I got a text from a number I didn't know

[Saltyk]

Friday afternoon, I received a text (and also missed a call) from a seemingly random number at a time that I was at work and couldn't respond or even read it till I got off. It read:

Hi, is this [my name].​

As you might expect, a random number that knows my name, doesn't identify itself, and comes out of the blue, left me a bit suspicious. Who knows who this is? Could be a scam or a stalker? So I simply responded "Idk." If you knew me personally, you would know that I don't generally use text speak ever. But I certainly wasn't going to confirm or deny my identity to some random person.

Almost immediately, I get a response claiming to be an ex of mine stating that she wants to apologize. It probably comes as little surprise that I really didn't know what to say and ended up calling a friend. She also tried to call me during this time, and failing that (since I was on the phone and reluctant to talk to her anyway) texted once more. This time I replied asking if it could wait as I was going to the gym (had a sudden urge to go) and she asked if she could meet me afterwards. I simply stated that I didn't know.

However, still not entirely sure it was who it claimed to be (could still be a stalker), I thought to check my email finding that she had also emailed me. Now, convinced, I went to the gym. And stayed there for nearly two hours partly because I needed to make up for being lazy due to the Holidays and partly to "work things out". Even asked a gym rat friend what he thought and texted another friend asking her opinion.

Frankly, I didn't know what I wanted to do or how I would respond. Would I be angry? Yell? Would I be sad and break down in tears? Would I simply hear her out and immediately leave without saying a word? Would I react in a different way? I simply couldn't say.

In the end, I agreed to meet up with my Ex in a parking lot near the gym. She asked if she could hug me, and I reluctantly allowed it. She wanted to apologize for how she broke things off with me. Stating that she never realized, til recently, how she actually treated me (stating that karma got her if it exists). She seemed genuinely upset and even on the verge of tears. We ended up talking, catching up, and even laughed a bit for about 3 hours. I'll even say that I was glad that I could make her laugh and smile at times. Probably because she seemed so upset when she arrived. We only really ended up parting company because it started to rain and it was really cold at that point. We had one last hug before leaving.

I won't lie, I was a bit distant at times, especially at first, and things got awkward at times. But I heard her out. And after her apologies, I told her I wasn't really mad at her. I was, and probably still am, hurt even though this all happened some years ago.

And since then, I don't know. My feelings are chaotic. She said something about being friends, but I don't know that's possible. I really don't know how I feel right now. This was all something that I had more or less put behind me and it suddenly came back to the forefront.

She texted me last night saying once more that she never meant to hurt me but also hoping that Friday night was good for me, too. I haven't replied, yet. Part of my excuse being that I was hanging out with friends at the time. I probably will in a little bit. I don't know what will come after that.

I'm not posting this asking for advice. Or for your opinions. I'm not ever certain that I'm about to hit post at the end of this. I'm writing this for my own reasons. Maybe writing it out helps me organize my thoughts. Or maybe I'm trying to vent my feelings on this whole subject. I'm not really certain.

To those who actually read this insane wall of text, I respect you. I probably wouldn't have. Probably why there's a typo or two up in there. Thanks for your time.

 

[Thaluikhain]

My usual advice is to be wary of advice giving by net randoms who know nothing of your situation beyond a single post.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I know you're not looking for advice, but after reading your wall of text I feel like my time would have been wasted without any kind of response, so here goes:

I don't know anything about your previous relationship with your ex, and I don't know who broke it off or why. Remember though, the relationship ended for a reason, and every time you think about meeting up with your ex you should think about why your relationship didn't work out in the first place.

Personally I wouldn't meet any of my exes if they contacted me saying they want to apologize. After years of not being in a relationship or talking to them I wouldn't be mad at them anymore for anything they did, I just wouldn't care about them and wouldn't waste my time talking to them. I wouldn't be rude about it, but I'd brush them off.

Anyway, good luck with whatever.

 

[Signa]

She sounds like a mess. Everyone deserves a second chance if they are trying to turn around, but tread lightly. That's all I can say with the details at hand.

