These days, I'm freaking tired, all the time, with headaches and fatigue that knock me flat for full days at a time.
Back when I was younger, I was freaking tired, all the time, with headaches and fatigue that knock me flat for full days at a time, and I got sick a lot.
So I guess I get sick less often?
Though I guess I'm a lot less tolerant of people's melodramatic and erratic behavior.
Being stuck at my folks house (unemployed with nowhere to go... I can *afford* to be somewhere else, but because of Covid I have to cast a wide net in the job search, and between that and the lockdowns, it seems kinda pointless to pay the sky-high rent in a city where I think that I might find work) and I'm seeing both of them throw tantrums, the effects of their hoarding, constant slams as they "organize" their hoarded items, violent news programs, ranting about politics, bizarre rules (they don't want me to "throw away air" so I'm supposed to keep bags of garbage in my room until they're completely full, unless I hide them under other bags), general repressed anger coming across in all kinds of bizarre ways... I am so fucking sick of their bullshit, and people's bullshit in general.
When I was a kid, I just took it. I still remember a girl that I knew in college, and one of the first things that she told me was to stop apologizing... and here, I'm reminded *exactly* where I got it. My dad's "apologizing" all the time, but in a snarling, angry, and vindictive manner intended to shame the person he's "apologizing" to. Thanks, dad.
God. I hope I never end up like that.
If it weren't for freaking Covid, I'd be somewhere else right now. I just don't know how long it'll be before I get work again. I've been looking for two and a half months now, since the company that I worked for laid off 10% of their workers, despite having not yet experienced any hardship (quite the contrary, actually) and a meeting promising that they'd do everything that they could to prevent layoffs.
Meanwhile, the stock of the company that I worked for is up 230% in the last 3 months, and with their ESPP program (which lets them buy shares at a quarter of the current price...) my former coworkers who didn't lose their jobs basically all got 40% raises.