Hooked on Cliches

Human Bomb

New member
Sep 29, 2007
63
0
0
You wake up to the first day of the rest of your life. Nothing is as it seems. Trust no one. You are the only child of a widow who tells you that you must go meet up with your childhood romance. You wake up. It was all a dream, and you're actually en route to your mission to investigate a mysterious happening in an abandoned desert town. You wake up. Why all these dreams? Why is there blood on my hands? Who keeps telling me I wake up? I wake up, inexplicably I have magic powers. I take my father's sword in hand. Vengance will be had. You start quoting random religious texts and dreaming of HP Lovecraft as your ruined and haunted spacecraft hurtles towards a forgotten alien superweapon/planet.
 

Mnemophage

New member
Mar 13, 2008
287
0
0
Anytime anyone stops to take a pee, the remainder of their life can be counted in nanoseconds.

Despite the big shiny respawn terminals everywhere, everyone still treats death like it's the worst thing that could happen. (kudos to Anarchy Online for dodging this)

Of all the seventeen rajillion skeletons roaming the countryside, only about fourteen of them have heads. Or hands. Or ribs. Or whatever it is you need to collect.
 

implodingMan

New member
Apr 9, 2008
719
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0
Despite you being the chosen one and if you fail the entire world will be destroyed, shopkeepers will still charge outrageous prices for the crap they sell you, knowing that being dead is better than having a narrow profit margin.
 

Lvl 64 Klutz

Crowsplosion!
Apr 8, 2008
2,338
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0
Thanks to the increase in mutant animals, you can usually get about 3 of those ram horns you need from one ram. Unfortunately, due to your overly aggressive fighting style, you usually ruin most of them in the battle, making them no longer salvageable. And of course, all animals like to carry around currency for emergency purposes.
 

defcon 1

New member
Jan 3, 2008
458
0
0
Science experiment gone wrong. Skulking, decaying slow dumb zombies walk around as a result. Grab a shotgun and chainsaw and mow them down like there's no tomorrow. Oh yeah, there's going to be no tomorrow.
 

Strafe Mcgee

New member
Jan 25, 2008
1,052
0
0
You awake to find yourself in a crudely rendered 3D arena. Your body starts moving out of your control, arms flailing in pointlessly impressive martial-arts style. Another body appears on screen and says something like: "Renton kushu hanay yaaa!" Before entering the Lotus position.

Bewildered, confused, all becomes painfully apparent when you hear the last words you are ever likely to hear...

"FIGHT!"
 

scoHish

New member
Mar 27, 2008
508
0
0
You go back in time for an unknown reason. Turns out it was ancient Aztec magic that did it. Turns out it was Aliens who gave Aztecs magic. Turns out the Aztecs are Magic Zombie Aliens. Turns out you have to shoot them. You excited yet?...yeah me neither.

Edit: Oh yeah and Nazis
 

Lvl 64 Klutz

Crowsplosion!
Apr 8, 2008
2,338
0
0
scoHish said:
You go back in time for an unknown reason. Turns out it was ancient Aztec magic that did it. Turns out it was Aliens who gave Aztecs magic. Turns out the Aztecs are Magic Zombie Aliens. Turns out you have to shoot them. You excited yet?...yeah me neither.

Edit: Oh yeah and Nazis
...And the President's been kidnapped by NINJAS!!
 

Mr Scott

New member
Apr 15, 2008
274
0
0
For some reason, since you're the most under-qualified person to save the world, you are inexplicably the most eligible. Oh, yeah... swords, guns, swords/guns, gun-swords, sword-guns, or any other conceivable combination thereof.
 

stevesan

New member
Oct 31, 2006
302
0
0
OK OK, so, you're this, like, dude who is always constipated, who can take cover and blind-fire too! And you have normal guns and shit but you also have a lawnmower with a machine-gun mounted on top. And you fight these aliens, but they've released this virus that turns ppl into alien-zombies, so you fight those too and it sucks and you're sad cuz these ppl were like your friends at one point. And these aliens are called something related to animals or insects, like say, "The Evil Flock of Mantis Wolves". And, everything looks really dark cuz you're in a post-apocalyptic world, but the architecture is inspired by Roman architecture for some reason. You also have this awesome suit of armor that does cool things, like changing color depending on your mood. Did I mention we have a cover system?

OK but seriously. Lawnmower Gun. Yes?
 

crusha_aa

New member
Feb 27, 2008
102
0
0
Despite being a highly trained special forces commando dude, you can never sprint for more than 5 seconds at a time without stopping to catch your breath.

