Haters Gonna Hate, and Creepers Gonna Creep
There's nothing wrong with being hot for teacher.
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There's nothing wrong with being hot for teacher.
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Haters Gonna Hate, and Creepers Gonna Creep
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
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I usually don't read through these too much, but that last one I have to agree with. Just be a complete ***** and he'll likely go away.
Oh, as for the intimidating one, guess that could explain why no one ever randomly comes up and talks to me... Or maybe it's because I'm not always wearing a smile and I tend to stick alone. I don't honestly know, or care for the most part, though I did ask one girl about it and she said I was intimidating. *shrug* I'll worry about eventually.
Oh, as for the intimidating one, guess that could explain why no one ever randomly comes up and talks to me... Or maybe it's because I'm not always wearing a smile and I tend to stick alone. I don't honestly know, or care for the most part, though I did ask one girl about it and she said I was intimidating. *shrug* I'll worry about eventually.
I can almost relate to the first one. Uni has bought me massively out of my shell, and I'm proving rather popular, even getting some female attention. Nothing approaching actually liking me though, I am a novelty to most of them, a mad jester, I'm sure of it. I'm actually pretty happy like that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to rid myself of my accursed virginity ASAP, but my looks aren't my strong point which kinda bars one night stands, and I'm still cynical that an actual relationship with someone could end well. I can't afford to lose my grip on my work, and if a bad relationship comes along, it will bash me in the head until I let go.
Also, I find it a little disturbing how similiar I am to the creepy guy. I do more of those kind of things as jokes, though, obvious ones, I think he actually is that creepy. I don't stare either. Not when no-one's taking a picture...
And taking advantage of phobias? Amateur. When you reduce a chav to a gibbering mess by using his daddy and abandonment issues to probe his psychological weak points and reveal him as the scared, lost child he truly is, that's when you know you're a master.
Also, I find it a little disturbing how similiar I am to the creepy guy. I do more of those kind of things as jokes, though, obvious ones, I think he actually is that creepy. I don't stare either. Not when no-one's taking a picture...
And taking advantage of phobias? Amateur. When you reduce a chav to a gibbering mess by using his daddy and abandonment issues to probe his psychological weak points and reveal him as the scared, lost child he truly is, that's when you know you're a master.
The first part of the first answer is so true, and so full of bull-crap at the same time. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing. Too confident and you're fucked, too shy and you're fucked. I'm so glad I'm out of high school. That's state-sponsored torture.
Some strange DnD-loving anime weirdo is a creepy stalker person with no social skills?
Color me surprised!
/sarcasm
Color me surprised!
/sarcasm
Cleric: How do you deal with Creepers in Minecraft? lock them out, don't let them in or near, and kill them from afar or with traps. Same thing in real life. You gotta put that down. Don't let that continue. Be a ***** if you have to. Because hey, chances are, you're not the only one who's creeped by him.
Seriously. I used to be kind of a creep in a different, pining from afar, kind of way, and I think that even a situation like that could only have been solved by her blowing me off as opposed to letting me down easy. Unfortunately for both of us, she never did, and I carried a torch for this girl from 3rd grade through 11th.
In hindsight, I wish that either she had listened to her bitchy friends and just been mean to me like they were, or that I had grown up and moved on sooner.
EDIT: at the very least, she should have been more stern and clear. "I'm not interested in you" goes a lot farther than "I have no interest in dating right now".
In hindsight, I wish that either she had listened to her bitchy friends and just been mean to me like they were, or that I had grown up and moved on sooner.
EDIT: at the very least, she should have been more stern and clear. "I'm not interested in you" goes a lot farther than "I have no interest in dating right now".
Got it Bad and Lara:Lara Crigger said:
Please. Do not, under any circumstances, listen to the last portion of Lara's advice. Seriously, if it went anywhere, you could still very much ruin her career. More than likely, she's aware of this and it wouldn't happen, but you need to be aware that even your casual pursuit of the matter could cause major problems for her.
If talking strictly legally (depending on where you are), it might be "legal" to date a former student. And speaking professionally, it may be "acceptable" to date a college student who has not been your student. Again, depends on where you are. But dating a former student of yours?
1. A university will see this as undermining the integrity of the classroom, because of the example it can set.
2. It will raise questions in the university about whether or not impropriety began earlier in secret, while she was still your professor.
3. Other people will talk, and it will begin making problems for that professor.
4. Even just flirting with or openly pursuing this woman, whether or not she responds, can cause her superiors to believe surely she must have done something to encourage it. Increased scrutiny will nearly always provide someone something to complain about, even if it's cooked up.
