I Hit It With My Axe: Episode 17: A Dire Situation

Noumenon

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Jun 6, 2010
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Gosh, I watched all the episodes last month and I... don't remember the flaming ooze?

Those death rules are quite scary... using very rough statistical math, the odds you'll roll over your constitution are around 1/3 (with 13 Con) and the average hit point loss is 3.5 on a 1d6, so you're going to lose an average of 1.1 hit points per hour for eight hours -- hope you were at -1 to start with, and don't roll any sixes!
 

Chipperz

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Apr 27, 2009
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Jack T Robyn said:
My personal nastiness is to require spot, listen, and will checks for nothing.
That's not nastiness, that's just good GMing - players don't get bored when they think something's about to ambush them :p It DID once lead to the following conversation with our last group's power gamer though...

Him - "I got a spot of... 38! What do I see?"
Me - "Nothing."
Him - "But I got a spot roll of 38! I see whatever's there!"
Me - "And you see nothing."
Him - "But the DMG says that DCs for our level don't go above 25! I HAVE to see what's there!"
Me - *beats idiot round the head with the Iron Kingdoms Character Guide. All 400 hardback pages*

So yeah, watch out for idiots ;)

Satine Phoenix said:
I'm an illustrator. http://satinephoenix.daportfolio.com
That's what I do now professionally. I quit porn a year ago.
I do commissions, email me on this site or my website and we can talk further about this.

Chipperz said:
Ahh, I start GMing again this weekend, and this has given me absolutely tons of ideas, cheers Zak, you're awesome :D

Also, that picture of Mirror is gorgeous! Any chance you guys do commissions for other character artwork to save me doing some shitty photoshop? :p
...WOW! Whatever response (if any) I got from that kind of idle enquiry, I genuinely wasn't expecting it to work :eek:

I'm sending you an email now. Your stuff is gorgeous and I'd love to get some professional illustrations done for a project I'm working on :)
 

Navdi

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Feb 18, 2010
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Chipperz said:
Him - "But the DMG says that DCs for our level don't go above 25! I HAVE to see what's there!"
... and THIS sums up rather nicely why I prefer Lamentations of the Flame Princess or other old school simulacra to D&D 3.5 these days. ;)
 

Chipperz

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Apr 27, 2009
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Navdi said:
Chipperz said:
Him - "But the DMG says that DCs for our level don't go above 25! I HAVE to see what's there!"
... and THIS sums up rather nicely why I prefer Lamentations of the Flame Princess or other old school simulacra to D&D 3.5 these days. ;)
Bleh, a game is only as good as it's DM, and 3.5 is BRILLIANT if you play it out freeform, more as "guidelines" than actual rules.

Besides, the 4.0 DMG says that I HAVE to let the players win, no matter what they do. Fuck. That.
 

DrHatsby

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Nov 18, 2009
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I genuinely enjoyed how Zak Smith's voice completely flipped over into an uncanny high-pitched tone when he started screwing about with the whole white vial thing, as if he had trouble holding back the sheer shadenfreude he was experiencing.
 

cricket chirps

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Apr 15, 2009
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BEST EPISODE YET. :) i seriosly could not stop laughing for a bit, i had to pause so i could hear the rest. very well done!
 

Hexador

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Noumenon said:
Gosh, I watched all the episodes last month and I... don't remember the flaming ooze?
In episode five the party fights an ooze. Connie and Frankie work together to set him on fire.
 

Navdi

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Chipperz said:
Bleh, a game is only as good as it's DM, and 3.5 is BRILLIANT if you play it out freeform, more as "guidelines" than actual rules.

Besides, the 4.0 DMG says that I HAVE to let the players win, no matter what they do. Fuck. That.
Chipperz, I'm not saying D&D 3.5 isn't a good game. Just that it isn't for me. I think it is just fine for what it is supposed to do, that is, empower the players against the "whimsy of the Evil Dungeon Master". 4th edition is just a logical development of the same trend.

