I think I'm about to be dumped.

Kavic86

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May 28, 2010
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I know how your feeling at least partially. Ive been with my girl for 2 years and we have been on again off again twice. We both aren't perfect we have our issues. But The first time we broke up it was for about 6 months then we got back together. The reason for that was I didn't like one of her aunts and her aunt was talking down to me so I called her out on her bullshit and well that didn't end well for me. During that time she didn't really date. Then the second time we broke up was for about 2 months. She dated another dude who hated me with a passion and I really didn't care much for him either. But during that time she would talk to me and let me know she really cares about me and stuff like that while with this other dude. So I put it plain and blunt make a choice I'm not waiting for you to figure out this or that I'm feeling like crap day in and day out and this needs to end one was or the other. I tell her to leave and take her stuff with her, I get a call a few hours later saying she was wrong and well January we celebrated our 2 year anniversary.

Here is my advice for you, this whole I'm 22 and need to experiment thing is all total bullshit. Love is love you either have it or you don't. I don't care if you have only been with one person if you truly care and love them then it is what it is you don't have to experiment and have multiple relationships to know who is better. If you want to be with someone it don't matter. She needs to get her head out of the clouds and be smart about it. Cause you to have something special, not many people have that kind of relationship. If she is hell bent on leaving you she is going to find any reason to do so. So beat her to the punch don't wait for her to dump you make her choose but pretty much put it like this. Tell her your tired of these feeling, she is being stupid to think you need to experiment to determine if your man is good enough. Take the choose out of her hands and dump her or make it seem you are going to.
 

Jfswift

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Nov 2, 2009
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Honestly I'd say break up with her now. Take control of the situation. You'll feel better about it then waiting until she leaves. I mean, to be blunt here, lifes short and if someone can't see the values you have then don't waste a second longer on them.
 

Johkmil

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Apr 14, 2009
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You should be careful about taking the advice of the majority here (the "break up first"-plan), as it is clear that you (the OP) really wished this relationship could continue, something that would make any preemptive breakup a clear-cut lie.

Any relationship will only work as long as both parties involved keep it alive. If one is somewhat determined to end it, there is nothing for the other party to do but to try to weather the storm, as even though the relationship may limp on for a while, serious doubt has been sown in both parties. (Not that doubt in and of itself is enough to doom a relationship: relationships are never "happy ever after" - there are doubts and there are fights, but still both partners keep on working to make it continue.)I'll be brutal; she is not coming back to you from Europe. Not a chance. She does not want to be in a relationship, and you can not force her.

There is only one way out now, that completely conserves your integrity, and that is to be the captain that goes down with the relationship; be the better man in all respects; let her go to follow her own choices, and their consequences; avoid drama and unnecessary hostilities; avoid any form of pettiness and "that'll show 'er"-manship, do not sleep around just to show her who's the best single out there - that is the definition of petty - and take the high road. This will lead you to a lot more pain, uncertainty and anguish than other alternatives, as you must feel every step along the way, but it will allow you to rebound as a stronger man, integrity intact.

PS: You seem like a relationship person, give stable relationships a chance and try again soon. There are, as commonly known, plenty of fish in the sea, but quite few in nightclubs, and those in the nightclubs are likely to stink after three days, or sooner, if not properly preserved. I might have overextended a metaphor here...
 

Squilookle

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OK so mini-update, plus more direct replies.

As it stands, we're sort of in a limbo. We catch up frequently, hang out and watch movies/play games, get drunk while doing the above, etc. We're in a heatwave at the moment so the sex has tailed off. At least I hope that's the reason it's tailed off...

As I feared, things are starting to get murky. Not by much at all, but it's barely noticable. She's stopped initiating physical contact for the most part, stopped saying I love you (made more noticable because she used to say it about 10 times a day), and her smiles seem to be just a tiny bit forced. It could be a perception thing, I know, but she doesn't lean in for the kiss anymore.

