How do you find happiness?

[Sung-Hwan]

I hate my life, as I think I am a failure of a human being and constantly have death on my mind; some therapists I have seen say it's not normal for a 19 year old to regularly think of the end of life. I have an insanely antagonistic relationship with most of my family, and only feel comfortable around my mother. I know I am not that smart in general, but feel my perception is a lot higher than most people, which always causes problems with others. I have almost no real friends, do not like ANYTHING that common folk like in the mainstream medium (reality TV).

In a nutshell, for those who played Persona 4, my personality resembles the killer (not spoiling). I just don't know what to do, I'm always depressed, angry, and am only happy when engaging in my hobbies: JRPGs, Anime, Visual Novels.

 

[Rosiv]

I hate my life, as I think I am a failure of a human being and constantly have death on my mind; some therapists I have seen say it's not normal for a 19 year old to regularly think of the end of life. I have an insanely antagonistic relationship with most of my family, and only feel comfortable around my mother. I know I am not that smart in general, but feel my perception is a lot higher than most people, which always causes problems with others. I have almost no real friends, do not like ANYTHING that common folk like in the mainstream medium (reality TV).

In a nutshell, for those who played Persona 4, my personality resembles the killer (not spoiling). I just don't know what to do, I'm always depressed, angry, and am only happy when engaging in my hobbies: JRPGs, Anime, Visual Novels.

Its not normal for anyone to think of suicidal thoughts. If you go to a therapist, that is one positive note, and i feel this topic would be better suited to him them the nebulous identities of The Escapist.

That being said, you could always exercise to get the blood pumping, i hear runners can be "happy" via a runner's high.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runner's_high

If you like J-rpgs, you could always play them more? Or try and learn Japanese? Anything really that is a long term goal to develop one's self more can never be a bad thing in my mind.

Maybe have a glass of wine occasionally, if its legal. I hear it is health for your heart in moderation. Or take up a completely different hobbies that could be a real world skill. Programmers that are good make a decent living, as do graphical artists, although these are not easy things to do.

On a final note, i think most people's lives suck, and they just have to distract themselves, the fact that you are realizing this now may be a good thing, if you can put a positive spin on it.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

It?s a cliché, but?you?re not the only one, man. I?m not sure I can offer you much advice other than to just continue regularly seeing your therapist and perhaps explore the possibility of medicine. Part of depression is that it?s influenced by a chemical imbalance.

But anyway, good luck. I mean that. Try not to let your family get to you, and continue distracting yourselves from the admittedly shitty and often dull nature of life by engaging yourself in your hobbies. (It?s what I do, anyway?)

 

[Barbas]

If you feel all these things, take some time to sit down and speak honestly to the person you feel most comfortable letting it all out to. They may suggest that you speak to a professional, in which case, take it as an opportunity. They'll likely be able to explain things much better than we can, in ways that'll put your mind at ease. A lot of these things that you're saying here are probably not true when you think about them, but if you allow yourself to dwell in a mental gloom for long enough then you'll convince yourself that they're true.

For the moment, take solace in the things that you enjoy and focus on getting to the end of the day, because that's all you really have to do - make it to the end of the day, and that's not so hard at all.

EDIT: Oh and, like others have said before me, you really aren't alone!

 

[Kuilui]

Being 19 was definitely one of the worst years of my entire life. I was horribly depressed and suicidal. Sounds like your a lot like I was at that time honestly.

If I could go back in time and tell myself some advice. I would say the following. I hope some of this helps you.

1. Your in your own head WAY TO MUCH. GO GET A JOB. DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS JUST GO. Go to a temp agency if you have to. You'll make friends and money and its healthy for your brain to talk to a lot of people in a day (SCIENCE!)

2.Pick up some stuff on exercising and get to it. Start doing P90x or something, go join a gym. Just WORK OUT, GO. Trust me its great for stress relief and self confidence and good for your mind in ways you can't even imagine.

3. Go join some damn clubs around town. They exist, go join an adult soccer team or something. They exist, go do it. NO NERD STUFF.

4. Forget your nerd crap nerd seriously it's only destroying you and robbing you of your time. Go out, get a tan, Go bike riding, go take dance lessons (Seriously they are fun and their idiot proof or at least the ones I did). They are fun and you get to dance with pretty women typically.

5. You'll look back at your anger problems and hatred with a long sigh after awhile and realize how stupid you are being. Trust me trying to destroy yourself and looking only at the end doesn't last as long as you are alive. Eventually whether you like it or not you'll have to pull yourself out of it and join the real world. DO you want to do it now or a few years from now when you have no choice.

For the record I still do nerd stuff but now I control it, it doesn't control me anymore. Sometimes taking a break from the thing you center your life around gives you a new perspective on life, typically a far far healthier one.

 

[Aramis Night]

You feel the way you do because you are rational. Don't let anyone take that from you. I can relate with a lot of what you are saying. I was thinking about death seriously by the time I was 8. I tried my first attempt at suicide at 9. Almost every dream I have ever had since as far back as I can remember them(5 years old) has been about dying or being in some kind of hellish afterlife. In my dreams I feel as though I have experienced every way to die firsthand. The only thing that convinces me not to off myself is that I believe that what awaits beyond death is not an improvement.

As bad as you may feel now, I can pretty much assure you that your hobbies are not waiting for you on the other side. At least in life there is the potential for improvement. It always comes off as an insincere cliché when people tell you this, but things can get better. At your age I was in my 3rd consecutive year homeless/jobless and was incarcerated for a felony that I wasn't even aware I had committed. 3 months from that point I was employed full time at a speaker factory with a studio apt of my own.

Here I am almost 20 years later and I have had a string of dream jobs, that most people would love with a bigger studio apt and a hot gf who makes more money than I do and a nice PC at home with a couple cats. So yeah, things can get better for you. I do wish I could lose the constant nightmares, but if anything, they make me appreciate what I have all the more.