The argument that a game is only as good as it's DM has little relevance to this. Sure, a good DM can turn an evening of playing Yahtsee into a thought-provoking, character intensive role-playing session. It doesn't mean Yahtsee is a good RPG.
 

Mordicai Caeli

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May 1, 2010
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I like to ask for rolls-- "Hey Player X, give me a Sense Motive/Subterfuge roll." & when they fail pass them a note that says "Everything is fine. Player Y is acting normally."

I like to do this when Character Y goes out of the room & comes back, just to fuck with them in tense situations.
 

ROBOcity123

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Mar 7, 2010
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I played dnd at a club. I was an evil necromancer and I killed everyone in my party they all got mad and I was no longer allowed to play...True story.
 

wheynne

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Jul 11, 2010
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Would it be possible to have a link somewhere leading to general descriptions of the player characters?
 

mandymorbid

Blindheim!
Mar 17, 2010
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wheynne said:
Would it be possible to have a link somewhere leading to general descriptions of the player characters?

From the thread for episode 8: And since some of you have asked for this, a quick summery of our characters:

Me: I'm a tiefling cleric of Vorn. I'm 4th level. I've been playing this character since mid August 2009. I was left as an infant on the steps of the Cathedral of Vorn and as such the recentness of my demon lineage is uncertain. It is suspected among the priestesses who raised me that it's fairly recent and so I had extra vigorous moral instruction. My name is Tizane Ildiko. In Hungarian it means "Gypsy Warrior" but I believe there are alternate spellings to the one I chose. I'm very bossy. I try to be cautious. I seem to be the "mom" of the party, which makes sense since I'm the one who has to heal everyone once they've gotten into trouble, so I tend to sometimes try to think of ways to get everyone else to avoid "excessive trouble". I grew up playing video games and so only played my first game of D&D at Christmas 2008.

*edit--everyone has leveled up since this was written*

Frankie: Frankie is a dark elf thief. She is now 3rd level. She's been playing with us since just before Christmas (2009). Her name is Varla. She really likes to sneak and hide and shoot stuff from far away and occasionally needs to be reminded that she can cause darkness and backstab everything. She saves the party a lot by doing that. She also very much likes to loot and steal.

Kimberly Kane (we call her KK): Is a 2ond level half elf barbarian named Rookia. She started playing with us in December. She is from the frozen north of the world we play in and so is half what we call "white elf". She likes to have guard dogs and has very good luck when rolling to hit things. She is brave and independent and likes her ale.

*aside* The world we play is all covered in ice and snow and in perpetual winter everywhere as far as we know.

Satine: Satine has been playing D&D since she was 15, so that's over ten years. She likes to play wood elves and is also a thief. Her name is Mirror. I think she's 2ond or 3rd level. She is very adventurous and inventive. She likes to pickpocket fancy things from nobles and think up crazy ways to get stuff done. She's very protective of her belongings when we do stuff she always retrieves her ropes and grappling hooks. We've been playing with her since fall 2009 I think.

*edit--of course that was before Satine's character was killed by the goblins and she rolled up a new one.*

Connie: Connie is playing a halfling thief. Her name is Jinx. She likes animals and likes doing nimble little tricks that the rest of us can't. She is reckless and bold and loyal. When she gets injured (she has bad luck with that) she likes to get revenge and when she is denied that she gets a bit impatient but she always seems calm and quiet. Jinx is quirky. Connie has also been playing with us since fall 2009.

As for the DM and guest stars you all can figure that out for yourself with minimal effort. You can also check out www.dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com and click "players" for play reports and additional insights into our characters and gaming anecdotes.
 

BillionSix

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Mar 20, 2010
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Satine Phoenix said:
Yep, Just turned 30 in May. Its the Philippina in me. Gunna keep me young till i'm 50 then BLAMO... imna turn into yoda.