I was under the impression she was trying to keep from being too intimate to steel herself up for the breakup, and yet she still likes to spoon, rests her head on me when we sit together and falls asleep on me in bed. The last time I saw her she seemed more distant than usual, and when she started lamenting that she felt fat (I tell her she isn't whenever this comes up- so often I doubt my opinion has weight anymore... (EDIT: no pun intended)) and could use another Zumba session in front of the Wii followed by a cold shower, I offered to do a session with her (just the zumba, not the shower). This she was happy to do, but was very careful to avoid contact while we did it.

By the way- Zumba is a massive freaking workout. I don't know how people do extended sessions of it- It was crazy!

Afterwards, we were both sweating from head to toe (heatwave, remember, and they have no A/C), and I said I could sure use that cold shower too if she didn't mind. She said she didn't, and soon after announces she needs to go to the toilet, does so, then moves to the bathroom. I'm sitting on the couch in the livingroom (in front of the heavenly fan-breese) wondering if she'll invite me to the shower or if she's expecting me to go in regardless. I decide to give her space and wait.

A minute or two passes, and I'm starting to feel a bit shit. But she appears, and asks tentatively if I want to shower with her. I think she must have taken note of how relieved I looked at that moment, as later in bed she said she was sorry if she hadn't been as 'loving' lately. I literally fumbled around in a quick 'that's ok' that seemed to have more to say about not having sex due to the heat then what we were both really thinking about. We hug, she offers me a massage, and we fall asleep with her arm across me.

Today, Monday, was a day we both knew we had off work. On this day though, I didn't ring her or ask if she was free. On previous times I was about to see her, I was proactively thinking about doing the 'great boyfriend' thing, letting her enjoy time with me etc, but today... I just needed to be away from her. I couldn't bear it. Either I never was as good a boyfriend as I thought I was, or she just doesn't see it, because I can feel her slipping no matter what we do or don't do.

First up I'd like to address Johkmil here:

Johkmil said:
You should be careful about taking the advice of the majority here (the "break up first"-plan), as it is clear that you (the OP) really wished this relationship could continue, something that would make any preemptive breakup a clear-cut lie.

Any relationship will only work as long as both parties involved keep it alive. If one is somewhat determined to end it, there is nothing for the other party to do but to try to weather the storm, as even though the relationship may limp on for a while, serious doubt has been sown in both parties. (Not that doubt in and of itself is enough to doom a relationship: relationships are never "happy ever after" - there are doubts and there are fights, but still both partners keep on working to make it continue.)I'll be brutal; she is not coming back to you from Europe. Not a chance. She does not want to be in a relationship, and you can not force her.

There is only one way out now, that completely conserves your integrity, and that is to be the captain that goes down with the relationship; be the better man in all respects; let her go to follow her own choices, and their consequences; avoid drama and unnecessary hostilities; avoid any form of pettiness and "that'll show 'er"-manship, do not sleep around just to show her who's the best single out there - that is the definition of petty - and take the high road. This will lead you to a lot more pain, uncertainty and anguish than other alternatives, as you must feel every step along the way, but it will allow you to rebound as a stronger man, integrity intact.

PS: You seem like a relationship person, give stable relationships a chance and try again soon. There are, as commonly known, plenty of fish in the sea, but quite few in nightclubs, and those in the nightclubs are likely to stink after three days, or sooner, if not properly preserved. I might have overextended a metaphor here...

I think- I really do think, that this is what I must do. I also think she's not coming back to me from Europe- and feel fairly certain she'll ditch me just before the trip. But this closely mirrors the course I intend to take, and I have found it comforting to see someone else out there thinks it's a good idea in some sort of form.
Bara_no_Hime said:
Advice eh? Okay, since you asked:

Open Relationship.
smithy_2045 said:
This is more or less what I was going to suggest. Just make sure you think you can handle it.
krazykidd said:
How do you feel about open relationships? The ability to be together as a couple but sleep with other people ? It's not cheating if both parties agree. She ( and you )gets to expriment and you guys could stay in the relaionship? It seems like decent middle ground . Of course it takes a lot of trust for no one to get jelous , but think about it at least.
As someone who's never been in one with someone I've loved before (so take my opinion with a grain of salt) I think I could handle it. With difficulty, but I could. That said, I had a friend who said he could but when she got with another guy he flipped his lid- realising he couldn't take it. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened to me too. Girls don't pay me even half as much attention as guys do to her, for a start :p

