How to survive a zombie apocalypse!

Hagi

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Apr 10, 2011
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Does turning into a zombie and eating the remaining three (fat) people as well as five pieces of extremely helpful bacon count as surviving?

I mean technically zombies are undead and thus not dead. I think... It's good enough for me anyway, I'm sure brains are pretty tasty once your taste buds have rotted away. Omnomnomnomnom!
 

adamsaccount

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Jan 3, 2013
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Well i'm slowly amassing an arsenal for when this day eventually arrives, currently only have an air rifle and a few knives. However, apply a bit of diesel to an air rifle pellet and you have a deadly weapon, and its scoped so headshots shouldnt be a problem. As for a melee weapon im waiting for Glamdring, the foe hammer to arrive offof a movie replica website. If its good enough for Gandalf its good enough for me.

A lot depends on the nature of the zombies. In the case of slow zombies it will be a lot easier. Head for a boat, stopping off to loot a supermarket on the way and head out to the galapogos islands. With fast zombies (which i hope to hell theyre not) I would just hole up in a church or something and wait for the army.
 

Thaluikhain

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Jan 16, 2010
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Eh, zombies (in the slow mindless shambling sense) aren't scary.

The guy who lives down the road? He's a member of the most dangerous species ever to have lived on the planet. His kind have hunted mammoth, sabre-toother tigers, aurochs etc to extinction, and have to make up lots of laws to avoid doing the same to lions and tigers, and even then it's touch and go. Many of them like to go find the scariest members of other species and hunt them for sport.

His ancestors have spent the last 13 odd thousand years developed ever more terrible ways of killing each other, because nothing else on the planet threatens them. All that time and effort going into stopping them wiping each other out over any stupid excuse.

He can drive a car, use a firearm, light a fire. He can plan attacks and prepare ambushes.

But he's probably not going to want to kill you, and if he did, there's a police force that's reasonably good at dealing with that sort of thing.

Zombies? Pft.
 

tippy2k2

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Mar 15, 2008
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Fast zombies (see 28 Days Later or Remake of Dawn of the Dead): Die. This is the only zombie scenario that I think has any chance of actually wiping out humans. For fun, I would get to my parents house who have a nice arsenal of rifles and then get to my office (there is a cafe and convenience store downstairs and multiple floors). Grab a decent amount of food, get to a higher floor, open up the elevator (so we can access the maintenance ladder to get around), trash the stairs, and wait to see what happens. My office isn't real isolated but the Mall of America is right down the road and I can't imagine many people thinking "That office building a few blocks away is perfect!" when most people will try to hold up in the more obvious spots like the Mall.

Slow zombies (see George A Romero standard zombie): Sit at home and wait for it to blow over. There's a reason that slow-zombie movies start after most of mankind is already dead: It doesn't make any fucking sense for us to lose to it! If slow zombies started popping up, it would likely kill a few thousand people until we figured out what is happening.
 

Smagmuck_

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Aug 25, 2009
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1. First reported case in town
-Board up windows, doors and other means of entry.
-Fuel generators, spare two canisters
-cut off all contact with the outside world
-survive off non Bug-Out-Bag essentials
-shoot anyone and anything who tries to get in
-go on with solitary life

2. After all home supplies exhausted
(Approx. 6-13 months after first case)
-Douse house and car in two cans of gas
-Don Plate Carrier and BOB, grab AR-15 (or in the case of another AWB, Mossberg 590) and ruger 10/22 takedown model
-triple check that I have everything
-light fire
-step out door never to return while denying any squatters my home and vehicle
-Pick a direction (away from town)
-Start walking

Contingency with Zombies
In case of shamblers
-stand at a minimum 25 yards
-plug a .22lr through the dome
-use only when necessary
if runners
-Turn around
-Run like hell
-Do not stop unless until at least 10 arm lengths between you and target
-5.56x45mm into target
-Mag-Dump may be necessary

Contingency if house being over run
-Douse house
-Light
-Place barrel of firearm into oral orifice
-Pull trigger

Contingency if human interaction
-Stop
-Make known you are armed
-Do not give out freebies
-if hostile intent use generous marksmanship
-if friendly, tell them to fuck off and keep walking
-avoid companions
-if human is about to be over run, plug human with a .22 to the dome if possible
-kill all wounded, do not treat

It's logical, efficient, and it damn near works for every disaster.

Might have broken the rules a bit here though.
 

Hero in a half shell

It's not easy being green
Dec 30, 2009
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Step 1: Go to nearest police station with lots of canned food and water

Step 2: party until the dead rot, because Northern Irish police Stations are built like Fort Knox:


(That's a 15 foot high, 4 foot thick bomb proof reinforced concrete wall)

EDIT: Wait, a choice of 3 people and 5 weapons, I'd have to go for:

3 People:
Master Chief (Power armour and experience fighting zombies)
Tony Stark (weapons improver and upkeep)
Ray Mears (survival expertise)

5 Weapons:
Mjolnir armour
Iron Man suit
2 AA12 Shotguns
Bow and Arrows (for hunting with)

I'd love to see what Tony Stark could do integrating the Spartan armour and Iron Man suit's technologies into each other!
 

Muspelheim

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Apr 7, 2011
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Wake up, shrug my head and say "Phew...", give my dreamcatcher a little slap and go back to sleep. :3
 

shrekfan246

Not actually a Japanese pop star
May 26, 2011
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Considering the case of a "realistic" zombie outbreak would mean that decomposing corpses are reanimating, I don't think many people would be in that much danger because the zombies wouldn't have hardly any muscle mass and a swift bonk to the head from a shovel would probably be enough to make them crumble.

