Identity

[Kae]

So I've been wondering what it means to be for quite a long time and I do wonder what people think about it, particularly what makes someone themselves.

So before I go into an inevitably long rant that will surely still fail to convey that my feelings and thoughts properly, I wanted to ask who are you?

As in what is it that makes you, well yourself.

And yes I guess that operates under the premise that you are real, which is arguable, but even if you're not a convincing simulacrum of a person should have some script as to what they are so likely a question worth asking.

Spoiler: Rant.

I'll try to keep this short since I could probably go on forever (And likely will if anyone asks me) about this topic.

After thinking about it for a long time I've realized that the answer has changed a lot over time, for example way back in the day I would've held things such as the fact that I was a thief, ridiculously short, tough and "scary", some of these were true at the time but no longer apply for example I went from thief to "vigilante" to neither and I felt very strongly about those things in regards to who I am, I also grew up and my height is now average and I realized I was delusional and while it takes a lot to make me cry in front of someone I'm hardly tough and definitely not scary, especially not then that was simply a delusion I convinced myself was real just because I have a scar on my face, but I'm a soft-skinned, skinny and sexually ambiguous thing, certainly something that makes some people uncomfortable but hardly scary.

Then there's the issue of ethnicity, which is simpler but not quite, I was born and raised inside the country of México, so obviously I'm Mexican but for example my dad's mom was British and very white her husband was Mexican but of Spanish and French descent, while my mom's dad was very brown and supposedly of Aztec descent and her mom was of Spanish and Turkish descent, so genetically I'm barely Mexican though my skin is yellow, which is weird and different from both my parents and my siblings, so I guess I'm a mutt of sorts, regarding just geographical origin is also weird, physically I was born in a small beach town in Jalisco, legally I was born there and simultaneously in Zacatecaz and I'm technically two different people with even two official social security numbers, so I gess even legally I'm an existential mess, fitting I guess, the other thing is that I also moved a lot, sometimes living in places for less than a year and as a result I don't really feel like I'm from anywhere.

There's the topic of sexuality and gender too I guess, one that I decided to ignore for most of my existence, probably because I have a complicated history with sex, which I won't get into in this post but I've mentioned it before, but the point is that even my claim that I'm asexual could be argued against as I could be just traumatized and suffering from PTSD, though both my therapist and I think of that as unlikely at least now, but I definitely had untreated PTSD at some point, with gender it's just weird, I've never really felt like anything but nevee gave it any importance because I'm not interested in Sex so it shouldn't matter, there are many things that make it complicated such as the fact that people often assume me to be female, particularly online but it has happened IRL too since I tend to present androgynous, I also tend to find female characters far more relatable than male ones, but I don't really feel like a woman, however while I don't find the body I inhabit to be disgusting nor do I hate it, but it just doesn't feel like it's mine and there are parts of it I'm uncomfortable with, to be honest while it is impossible if I could I would leave it behind and just be a consciousness without a body or at least move into a different one, but I guess that just speaks to how crazy I probably am.

This leads me to the topic of names, the truth is Ive never liked my name I've always expressed desire to change it, like even a decade ago but the truth is that I don't know to what, I've gone by many names, I have a different name in almost every online community and none really feel right and I often wish I didn't have to have a name, maybe I'm being arrogant but I don't feel like I can be a word, I guess that perhaps it's that I've dissociated from reality so much that I can only think of myself as a collection of thoughts and feelings, to the point that all else feels quite alien, I guess I should mention pronouns here too, I don't get it, any pronouns are fine because I male such little sense that it doesn't matter.

To be honest I could go on, I do little else but think about these kinds of things and I haven't gotten to how I'm not sure what being human even is or if I should be considered one, but basically I want to know about other people because I'm not even sure what it means to be and maaaany other things.

Honestly if there's one thing I know is that if mind reading was a thing, mind readers would go mad whenever they tried to read my mind.

 

[Gordon_4]

I am nothing and no one important.

 

[Neuromancer]

What makes me myself is the combined total sum of my experiences, as it is my reaction to those experiences that have shaped my opinions, my disposition, my biases etc. In that regard, like every human being, as life continues and I gain new experiences, so I shall continue changing.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Who am I? I think that's a question that can only be answered by comparing myself to people who aren't me. If I say I'm a human being that lives on the planet Earth, that's true, but not a useful answer, because that's true of everyone.

