How big a role does sex play in a relationship?
- Thread starter Ethan Asia
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you know how good making love feels, right? i hope you choose to storm those trenches.
/arrogence
but if you want to go into that relationship, but not intimacy,tell her, just so she dosent expect you to stick your salami inside her.
/arrogence
but if you want to go into that relationship, but not intimacy,tell her, just so she dosent expect you to stick your salami inside her.
Honesty isn't the best policy, it's the ONLY policy. You need to be open with your significant other if your relationship is to have any chance.
And, really, if she can't wait for you to gain a sex drive, then how close are you emotionally if she'd be upset over something so petty as sex?
And, really, if she can't wait for you to gain a sex drive, then how close are you emotionally if she'd be upset over something so petty as sex?
The best relationships are the ones that progress naturally without much discussion in what the other person wants. Not to say that that's the ONLY type of relationship to strive for. They're the most enjoyable at first. Keeping any relationship, regardless of how it starts is a struggle.Vault101 said:
Regards to other comment, Patrick Stewart has twice offered to be involved in an adaptation of Transmetropolitan. Once offering to produce a miniseries, second time offering to voice Spider in an animated version distributed on the internet. Apparently, he's a fan of the series.
It varies heavily from couple to couple. For example, my girlfriend and I have been together for about a month now and we're planning to do the deed in about a week's time. As a counter example, my friend and his girlfriend have been together about 8 months and have only gotten to second base (I think).
Many couples go a long time without sex and lead perfectly happy relationships. Some don't. However, if one person wants it and one doesn't, there might be a little bit of trouble. If the idea of sex is repulsive to you, just tell her that. If she understands, she'll take the relationship at a slower pace, and maybe build you up to that. If she dumps you for that, she was probably a *****.
Good luck mate
Many couples go a long time without sex and lead perfectly happy relationships. Some don't. However, if one person wants it and one doesn't, there might be a little bit of trouble. If the idea of sex is repulsive to you, just tell her that. If she understands, she'll take the relationship at a slower pace, and maybe build you up to that. If she dumps you for that, she was probably a *****.
Good luck mate
Really? Way to be the stereotypical internet asshole. Prickthisbymaster said:
Depends on both of the people in the relationship. There's no set in stone answer.
In your case, you have a girl who is the one that wants to perform the beast with two backs. In my opinion, you'd be an idiot not to do that. Every girl I've dated has been extremely abstinent. Everybody is gonna be nervous.
In your case, you have a girl who is the one that wants to perform the beast with two backs. In my opinion, you'd be an idiot not to do that. Every girl I've dated has been extremely abstinent. Everybody is gonna be nervous.
Totally depends on the people involved.
Also:... No desire to do anything of the sort? o.o
I mean, and I could be wrong here, and don't take this as an insult as it's VERY common, but it sounds like you might be scared.
Sex is like a good massage, it's absurdly pleasurable, and as such easy to recommend to everyone. The only sketchy parts about it come from disease which gets blow way out of proportion and is a non-issue if you're smart about it.
I think, if you really like this woman, you should explain that you are a virgin, and have her ease you into sex. It shouldn't be this tense thing, or something you're feeling stressed about, it's honestly like playing a game of some kind (Find the erogenous zones! How fun!). And really it's probably something you should experience, and as other posters have said physical intimacy is what divides friends from lovers, so it's kind of an oddly important part of relationship (although fuck if the media will admit it).
Really it's nothing to be afraid of as ANYONE can be good at it. No matter your size or whatever it's the art of pleasuring which involves so much more than just the penis.
Oh, and one caveat to all this: If you're under 17, then discard all of what I said. Nothing wrong with having sex at that age (unless you're under 14, in which case, yeah...), but don't feel like you have to rush. But, if you're older than that then I'd say now is the time. Fate has put the ultimatum in front of you and what not.
One way or another, good luck to you sir.
Also:... No desire to do anything of the sort? o.o
I mean, and I could be wrong here, and don't take this as an insult as it's VERY common, but it sounds like you might be scared.
Sex is like a good massage, it's absurdly pleasurable, and as such easy to recommend to everyone. The only sketchy parts about it come from disease which gets blow way out of proportion and is a non-issue if you're smart about it.
I think, if you really like this woman, you should explain that you are a virgin, and have her ease you into sex. It shouldn't be this tense thing, or something you're feeling stressed about, it's honestly like playing a game of some kind (Find the erogenous zones! How fun!). And really it's probably something you should experience, and as other posters have said physical intimacy is what divides friends from lovers, so it's kind of an oddly important part of relationship (although fuck if the media will admit it).
Really it's nothing to be afraid of as ANYONE can be good at it. No matter your size or whatever it's the art of pleasuring which involves so much more than just the penis.
Oh, and one caveat to all this: If you're under 17, then discard all of what I said. Nothing wrong with having sex at that age (unless you're under 14, in which case, yeah...), but don't feel like you have to rush. But, if you're older than that then I'd say now is the time. Fate has put the ultimatum in front of you and what not.
