it. Every ten feet, they lost another two to five people to various traps, ranging from spike pits to poison darts to random shit falling from the ceiling.
By the time we reached the end of the hallway, we had lost all but ten of them. There was the infamous statue with the sphere of annihilation in its mouth down here which we ignored, and a strange, mist filled portal. We sent one of the miners in to see what happened. He vanished without a trace. We sent in two more. Vanished again. We tied a rope around the waist of one of the remaining few and had the rest hold on for dear life. When he entered the portal, the rest holding onto the rope were pulled in behind him, only to disappear. After walking through ourselves and discovering a small room filled with the horrifically dismembered and splattered remains of the workers, who had all been teleported into the same spot in rapid succession and thus violently expelled from that spot onto nearby granite walls, we found ourselves alone, but with the dungeon's first room finally cleared. Would we venture forth on our own and conquer the place on our own merits?
Fuck that noise- we went back and got the rest of the workers. Three gold apiece to not ask questions about what happened to the others.
We ended up skipping the majority of the tomb (our DM was crestfallen at our dastardly efficient approach), and by the time we got to the exit, a steep, almost slide-like tunnel to the Underdark, we had collected enough wealth to run off to Tahiti and retire while our country was razed by some sort of non-descript demon army or another. We sent the last four remaining miners down to see what happened, and they lost there balance and tumbled into the darkness as one, screaming and making various bone-shattering noises that the DM was very adept at mimicking for us. We followed them down to find them horribly crippled and in apparent agony, but still able to move well enough to help eachother back to the town. We gave them the final payment- four gold each- and they cheered and thanked us as though we were savior gods as they slowly oozed their way back up the tunnel, presumably somehow breaking even more bones along the way.
After several hours of immense satisfaction, I briefly felt a twinge of guilt over the deaths of so many meaningless fictional characters. I quickly realized that the only one to blame for this, however, was Gary Gygax for making the damn module in the first place, and my satisfaction returned as we continued to piss off our DM the next time he set us up against a trap filled dungeon by repeating the process again.