But only being myself, my understanding of other people is limited, there's probably lots of things about me that I've just assumed are the case for everyone, which is always a problem.

 

[Shadyside]

I'm Spiderman.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I'm Spiderman.

Is that comic Spiderman (and which year), Tobey Macguire Spiderman, Andrew Garfield or that insufferable MCU one?

 

[Shadyside]

Is that comic Spiderman (and which year), Tobey Macguire Spiderman, Andrew Garfield or that insufferable MCU one?

 

[Shadyside]

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I'm me. Nobody else wanted the job.

 

[happyninja42]

So I've been wondering what it means to be for quite a long time and I do wonder what people think about it, particularly what makes someone themselves.

So before I go into an inevitably long rant that will surely still fail to convey that my feelings and thoughts properly, I wanted to ask who are you?

As in what is it that makes you, well yourself.

And yes I guess that operates under the premise that you are real, which is arguable, but even if you're not a convincing simulacrum of a person should have some script as to what they are so likely a question worth asking.

Spoiler: Rant.

I'll try to keep this short since I could probably go on forever (And likely will if anyone asks me) about this topic.

After thinking about it for a long time I've realized that the answer has changed a lot over time, for example way back in the day I would've held things such as the fact that I was a thief, ridiculously short, tough and "scary", some of these were true at the time but no longer apply for example I went from thief to "vigilante" to neither and I felt very strongly about those things in regards to who I am, I also grew up and my height is now average and I realized I was delusional and while it takes a lot to make me cry in front of someone I'm hardly tough and definitely not scary, especially not then that was simply a delusion I convinced myself was real just because I have a scar on my face, but I'm a soft-skinned, skinny and sexually ambiguous thing, certainly something that makes some people uncomfortable but hardly scary.

Then there's the issue of ethnicity, which is simpler but not quite, I was born and raised inside the country of México, so obviously I'm Mexican but for example my dad's mom was British and very white her husband was Mexican but of Spanish and French descent, while my mom's dad was very brown and supposedly of Aztec descent and her mom was of Spanish and Turkish descent, so genetically I'm barely Mexican though my skin is yellow, which is weird and different from both my parents and my siblings, so I guess I'm a mutt of sorts, regarding just geographical origin is also weird, physically I was born in a small beach town in Jalisco, legally I was born there and simultaneously in Zacatecaz and I'm technically two different people with even two official social security numbers, so I gess even legally I'm an existential mess, fitting I guess, the other thing is that I also moved a lot, sometimes living in places for less than a year and as a result I don't really feel like I'm from anywhere.

There's the topic of sexuality and gender too I guess, one that I decided to ignore for most of my existence, probably because I have a complicated history with sex, which I won't get into in this post but I've mentioned it before, but the point is that even my claim that I'm asexual could be argued against as I could be just traumatized and suffering from PTSD, though both my therapist and I think of that as unlikely at least now, but I definitely had untreated PTSD at some point, with gender it's just weird, I've never really felt like anything but nevee gave it any importance because I'm not interested in Sex so it shouldn't matter, there are many things that make it complicated such as the fact that people often assume me to be female, particularly online but it has happened IRL too since I tend to present androgynous, I also tend to find female characters far more relatable than male ones, but I don't really feel like a woman, however while I don't find the body I inhabit to be disgusting nor do I hate it, but it just doesn't feel like it's mine and there are parts of it I'm uncomfortable with, to be honest while it is impossible if I could I would leave it behind and just be a consciousness without a body or at least move into a different one, but I guess that just speaks to how crazy I probably am.

This leads me to the topic of names, the truth is Ive never liked my name I've always expressed desire to change it, like even a decade ago but the truth is that I don't know to what, I've gone by many names, I have a different name in almost every online community and none really feel right and I often wish I didn't have to have a name, maybe I'm being arrogant but I don't feel like I can be a word, I guess that perhaps it's that I've dissociated from reality so much that I can only think of myself as a collection of thoughts and feelings, to the point that all else feels quite alien, I guess I should mention pronouns here too, I don't get it, any pronouns are fine because I male such little sense that it doesn't matter.

