Girls and Pity

[Aqualung]

1.) All my friends hug, it's not that weird.
2.) Do you hang out by yourself a lot? Are you an approachable person? If you're a bit of a loner, it's possible.
3.) Sign of pity can be a sort of grimace or downturned mouth and curve upwards of the eyebrows.

I think you're just being a bit paranoid. You don't need other people's pity, anyway. Why would anyone pity you? You don't seem so confident in yourself.

 

[JamminOz07]

hey pal,

I'm assuming that you're still in school.

My advice is this: Study hard and don't worry about girls too much. You have the rest of your life to worry about girls, but if you screw up your schooling, the rest of your life will be a lot harder.

Just be yourself, meet and hang out with as many different people as you can, and don't get too hung up over this girl or that girl. Trust me, there are going to be a lot of girls and they are probably going to make your life miserable, enjoy your young freedom while you still can.

One more thing... girls can like you without actually LIKING you. By this I mean that just because a girl gives you a hug, does not automatically mean that she is romantically interested in you.

Good luck.

 

[superbleeder12]

Probably friend zone'd, you will not be able to go out with her. Just move on.

 

[Blue Sonnet]

Jesus Christ on a stick, I state my age and the whole thread turns around.

I hope you don't mean me hun!

Things are different when you are a teenager, whatever people say - you are just learning about social interaction, you are just beginning to notice the other sex, and you are still learning who you are as a person. The same can be said for the people you are interested in, which can make for an interesting experience to say the least...
No-one can say that they have the same romantic experiences at 14 that they have at 24/34/44 (unless said person hasn't had any), you learn more about other people and how to interact & converse with them, and you are a different person yourself.

I am a little envious though, I'd love to have had a boy interested in me at 14! The most I ever got were spitballs because I had a borderline afro and was a tempting target...

 

[Goldbling]

it be just me, or there lots of people asking for advice from people here from the jolly old Escapist?

I guess we people here are that trustworthy.

Aye, we be trusty tools of destruction and love making

 

[samsprinkle]

Usually the look she gives you while talking to you. Speaking from experience here. I hate that look.

Can you explain the look, please?

I can. the look that says,"Poor guy, don't want to be a ***** and crush him." Just man up and ask her to hang out with you.

 

[Goldbling]

I think this is pretty much everytime you're not someone she wants to go out with. After all I can bet she needs you a lot less than you want her, plus she knows you want to do naughty things to her and finds humour in this fact

Girls...know about the naughty things?

LOL.. you know to let out a little secret....

Having grown up as the only girl in a large large family of men, and being around them constantly, then being around the girls in school, and work...... Women tend to be more perverted than men by far.. and it only gets worse the older we get... though naturally were conditioned to keep it less public around males...though that goes away with many of us who prefer hanging with the guys...

Jesus, Why did you tell him that? Now he's gonna go thinking all girls will just say everyhting perverted. My friend is like that, though. She will talk about anything, Sex, Money, Drugs, Sex....

 

[space_oddity]

Scrap that, it looks more like surprise... which is probably better... unless she's surprised because you fell out of her cupboard with a video camera.

Ahhhh, that takes me back.

 

[Frizzle]

Right, I'm off to rent a car, smoke a pipe and saw some wood in the garage.

I just imagine that last bit (saw some wood in the garage) being said by Eddie Izzard.

Personally, my ambiguous girl problems involved being accosted and licked in the ear by one of them. WTF does THAT mean?

It means she likes it rough....


Edit: Dude, as much as the "you're only 14" thing could get all of us out of helping you, it comes down to the fact that you are 14. She's probably learning through the same processes as you (i don't mean internet forums) and is just as nervous. Don't ask her why she's talking to you. That's a question you ask after you're in a relationship, and she'll no doubt bring it up at some point.....

Instead of just greeting her and moving on, ask her how she's doing etc. If she leans against the wall like you said, then you're golden, it's definately not out of pity. If you make a dumb joke, and she laughs at it more than she should, you have about 1 week to ask her out before I label you a wuss

Cheers and good luck!