Also, you have an enormous inventory of weapons and items you have no problem carrying them around everywhere you go even though you have no pockets or any other portable storage method, and no matter how much you have picked up it will not weigh you down whatsoever.
 
Feb 13, 2008
19,430
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You unload a shot into the skull of the Vicious Beast(tm) that's been destroying your land. Immediately, hundreds of people hold you aloft and thank you for saving their world of lava, craters, shredded people, radioactivity, burning Imperial Troop Stations...

But that's not important, given that you fired the last shot, despite the Resistance fighting them off for 15 years and losing thousands of brave lives...

But that's not important, they've cooked you a massive meal, despite that food being the last food that the starving people need to survive...

But that's not important, you get to see your friends who by being with you have also become famous, despite tricking you, selling you out, running in front of your guns...

But that's not important, because the romance interest dumps all of their ideals to finally sleep with you like a submissive faun; and that's what saving the world is all about.

(Kudos to Diablo for slapping that one about)
 

stompy

New member
Jan 21, 2008
2,951
0
0
No matter what creepy shit you encounter, no matter how much of your worst nightmare is coming true, will will never have an emotional breakdown, and continue on as if the world was made of sunshine and lollipops.

- A procrastinator
 

Carbon016

New member
Nov 13, 2007
35
0
0
You are in control of a human army being attacked by two opposing alien forces: one organic and with lots of smaller, weaker units, and one extremely technologically advanced with extremely powerful and resource-intensive units.

Ever since Starcraft..
 

L4Y Duke

New member
Nov 24, 2007
1,085
0
0
You're a special ops guy who, on a routine mission, is the only survivor of a 4 man squad. You then swear revenge on the man who killed your mates, and set off to kill him.

You end up killing all 3 of your ex-teammates as they were all in league with the main evil guy, and you find out that the bad guy was once your subordinate.
 

Slamhound

New member
Aug 29, 2007
11
0
0
Flashlights, flares, and glowsticks only last a maximum of ten seconds before they fizzle out and die (And in the case of flashlights, must be recharged).

However, in the better-lit sections of the ancient tomb you're raiding, the flickering flame torches and candles have apparently remained lit for several centuries. What's the deal with that?
 

some random guy

New member
Nov 4, 2007
131
0
0
You're a grizzled, tough ex-marine and masked, alien bad guys have taken control of a secret nuclear testing facility in the middle of the arizona desert. They are threatening to launch a dozen nuclear missiles that would change the face of the earth if the government don't give them 50,000,000,000 dollars and total political power. You have 24 hours to get in, kill all the bad guys, deactivate the nuclear missiles and get out. You are equipped with a pistol, a knife, a machine gun, a shotgun, a rocket launcher, grenades and a sniper rifle which you hardly ever use. When you get hit, a red ring appears around the edge of the screen which disappears after a few seconds. In the end, you learn that this is a government plot to get rid of you for no apparent reason. Just then, the nuclear missiles go off.
To be continued...
 

Anarchemitis

New member
Dec 23, 2007
9,102
0
0
You can aim a gun while moving at the same speed as running, or jumping, or both. While inexplicably not getting your arms cramped, dead or breaking your own neck from torso stress.
 

TiffM

New member
Apr 23, 2008
5
0
0
There's been a disturbance in an under-developed country, you and your team of token minorites have been sent take down the threat, naturally, we're sending you in terribly equipped, leaving you to find better weapons from the poorly-equipped people you kill as you progress on your mission, don't worry if you get shot, you can just sit down for a couple of seconds until that red blur goes out of your eyes, which of course means you're fine.

Oh and the disturbance starts off as humans, but they are defending an alien spacecraft/ demonic entity! *Nods*
 

Dalisclock

Making lemons combustible again
Legacy
Escapist +
Apr 18, 2020
7,246
1,864
118
Country
United States
Gender
Male
The pagan-like religion is good and helpful. The catholic-like religion(and if they're organized, they're pretty catholic-like. Always), is evil and trying to conquer the world, usually by sacrificing puppies to dark gods.

On a similar note, all large corporations are evil, and are probably working on some kind of doomsday weapon in their spare time.

Many games have little moral ambiguity. There's the clearly good guys or the clearly bad guys. Sometimes it will turn out you were working for the bad guys all along, or that the good guys are being controlled by the bad guys.

But rarely do you have both sides(or even mutiple sides) that are somewhere in the grey area.