Hooked on Cliches
- Thread starter The_root_of_all_evil
- Start date
The red barrels explode. The brown barrels are full of ammunition and full turkey dinners that pop out and land gracefully on the ground when you hit them. The metal barrels are indestructible, don't even try.
You're mute. This is never explained. If you're feeling frisky, you might bust out the old "...". Your teammates not only aren't irritated by your refusal to speak, they somehow understand you perfectly and are happy enough to do all the conversing.
There are only two ways to be: completely alive and fine and able to run and jump and cartwheel, and DEAD. If things are REALLY complex, you may be able to grab your side or limp a bit if you're two hit points away from game over.
Edit! Every single woman is model-quality gorgeous with enormous breasts and perfect skin. Furthermore, they all seem quite happy to stroll around wearing more material on their arms and legs than their chest and hips, which are covered with bits of bead and string. Maybe you'll encounter a fat or ugly woman once, but rest assured she's totally evil, gob-head stupid and will probably die eating something.
You're mute. This is never explained. If you're feeling frisky, you might bust out the old "...". Your teammates not only aren't irritated by your refusal to speak, they somehow understand you perfectly and are happy enough to do all the conversing.
There are only two ways to be: completely alive and fine and able to run and jump and cartwheel, and DEAD. If things are REALLY complex, you may be able to grab your side or limp a bit if you're two hit points away from game over.
Edit! Every single woman is model-quality gorgeous with enormous breasts and perfect skin. Furthermore, they all seem quite happy to stroll around wearing more material on their arms and legs than their chest and hips, which are covered with bits of bead and string. Maybe you'll encounter a fat or ugly woman once, but rest assured she's totally evil, gob-head stupid and will probably die eating something.
Everyone you talk to seems to know who you are and what you're trying to do, no matter what you've actually told them. They also seem to enjoy telling you a pointless story about themselves or make extremely obvious remarks about your current mission.
All facilities, office buildings, and military bases are built with strange winding corridors that don't lead anywhere and don't match the building's structure.
All facilities, office buildings, and military bases are built with strange winding corridors that don't lead anywhere and don't match the building's structure.
You're a college student who cheats/schmoozes his way through college and doesn't learn a single thing or do any honest work while on campus other than how to make D.I.Y bongs out of household items. (Hey, it's called engineering for a reason). Then you get a high paying job where all you do is boss around various underlings who weren't crafty enough to cheat, and thus were forced into various random degrees. Think Bully, but a little more serious.
It isn't so much as a glorious celebration of cliches than it's the honest truth.
It isn't so much as a glorious celebration of cliches than it's the honest truth.
You can respawn indefinently for no adequetly (3:00 in the morning after 2 days no sleep, can't think or spell) explained reason next to your ally simply because he/she is sitting 20 feet back in a safe house picking his/her nose. Also, when you respawn, all of your weapons are restocked.
You have a special healing item/creature that, despite the fact that it is in your bag/pouch/carrying case/bottle with a stopper on top, can appear out of no where and revive you if you fall in battle. Then your enemies will freeze in time and allow you to stand, strech a bit, and assume a ready stance before resuming the fight.
You have a special healing item/creature that, despite the fact that it is in your bag/pouch/carrying case/bottle with a stopper on top, can appear out of no where and revive you if you fall in battle. Then your enemies will freeze in time and allow you to stand, strech a bit, and assume a ready stance before resuming the fight.
Your boss is more intelligent than you (for possibly the first time ever)
You decide to give off a pithy quote when entering a room full of bad guys, rather than shutting the fuck up.
Men are either Barbarian Chested, Evil Corporate Rakes or Socially Inept Wizards.
No-one has a proper job or job title.
All Brits are either Public School Punks, Cockney Weasels or Upperclass Toffs.
You decide to give off a pithy quote when entering a room full of bad guys, rather than shutting the fuck up.
Men are either Barbarian Chested, Evil Corporate Rakes or Socially Inept Wizards.
No-one has a proper job or job title.
All Brits are either Public School Punks, Cockney Weasels or Upperclass Toffs.
A large raw chicken magically heals all of your wounds with no nasty salmonella-type after-effects. An apple magically heals half of your wounds, and that has no nasty after-effects either.
Yes, but...RufusMcLaser said:
You come across someone in their underwear lying down on a camp bed, or sleeping in an inn, or whatever. You sneak up to them and strike them with your giant huge motherf---ing axe of doom. They wake up, calmly sit up in bed and turn towards you (all the time while you're slashing at them frantically with said axe of doom drawing more blood than a butcher's shop), stand up, magically develop armour, and start fighting back.
Alternatively...
You've managed to sneak up close to your enemies. One of them is just a short distance ahead and you have your machine gun out and ready. He's standing still, looking away from you, and you take careful aim directly at his bare head and fire... only for him to jerk around, crouch, yell "Enemy contact!" into his radio, pull out a gun and start desperately firing back at you.
Anybody remember the days when you could kill a man in videogames by hitting them with an axe or shooting them in the head? Those days are gone, my friends.
you're some lowly farmer dude who is totally insignificant and a nobody and some super evil dude comes by and kidnaps the love of your life and you must go on a quest to save her while gaining some uber power
Despite leading for most of the race, a slight slip on the last corner causes you to drop down to 5th.
You are a bad enough dude to rescue the president.
Some calamity has happened to your team and you are the only survivor.
The self-righteous leader of the holy order is actually a worshipper of the Evil Demon King Guy.
By the end of your quest, you're about a bajillion times stronger and faster than when you started.
Some calamity has happened to your team and you are the only survivor.
The self-righteous leader of the holy order is actually a worshipper of the Evil Demon King Guy.
By the end of your quest, you're about a bajillion times stronger and faster than when you started.
you are generously funded by each and every monster/rat/rabbit/citter/plant/barrel and crate as you pursue your goal of saving the world.
Even though you (the best of the best) started your quest to rid the world of the menace of the bug-like-with-little-to-no-intelligence-yet-can-build-starships alien menace in the middle of the best the military has to offer, you are only given a pistol, combat knife, and a basic issue rifle to take them down. They assume you will find all the really good stuff later on the bodies of the dead soldiers that were the best of the best before you.
Also, to ensure your victory, they will send 5-10 meat shields along for the ride who are guaranteed to at least draw fire for the first 2.7 min of the 1st mission.
Even though you (the best of the best) started your quest to rid the world of the menace of the bug-like-with-little-to-no-intelligence-yet-can-build-starships alien menace in the middle of the best the military has to offer, you are only given a pistol, combat knife, and a basic issue rifle to take them down. They assume you will find all the really good stuff later on the bodies of the dead soldiers that were the best of the best before you.
Also, to ensure your victory, they will send 5-10 meat shields along for the ride who are guaranteed to at least draw fire for the first 2.7 min of the 1st mission.
You are located somwhere inside a huge exoskeleton suit with energy shields and artificial muscles and also there's a big chance you are a 7 ft tall cyborg who can jump 20 feet high and take several bullets to the forehead yet you are thrust into battle with only a pistol and your cybernetic fists while the flak jacket wearing tards arround you are issued assault rifles and rocket launchers.
you are wearing a red shirt in a star trek game and you die
don't believe i never thought of that one
don't believe i never thought of that one
Your inventory consists of 45,020 clips of ammunition, 2 dozen rubies, 2 tactical nuke launchers, 20 Marlboro, one sword of Sharpness, A Cornetto and 3 banana skins, but you can't quite pick up that small piece of paper with the clue on it; or read it on the floor, or remember it.