 

[Matronadena]

Jesus Christ on a stick, I state my age and the whole thread turns around.

I hope you don't mean me hun!

Things are different when you are a teenager, whatever people say - you are just learning about social interaction, you are just beginning to notice the other sex, and you are still learning who you are as a person. The same can be said for the people you are interested in, which can make for an interesting experience to say the least...
No-one can say that they have the same romantic experiences at 14 that they have at 24/34/44 (unless said person hasn't had any), you learn more about other people and how to interact & converse with them, and you are a different person yourself.

I am a little envious though, I'd love to have had a boy interested in me at 14! The most I ever got were spitballs because I had a borderline afro and was a tempting target...

lol sweetie, don't worry about it, I had a following at 14, relationships at that point are just as comical and forgettable as they are at 16, 17, 20 etc.


In hindsight it's easy to point out that early relationships like that are just " practice" learning experiences....more or less to learn about what you like in other people, and what you yourself are most comfortable being... the tricky part comes when, you KNOW that anything at a young age is destined to utterly fail, are precarious in strength at best, and come closer to mimicking a real relationship, than actually being one...and having to fight what hormones, and pheromones, and cultural status are saying.

My Motherly advice here.. everything is impertinent, and nothing is as it will be later on...when you rush off to experience things, you miss more than you would if you let those things come to you and experiences thmselves... If you snag a gal or guy, don't use it to validate you existence.. getting your shit together for the system shock your in for with the proverbial dropping onto your head into the adult world cold wet and naked is more vital to a easier life then getting caught up in things that make that possess more complicated...but that is not saying you should ignore it all and not enroll in the great school of human social courtship, and breeding habits, just don't let it rule over you.

 

[CrashandBurn2640]

Well, for me it can go either way. I am a really touchy feely girl so I always hug my guy friends if they're comfortable with that, regardless of my feelings for them. However, I am much more likely to hug a guy that I actually like, rather than one I pity. Unfortunately, with a lot of girls it is really hard to tell. She could actually like you, she could be pitying you, or worst of all she could just be messing with you (something that really pisses me off when my friends do it). If you really like her the best way to find out is to ask her out, tough, but you'll have a better idea of her true intentions.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

hey pal,

I'm assuming that you're still in school.

My advice is this: Study hard and don't worry about girls too much. You have the rest of your life to worry about girls, but if you screw up your schooling, the rest of your life will be a lot harder.

Just be yourself, meet and hang out with as many different people as you can, and don't get too hung up over this girl or that girl. Trust me, there are going to be a lot of girls and they are probably going to make your life miserable, enjoy your young freedom while you still can.

One more thing... girls can like you without actually LIKING you. By this I mean that just because a girl gives you a hug, does not automatically mean that she is romantically interested in you.

Good luck.

Listen to this man. Within his words lies the secret of life.

I don't want to talk down to you (I don't feel any different now than I did at 14, and I'm 19 now), but you have the rest of your life to get involved in a relationship. Enjoy your freedom! Do things and go places that you couldn't or wouldn't with a disinterested (possibly) significant other around. Discover more about yourself and what kind of person you want to be! Become the kind of man that will attract the kind of woman you're looking for, not these teenage girls with all their drama. There's a lot more to life than other people-embrace nihilism! (Okay, maybe don't take it that far).

Oh, and I vote for being upfront and honest. You've probably been friend zone'd by now, but give it a shot anyway.

There are married guys all around the world who would give anything to be where you are right now. Yeah, it's an awkward and frustrating period of life, but there are perks. You've gotta enjoy where you are.

 

[Seldon2639]

This is a simple question: What are signs that a girl has pity for you in the "Awww, he's such a loser" way, for whatever reason?

For more details: My situation is these two girls who almost always smile and/or say hi to me all the time, usually with a nice, big, smile. I always say hi back, being the overly-kind person I am. One of them gave me hug for remembering her birthday.

