How to Survive an Alien Invasion

[Torrasque]

But...Rule #1 is Cardio

Agreed.
I am sticking to my zombie apocalypse rules when the aliens come.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Just say:
On topic:
Some rules to survive all disaster:
Rule no. 1: Don't be blond.
Rule no. 2: Be white, male, 20-35 y/o
Rule no. 3: Don't go alone in the dark cave/room when you hear a strange sound.
Rule no. 4: Don't turn around when running, you will fall down.
Rule no. 5: Be a solider who ignores the rules most of the time or just a hot blond scientist chick (this one goes against rules no. 1 and 2, but it works).

... yeah, that's it for now.

But...Rule #1 is Cardio

Damn you, Man! That is for Zombies! We're dealing with Aliens! You just made little Timmy confused and now he's either watching his guts strewn across the field or is getting anally probed! (don't know which is worse)

Get on the Ball!!!

Oh, also, does anyone have rules for surviving an alien invasion if you're a minority? Preferably one that doesn't have a rule 'Turn into a white dude' in it?

 

[Glademaster_v1legacy]

Yes they do have a plan for fighting AI. Well that is I assume they do as I heard ages ago that most govs have plans like this in place. They have a plan for every conceivable situation that we can come up with as they believe it helps their readiness and they use it in computer sims to help show how actually pandemics might go.

 

[Lazy Kitty]

How to survive the war with the machines?
Well, be a machine, that's it.
All you have to do is get rid of that meatbag you meatbags call a body and replace it with robotic parts.

 

[Mariena]

Apparently you need a catalyst of some sort.

 

[Sougo]

Just say:

"This statement is false!"
"New mission, refuse this mission!"
"Does a set of all sets contain itself?"

"Ehmmm... true. I'll go true. Yeah, that was easy. I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before."

On topic:
Some rules to survive all disaster:
Rule no. 1: Don't be blond.
Rule no. 2: Be white, male, 20-35 y/o
Rule no. 3: Don't go alone in the dark cave/room when you hear a strange sound.
Rule no. 4: Don't turn around when running, you will fall down.
Rule no. 5: Be a solider who ignores the rules most of the time or just a hot blond scientist chick (this one goes against rules no. 1 and 2, but it works).

... yeah, that's it for now.

A few additions:
If you're a white female, 20-35 y/o, make sure you stick to white, male, 20-35 y/o to maximize chances of survival.
If you are black or Hispanic, be prepared, you will NOT survive, regardless of your actions. (Notable exceptions to this rule have been black males working under direct advise/supervision of white male)
If you are Asian, proceed with caution, there is insufficient research/data available on your chances of survival.
If you are traveling in a group and you come across an obstacle (e.g. alien encounter), allow white male to take the lead, and stay as far away from black male in party as possible, in case you get caught in events that will inevitably lead to black male's demise.
Make sure you confess love, thank and say goodbye to black male in advance, because he will not be with you at your final destination.
If white male is aged >35 y/o, assess him for signs of being a trigger-happy red-neck. If positive, his chances of survival are approximately equal to black male.
If you are white male, 20-35 y/o traveling in party, assess your party. If there are other white males 20-35 y/o around as well as white females, then be cautious. When white females get into a jam, attempt to rescue them at own risk (chances of successful rescue ~95%; chances of yourself making it out alive ~5%).

Well, thats what hollywood taught me.