"How to find a girlfriend" - Some myths debunked

[Johnny Novgorod]

But really, can we stop talking about women like they're some mythical creature. They're just people. Heavily flawed, stupid people, like the rest of us.

I caught my girlfriend at Mt. Moon, but I forgot to pack Escape Ropes and a Zubat cheesed my Geodude after he fell asleep fighting Clefairy, so I had to restart from the Pewter City Pokemon Center :/ Remember to save your game after every catch, kids.

Did you have to use a Master Ball? I hear thei rcatch rate is insanely low.

Yup. Most of them just Teleport away.

 

[DeimosMasque]

"Let's talk about Sex baby/Let's talk about you and me/Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be."

Here is the truth of me and my lady. We met on the Internet and we had several things get in our way as we were getting together. I had a girlfriend when we started talking, she had a couple.

When I finally asked her out, she set up two dates the same day. One didn't show. I did.

I viewed her as just a sex connection, she was looking for a boyfriend.

We got intimate on our first date. And she called me two days after our date because a dog chased her up a tree. I barely cared because I was interested in two other ladies.

Out of those three ladies, she kept calling, she kept caring. She wanted to know about me, we shared interests, she told me about herself.

The truth of us (and we have both cheated on each other once) is that we known each other so very well, we accept each other, our failures and our mistakes. When I went to meet her I had a fuck buddy. When we started dating she had people to tell 'no longer interested.'

I went near alcoholic and would yell at her whenever I was drunk. She fell for a woman who married someone else.

We look at all of that and laugh now. Because a real relationship isn't a Disney movie (Disney movie fans on both sides here.)

A real relationship is give and take, lies and secrets, promises and compromises. You never end up with the person you thought you would. Instead you end up with the person who you never expected.

She/He will understand your jokes. Will share their day with you. You'll find common interests, and you won't always agree... until you do agree. Then everything they do will make you smile, every opinion you have is suddenly you arguing with a person who agrees with you.

They start as someone who you never thought you'd love... and then every time they are out of the shower you smirk and look at them. You tease them about everything. You have so many inside jokes together that even your other best friends raise an eyebrow when you make them.

Love happens, it cannot be forced. I had six times where I tried to force the love and it doesn't work that way. Instead this single lady, my lady, she gave me the time of day, she let me know I was in the right set of fandoms. And I tried to push her away for others. Yet, here I am, my lady asleep behind me, this amazingly hot and sexy girl behind me.

I can talk about all the myths of romance, but nearly everyone of the people here know them. What I'll say is this, Love happens when you least expect it. Sometimes you are focusing on one thing when you should be focusing on others.

Never be mad at yourself, instead focus on what is in front of you. The biggest myth is this: People fall in love with Assholes. My first love was not an asshole, he was a true and compassionate man. My second love was an asshole, she only thought of herself. My third and fourth were distractions... I didn't see the girl in front of me.

 

[Salus]

/snip

Great read Demios.

Reminds me of this practice:

Do you wish to to know life?

To start, you must adopt the first of the two mantras. The first mantra is, "There is much I don't know about life." You must say this aloud when waking up in the morning, and when going to sleep at night, and live by this saying, until you reach the age of 40. From 40 onwards, you may graduate to the second mantra. The second mantra is, "There is still much I don't know about life." The instructions remain the same as before.

 

[Auron225]

This seems to work everytime.

I like it - to hell with screwing around with emotions and shit, let's just get straight to the point and fast XD Like "holding-a-gun-to-your-head" fast.

EDIT:

Did you have to use a Master Ball? I hear thei rcatch rate is insanely low.

Yup. Most of them just Teleport away.

In my experience, they usually use Scratch or Double Slap, then teleport way :S

 

[Zanderinfal]

Don't seek love - Very important. When you try to get a girlfriend, you end up dating someone just to have someone, rather then really wanting that specific person alone. I know we all want love, but let it come to you. Don't force it by trying to drag it's legs. It'll only end up kicking you in the face, or worse.

*puts hand up*

Uhhh, hey, isn't telling someone to not seek love a double binding? For some wouldn't that just cause a desire to not seek it? As someone who is isn't exactly knowledgeable of relationships, I search for love in alot of ways, but how does one stop seeking love? If you are already seeking it psychologically, does telling someone to stop it do anything for them? These are all sincere questions just to be clear.

OP: I agree with Misconception 1 but I'm on the fence about 2. Again, I'm not exactly knowledgeable on the subject, but I'd like to think there is someone out there for everyone and that it's just about being patient. Then again, I could be wrong.

 

[Dragonpit]

I would definitely ignore advice that nerdy guys need to hide their nerdiness in order to possibly ever get a date.
First of all, it's kind of dishonest, and secondly- it's good to be passionate and unashamed of your interests.
Now, people might consider that easy of me to say as a female nerd, but I honestly don't think nerdy interests are the big ladyboner killer that they're made out to be.

My uni experiences beg to differ. I think at the very least this piece of advice is heavily depended on the crowd of people you happen to be dumped into and how accepting they are off geeky things.

