Piorn said:
What do asexuals do with all their freetime, though? I envy them, really.
Less porn, more gaming, basically.
Though the lack of sex to be had in good dreams means more mundane, but still awesome good dreams. Like last night, I dreamed that I was able to find a great, wrought-iron gazebo to put in my back yard for only $20.
~~~~~
Asexuality
is a thing. It means you don't get sexually attracted to anyone, but the reasons behind this can be a lot more complicated. People can just not care for being sexual with others, people can just not want sex at all yet feel attraction towards other in the sense of general affection... Its complicated because its a human thing.
Now, whether it is a disorder or not comes down to the individual, and comes down to whether their sexual orientation is being altered against their own true identity. Let's put it this way: Bob has a magic trinket that makes people gay upon contact. He uses it on Phillip- it is a curse for Phillip, because he was a very heterosexual man, and all the sudden he's not himself. Its a roadblock to his relationship with his girlfriend, his own self-expression, and in general whom he is. This is sudden, and without his control or consent.
But Bob uses the magic gay trinket on Joe, and it doesn't have any effect, because Joe is already gay. He's comfortable with his homosexuality. He has a happy life with his boyfriend, he can continue to express himself as a man whose homosexuality just happens to inform his worldview. (Though I should point out that, even if Joe weren't comfortable with his homosexuality, zapping him with a straight trinket wouldn't magically fix his problems- orientation and identity isn't that simple)
Same thing goes for asexuals- they're like Joe in that they experience the world through an atypical sexual orientation all their life. Their perspective on sexuality is normal to them, and has been all their life. It doesn't cause any more distress than any other sexuality (or lack theirof) can. Poor libido is a disorder when its like with Phillip- a lack of sex drive being there when it shouldn't be, physically and/or psychologically.
Now, something I do want to say here, though a lot of people either deny or use to insist that asexuality isn't real is that
asexuality can change. Asexuals tend to be people whom either have atypical "normal" levels for certain chemicals and hormones or are atypically sensitive or insensitive to normal levels of certain things. (the latter of which, for some reason, the medical community is only now beginning to acknowledge, and even then only because it relates to the lucrative field of fertility medicine) This is a fact that I, as someone whom does have a tangible hormone issue, have had to consider in regards to my asexual identity. As I proceeded to get the detrimental symptoms of my health issues treated, the possibility of suddenly being sexual was
very real.
And this highlights exactly what asexuals face, as while I'm wondering how this matter could change my relationship to the world, no one
got it. At first, its people telling me that I'm just young, naive and/or childish, and my lack of interest in sex is an indicator that my worldview is very unrealistic. Then, as I started being too old for people to dismiss as some cute little girl, its taken as my being some antisex extremist, (I admittedly look very domestic woman-ish in noncasual attire) am sick, or am just lying because I'm to rude or threatened by dealing with the tension of twenty-something dating scene tension.
I admit, I do kind of just opt-out of a lot of the social stuff regarding dating and such, but at this point it
is pretty darn threatening for me. I never did the dating stuff as a kid. I never got through the awkward crush phase when you get used to what it feels like to think you've fallen in love. Don't pretend it isn't kind of a big factor in life- if you think it isn't, go ask a single gay person what its like to be the only homosexual at most of their favorite haunts when they're interested in a relationship. Its alienating to have a different perspective that a lot of people don't believe exists, but now, should my hormones change and I develop sexual interests, I'm way far behind in a curb in a game that I don't even
want to participate in.
Imagine you're minding your own business playing your favorite FPS, when someone suddenly makes WoW the only game you can play, makes you have to play PvP, and everyone else on the server has been playing since Burning Crusade.
And the only thing you know about WoW is what you've gleaned from it being a big freaking deal to your gamer friends since you were twelve.
TBH, that's all I figure it would be, since despite my various weird levels being "normal" now, I'm still quite asexual. Relieving, I suppose, but it would still probably be easier to just be straight. All orientations are a doozy, but if I were straight, I'd have plenty of perspectives to draw from.
And really, I'm not going to say that asexuals are some horribly persecuted people; we aren't. Other than being assholes about it, people don't do much to asexuals. But that doesn't make it not a struggle in its own right. What are you supposed to think of yourself when you're feeling things different from those around you as you mature? How are you supposed to express your gender identity when so much of it is about marriage and getting laid? How do you say "no" when you don't know what you would say yes to?
Well, at the moment, asexuals basically just have to figure it all out for themselves. And yeah, "just figure it out" is kinda a huge part of the human experience as a whole, but we have thousands of years put into our cultures, literature, and the likes to deal with matters of the human experience from the monumental, like birth and death, to the mundane, such as disliking what is for dinner.
Asexuality? Not so much, seeing as we're supposed to be a pretty small percentage of the population. Which is why I feel that it is appropriate to try to include them into the whole LGBT community. Many people seem to miss the overarching point of a queer community, focusing on the anti-discrimination efforts, the "it gets better" campaign (whose message resonates beyond just orientation at this point)and such. While certainly admirable, the point of "lumping together" these varied identities is to help each other understand themselves. The LGBT community isn't totally all up in the know regarding asexuals in my experience, but they at least seem to be actively trying. (which is totally understandable, seeing as asexuality as a demographic is only very recently a known thing)
Even if society progresses to the point where we finally stop giving damns over orientation, gender and the likes, the LGBT community will still be important because going through things without the firsthand experiences of others is
hard. Even in a hypothetical queer-friendly future, straight people will still wind up with gay kids. And no matter how good these parents are, they're not going to have lived through the same things that their homosexual child will. With LGBT support, these parents can provide guidance for their child in one facet of life that can leave people feeling terribly lost or confused. We're social animals after all. Some even hypothesize that menopause developed explicitly to ensure the existence of grandparents in society- if we're that wired for working together, why not take advantage of it?
Again, I've never been threatened or discriminated against in any meaningful way over my asexuality, but I've still been without anyone I can go to for first-hand advice on how to deal with what I'm (not) feeling. The only asexuals I know are online and are basically my age. I've gotten great support from my family, past teachers and professors and even now with some medical professionals, but... I dunno. I know its one of these things that are troubling me on a deep level, but I have no way to get the perspective needed to even know what it is that's bothering me. Its not gonna kill me or make me depressed or launch into an existential crisis,(there's many far more dire things to worry about) but asexuality still tints the lenses through which I experience reality, and I wish I would just hurry up in understanding it to a more serviceable degree.