 

[Something Amyss]

My usual advice is to be wary of advice giving by net randoms who know nothing of your situation beyond a single post.

That and join a convent. Because reasons.

On a sort of related note, one of my exes changes phone numbers more often than underwear, so I don't even know that I'd think twice about a random text like this.

 

[Lord Garnaat]

I know nothing about this situation, save for what you've provided in this post, so please take that into account if you read over my response. I won't offer advice, just because you said you weren't expecting it, but part of what I say might seem like it anyways. Again, disregard it entirely if I misunderstood the situation.

Personally, were I in your situation, I would be happy with the turn of events. Assuming that all the talk of hurting people in the past isn't an exaggeration, an apology from someone that did me some kind of harm in the past would be much appreciated by me, I think. As for emotions, you mentioned that you were able to put all of this behind you in the past - it stands to reason that you could do so again, but now with the knowledge that it had really been resolved. I would like to think that would make it better, but then again I haven't the slightest notion what I'm talking about.

Once again, trying not to give advice or be patronizing. I can't say that I completely understand how you feel (I've only read this post, after all), but I might have had some of the same emotions in the past that you have now. Best of luck, I say.

 

[Risingblade]

Well good luck

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

I don't know exactly what I'd feel in that situation, only really had one ex break up with me. The rest I did, and warned them from the beginning (prior to meeting my wife that is) that I was not really emotionally invested in a relationship, not ready for commitment and such so when I eventually broke up with them they already knew I wasn't going to stick around.
The one who broke up with me, well that was a strange thing I eventually got over but an apology would be really awkward and something I don't know if I'd accept it. I definitely wouldn't remain friends, but thats a standing rule I have. Whether I have something against them or not matters little, I just don't need old feelings creeping back in and screwing with my head or emotions.
As it is I'm married now so any ex that attempted to call me up would get a polite "sorry I've moved on, you should too" reply and I'd go on my merry way.
Not advice though, just insight on what I would probably do.
Good luck to you and all.

 

[BeerTent]

I'm kind of in a similar vein as Caprae.

Although, friends can be difficult to come by. It all really depends on what happened in the previous relationship. How was the trust broken? How did things meet it's end?

Be warned, however. Those who seek an advantage over others often do not change. It's possible that they become tired of the power-play, but a way of life is very difficult to change, and those who chose that life very often will never see a reason to change. If abuse existed, the response for her to leave you be would be the only response.

 

[Fox12]

I won't give you my advice. I have none. I will tell you that I hope things work out for everyone involved. Just remember that you're only responsible for yourself, not her. Good luck.

 

[Gennadios]

Congratz! I'm still waiting for an apology from my own Ex. I was the one that broke up, so I don't think it's forthcoming. Her mental image of herself wouldn't allow it.

If nothing else, it's closure. Just don't rush into anything. People change very gradually and the original reasons for breakup might still be in play.

 

[Frission]

Best advice I can give is to talk with friends or family, because the net can't really give you good advice here.
The apology is nice, but with the information given you may want to evaluate whether you want this person in your life again.

 

[Neverhoodian]

A few months ago I got this picture [https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BErUG0kCYAMTma8.jpg] sent to my phone by a number I didn't recognize. I sincerely hope it was just a wrong number.

As for the OP, stranger things have happened. Since you aren't looking for advice and I don't know you or the situation well enough to give it, all I can really say is best of luck and be mindful.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

All I can say is it's in your hands. She seems willing to give it another go, you're not exactly there yet. I'd say give it time, and respect your gut feelings. If this ex of yours becomes problematic, keep your distance. If not, maybe hear her out at least once or twice, maybe laying down some ground rules in the process. You aren't dating her anymore, she's just an acquaintance of yours, now. She should expect to be treated as such, and to need to win the right to obtain your affections again - if you're even open to that, of course. If you aren't, then we're back to Choice A.

You're in control. Normal situations might call for more openness, but in the case of an ex just barging in on your life like this? I'd say having a guarded attitude makes sense.