That said, I'm fairly sure she couldn't do an open relationship. She was very guarding of me in the early stages, and when once we joked about the idea of threesomes, she told me that if we ever had one (MFF) I could look but not touch the other girl. Through a twist of fate, a girl I used to have an open relationship with entered a band that shares a member with my girlfriend's sister's band, which brought her and my girlfriend into some contact. She reacted to the other girl as one would react to a dog turd they had just found on their jeans. I doubt she could do an open relationship without some serious internal conflict.


Lilani said:
And I think it was all made possible by just communicating well. We talked it out before it became too big of an issue to approach. We didn't try to lie or cover it up, we both respected each other and valued the truth of our relationship too much to let that happen. And to answer your other question, yes I wanted to still be friends with him too if we broke up. He just happened to have said it first.
That's good to hear- I'm glad you found common ground over it. I happen to be Atheist too, while my girlfriend is Catholic. I can only hope that we reach a similar level of wellbeing.

The_Darkness said:
I... don't agree. She's experiencing something of a 'grass-is-greener' point of view, as far as I can tell. This doesn't necessarily spell doom for the relationship - but she does need to find out what it's like on the far side of that fence. That said, she doesn't need to dump you to find out. I'd encourage her to speak with her friends.
The reasoning here is two-fold. First: She needs a second opinion. She needs the point of view of someone completely outside of the relationship. A trusted friend could provide that, either encouraging her to stick with the relationship, or otherwise.
Second: she needs to hear about both sides of being single. The pros and the cons. From what I've read, it sounds as if she's heard all the fun stuff, but is lacking any knowledge of the frequent break-ups, the discovery of guys who are complete jerks when you thought they were fine, the loneliness, that sort of thing. Honestly, being single is not bad, but she needs a complete picture of what she's going in for.
I had considered going to her two closest friends, one of whom just got back from overseas, to ask them what they thought was best for her. They've both been in and out of couplings all over the place. I imagine much of the 'good side' of being single she heard from them.

I'm sure the three of them have already spoken at length about all this, and I don't want to see them and be a desperate guy trying to win her heart back' or anything like that. I don't see how I could ask them to let her know about the darker side of being single without appearing that way.

Lyri said:
She is going to Europe to travel, how come her partner of four years isn't going with her on this trip?
We worked it out that I couldn't afford to go both to Europe as well as a South America trip we planned to take together later in the year. She couldn't find any of her friends that could afford it either so she's going alone.

Lucid_Camel said:
Telling by how thoughtful you are in even handling and thinking about this break up inside and out. I would nearly say you are infact too good to her and in some cases projecting your Idea of her onto who she actualy is.
I don't know. Maybe. But I can't fault her for feeling she's missed out on such crucial years. You did help me think more about her faults though, which, if/when we split, will be helpful to focus on while I'm moving on.

Thurston said:
Be polite. Be a gentlemen. Be a class act all the way. Don't whine. Don't *****. Don't threaten. Don't guilt.

Be serious. Be honest. Be open.
You got it. Will do.

Zyst said:
In the end it's a long term relationship and well, you must decide what you want to do not ask in a forum like a poll.

Best of luck.
Believe me- this was only one of several outlets I chose to seek advice through.

godofallu said:
My advice would be to get her to move out of her parents house. The single life isn't about screwing random people so much as a feeling of independence. I think that's what the Euro trip is about to her. Just being alone and independent. Not having coworkers, parents, or you around her 24/7 every day for years on end.
I would love to be in a position to offer that, but sadly I am not.

