If someone is a post-op transsexual, are they obligated to tell the person they are pursuing/dating?

Treeinthewoods

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Mortai Gravesend said:
Treeinthewoods said:
Honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, if I was ever with someone and they confessed it after the fact I would end the relationship regardless of how I may or may not feel about dating someone trangender. In my eyes they are liars, even if they "just lied by omission."

Transgender folks - You have a better chance of a meaningful, fulfilling relationship if you are honest about yourself. Why would you want to be with someone you had to deceive into staying with you anyway?

'After the fact'? After what fact? They're going to be 'lying by omission' for part of the relationship anyway. Perhaps they simply didn't feel they were at a point in the relationship where they could comfortably confide prior to that.
After the fact = After one or two dates, with knowledge that the dating is likely to continue with a good chance of a more serious relationship occuring. Most assuredly if anything physical has occurred. Guess I didn't make that very clear.
 

Craorach

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It isn't even about bigotry or homophobia... it's possible to be uncomfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with someone who used to be, at least physically, the opposite gender from the one you are interested in without being outright homophobic.

It's about having realistic expectations of people's reactions to things.

If someone is going to be fine with you being trans, they are going to be fine with it. It's a very personal thing, far beyond simply accepting the existence and their right to live their lives when it directly affects you in such an intimate manner.

Sexuality is an incredibly personal and emotive thing for people. People can argue all they want that it shouldn't affect people, but the fact of the matter is that it WILL... and it could affect them in some highly negative ways that will stay with them for life.

If you suggest that you care about a person enough to be in a relationship with them, frankly it doesn't speak well for that if you keep something so massive and potentially affecting from them. Worse, even if they might be willing to accept it, you'd pretty much have to be a trans person who knows they will 100% not risk it coming out in the future due to attempts for children, or even social interaction with family or friends from earlier in your life, and probably causing major issues in the relationship then.
 

krazykidd

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Absolutely , be honest from go . If you are ashamed to admit something like that then don't get it done . I cannot believe so many people are saying no to this. Not TELLING the other person is absolutly disgusting and disrespectful , not to mention creepy . And anyone that doesn't should be ashamed of themselves . I have nothin against transgendered or whatever , live and let live and all that jazz , but once you decide to have an intimate ( physical/mental/emotional) with another person , you DO NOT hide things like this . I you are afraid of the other persons reaction then they probably aren't the person for you.

And if a person decides to NOT tell their mate and the relationship has lasted for a substantial amount of time , the they deserve to rot single and alone for the rest of their lives for being a liar . This is NOT something to lie about , and yes lying by omission IS lying .
 

Treeinthewoods

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Mortai Gravesend said:
Treeinthewoods said:
Mortai Gravesend said:
Treeinthewoods said:
Honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, if I was ever with someone and they confessed it after the fact I would end the relationship regardless of how I may or may not feel about dating someone trangender. In my eyes they are liars, even if they "just lied by omission."

Transgender folks - You have a better chance of a meaningful, fulfilling relationship if you are honest about yourself. Why would you want to be with someone you had to deceive into staying with you anyway?

'After the fact'? After what fact? They're going to be 'lying by omission' for part of the relationship anyway. Perhaps they simply didn't feel they were at a point in the relationship where they could comfortably confide prior to that.
After the fact = After one or two dates, with knowledge that the dating is likely to continue with a good chance of a more serious relationship occuring. Most assuredly if anything physical has occurred. Guess I didn't make that very clear.
So you think that after one or two dates they should feel comfortable enough to confess to someone something that is viewed terribly negatively by a lot of people? And what does physical have to do with it? That something physical has occurred doesn't mean they should have enough trust in the person to tell them something of that nature.
Yes it does, physical intimacy is as close and vulnerable as two people can be. It means something to me. Any type of dishonesty that exists makes it meaningless.

I never lied and told a fling I wanted to be serious, I was up front about it even if I thought it would result in not having sex, I expect someeone I have sex with to have the same respect. I even brought it up before having sex with numerous dates in "heated moments" (sit back, ask what they are really looking for and what they expect, etc). I require honesty before I allow anyone to be that physically close to me, I view it as self respect. Any person I dated knew this before anything ever got serious, emotionally or physically.

I'm sorry if expecting someone to tell me the truth about something that is a very major factor to me (regardless of how society does or does not view it) bothers you but it's how it is.
 

Thaluikhain

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Well, the "Trans Panic" defence still works in a lot of places...yeah...

OTOH, depends. Like, if you are the sort that needs to know a person before you have sex with them, something like this probably would be important.

If it's a one night stand kinda thing with someone you don't know, how much can you be expected to know about them?
 