It's not so much about being dishonest so much as keeping sides of yourself hidden until you have some measure of confidence the other person won't tear you to insecure shreds over it. It's good to be passionate of your interests for sure, but if the person/crowd of people you're with happens to find your nerdy interests are "for losers" or "sad" or w/e then you've pretty much dug yourself into a social hole.


OT: The "friend" zone.

Maybe there is some truth in the myth but if there is it's more bought on by the guy giving mixed signals and being wishy washy (or worst..hoping that just being "nice" will earn points towards being a future boyfriend candidate or something) then by women putting guys in the friend zone cos they were just "too nice" or didn't make their move before some arbitrary time limit.

An attitude of "if something happens, it happens, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen" saves a lot of stress and results in healthier relationships with friends of the opposite gender. Just like one can sense awkwardness and desperation, you will give out a cooler vibe then you normally would precisely because you aren't desperate and aren't just talking to that girl in the vain hope you might guilt trip her into sleeping with you a few months down the line.

Catchpra: WORSHIP NOTHING Yes catchpra! Exactly! Worship nothing, put nothing on a pedestral. See? Catchpra knows what Im talking about.

Here's the thing about that: You have no way of knowing more often than not if some people in your social circle would tear you apart for your interests until you actively present them. And, to be perfectly honest, if these people are going to do just that, then you need better social circles. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to waste time on people who are just going to insult and ridicule me for something like that anyway. It's one thing if they don't share my interests; I don't need people who will try to tear me down for them. Not to mention, having confidence in one's own interests can be very attractive to some women.

 

[Thyunda]

Best bit of advice I was ever given was that in order to be happy in a relationship, you have to be happy single first. And it makes a tonne of sense. If you 'need' a girlfriend, you're not getting one. There's no way around that. If you're perfectly cool without one, content to enjoy your own company and that of your friends, you're a whole lot more likely to attract somebody with your personality than with...Well okay I don't actually think there's another way of attracting someone.

 

[DANEgerous]

and to the guy who said he didn't want "monogamy"...grats ; if you stick to that you'll die quicker by a significant and undeniable statistical margin.

although you could try and swing things back the other way 10 years or so by cutting your balls off...

your call i guess.

I don't mind dieing at 60. That means i can have my mid life crisis now and I am only 27, still think will will wait.

 

[Vault101]

tbth someone to hold and be held by late at night is probably the most important thing.

trust/security not romantic "love".

that and probably "progeny" (even for "teh gays") regardless of how much some people might hate to hear it said (especially in their youth).

and to the guy who said he didn't want "monogamy"...grats ; if you stick to that you'll die quicker by a significant and undeniable statistical margin.

although you could try and swing things back the other way 10 years or so by cutting your balls off...

your call i guess.

wow thats....kinda judgy and passive aggressive, why don't you tell me how I'm doing it wrong if I don't want kids or have kids?

or better yet, tell me what I should be doing...am I have sex wrong? are my priorities not up to your standard? please by all means fix my life for me

 

[djl3485]

Not sure if I'm really seeing any good advice given /myths debunked here. Just seems to me that you are trying to justify your own views on dating....especially you Myth #1.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Best bit of advice I was ever given was that in order to be happy in a relationship, you have to be happy single first. And it makes a tonne of sense. If you 'need' a girlfriend, you're not getting one. There's no way around that. If you're perfectly cool without one, content to enjoy your own company and that of your friends, you're a whole lot more likely to attract somebody with your personality than with...Well okay I don't actually think there's another way of attracting someone.

I think this is a big one.

Getting into a relationship with someone or staying in a relationship for the sole reason that you don't want to or are afraid to be single is never a good idea.
I know people who jump from relationship to relationship with no breaks just because they can't stand to be by themselves and they get bitter and antsy really quickly if they're single for any length of time. I mean, whatever, it works for some people but I could never do it. I think you should always take a break to be by yourself and enjoy your own company.

There's nothing more off-putting than talking to someone you're interested in and realising that they would jump on anyone that showed them the smallest bit of attention. Of course I understand that everyone gets lonely but I think you need to be comfortable existing independently too, being with someone because you want to be with that person, not because you need to be with anyone.

 

[Thaluikhain]

From the PoV of a person on the surface of a planet, the sun travels from the east to the west (ish). So shadows always move to the east (ish). This applies to moons and moonlight if the moon orbits slower than the planet rotates, it's the other way around otherwise.

So you can always find a rough idea of where north is by watching shadows, no matter what planet you are on.

If ever looking for a GF leaves you lost on an alien planet, you should remember this.

(If the planet doesn't rotate around its axis, you can use stationary stars and the sun to guide you, but there would be no atmosphere (gases would freeze on the dark side if they aren't blown away by the solar winds first) so you'd need a spacesuit which should have equipment anyway)

 

[Frankster]

snip

1) There's a difference between prodding for shared interests and going too strong with the geek stuff to the point it comes off as too much and becomes all you're about. This is where I feel some of the advice given by others is social faux pas: going 110% geek on people you don't really know and treating it as a test for if they are "worthy" to be your friends or not and if not "fuck them, you're too good for them, move on cos there's gonna be another one just waiting for you!" is very situational advice.
To me that's just the highway to finding yourself a social outcast pretty darned quick if you're not lucky enough to be in a very accepting environment.