In the case of something like Resident Evil or 28 Days Later, though, I'd probably just be a red-shirt.

But I suppose if I could, I'd go down in a blaze of glory alongside Bruce Campbell, Milla Jovovich, and Simon Pegg/Nick Frost (it's a little bit of a cheat, sure, but those two should never be separated).
 

Andy Shandy

Fucked if I know
Jun 7, 2010
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I prepare the "Zombie Treadmill Defence"!



I'd at least have to have Frank West or Chuck Greene from the Dead Rising games just based on their one liners alone.
 

Basement Cat

Keeping the Peace is Relaxing
Jul 26, 2012
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BloodyPandaGirl said:
So, how would you survive a Zombie Apocalypse?
With the choice of any 3 people, and any 5 weapons/helpful items!

Welcome to the Escapist!

Stay out of the Basement, and whenever anything goes wrong technically--BLAME KROSS!!!

On topic:


Despite the fact that most people's reaction to a Zombie Apocalypse would be...





...I'd probably do the one thing that most Zombie flick characters never do in the beginning--I'd stay put at my own place! I'd simply kick back and relax while the undead hordes are drawn away into the distance by all the non-zombies striving to run away or kill the zombies.

After all, with the ruckus those 'survivor' types kick up what self-respecting zombie would bother looking around for us quiet types?

Though it's ironic how many people would actually EMBRACE the Zombie Apocalypse!!!

 

Coppernerves

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Oct 17, 2011
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Given a zombie apocalypse I would really like a fire axe, for cleaving zombie skulls, and for looting locked buildings.

A crossbow would be handy for hunting if nuts, roots, beans, or fruit aren't available, and of course for my fellow human beings no longer constrained by societies' laws.

I do not want to attract hostiles with gunshots thank you very much.

A tent, a daysack, and a water bottle would also be handy equipment.

As for three people with me, I'm not too picky, as long as they're trustworthy, healthy, and they don't fool around.

I'd want to get out of the town, where the population's less dense, and there's running water to be had, which wouldn't be as fiercely competed for as bottled water.
 

Gormech

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May 10, 2012
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Items
1: Composite bow
2: High-grade arrows
3: Survival axe
4: Backpack
5: Pump-filter water bottle

People
1: The quiet guy from college
2: Sniper guard from the nearby prison
3: Nurse from the health clinic

I'd try to survive on my own with the above items and hopefully run across the people as time went on. I'm not going anywhere near where they're usually at though but if they can get out of that, they've proven themselves at least able to use common sense. We'd probably stick to the surrounding mountain areas, lot of natural springs and protection from drop offs. Climate's not too volatile so we should be okay.
 

Jolly Co-operator

A Heavy Sword
Mar 10, 2012
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I prefer to make peace with the zombies. I'll plug my iPhone into some speakers, and join them in the dance of their people, courtesy of the late Mr. Jackson. Hopefully this diplomatic gesture of funk will persuade them no to eat me.

Captcha: "happy clappy". No, that's the wrong dance, Captcha. I like the way you're thinking, though.
 

Patathatapon

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Jul 30, 2011
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Well thats easy.

Me, Myself, and I.

Bow, Crossbow, Axe, Can Opener, Pistol with atleast 2 bullets in it.

Reasoning:
1. I'm not going to trust someone else.
2. Bow's don't make much sound and (If necessary) can have more arrows made easily.
3. Melee weapon for the obvious WCS (Worst Case Scenario).
4. Can Opene- WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU HAVE ONE IDIOT!?!
5. Gun in case of being Overrun, with a second bullet in case I REALLY suck at suicide.

Although in reality I would probably either:
A: Kill myself immediatly or
B: "Sacrifice" myself by basically saying "Hey look at me I'm a distraction, god forbid you kill me to the point where I don't need to worry about life anymore"
 

Ryokai

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Apr 4, 2010
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You die.

We like to pretend that "In a zombie apocalypse, my inner talent will shine!" but even I, with a military and martial arts background, know how mindf*ckingly scary vicious dead corpses attacking you will be.

I don't carry a gun on me at all times. Watch the new Resident Evil film, see what happens when zombies attack a simulated civilian home. You'll be lucky not to panic instantly. Even if you don't, what will you DO? Pointing and firing a weapon is easy, but do you know what to do when it jams? What bullets go to which gun? How to cock and load some of the more unusual ones? How to clean and properly maintain them?

If it's slow zombies, on the other hand, I can't even see it becoming an apocalypse--the first few cases will be dealt with before it spreads. Unless it's an airborne virus, in which case you either turn yourself before you know it or don't, in which case it's just a matter of outrunning them or also dying anyway.
 

Nouw

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Mar 18, 2009
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Andy Shandy said:
This. Whoever thought of that was a genius. All you need to do is stock up on supplies, and treadmills obviously, then you're golden. Just let nature do the rest while you watch marathons of your favourite t.v. show.
 

Rawne1980

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Jul 29, 2011
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By carrying on as normal.

If it's actual zombies then they won't be doing much with those rotting muscles and dangling limbs, they won't barely make a shuffle pace.

This isn't the movies, we're not scripted to do stupid shit and die and walking at a brisk speed will get you past them.

If you are talking about 28 Days Later style then they aren't zombies, they are still humans with a contracted disease (in that case .. Rage) so aren't applicable in a "zombie apocalypse".