Mookie_Magnus said:
15 years... That means Satine is 30? Huh... I would have thought most of the girls were in their early twenties, as they don't look that old.
Yeah, but somehow you will manage to be a really hot Yoda, right?
 

rddj623

"Breathe Deep, Seek Peace"
Sep 28, 2009
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Satine Phoenix said:
Yep, Just turned 30 in May. Its the Philippina in me. Gunna keep me young till i'm 50 then BLAMO... imna turn into yoda.
Happy belated :)

@mandymorbid Hope the sort of bad news takes a turn for the better.

@hexador such a great little comic! Loved it!

OT: Great episode. The more I watch the more I'm hooked. You guys are having such fun and Zak's giving me a ton of cool info for when I play.
 

Nosense

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May 24, 2010
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"I'm alive!"

"uh I drank some of you beer..."

lol welcome to the land of the living :p
 

mandymorbid

Blindheim!
Mar 17, 2010
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James Joseph Emerald said:
Did nobody else notice Justine running around with no pants on?

Anyway, it's surprised me how endearing these girls are. I've never really been in to the 'alternative' style, with tattoos and noserings and dyed hair, et cetera. In fact, I guess you could say it was kind of a prejudice, since my immediate reaction to Mandy, for example, was "bleh, creepy freakish Mohawk chick that'd probably gut me with a fishing knife and bathe in my blood". But then she turns out to be sweet and charming, and attractive, and intelligent, and saavy, and uses phrases like "psychological microcosm". Which shattered all my preconceptions (except maybe the fish-knife-gutting part. But most people seem to want to do that to me, thus it's probably an unrelated issue). So, in a way, this show actually sort of kind of... enlightened me. Huh.
This is exactly what we love to hear/read! Thanks for posting that, I do enjoy messing with people's preconceptions. ;)
 

Daselthechaz

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Jun 16, 2010
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Satine Phoenix said:
BillionSix said:
Yeah, but somehow you will manage to be a really hot Yoda, right?
I sure hope so!
Couldn't help but notice that you sound like you're just gonna' try to manage hot yodaness. That's not really in keeping with the do-or-do-not attitude of your people. Let's hear a little more faith and certainty.

And on a show related note, it's been made pretty clear a few times now that resurrecting your character isn't in the cards (Mandy did mention you rolling up a new character about halfway up this very page) no matter how much me and Flirl try to wish it so. That said, if I don't get to see what you come up with for the next glamorous addition to the team tomorrow, I'm going to California, borrowing the shovel that Patton Oswalt is saving to bludgeon George Lucas (a comedic artifact second in power only to Bill Cosby's pudding bowl) and patrolling the streets until I find the right place to be ominous for your editor. The suspense is killing me. If I had a nonviolent way of expressing that, I would, but I'd probably have to commence to speaking German. Nobody wants such things.
 

Satine Phoenix

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Feb 19, 2010
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ahh.. see, the plan is that if someone dies, they roll a new character. That doesn't mean Mirror can't get Rezzed. :)

Daselthechaz said:
Satine Phoenix said:
BillionSix said:
Yeah, but somehow you will manage to be a really hot Yoda, right?
I sure hope so!
Couldn't help but notice that you sound like you're just gonna' try to manage hot yodaness. That's not really in keeping with the do-or-do-not attitude of your people. Let's hear a little more faith and certainty.

And on a show related note, it's been made pretty clear a few times now that resurrecting your character isn't in the cards (Mandy did mention you rolling up a new character about halfway up this very page) no matter how much me and Flirl try to wish it so. That said, if I don't get to see what you come up with for the next glamorous addition to the team tomorrow, I'm going to California, borrowing the shovel that Patton Oswalt is saving to bludgeon George Lucas (a comedic artifact second in power only to Bill Cosby's pudding bowl) and patrolling the streets until I find the right place to be ominous for your editor. The suspense is killing me. If I had a nonviolent way of expressing that, I would, but I'd probably have to commence to speaking German. Nobody wants such things.