Then I heard that one of them gave a hug to one of the kids that no one in their grade likes for some reason, and my paranoia kicked in, and that's why I'm asking this question.

Today, one of them, the one that hasn't hugged me and the one I'm interested in, also asked me what's up and started leaning on a wall when I said hi to her.

Is this pity, friendliness, or interest?


Edit: This is not the same girl from my other thread.

It might not be pity, but it's probably nothing more than them being friendly, polite, even nice. From what I've read in this thread, and your previous one, you seem to want to divide things into a binary state: either the girl likes you lock, stock, and barrel, or the girl is fairly indifferent. The best advice I can give is to be nice to them, friendly, but without expectation. There's no downside to being a friend toward them. If they don't even like you as a friend, you aren't losing anything. If they like you as a friend but not as a boyfriend, you have new friends (always good). And if one of them is really interested in you, you're nearby.

If you can't divorce the fact that you fancy her from your interaction with her (that is, if all you're ever thinking about is "oh, god, does she like me"), believe me when I say that you'll do yourself a favor to be away from her. Chances are she doesn't like you romantically, so if you can't be comfortable as a friend (and it seems like you can't) and nothing else, you can't be friends.

 

[Meta Like That]

I think you're forgetting how powerful the male libido is at that stage... and that he has 3 more years of high school BS. Acting natural around girls is harder than it sounds, but it can be done.

 

[Seldon2639]

Jesus Christ on a stick, I state my age and the whole thread turns around.

i guess i'm partially to blame for that, srry man.

how long has she been acting like this to you? that might be relevant.

I don't think many people would be pity-friendly for longer periods of time.

Since September, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and ask her why she started to say hi to me and other things.

Sorry for what might be a double post, but please don't do this. It won't gain you anything. No matter her reason, asking won't help you. If she likes you as a friend, you display your paranoia for all to see (something best saved for when you're really good friends with someone, 'cause then they might actually try to reassure you, but only if there's an emotional resonance). If she really is pitying you, not only to you get the "well, I like to be nice to people" thing, but you also look either presumptuous, or paranoid, neither of which are good.

Remember Jonathan Coulton at times like these:

"What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough?
Isn't it better not to know?"

 

[Littaly]

I've experienced the same thing. Actually I do it all the time. Are they friendly because I'm actually a likable person or because I'm a sorry looser? Or possibly both?

The problem is that the way to react differs so much. And even if it's just pity, are you supposed to be thankful, feel disgraced or sorry but optimistic (after all, you wouldn't feel sorry for someone you hate or don't get)?

Maybe it's just prejudices, but this problem always seem to be about girls, guys always seem more straight forward.

The bottom line is: I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!

 

[Meta Like That]

No matter her reason, asking won't help you. If she likes you as a friend, you display your paranoia for all to see (something best saved for when you're really good friends with someone, 'cause then they might actually try to reassure you, but only if there's an emotional resonance). If she really is pitying you, not only to you get the "well, I like to be nice to people" thing, but you also look either presumptuous, or paranoid, neither of which are good.

Remember Jonathan Coulton at times like these:

"What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough?
Isn't it better not to know?"

It's not paranoia, it's genuine curiosity. Girls play mind games, this is no secret. As long as he doesn't put his finger in her face, asking "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!", he'll get that point across. Last thing a guy needs is to get dicked around by girls.

Then again, it is a helpful life experience.

 

[caross73]

Today, one of them, the one that hasn't hugged me and the one I'm interested in, also asked me what's up and started leaning on a wall when I said hi to her.

Is this pity, friendliness, or interest?

Go read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. Maybe you are too young for it, I don't know, but the moment you can, get a copy. Most of your problems are being caused by entirely too much caring about what other people think about you. Even if you do care, you can't ACT like you care. There are these repeated themes that people recapitulate over and over in their lives. If you can recognize them, you can get out of the habit, put other peoples insecurities to work for you, and things will actually get better.