To be honest I could go on, I do little else but think about these kinds of things and I haven't gotten to how I'm not sure what being human even is or if I should be considered one, but basically I want to know about other people because I'm not even sure what it means to be and maaaany other things.

Honestly if there's one thing I know is that if mind reading was a thing, mind readers would go mad whenever they tried to read my mind.

Since you are actually asking for serious answers, I will say what I've learned so far.

There is no one answer to who I am, and it's not the same answer depending on when in my life you are asking. I've been a thief, a drug user, a drug smuggler, a believer in shamanistic mysticism and energy based mysticism, though both of those were fairly brief. And a myriad of other things as well.

I don't worry to much anymore about such labels in general, and just live my life. But currently, I am a humanist first, a skeptic, and an atheist, would probably be the quickest short hand for others to know at least a vague framework of the other things that make up me.

But that's just a description of some lenses I use to look at life. I feel alive, and am pretty sure I am. I know you seem to struggle with solipsism, but even if there is no way to actually answer that, so why bother with it? Yes we could, theoretically all be brains in a jar, but that doesn't actually change anything about how you LIVE. You still have to function as if you are an actual living being in this reality, so...well just don't worry about it.

I am alive, I am a being that exists around others, and I try to make my existence with them as beneficial as possible. I try to maximize positive outcomes around me for other living beings, and minimize harm. That's really all we can do. And for me, that's enough.

 

[Dreiko]

Identity is infinitely complex and any effort to narrow it down or to emphasize certain facets of it while de-emphasizing other ones is an arbitrary exercise in control and power. Literally every single experience in your life is a component of your identity, and irrespective of your feelings on the matter, all those experiences, and every factor that contributed to you having these experiences, stretching back billions of years, are integral components of making you who you are, whether you like that or not.


Too often people just...pick one tiny facet out of this unending sea of elements and put it on a pedestal, they treat it as though it matters more than all those other ones. They even act as though they are unaware of all of those unknowable factors that are allowing them to be as they are, and treat this one thing they picked out as if that is what is doing that work instead.


It's like with the butterfly effect in time travel stories. If you go a million years in the past and kill a butterfly, humanity may be extinct in the present out of an unforeseen series of events stretching out from that one action. Identity is like that, if you just alter one tiny thing, who knows who you'll be now. So to pretend that this one thing you choose to put on a pedestal is all-important just because you feel that it is, when in fact you have no way of knowing that, is the height of folly.

 

[stroopwafel]

Identity is infinitely complex and any effort to narrow it down or to emphasize certain facets of it while de-emphasizing other ones is an arbitrary exercise in control and power. Literally every single experience in your life is a component of your identity, and irrespective of your feelings on the matter, all those experiences, and every factor that contributed to you having these experiences, stretching back billions of years, are integral components of making you who you are, whether you like that or not.


Too often people just...pick one tiny facet out of this unending sea of elements and put it on a pedestal, they treat it as though it matters more than all those other ones. They even act as though they are unaware of all of those unknowable factors that are allowing them to be as they are, and treat this one thing they picked out as if that is what is doing that work instead.


It's like with the butterfly effect in time travel stories. If you go a million years in the past and kill a butterfly, humanity may be extinct in the present out of an unforeseen series of events stretching out from that one action. Identity is like that, if you just alter one tiny thing, who knows who you'll be now. So to pretend that this one thing you choose to put on a pedestal is all-important just because you feel that it is, when in fact you have no way of knowing that, is the height of folly.

Well said. People consider their identity by looking at oneself through the eyes of others. It is a cultivated belief in one's mind, a reference model. This can indeed come into conflict with thoughts and feelings that contradict this cultivated belief. It is ultimately a coping mechanism for opportunities not acted upon and coming to terms with having to let go. Life is that moment between two eternities that flickers then fades.

No one will think about sexuality or identity 30 years from now. They will think about lost youth.

 

[Baffle]

They will think about lost youth.

Well, young people won't.

 

[ObsidianJones]

Well said. People consider their identity by looking at oneself through the eyes of others. It is a cultivated belief in one's mind, a reference model. This can indeed come into conflict with thoughts and feelings that contradict this cultivated belief. It is ultimately a coping mechanism for opportunities not acted upon and coming to terms with having to let go. Life is that moment between two eternities that flickers then fades.

