Girl Friend wants me to share her

[Spartan X1]

Iv'e been going out with her for a few months now and around a month ago she admited to having feelings for another man she said she would stop them from growing but when we had to spend some time away from one another she got close to him and since we got back together shes been seeing this other man and this weekend she spent two nights at his house and asked me that she wanted me to share her with this man I talked to him about it and he blantently doesn't care that I'm going out with her and she seems ready to leave me whenever I object to her doing something with him or talking about it to my friends. I really care about her but what shes doing is really messed up and everyone I've talked to has told me to bin her. Now this is partly my fault because for a time I wasn't Mr. perfect but I didnt do anything really wrong and I would do nothing like shes doing right now. I just don't know how to handle this in any way other than i just let her have her way and take the punches to stay with her or breaking up with her. So what you say Escapist any advice. Yes i know this is not a place to talk about this emotional crap.

 

[LT Cannibal 68]

i'm sorry to say this bro but if i were you i would dump the ***** as soon as she even fucking mentions polygamy, dump her and treat her like she's a whore when you do so.

 

[Motiv_]

My former neighbors had a story very similar to yours.

They'd been married for about.. 7 months or so, the husband isn't happy with their sex life so he basically forces her to accept an "Open" relationship, which ended up meaning him running around screwing women at random. Eventually he divorced her, and is now living with another woman in the same situation.

My advice? Either cut it off clean or give her an ultimatum. You, or him. Either way, it'll probably be a lengthy and painful healing process no matter which way it goes, you have my sympathies.

 

[WolfThomas]

Firstly there is nothing wrong with polyamory...as long as it's completely consensual. But if you don't want this, tell her to make a choice (if you still want her) or f**k off. You (or anyone) don't deserve this.

 

[A Weary Exile]

i'm sorry to say this bro but if i were you i would dump the ***** as soon as she even fucking mentions polygamy, dump her and treat her like she's a whore when you do so.

Nice. -_-

OT: If you can't get comfortable with the idea, end it. Otherwise? What's wrong with an open relationship? As long as this other guy is trustworthy, not a psycho or anything, what's the big deal? Just don't let jealousy take you over.

 

[Spy_Guy]

This is just barely a step over cheating on you, because at least she asked about it.

With that being said, this sort of behaviour is unacceptable and as the people above me suggest, an ultimatum is in order.

 

[Giftfromme]

Tell her you want to share her too. See how she responds lol

 

[Phasmal]

Well, if you dont mind, then whats the problem?
But I doubt you'll get a serious relationship from this girl, thats not what she wants from you, and if thats what you want from her, you better move on.
I'd advise against giving her an ulitmatum, I dont see that working out for you. The other dude is fine with sharing her, if you're not, you'll probably lose that ultimatum.

 

[number2301]

Firstly there is nothing wrong with polyamory...as long as it's completely consensual. But if you don't want this, tell her to make a choice (if you still want her) or f**k off. You (or anyone) don't deserve this.

Pretty much this, but this doesn't sound like polyamory. From the very brief description it sounds like she just wants to be with someone else, but perhaps can't bring herself to end the previous relationship.

OP, have some self respect and unless you are very happy with the arrangement AND you believe that she is genuine, dump her. Better alone than in a bad relationship.

 

[JesterRaiin]

So what you say Escapist any advice.

People nowadays. "Either you share me or get lost."
http://i.plikomat.pl/media/i/877ac44b741755edab3137e9aa67d04e.jpg

OP :
The biggest problem in such situation isn't what's happening right now, but what will happen in the future. Your agreement wouldn't make this whole triangle work for the eternity. What would happen next ? "You know, i'd like to see you penetrated by my other boyfriend". "You know, i'd like to become impregnated by someone else and raise this child with you". And so on, so on... Life writes weirder scenarios than erotic fanfic authors.

So, unless you're into kinky stuff and enjoy status of bullied beta, there's really no choice for you. You'll feel pain for some time, you'll grieve, but your respect is worth breaking up.

(Also, STDs for God's sake !)

 

[Batou667]

-snip-

Either you're happy with the idea, in which case roll with it. I'm not getting the impression that this is the case, though.

Alternatively, just tell her flat-out that sharing wasn't what you had in mind when you got together, and that's not what you want from your relationship. Either she commits to monogamy or she can hop it.

Plan C, as another poster mentioned, is to say "Cool, so I can have other girlfriends too, right? Because I've always thought your friend/sister/mother was kind of hot". Even if you're not comfortable with the idea of an open relationship, it might be a good way to get her to see things from your perspective.

Whatever you do, don't compromise your principles for the sake of being in a one-sided relationship. Self-respect is more important than being a people-pleaser.

 

[requisitename]

Polyamory is fine as long as everyone agrees to it up front. This isn't that. One of the key components of polyamory is respect for your partners.. and she's definitely not respecting your feelings on the matter. You're better off alone if you're built for monogamy (which it would seem most people are, and that's equally fine as long as everyone's on the same page).. and she can be in a polyamorous relationship with him and whomever else she wants to.

Everyone wins in the end!

 

[baconfist]

I'm going to give the same advice I'd give a person who hates their job. If you are not ok with the way the relationship is going start looking for a replacement but you don't need to quit your current one right away. To me that seems like pretty much what she is doing to you anyways, shopping around and using you as a fall back plan. You may as well do the same.

 

[Rin Little]

Just from personal experience (i.e. friends telling me they're in "open relationships") polyamorous relationships don't help anyone when you've already started a monogamous one. The part of this that really irks me is that she knew you weren't cool with it and still spent two nights with this other man. If you're not cool with this, then dump her because you deserve someone better than that.

 

[Robert632]

i'm sorry to say this bro but if i were you i would dump the ***** as soon as she even fucking mentions polygamy, dump her and treat her like she's a whore when you do so.

That's...rather harsh.

O.T:Yeah...You might wanna dump her, as chances are one side of a relationship wanting closed relationship while the other open won't end well. At all.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

No, no, no, no, no. Tell her that you won't do it. It just creates inequality in the relationship and you'll be treated like shit. You don't deserve that, go find someone who will treat you like a partner and not their gimp.

 

[TheColdHeart]

The fact she has already spent nights round at this guy's house makes me think she has probably already started sleeping with him regardless of whether you agree to 'sharing' her or not. I could be wrong but as I see it its highly likely.

Personally unless you're happy with the situation, I'd consider giving some form of 'him or me' ultimatum or calling the whole relationship to question with her feelings and most importantly yours when it comes to this other man.

 

[malkavianmadman]

Dump her. Thats what I would do, that or tell her your not cool with it and she needs to decide if she wants you or him, it'll suck for sure but better to be alone then with someone who doesnt seem to care about you.

(yes I know this is basically what everyone else has said)

But i wouldnt be mean or anything if you did end it, just say 'im not cool with this and im not happy you put me in this position, if you want that other guy you are all his cuse im out' its not going to help anyone if the breakup turns into a massive shitstorm

 

[Shadows Risen]

Personally, I'd dump her and explain that you're not cool with sharing her but she obviously isn't fine being with just you either (and I'm guessing you're not cool with sharing her). The fact she suddenly wants to be shared is suspicious though, I suspect she might already be sleeping with this other guy but I could be wrong.