5. Academia is a small world, and "ruined" means ruined. Even the accusation of improper relations with a student/former student is considered the deadliest sin, ranking even higher than embezzlement/misappropriation of funds.
Sure, you may find a situation that doesn't cause an immediate, cataclysmic firing. That doesn't mean you aren't gradually destroying her credibility--and in education, that's all you have. Fantasize all you want, but be very careful not to act on them, and careful how much of a voice you give these fantasies.
(Now, we can get on the, "That's not right! They're adults!" thing if you want, but it's a waste of time. In a world of credentials, in a position of trust, and on heavily-monitored funding? Appearances matter.)
Cleric:
You need to break things off quickly, and it doesn't have to be gentle. But the guy doesn't have to be a bad guy, either. He's incredibly immature and bad with people, no doubt. He's in a new setting and trying to construct an identity for himself, though, just like you were... only he's starting further back in that process.
Think about it: You yourself mention you're a "major part" of the geek scene. It has become an identity for you, as it has for others. And at the collegiate level, all of the "geek folks" were likely kings of their respective local Geekdoms. Just like "jocks" and the like, it can feel kind of competitive at first -- each person is going to try to show off how "geeky" they are in an effort to stake out territory.
You are (or currently see yourself as) the leader of your own pack. He has just joined that pack, and feels he needs to prove his "geek cred." He isn't necessarily trying to supplant you, but he's trying to show he's "geeky" and "quirky" and "unique" enough. In doing so, he's clearly over-doing it. He was likely outcast back home for being so weird, and he's built an identity from it... which he is trying to carry with him into this new setting, without realizing that such behavior lacks the previous context (and will also land him as an outcast again).
Maybe he was "king geek" back where he lived. Maybe he was just a complete outcast and named himself "king" of his own little social world--which is why he, in a sense, treats other people like characters in his story, rather than as individuals. In any case, he's a combination of immature and lost. Rather than trying to "reboot" himself in a new setting, he's just trying to re-assert his old identity (and all the bad habits it entails).
I'm not saying don't oust him. Certainly, it seems your personalities will continue to clash. Just... maybe understanding a bit more about him might help you find the best way to get rid of him. You can gently let him know:
1. We're all geeks here. It's not a competition. You're overdoing it.
2. Other people have boundaries (physical and social), and you've got to learn what they are and respect them.
3. People won't be comfortable around you until you are comfortable with being yourself. And no, this is not "yourself."
In short: Yeah, he's socially very immature. Yeah, he's clinging to hard to his old identity as "Super Weird Guy." Yeah, he's got boundary issues and problems with manners. And no, it's not your responsibility to fix any of this. But try to avoid thinking of this guy as being somehow intentionally a creepy or "bad" guy. Being unnecessarily mean won't teach him any lesson, because he's not ready to learn them yet.
So by all means, send him out of your group ne'er to return. But, if you can find it in your heart, at least point him in some other, better direction when you do.
This is much better advice. Seriously. You don't know how one misplaced rumor can absolutetly destroy someones career/ life.Dastardly said:
And as for the 'Creeper', it seems like he merely has a different personality, albeit an odd one. most of those things don't strike me as creepy. If he was following you home and constatly telling you you had a 'purty mouth' and staring fixatedly at you, then I would find it creepy. Liking your Facebook status and being immature, not so much.
Hell, this is sort of how my brother acted a few years back. Immature =/= Creepy.
I agree that you're probably never going to be friends, but creepy is a bit far.
I going to mirror 'some' of the sentiments presented earlier ITT with regards to the 'creeper-label'. My bit is that I think many times, 'creeper' can be a term used to write off undesirable admirers. I'm not saying he isn't a creeper; what I mean is, however, given your description, it hardly sounds like he is. Is he immature, trying too hard, and have a thing for you? Sounds like it. Creeper? Mm....
Let me tell you what a creeper is. I have met one or two, and these guys are pretty much quasi-stalkers. They have little to no social skills, they sometimes follow people -everywhere- without their consent (or knowing....*shudder*); they have terrible hygiene most of the time, and they pull off things that give -major- red flags. One of these stalkers 'Ben' was in my female friend's dorm room while she was taking a nap. She woke up to find him staring at her. WTF?!
Another time we were driving home (carpooling) from band practice and he was so silent in the back of the car that he scared the driver shitless (WTF are you doing in my car?).
Sounds to me like you're being chased by a dork. But creeper?