No one will think about sexuality or identity 30 years from now. They will think about lost youth.

Not entirely accurate. It's not a cultivated belief in one's mind. I didn't make up the litany of people calling the police on Black Men to settle hurt egos. That is a thing that actually happened in the world.

So my identity as a Black Man reflects that. Do I have the ability to get loud, angry, and as belligerent as I witness people of other nationalities get? I don't want to roll those dice and become the next "Justice For Obsidian" because I was foolish enough to believe I could fight back. That limitation creates within me a struggle between expressing myself and actual, literal survival.

Some people get to choose their identities. Others have to navigate what was hoisted onto them and try to make something from that.

 

[stroopwafel]

Well, young people won't.

They will also get older.

 

[stroopwafel]

Not entirely accurate. It's not a cultivated belief in one's mind. I didn't make up the litany of people calling the police on Black Men to settle hurt egos. That is a thing that actually happened in the world.

So my identity as a Black Man reflects that. Do I have the ability to get loud, angry, and as belligerent as I witness people of other nationalities get? I don't want to roll those dice and become the next "Justice For Obsidian" because I was foolish enough to believe I could fight back. That limitation creates within me a struggle between expressing myself and actual, literal survival.

Some people get to choose their identities. Others have to navigate what was hoisted onto them and try to make something from that.

Fair enough. You often indeed don't decide your circumstances.

 

[deleted20220709]

DELETED

 

[happyninja42]

Well, young people won't.

that will quickly fade. trust me. You will blink, and 20 years has passed in your life.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

So to pretend that this one thing you choose to put on a pedestal is all-important just because you feel that it is, when in fact you have no way of knowing that, is the height of folly.

Well, humans are singularly capable of folly and self-delusion.

 

[Dreiko]

Not entirely accurate. It's not a cultivated belief in one's mind. I didn't make up the litany of people calling the police on Black Men to settle hurt egos. That is a thing that actually happened in the world.

So my identity as a Black Man reflects that. Do I have the ability to get loud, angry, and as belligerent as I witness people of other nationalities get? I don't want to roll those dice and become the next "Justice For Obsidian" because I was foolish enough to believe I could fight back. That limitation creates within me a struggle between expressing myself and actual, literal survival.

Some people get to choose their identities. Others have to navigate what was hoisted onto them and try to make something from that.

No, that's my point, literally everyone is powerless to choose their identity because it is comprised of a myriad facets, most of whom are unknowable. You're over-focusing on this one aspect that impacts you more strongly than the others but that isn't actually what is responsible for your identity, even if it feels like it is.

You're being hit on the head by a landslide and you're blaming the rock that hit you when in fact you're on the receiving end of an event that was set in motion when the earth was still a ball of plasma and happened to solidify in a way that would in billions of years in the future form a crumbling mountain near where you're now standing. To just ignore all of that trillions upon trillions of events that lead to it and be mad at the individual rock without looking at the bigger picture is not rational, even if it feels cathartic and justified.


Just like how you have to look at the bigger picture and understand you're a victim of causality, so should the people mistreating you should notice they're slaves to it, and stop doing things that they acknowledge are bad deep down, simply because they've been made to feel empowered to do them.

that will quickly fade. trust me. You will blink, and 20 years has passed in your life.

Hey I had people calling me an "old man" when I was...24? Maybe 25. Caring about this nonsense is silly XD.

I don't think anyone really gets to choose their identity, some people have more options available though. You are shaped by your constant relation to racist beliefs about big, black men. I am shaped by my relation to sexist beliefs about attractive women. Even people who "should" be free to pick their identity, the children of rich people, the urbane middle class etc., don't get to do that, because their social and cultural surroundings will impose identity on them long before they get a chance to decide for themselves. We are all stuck in the circumstances of our lives, times and cultures and our identity will always reflect that. Even if we try to rebel, our rebellion can't be anything but a reaction to the things we know and its appearance based in things we can conceive.

For some of us it will suck more then for others. You risk getting killed if your identity is considered "suspicious" enough, while a lot of my identity gives me brownie points in progressive circles.

Haha I just noticed this response right after writing mine but right on, love to echo that message. That's the way to look at this.