Kavic86 said:
Here is my advice for you, this whole I'm 22 and need to experiment thing is all total bullshit. Love is love you either have it or you don't. I don't care if you have only been with one person if you truly care and love them then it is what it is you don't have to experiment and have multiple relationships to know who is better. If you want to be with someone it don't matter. She needs to get her head out of the clouds and be smart about it. Cause you to have something special, not many people have that kind of relationship. If she is hell bent on leaving you she is going to find any reason to do so.
This is what really got to me. I sometimes wondered what I'd be like being single too, hell I'm sure everybody does. But I had made my choice and was committed to her. To find she doesn't feel the same, even for a good reason considering her age, was like a sudden elephant on my shoulders.

And to everybody in particular who's commented about similar experiences, I feel your pain too. You know I do. That's why we're all here, and I find it helpful even just talking about it with you all.
 

Squilookle

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Hey everyone.

I'd like to gauge interest across the escapist community about hearing how this story ends. Sorry about double posting. I'm doing one now for the Australian crowd where I live, and I'll do one more for the US crowd later. If anyone seems interested, I'll tell you all how the story ends. Otherwise this is the last you'll have to hear about it. Thankyou.
 

repeating integers

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Squilookle said:
Hey everyone.

I'd like to gauge interest across the escapist community about hearing how this story ends. Sorry about double posting. I'm doing one now for the Australian crowd where I live, and I'll do one more for the US crowd later. If anyone seems interested, I'll tell you all how the story ends. Otherwise this is the last you'll have to hear about it. Thankyou.
You can't just leave us hanging, dude. We need to see how this ends.
 

Quaxar

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Sep 21, 2009
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Oh, so it's actually the OP resurfacing the thread, not some random guy with 5 posts giving his two cents on a 4 months old thread.

Go on then, give us the finale. Surely a lot of people involved in here would like to hear how it turned out.
 

Angie7F

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Nov 11, 2011
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I think you deserve better because what she is doing is trying to use you as a safety net.

Also at 22, it is hard to settle down and be with one person because you hardly know who you are.

I would let her go do her own thing after a clean break up.
If the paths cross at some point in the future and decide to get back together again, that is fine.
But I would not wait around.
Life is too precious.
 

Squilookle

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Hey everyone.

Im trying to gauge interest across the escapist community about hearing how this story ends. Sorry about double posting. I'm doing one now for the US crowd, as I've done one earlier for the Australian crowd where I live. If members seems interested, I'll tell you all how the story ends. Otherwise this is the last you'll have to hear about it. Thankyou.
 

Kevlar Eater

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Of course I would wanna know how this story ends. But were I you, I would redact her existence as if she were a mistake in a classified military document. You don't deserve to be used and thrown away when you became an inconvenience.
 

Kontarek

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I never post here, but I'm posting now because as a person who read your story back in March I would very much like to know how things turned out for you. I didn't post then; I had no special advice to give that hadn't already been covered by others. But, I can say that reading your story is one of the few reasons I've still bothered to lurk around these forums, looking for those few bright spots among the more mundane topics.

So please, tell us how it ends.
 

Mondai Randy

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May 15, 2010
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TC I have been reading your thread for the past hour, it is one of the best posts I have ever read here and I can certainly understand what it feels to be at that "almost breaking up" point. In my case me and my girl broke up at around November 2012.... I didn't take it badly for the first few months.... until I decided to think about it one day and suddenly the memories came back.


It was a bad experience and I know why we broke up , I was not a good boyfriend at all and I realized that I hurt her and I made many mistakes (if I could back in time , I would try to be a way better boyfriend than I was) so when we broke up, I was not mad at her , I was mad at myself because I realized just what a massive jerk I was to her , she was honestly too good for me.


Sorry for trailing off , what I want to say is that I do want to know how your story ends... and I hope whether good or bad, that you are doing good and that you managed to find yourself in a good place in life again... and if you ever need someone to just talk with , well I am here :D
 
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You're being a lot nicer than I would be, I'll tell you that.

If I was told "I love you but I'm not sure I'm still in love with you" I'd probably start off by giving the young lady a very disapproving look. I wouldn't go into histrionics or anything, but I'd tell her that she needs to short herself out and within a reasonable time frame.

I think you're a very nice fella, but I think you're being understanding to the point where it's ridiculous. Your time and your feelings are worth more.
 