Ironically, the advice is still the same. Be a ***** and shake him off. Be firm and give this guy a reality-slap to the face. No, not necessarily because he's a creeper. But because he needs to freaking learn that that's not the way you attract a woman.
Let me tell you what a creeper is. I have met one or two, and these guys are pretty much quasi-stalkers. They have little to no social skills, they sometimes follow people -everywhere- without their consent (or knowing....*shudder*); they have terrible hygiene most of the time, and they pull off things that give -major- red flags. One of these stalkers 'Ben' was in my female friend's dorm room while she was taking a nap. She woke up to find him staring at her. WTF?!
Another time we were driving home (carpooling) from band practice and he was so silent in the back of the car that he scared the driver shitless (WTF are you doing in my car?).
Sounds to me like you're being chased by a dork. But creeper?
Ironically, the advice is still the same. Be a ***** and shake him off. Be firm and give this guy a reality-slap to the face. No, not necessarily because he's a creeper. But because he needs to freaking learn that that's not the way you attract a woman.
Yeah, the whole thing reminds me of this comic strip: http://imaletyoufinish.com/pics/the-difference-between-cute-and-creepy/antipunt said:
Being physically attractive counts for so much in these cases.
For the hot for teacher kid, that sometimes works out. An old friend of mine met her husband when she was his Italian teacher. After the semester they ran into one another and then hit it off. 3 years later, married.
Personally I think it's somewhat unethical, but apparently its not.
PS. I love the name of the thread/article
Personally I think it's somewhat unethical, but apparently its not.
PS. I love the name of the thread/article
Okay the response to that first question is completely wrong. Girls love a guy who is confident. They practically feed off of it. That's why many girls like to date older guys... because they are confident and have their "shit" together.
With the creeper advice, I totally agree.
Freshman year, I had a friend who got creeped by Creepy McCreeperson, who attempted to attack her with his creepy rat-shaped non-consensual upper-classman face. She ran off crying, I had to pry out of her what happened, and she was too timid to do anything about it, because she had zero concept of how to protect her own boundaries (she grew up in a rather unhealthy environment). So I had to march over to his dorm, tell him he had no right to touch her, and then kicked him in the shins: really, really hard. He didn't mess with another freshman for the rest of the year. Sometimes, being a ***** really is the only course of action, especially when you're dealing with an asshole.
Freshman year, I had a friend who got creeped by Creepy McCreeperson, who attempted to attack her with his creepy rat-shaped non-consensual upper-classman face. She ran off crying, I had to pry out of her what happened, and she was too timid to do anything about it, because she had zero concept of how to protect her own boundaries (she grew up in a rather unhealthy environment). So I had to march over to his dorm, tell him he had no right to touch her, and then kicked him in the shins: really, really hard. He didn't mess with another freshman for the rest of the year. Sometimes, being a ***** really is the only course of action, especially when you're dealing with an asshole.
For the first one, just because this guy says he's proud and confident now doesn't mean he's exuding that in his day to day life. Apparently his accomplishment is not insulting himself anymore, which--let's be honest--isn't exactly the endzone this guy needs to reach. He's not "too confident." When it comes to dating, you can never be too confident. Don't tell this poor guy he's too good for them just to prop up his burgeoning self-esteem, let him know how to improve. He may only be 17, but the years go by quick and the road of love is paved with guys that settled or told themselves they had plenty of time. If he wants, now is the perfect time to start.
My advice to him is to work on his game like he would his muscles or his art skills, or even his video gaming. Realize that having success with women is not some innate magic, it's a skill that take practice. Work on your conversational skills, join a Toastmasters-esque club at your school or in your town. Look up pick-up artists techniques online. Do whatever you gotta do to reach the point you want to be at. The biggest thing is just branching out and doing more things. Decide what you want as a career and go crazy with that. You'll learn new things, meet new people, and improve your marketability and yeah, you may meet a nice girl without even trying. The first step is to become well-rounded, but at the same time you can learn how attraction works and how to improve your dating skills.
My advice to him is to work on his game like he would his muscles or his art skills, or even his video gaming. Realize that having success with women is not some innate magic, it's a skill that take practice. Work on your conversational skills, join a Toastmasters-esque club at your school or in your town. Look up pick-up artists techniques online. Do whatever you gotta do to reach the point you want to be at. The biggest thing is just branching out and doing more things. Decide what you want as a career and go crazy with that. You'll learn new things, meet new people, and improve your marketability and yeah, you may meet a nice girl without even trying. The first step is to become well-rounded, but at the same time you can learn how attraction works and how to improve your dating skills.