Girl is nice to me, therefore she likes me?
- Thread starter SonicKaos
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I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was that guy for a couple of my teenage years. Thank god I grew out of that. Of course, it didn't help being the only single person in my group of friends.
I have the complete opposite problem, i'm constantly being told by friends after meeting a girl that she was interested and I completely miss the signs. I'm a bit of a giant and don't want to come across as domineering, so I play it cool and only find out after the fact that I missed a great chance, better than the OPs example though, rather go home kicking myself than crying like a baby
Usually the type of guys who see every girl as into them are the type of guys who consistently prove themselves right by bedding the girls. Most guys who fail seem to think no girl is into them no matter what they do. Your friend is a special form of desperate, so starved for affection that any hint of a possible future relationship will make him jump on the woman despite knowing how unlikely it actually is. What him carefully, I'm not saying this is necessarily true in his case but this often leads to suicidal thoughts or at the very least the threat of them.SonicKaos said:
Well... speaking as someone that was quite a creep/loser in my younger days.... I think it's just a way his brain might be wired. He might need to get seriously smacked the fucked around a bit before he gets his self-control in check, because he's going to need to be stronger then most people.SonicKaos said:
And really, if he can't control himself while boozed up he shouldn't be drinking. Manage your fucking high, tell him
Short of having a discussion about how nice people are nice to everyone and that doesn't (necessarily) mean that they also want to shag everyone... maybe he could go to some metal/rock clubs and see if he could meet some ladies there?
There's an option 3 (although it's perhaps linked to option 2) that because you've had that sexual tension and history she simply feels like it's somewhat unfair on her relationship to be hanging around with someone who does or has made her feel that way. So it's not so much of a case of she was hoping to get off with you and now that she can't what's the point, it's more that she is aware that that may be a temptation and she feels it would be sensible to avoid it.Jonluw said:
I was mostly just joking about those two options, you know.lisadagz said:
In any case, I don't think 3 is the case. At least not with the first girl. Second one, eh, might be.
The first girl, however, told me she wanted to know why we hadn't had much contact lately.
I'm ever so slightly worried I'm that dude now.
I'm very good friends with my ex - as in, she regularly phones me telling me she loves me, that I'm the best friend she has, that she doesn't know what she'd do without me, e.t.c. I made a mistake, and our relationship ended before it had a chance. Back then I didn't know her very well; now that I do, I'm completely in love with her. Yet, she has a boyfriend now.
Now, a few months ago she left for Brazil to do a charity volunteering... thing. I missed her terribly but I found that over time it just became the kind of caring that you might have for a good friend, and not someone you're in love with. About the same time, I started to get feelings for one of my other close female friends.
You can see where this is going.
Point is, my ex got back from Brazil today, and immediately phoned me, drunk, telling me she 'loves' me (as a friend, apparently) and how I was the person she missed the most. All those feelings came crashing back at once, and I stopped romanticizing female friend #2.
It's strange, because I'm happy loving someone I can't have. I'm not insecure or particularly self-conscious. Hell, I'm pretty arrogant. But as soon as she was out of my mind, those feelings just.... wandered off to the next person they could find.
Point of this is that feelings wander very quickly. If there's a guy who starts developing affections for ANYONE then chances are that guy is extremely desperate or has massive, unresolved romantic issues.
I'm very good friends with my ex - as in, she regularly phones me telling me she loves me, that I'm the best friend she has, that she doesn't know what she'd do without me, e.t.c. I made a mistake, and our relationship ended before it had a chance. Back then I didn't know her very well; now that I do, I'm completely in love with her. Yet, she has a boyfriend now.
Now, a few months ago she left for Brazil to do a charity volunteering... thing. I missed her terribly but I found that over time it just became the kind of caring that you might have for a good friend, and not someone you're in love with. About the same time, I started to get feelings for one of my other close female friends.
You can see where this is going.
Point is, my ex got back from Brazil today, and immediately phoned me, drunk, telling me she 'loves' me (as a friend, apparently) and how I was the person she missed the most. All those feelings came crashing back at once, and I stopped romanticizing female friend #2.
It's strange, because I'm happy loving someone I can't have. I'm not insecure or particularly self-conscious. Hell, I'm pretty arrogant. But as soon as she was out of my mind, those feelings just.... wandered off to the next person they could find.
Point of this is that feelings wander very quickly. If there's a guy who starts developing affections for ANYONE then chances are that guy is extremely desperate or has massive, unresolved romantic issues.
I'm going to suggest an alternative solution.SonicKaos said:
It sounds like you're part of a very wide social circle. You could try setting him up on a blind date. If you can get it to work out, chances are he'll get off everyone's backs and he'll be happy.
I was like your friend when I was 12~ish. Then I learnt quickly that girls are being nice because they are just nice people. The only way your friend will be able to pass this level is to tell it to himself that girl's aren't interested in him. Once he learns this then he will be able to function appropriately in society. Hopefully he can retain this behaviour whilst in the company of 'nice' girls and then he can slowly adjust his level of girls-being-interested-radar to that of a normal level. This may take some time....
I do catch myself doing this sometimes, I tend not to dwell over it as much as this guy though.
Its pretty much just:
-make a friend who is female
-become infatuated by female
-ask female out
if yes - go out
if no - move on, probably continue to be friends unless they are awkward about it
I can't say that approach has been all that successful, but I don't really make that big a deal about it lol.
Its pretty much just:
-make a friend who is female
-become infatuated by female
-ask female out
if yes - go out
if no - move on, probably continue to be friends unless they are awkward about it
I can't say that approach has been all that successful, but I don't really make that big a deal about it lol.
Some people believe that everyone is into them even if it is not true it does not mean with will stop also it could start with over confidence.
i grew up being ostracized from most of the female population of where i live, from a mixture of having an incredibly short temper and being just awkward(that has changed now obviously). and i can say this is so very true it hurts. i still find myself getting way too attracted to any female who shows even a slight bit of kindness to me.Daystar Clarion said:Reminds me of another thread that was posted recently
Some guys are so starved for female attention, that any attention that isn't negative is misconstrued as affection.
and that along with a few other things have kept me completely out of the dating circle.
Pretty sad. When women are nice to me (a lot of the time) I just feel more comfortable telling jokes around them, and that's about it.
I have a similar problem in that I become infatuated with any female who is nice to me or shows me a significant amount of attention. I have a really low opinion of myself and I have a sense of common courtesy, so I recognize that it's not their problem, but mine. I also believe that no women are attracted to me at all and I can't read signals for shit. So this results in lots of crying for me, too, the key difference being is that I do it at home, in bed, or on long walks at night. I don't bug other people with it, otherwise I would be "that guy." This is one of the many reasons why I do not drink alcohol.
Yup. Complete social isolation for many, many years. I have no friends right now and I've never had a real girlfriend (I'm 25). I think if I had some of these things, even for a little while, it wouldn't feel like such a big deal. But I don't, so I do think it's a big deal when someone notices me.Lugbzurg said:
I think everyone has this problem to an extent because everyone wants to receive affection (not necessarily sexual or intimate). Obviously if it gets out of hand (as in the case of the OP), then it needs attention. Good for you OP for helping your friend in a time of need.
I think the poor guy has self esteem issues :/. It's kinda like what Jim Carrey says at the beginning of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (AKA the greatest movie ever), "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?".