Funny Things You've Heard People Say

[happyninja42]

So, this is inspired by a young lady I just had in my office, who said something that, you know what she meant, but what she said just came out quite amusing. So, I thought I'd start a thread for those random things you've heard people say, that you just found funny. Due to context, the juxtaposition of who said it versus what was being said, etc.

So, I was with a client, helping her apply for education benefits, as she is about to start college. She's sitting there with her mother as she is a minor, and I asked her to confirm her date of birth. She nodded that I had it right, and then her mom muttered something to her, which I didn't hear. But after saying that, the daughter teased her about her apparent like of memory when it comes to her own children's birthdays.

To which the daughter teased, "If anyone should know the date it should be you, not me! I wasn't even THERE!" And I'm like "......" *blink...blink* At which point I asked her. "Wow, so you weren't there for your own birthday? That's impressive, I mean, that's the whole point of that being your birthday, it's the day you were there!" To which she laughed and got embarrassed about her slip up. Then I said "I mean, you can say that about every day BEFORE your birthday." Her mother and I both gave her some grief about it, but it was good natured.

So what about you? Anything you've heard someone say that you just found incredibly funny based on what was said or how it was said?

 

[Worgen]

I remember hanging out with my friend over the holidays a few years ago, all our families were there and we were all hanging out, he had his wife with him too. During a lul in the conversation my friend randomly says "you know how I know I'm going to hell, cause I saw a video of a baby seal being clubbed and it bounced like a basket ball and I laughed." Everyone is just staring at him like 'what the hell?' I'm the only one who laughed since it seemed so out of character for him to just randomly say something like that in front of family, I've heard him say that before when it was drink night but to just randomly go 'this seems like a good idea' and just go for it while his judgmental parents are there, while my parents are there, while his wife is there and while my sister is there. Heh, just golden, I never let him live that down.

 

[Kae]

While at work a co-worker that I barely even knew came running from the other side of the office to tell me in a really excited manner that indicated this was some sort of epiphany "I can move my muscles with my mind!"

Keep in mind this was without any context and he specifically wanted to tell me this even though I never even bothered to learn his name, BTW I replied "Yes, that's what you do all the time, it's how you were able to run here" and then just stared at him waiting for a response but he just walked away without saying anything, my theory is that he was high.

 

[happyninja42]

While at work a co-worker that I barely even knew came running from the other side of the office to tell me in a really excited manner that indicated this was some sort of epiphany "I can move my muscles with my mind!"

Keep in mind this was without any context and he specifically wanted to tell me this even though I never even bothered to learn his name, BTW I replied "Yes, that's what you do all the time, it's how you were able to run here" and then just stared at him waiting for a response but he just walked away without saying anything, my theory is that he was high.

High is definitely a probable reason, or he was just fucking with you

I've done that plenty of times, just come up with some random thing to say to make people just stare at me and blink in confusion for a few moments.

 

[Kae]

High is definitely a probable reason, or he was just fucking with you

I've done that plenty of times, just come up with some random thing to say to make people just stare at me and blink in confusion for a few moments.

Plausible, maybe I didn't think of tha because this was a really old dude and in my experience most pranksters tend to be young, while funny older people tend to be jokers more than pranksters.

He did get fired 2 weeks later for unknown reasons though, so I still think he was probably doing drugs in the office, as it's really hard to get fired for not doing the job properly.

There was another one that was pretty funny for everyone around, though to me it was more baffling than anything else.
So I was procrastinating in Google Earth because I was already done with all my tasks of the day when suddenly, some guy passes behind me and tells me "Did you know the Earth is flat?" Now keep in mind that at this point in my life I was completely unaware that flat earthers were a thing.
In any case having nothing to do at the moment I started discussing the topic in complete shock and very loudly much to the amusement of everyone in the office, needless to say despite that happening over 2 years ago people still tease me by asking me if I know that the Earth is flat.