TheFunPolice

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Dude I'm absolutely dying to know how it all turned out

I just wanna add in... You sound like an amazingly sweet guy and I genuinely hope you end up happy after whatever direction this took ^_^
 

Squilookle

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Hey everyone. Sorry I've kept you all waiting so long- It's been a busy and hectic time for me lately.

So: We left off back in mid-March, with the relationship in a state of apparent limbo. We were going through all the motions, but it didn't really seem like my girlfriend's heart was in it.

[HEADING=1]The Limbo Period[/HEADING]

Things did improve slightly after the shower thing though; she still seemed distant, but less so. We started having sex again too, and going out as much as we were able. I went with her to the travel agents to pick up her Contiki documents for Europe, and ignored the dread in my gut about it as I stayed positive and supportive to her about the trip, which she vaguely felt apprehensive about, as it would be her first solo trip abroad.

Much as I felt at the time that we should probably split, she seemed to be growing ever-happier around me in the lead up to the trip. I had made my choice to let her do the dumping if it was going to come to that, so I had ruled myself out of the option of ending it myself. I cared so much for her that I couldn't really imagine myself doing it anyway.

That left me with one last option, and the option I dreaded almost as much as breaking up: A hall pass. A free ticket. A period of open relationship.

It churned my stomach even just to think of my girlfriend going off and having sex with other men, but looking into the future, I could see it as the only way for her to be able to move past her state of feeling like she was 'missing out.' I knew it would be difficult for me, but the idea that it would be with men on the other side of the world made it seem more bearable. I spoke with many of my friends about the proposal. Many of them agreed it was a shit situation but may be the only way to salvage it. A few were very wary of it though, telling me that they've never seen it mend a relationship, always being followed with a split afterwards anyway etc etc.

So we reach the day before her trip, and she hasn't said anything about what she wants with us. I come over to hang out, and check and double check that her bag is packed and ready to go, as I don't want her to have anything like that on her mind during the talk we're about to have. I get up off the bed, close the door so we can have privacy, and sit back down.

"OK, so, it's now the day before you go overseas- the day you said you would make your decision about whether we'd stay together or not. I'd like to know what you think about us."

She's nodding her head as I say this, and when I finish she tells me that she's very happy with me, she couldn't be happier with the relationship, and that she is happy to let it continue. She follows this up by asking me how I feel about us.

"Well..." I begin, doubtfully. I notice her slightly tense up.

I talk about her doubts about missing out on her youth, and how I felt these doubts would only intensify over time, and that there was very little I was able to do about it. I talk slowly and carefully, not wanting anything to be misunderstood here. I see her eyes well up with tears, but she sits motionless, listening. Waiting. On seeing her getting upset, I interrupt myself to tell her I am not breaking up with her, and that's not what this is about, so she doesn't have to worry about anything like that. She lets out a sigh of relief and releases a few tears down her face. As she dabs them away, I continue:

"You know I love you very much, and I don't want to break up with you, but I also don't want to hold you in this relationship in a way that leaves you always looking back at what could have been. So... I think... while you're in Europe... you should feel free to... experiment with other men."

Silence for a moment. She's paused again, tissue halted mid-dab. She blinks twice. "Wow."

"Not what you were expecting, right?"

We both break into nervous laughter. She definitely agrees it's not what she was expecting. She can see the logic behind it though, as she asks me questions about when/how I decided on this, discusses how it may help, that sort of thing.

"I suppose while I'm gone you'll be wanting a pass back here as well?" She queries.

I tell her I thought it would be psychologically vital that I had one as well. She completely understood and agreed. (To be honest, the more I thought about her doubts on missing out, the more they stirred in me similar feelings I had experienced over the course of the relationship. For me they were always easily ignored though, because of what a great thing I thought I had found). She goes on to muse that even if she doesn't end up using the pass, it would allow her to enjoy the nights out more- simply knowing that there wasn't a barrier to be mindful of. This makes me a little uneasy to think that whether she uses it or not could be up in the air. I would much rather know ahead of time if she was going to use it or not. Later on I tell her that in truth, I wanted her to use it. If she had it and didn't use it, we'd be right back where we started when she returned, and nothing would have changed. Not to mention I'd feel pretty rotten if I slept with someone while she was gone and she didn't do the same.