One way or another, good luck to you sir.
It depends. I would respect others for their belief, but I don't think I'd go without sex forever, since I'd like to have a child someday and that kind of has to happen...and if my boyfriend stopped wanting to have sex, it'd drive me nuts, but that's probably because of it's happened. But anyway, talk to her about it and see how she feels.
Sorry, but your question has no answer, neither a right one, nor a wrong one. Pretty much anyone could say anything and it would be as right and wrong as what anybody else has to say. If I were a computer in the original Star Trek, I would have to explode right now. Maybe you wish I would, giving such a vague reply.
As Freud would put it, a person without Sex is someone that is odd. It doesn't matter how you get off, the act of having sex in its different (and many) forms is natural to every human being.
To be honest, if your woman is looking for sex and you can't deliver, she's going to look elsewhere. Women likes those babies.
To be honest, if your woman is looking for sex and you can't deliver, she's going to look elsewhere. Women likes those babies.
Depends on the relationship, but in general, it plays an enormous role (and rightly so). However, if you simply feel you're on a different emotional wavelength than someone else in regards to sex, be extremely candid with them and hope they do the same with you. If that's the case you will (hopefully) either find a way to work it out or go your separate ways. If you merely try and avoid the problem, feelings will get hurt.
As to your predilections towards abstinence, well, you really need to analyze the root of your feelings. You may just not be ready or feel it's not right for you now, and that's both okay and a totally legitimate reason to forgo sex at this time. However, it's also possible that the entirety of your reluctance rests on anxiety brought about by normal psychological factors (anticipation, self consciousness, unwarranted guilt, etc.) and such factors may be manifesting themselves in feelings of aversion or disinterest. If that's the case, I would consider attempting to muscle through it for the sake of your own development.
As to your predilections towards abstinence, well, you really need to analyze the root of your feelings. You may just not be ready or feel it's not right for you now, and that's both okay and a totally legitimate reason to forgo sex at this time. However, it's also possible that the entirety of your reluctance rests on anxiety brought about by normal psychological factors (anticipation, self consciousness, unwarranted guilt, etc.) and such factors may be manifesting themselves in feelings of aversion or disinterest. If that's the case, I would consider attempting to muscle through it for the sake of your own development.
As much as you want. People can fall in love and never have sex because they never want to have it.
Though I would lean to saying you can make sex too important.
A relationship can certainly last without sex, though. Especially if you both love each other more than sex.
Though I would lean to saying you can make sex too important.
A relationship can certainly last without sex, though. Especially if you both love each other more than sex.
It's extremely important - especially if your partner wants it. You beat around the bush too long and try to avoid it and she is going to think you are a pussy. Which isn't attractive.Ethan Asia said:
Just man up. It's not that scary, trust me. I'm from the interwebz.
Being open and honest can actually make the situation bring you closer in ways you never knew. Taking it slow and talking about it can actually fuel the desires. My boyfriend and I were open and talked about sexual relationship before even doing it. It made us feel more comfortable and close when the time came. Rushing the situation will not bring around the best experience. I know my boyfriend really didn't want to talk about it at first cause I'm sure he felt like you.Ethan Asia said:
Honesty is the only thing you truly have going for you at this point. You (and quite probably her as well) are sexually inexperienced, and as she trusts and likes you more she's going to rely on you to help her release sexual frustrations. It's not a bad thing to be inexperienced, and (from my own experience) the experimental stage of finding out how to make someone feel good is every bit as fun as knowing exactly how to make them tick. If your honest, it will probably (at least relative to the sex) work out.Ethan Asia said:
Ultimately, your relationship cannot last without sex being a factor, either to two of you will have sex, or you'll have an open relationship where you're still with her but she sleeps with someone (possibly multiple people) to keep her satisfied. I know that society likes to scream that men are sex obsessed and women could take it or leave it, but in my experience the opposite is closer to the truth (especially in long term relationships).
If you really don't want to sleep with her, make sure you two get some alone time and you tell her exactly what you're thinking/feeling. If you don't she'll think there's something wrong with her and you get into all the fun low self esteem and relationship breaking lack of intimacy between you, if you do she'll hopefully understand that you're just not ready and want to wait.
There's no right answer. Every individual has different sex drives and views on it's importance.
What does matter is if your views are compatible. I have sex with me girlfriend almost every day because that's what we both want. If only one of us was like that, it would have been a problem. So if your girlfriend really needs sex and you don't want it, I'm sorry to say your relationship will likely end. You may really be into sex after you have it a few times(it may take while for it to not be awkward if you're a virgin), so take that into consideration. Good luck to you.
What does matter is if your views are compatible. I have sex with me girlfriend almost every day because that's what we both want. If only one of us was like that, it would have been a problem. So if your girlfriend really needs sex and you don't want it, I'm sorry to say your relationship will likely end. You may really be into sex after you have it a few times(it may take while for it to not be awkward if you're a virgin), so take that into consideration. Good luck to you.
