Funniest figure of speech you've ever heard?

[TOTL_UNIALAYSHUN]

Hey guys.

I was laughing in French class today, 'cuz we were working on some figurative language. Some of the kids around me didn't understand one particular phrase, ("What fly bit him/her?" The direct translation is weird, I know.). The first thing that came to mind when I tried to explain it to them was an english phrase;

"Who pissed in your corn flakes?"

I've always thought this was hilarious. xD Got any good ones of your own? Post 'em!

 

[Sn1P3r M98]

"Tastes like shit" always makes me laugh, because you are implying you know what shit tastes like.

 

[badgersprite]

In a thick, Arkansas accent - "I will cut you like a motherfucking cheese wheel."

 

[senorcromas]

"You aren't the brightest tool in the closet."

Leaf raking sessions can get really weird sometimes.

 

[Spydercake]

"Colder then a witches tit in winter"
Living in Wisconsin, this is used alot :|

 

[Naheal]

In a thick, Arkansas accent - "I will cut you like a motherfucking cheese wheel."

I imagined hearing that in Bill Clinton's voice.

 

[DiMono]

"Keep fucking that chicken." To this day I don't have any idea what it means, except that it's hysterical.

"A face like a bag of frogs. Ugly frogs."

 

[Lilani]

My dad uses the phrase "Cute as a bug's ear" to describe something very cute. I've always found this odd as ears are typically not cute, and last I checked bugs don't really have ones we can see.

 

[loc978]

This [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgPH0tYXJrA#t=0m36s]. Seriously, English prison parlance is crazy.

 

[Aulleas123]

"A conscience is like a mother-in-law who never leaves home."

 

[Drakmeire]

I always figured "Screwed the pooch" would not translate well into other languages.

 

[Jegsimmons]

"Does a one legged duck swim in circles?" - my dad
"Bat-shit Bonkers!" -Yahtzee
"Balls to that" - Luke Mckay (semi famous artist you may know.)
"She's so fat here butt checks look like two pigs fighting over a milk dud." -Me

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

"She isn't the sharpest hammer in the drawer."

I use this to imply a teacher's stupidity to my friend.

 

[Blue_vision]

I was laughing in French class today, 'cuz we were working on some figurative language. Some of the kids around me didn't understand one particular phrase, ("What fly bit him/her?" The direct translation is weird, I know.)

I think I know that one. English probably has the straightest figures of speech, but I love the creativity involved in figures of speech in other languages.

For some reason, there's one figure of speech thing that just makes me laugh uncontrollably whenever I hear it. The episode of house where there's a chinese girl coming to the clinic with her mother to get birth control pills. When she mixes up the birth control pills for her mother's cold medicine, house just says "not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer." And then you hear a thud and find me having laughed myself off the couch.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Probably "Son of a Montague" of my own invention.

 

[Siuki]

"Balls to that" - Luke Mckay (semi famous artist you may know.)

Always. Artist for Rooster Teeth comics.

OT: I don't live anywhere in which people are that creative with their descriptions. It's usually just "your mom"s and "gay/retarded"s at my school. The only description that means well is "hella," so not many figures of speech in NorCal.

 

[AvsJoe]

Spoiler: Spoiled For Size

Here's a whole book of quality Canadian quotations for every situation:

The beauty of this is that many of the quotes in this book are from "this guy's uncle from Timmins" or "overheard in a bar in Flin Flon".

Edit: I'll edit in a few examples in a minute.

 

[Something Amyss]

"Colder then a witches tit in winter"
Living in Wisconsin, this is used alot :|

We omit the "In Winter" part. Being Vermonters, it's assumed.