Helpful Old Lady Ruins 200-Year-Old Portrait

[2fish]

I have a highschool year book I would like redone. How much does she charge?

I feel it is time for the internet to get together and restore all the art in the world. Let's see what we get. I fear it will be an endless wave of memes.

Wonder what she used to fix the painting and if her fix is fixable.

 

[Davatehi]

Didn't know Jesus was a lion monkey.

 

[Jonluw]

Christ, don't you guys realize it's an art project?
The extra layer of paint represents our feeble attempts at improving on and tinkering with what nature provides us with, and how we consistently ends up worse off for the effort.

[sub]I'm actually serious. If someone with the right name took the painting from her and placed it in a gallery, you can be sure it would fetch a hefty sum and hailed for its deep meaning. Suddenly it would be considered great art.[/sub]

 

[lacktheknack]

She didn't paint it using bodily fluids. That's why it's so crap.

I agree! Would look much better in blood form.

I looked at your avatar and nearly fell out of my chair. Y U DO THIS TO ME

Whoops! Someone mentioned God or Jesus on this forum cue parade of the anti-theist brigade

Which is TOTALLY what happened.

Save it for when it actually happens.

 

[lacktheknack]

I don't get why this is a story on the escapist.

Because why not.

Seriously, why not? It's not like it's replacing a gaming story, it's there because pffffffAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

[Scorpid]

She didn't paint it using bodily fluids. That's why it's so crap.

I agree! Would look much better in blood form.

I looked at your avatar and nearly fell out of my chair. Y U DO THIS TO ME

Whoops! Someone mentioned God or Jesus on this forum cue parade of the anti-theist brigade

Which is TOTALLY what happened.

Save it for when it actually happens.

Oh trust me I will! Won't be the last you hear of me! You'll see...

 

[WindKnight]

Is anyone else getting flashbacks from the first mr.bean movie?

I'm more remembering the little old dear who took a bronze statue onto an antiques tv show and proudly told how she'd cleaned all the black gunk off to make it nice and shiny, while you could tell the expert was trying not to headdesk

 

[Viking67]

She turned the son of god into a monkey? Are we sure she was trying to restore the painting and not making an artistic statement about evolution?

 

[Nouw]

In the wise words of Doctor Steinman, it's ugly! No, I kid. I think it's a nice change from the usual pictures of Jesus.

 

[swimon]

Meh, so she's got a neo-Picasso thing going on. It's at least interesting. Of course, I think Mr. Bean improved on Whistler as well.

While the face do seem to be somewhat reminiscent of picasso's facial distortions it reminds me more of Edvard Munch. Both in the composition of the colours and how it seems a bit out of focus. Munch did many paintings that mirrored the distorted images you could get from misusing the cameras of his time so a painting that is out of focus and blurry could very plausibly be an homage.

 

[Kl4pp5tuhl]

Without fixing up the colours or changing the skin colour to the proper one I dashed this out in 10min using my cheater tech.

I'm not trying to make a point it's just 4 A.M. and I was bored.

Was thinking the same, the old one will eventually just crumble anyway, so photograph it, photoshop it, done.

 

[Padwolf]

The Mr Bean movie springs to mind. But also the fact that Jesus now looks like a Goron. For a woman with little or no art experience, I would give her an A for effort! I'm sure Jesus would laugh at it too and enjoy it.

 

[frizzlebyte]

You make an art restoration check

...

You roll a 1.

Ha. Best post of the entire thread.

Agreed. I lol'd.

By the way, Boudica: is that avatar what I think it is? [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.385781-Menstrual-Blood-Finger-Painting]

 

[laserpants]

ya, old women can do things that makes as much sense as 1+1=7. Like that cat lady that lives next door to me that would sleep on the porch because the cats became too messy for her.

 

[direkiller]

I'm not a religious man but I think a little bit of my soul just curled up and died

As someone who feels the same, but loves Art...I feel the same
It makes me cringe with almost literal pain when I see this D:

this news story made my day

 

[antipunt]

So she turned Jesus Christ into...a Goron!??!?!

a crayon sketch of a mildly obese howler monkey in a dress

I am laughing a lot harder than I should...

 

[VoodooPuppeteer]

A for effort.

That's the kind of teaching that results in people who think they can restore paintings and end up destroying paintings of Whistler's mother

 

[Dooly95]

Why did this woman have access to this thing? I know art security is far from how the movies suggest, but this must have taken a while and no one stopped her?

If the painting got to that state before the "restoration", I doubt whatever place that was holding the painting would have enough to hire anyone to secure it.

From the article:

It was donated to the Centro de Estudios Borjanos by Martinez's granddaughter only a few weeks previously.

 

[RN7]

I kind of like this one better. It's more lighthearted than all the generic religious photos of Jesus. Granted screwing up a work of art is never good, but the terrible restoration counts for something, sort of; it's funnier to look at.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

Is it just me or does Jesus look like he's smoking? He's all man, baby.