She seems to get more excited about the idea as time goes on, clapping her hands, throwing herself around me and declaring me the best boyfriend ever. We agreed to a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy about the whole thing, figuring that whatever happened would be the past when she got back. She has a late meet-up with her two best friends to go to on this night, and we both joke how she'll have one hell of an interesting bit of news for them when she sees them.

Interestingly enough, while one of them sees the merit in the idea, and is as excited as she is about the possibilities it opens up, the other friend is extremely worried about it. As with my friends, my girlfriend's seem split on whether it will help as well.

[HEADING=1]The Europe Days[/HEADING]

She leaves the next morning, right about the time I'm off to work. Throughout the day, I catch myself looking at the clock, imagining where her plane must still be flying on its way from Melbourne to London. One of my friends, a very happily single punk rocker high school friend who I always used to go clubbing with, is mighty excited about the days ahead and appoints himself in charge of getting me laid after four years of me being out of 'the game'. I can't say I feel all that enthusiastic about it, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd feel pretty useless as a guy who lets his girlfriend jet off to sleep with other guys without having any action of his own back home. You might think it sounds pretty pathetic, and I'd agree with you, but for better or worse, I felt it was imperative that I have some sort of fling while she's off touring Europe with all sorts of different men getting to ogle her as I've always seen local guys do.

My friend and I have many adventures during this time, going out as often as humanly possible over the 3 weeks to recapture the spirit of our old clubbing days. We both sign up to multiple online dating sites while we're at it to try our luck, and we start heading out to every gig he hears about, to mingle with his punk crowd. I joined a group another friend was in, devoted to picking up women during the middle of the day. I was very curious to see how that worked, so gave that a shot too.

Desperation, people. That's what this was. A very hectic, exhausting, and nerve-wracking time for me as the days ticked down, heading out on many nights and getting very little sleep, but with no true success. I've never seen myself as anything more than average looking so my confidence wasn't too high- the time limit effect certainly wouldn't have helped. I took the occasional nights off to go and watch the latest Game of Thrones with her family, who are all big fans of the show too.

Every now and then, a text would come through from her, giving a brief update on where she was, what sights she'd seen, and so on.

I miss you though. I love you heaps, hope you're doing good :)

Hey Sexy. I'm currently on the road through the German countryside and was thinking about you. You're the best. I love you.

I love you heaps and can't wait to see you.


I'd always reply and echo her love, feeling for the first time in over half a year that perhaps we were mended. I wondered if she was getting with anyone, but as I told my friend, I wouldn't care how many guys she got with so long as it enabled her to leave all her doubts behind.

The world of online dating proved to be a brutal one. My friend, with his full sleeve tattoos and band member status, was having girls message him left and right, while I barely even got a reply to mine. Guess I didn't stand out enough. Needless to say that the whole useless exercise made me feel incredibly shit. REALLY shit. How much easier, I thought to myself, must it be for my girlfriend right now, in a foreign land, with an outgoing, directly-approach-men mentality, bright pink hair, on a continent where men were far more aggressive in approaching women (or so I had heard, anyway).

It came down to the final weekend before her return mid next week, and the last opportunity I'd have to go out. It was a 27th out at a club. I was going with my friend and a girl who had been through a bad breakup a few weeks before. I'd heard through the grapevine that she was seriously considering sleeping with me, as we both got on like a house on fire whenever we sat down and just talked, but for her it still seemed too close to her breakup to be sure if she was ready for anything.

I felt strongly attracted to this girl- so much so that even in my 'God-I-have-to-get-laid-to-assert-myself-as-a-man' state of self pity, I decided at one point I would not pursue her, partially because she was a committed relationship type, and for her sleeping with a guy who would become unavailable as soon as his girlfriend got back wouldn't help her. Also my friend was starting to fall for her too and I thought it would be much healthier for both of them to be together.