My outlook is more focused on dealing with those in front of me, whoever they may be and whether they share my geeky interests is of tertiary concern, not least because it's not ALL of who I am, only a side of me.
And I dunno about the rest of you lot, but I don't reveal all sides of me to people as a general rule, if that makes me some devious sly bastard then so be it. It is true that I do find it very difficult to open up to people I don't consider very very VERY good friends.

Maybe I'm weird but being a geek/gamer isn't an essential requirement in a partner for me, rather it's a nice bonus but realistically given the women I've known in my life and my current dating pool, it's not gonna happen and I doubt I'm the only one so making peeps dream there's a gaming/geek girl around the corner for them if they just stay true to themselves and go all outwardly geeky all the time doesn't seem like good advice to me. But if it works for you, then my congratulations you lucky person though I still think it's more to do with fortunate circumstances then cos you were raising the geek flag high and proud.

2) Oh I won't argue I need better circles, I'm rather envious of those who say they met their significant other through mmos or any games, or those who roam with circles of geek friends and do geek stuff together.
That would be bloody awesome if it happens.

But I've never been in those kinda groups, I've only ever met fellow geeks through the internet for the most part.
And the whole meeting partners in games thing is a mystery to me , I've got a fair few female gamer friends (including one of my best buddies) but nothing romantic ever came from it and honestly I don't see how it could, so this is one big area I admit my ignorance in. Just the idea of asking someone out online puzzles me so yeh this is probably something I should asked Phasmal details about xD
But as for me, I deal with those I happen to be with, and those groups of people ain't geeks. My outlook reflects that.

3) The decision whether you want to shun people for not having the same interests in you, or because they have a derogatory view of some of your interests is entirely your choice and dependent on your circumstances.

In my own personal experience though, such an attitude would have left me with very little friends and as a result a tiny almost non existent dating pool. And I didn't want that, so I played the social game.

4)Confidence in one's interests is sexy to women, yes. I've said as much and so have others.

Here's the unspoken rule though: if the woman doesn't find that interest respectable, then it isn't sexy and becomes a turn off.

This is why you can be passionate about tabletop and pen and paper roleplaying or playing cards or w/e all you want, if the girl or group of friends find those hobbies laughable and pitiful then being all confident about it isn't gonna help.

You can either do a whole "IM GEEK AND PROUD" thing and storm off and never deal with those those people again as a fair few here seem to be suggesting, or you can just not mention your geeky stuff unless it's to joke about it.

Again maybe I'm weird, but I've had little choice but to make friends with people who didn't share my interests and in some cases I've picked up other people's interests as a result. If this is a personal flaw of some kind, then it's one I'll have to deal with it seems.

 

[Eamar]

that and probably "progeny" (even for "teh gays") regardless of how much some people might hate to hear it said (especially in their youth).

Tell that to the c.20% of people who remain childless.

and to the guy who said he didn't want "monogamy"...grats ; if you stick to that you'll die quicker by a significant and undeniable statistical margin.

Oh noes! Guess he'd better get into a dishonest and unfulfilling relationship that's totally unfair on his partner then.

Seriously, why is it so hard for some people to accept that not everyone wants the same things in life? -.-

 

[Thaluikhain]

Seriously, why is it so hard for some people to accept that not everyone wants the same things in life? -.-

Actually, that's a very good question...maybe because it means admitting that the world is complicated and hard to understand?

 

[ExtraDebit]

Be someone that you're satisfy with, that's all women want, a man that have what he wants.

Even if you're a bum and you're satisfy with it, it'll show in your attitude and some sexy bum lady will find your confidence attractive and be your girl.

But personally, I think having a girlfriend is overrated. I found myself quite happy being single, I can go to hang out or eat where ever I want whenever I want. Play new games all nights in the weekend with no one nagging me to come to bed. And when I do get horny I can go to prostitutes fucking a new girl each time with no strings attached.

Unless you find someone that's genuinely fun to be around outside of sex, single life is awesome!

 

[Davey Woo]

Misconception 2 There is the "right partner" for you out there somewhere.

Instructions unclear. Ended up fucking a cucumber.

Instructions unclear, genitals got stuck in a ceiling fan.

NOBODY let these two be in a room together with vegetables and... air circulation devices...

Anyway, enough silliness. I spent all of my first (and only) relationship believing that I had found 'the one' but she broke up with me because she didn't think we had enough in common. At the time I didn't really understand that, but now it's become clear to me that we really didn't. That said, I think all relationships are pretty much a compromise of what each partner really wants out of the relationship, it's very rare that you'll find someone with the same wishes and feelings as you, so you'll probably find someone who ticks enough boxes.

I personally think we should find mates like birds do.
I can dance, LOVE ME!