So me and this girl are hanging around outside the club, just chatting away, when she tenses, grabs my hand, and strides off leading me down the street. She had just spotted her ex, who's supposed to be in Western Australia, outside a bar with another woman. She apologises for her reaction, then bursts into tears.

I step forward and take her in my arms, and she sobs into my chest, clutching me tightly. We stand there in the street, holding each other, and I'm reminded of the many times my girlfriend has had breakdowns. Sometimes because of things said to her, sometimes because of pill effects, sometimes for no reason at all. For me, it's not uncomfortable at all to be in this situation, as just being there to help someone through a moment of horrible sadness helps make me feel like a worthwhile person. In a moment such as this, all thoughts of getting laid, proving myself to myself, ensuring I have a good time on this night; they all fade away. As I look down into this girl's eyes as she starts feeling better, I think to myself what things may have been like if I were single, if I'd met this girl instead of my girlfriend, how things may have been different....

I know what you're thinking- I'm going to fall for this girl and my girlfriend will slip from my mind. Sorry to disappoint, but this isn't a soap opera. I have a girlfriend and that's all there is to it. I'm not going to ditch her for someone else just because.

Anyway, she composes herself, I make sure she's OK, and we head into the club. She goes and sits opposite me with my friend, while I start chatting up some other girl. Things are going well, though very slowly, but I'm enjoying myself and am playing along. At one point I got up to get a drink/go to the toilet/something or other, and found myself walking along the corridor with the girl I held outside. We're talking about nothing in particular, and go into our respective toilets.

I'm out first, so I decide to wait for her. She walks out slowly, deep in thought.

"I've made a decision" she offers, eventually. I ask what the decision is, not even knowing what it's about.

"I'm... not going to sleep with you tonight."

Considering I had ruled this out of ever happening long ago, and figured she'd see as well as I could how it wouldn't work between us, I take it as a compliment that she was seriously considering it in the first place. Without skipping a beat I tell her I'm glad she's made that decision, and have nothing but respect for her for making that choice. We go back to where we were sitting down, and I resume talking to this other girl.

With the other girl and my friend joking and critiquing the way I'm 'picking up' this girl, I simply stop caring what they, or anyone else thinks. I go in for the kiss, she responds, and we share a moment with the others watching with absolutely nothing to say.




Take THAT, naysayers!

Anyway, seeing how well we're doing, the other two decide they're going to leave. I say my goodbyes and give them a hug, then go back to my girl. We kiss for a little while longer, then decide to catch a cab back to her friend's place where she's staying. She's showing token resistance all the way, talking about having to work in the morning, how small her mattress is (and it WAS small, maybe only 60cm wide!), how others would be sharing the room etc. I just took it all in my stride, and soon enough we had the room to ourselves, with the lights -and our clothes- off.

We were at it for two hours. That irrational need to prove myself arising again, about 3/4 of that time was spent in foreplay, working on erasing any further doubts she may have had. Needless to say, when morning came a few short hours later, we were both wrecked!

It finished well though. We both got dressed, her into her work clothes, and we had a bit of fun talking while she drove me to a train station on the way. After one last kiss, I wished her good luck for her shift (thanks, I'll need it!) and strolled up to the station.

I distinctly remember standing there on the platform waiting for the train, mulling over last night's events. I asked myself if I felt like I had cheated on my girlfriend. After a moment's thought, I decided I didn't feel like I had at all. I hadn't done anything outside the rules we'd set down, afterall. More than anything though I felt immense relief that I did get with someone while my girlfriend was gone. This way, no matter what she was getting up to in Europe, I knew I wouldn't be completely empty handed on my end, either...

Wow, this post is really getting out of hand- sorry about that. I'll have to head off to work soon, so I'll put the rest in later.

Also:

Mondai Randy said:
TC I have been reading your thread for the past hour, it is one of the best posts I have ever read here and I can certainly understand what it feels to be at that "almost breaking up" point.
Mondai Randy said:
any updates TC? bump or curiosity

I really want to know what happens
Who is TC? Is that meant to be me?