Helmholtz Watson

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axlryder said:
That's where it gets sticky really. if someone is convinced that it's not relevant since they are now female, who are we to say they're wrong or that such information should be revealed? They haven't done anything wrong. Knowing about child bearing is one thing, but why would someone need to know you're a post-op or even care beyond, I guess, bigotry or homophobia? I honestly can't think of a good reason.
How about those of us that are not attracted to transsexuals don't appreciate being lied to, or mislead.


krazykidd said:
Absolutely , be honest from go . If you are ashamed to admit something like that then don't get it done . I cannot believe so many people are saying no to this. Not TELLING the other person is absolutly disgusting and disrespectful , not to mention creepy . And anyone that doesn't should be ashamed of themselves . I have nothin against transgendered or whatever , live and let live and all that jazz , but once you decide to have an intimate ( physical/mental/emotional) with another person , you DO NOT hide things like this . I you are afraid of the other persons reaction then they probably aren't the person for you.

And if a person decides to NOT tell their mate and the relationship has lasted for a substantial amount of time , the they deserve to rot single and alone for the rest of their lives for being a liar . This is NOT something to lie about , and yes lying by omission IS lying .
^^This so much.
 

Queen Michael

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If it's serious dating, yes, but they don't have to say it right away. It's such a big part of your past that keeping it secret just isn't advicable.
 

Twilight.falls

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This is an interesting question.

If I was in a relationship with this kind of person, I would like them to tell me at some point. Preferably sooner rather than later. When they eventually did tell me, I'd likely be a little surprised if not outright shocked. I'd mull it over a little, and if I really, truly loved them, I'd tell them it didn't make a difference to me, and then continue the relationship.

I value honesty, and would appreciate if my partner, no matter who they are, would tell the truth as much as they could.
 

isometry

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I don't think anyone is obligated to share their potentially embarassing medical history to a dating partner, unless it effects them directly e.g. STDs.
 

Doneeee

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I feel it is all in good morals to inform your significant other that you are a transsexual just because of morality issues alone. If you don't tell them straight away and they aren't open minded wouldn't the break up be twice as painful? As they say the hear wants what the heart wants.... but people are bigots.
 

Macgyvercas

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Personally the question on my mind is that if you have sex with a post op transexual who used to be the same gender as you, is that considered homosexual or not?

Oh, and yes, they should disclose, but I don't think they're legally required to.
 

viranimus

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Absolutely and without question, Yes, they are obligated and it needs to be divulged the second any sort of interest is expressed by either party. If you have to hide parts of yourself from the person your interested in, Any relationship built on that kind of foundation is doomed to failure.
 

PhiMed

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axlryder said:
Mortai Gravesend said:
axlryder said:
Mortai Gravesend said:
It's 'For all intents and purposes'. Unless you're talking about... specific intensive purposes >__>

But anyway, I think they have an obligation to reveal it to their partner at some point. It is a major thing and I don't think it's exactly uncommon knowledge that someone may feel uncomfortable dating someone who use to be another gender. As such it seems only fair to tell it to someone you're involved with. Not at the beginning, no, but at some point before things get too serious. I mean if they don't I wouldn't say punish them or anything, but it doesn't seem right to not mention something that your partner may very well care about before you get too involved with them.
haha, I always write "intensive purposes" even though I know it to be wrong. bad habits and such. However, let's say this particular person doesn't feel as though they're obligated to tell their partner. They think it's just part of their medical history and not relevant to anything beyond child bearing. Would you tell them they're wrong to feel that way? Why?
Sure. Because their partner might care, and being in a relationship they should consider things like that. It's relevant because it might bother their partner, and that it might does not seem to be such an unlikely or unthinkable thing.
Fair enough, that's the point I've been fowarding, but this trans I've been talking to is basically saying that it objectively doesn't matter and is no different from any other past medical issue so really they have no obligation beyond the child bearing aspect to inform their partner. It's really frustrating, because she's partly right, and I honestly can't think of a good reason why, once a person has been made "female" with hormone therapy/ops and such, that someone should take issue with being in a relationship with them (beyond child bearing of course). I still think she should tell them, but I can't think of a good reason why men would care, so I feel like I'd just be saying "some dudes are bigots" or something.
Or how about this: When you neglect to tell someone that you were born a genetic male, you are telling a lie of omission. Lies of omission are still lies. Lies this big have a way of coming out.
If your partner finds out, he has a right to be angry with you, because you lied to him, and you are poisoning your relationship with your dishonesty.
If the information doesn't matter to him, then sharing this information will strengthen your relationship.
If it does matter, then is he really the type of person with whom you want to be? You'd rather spare your relationship with a bigot than tell the truth? That's cowardly, and admitting to that level of cowardice replaces all of the sympathy I once held for you position with disdain.
 

PhiMed

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Macgyvercas said:
Personally the question on my mind is that if you have sex with a post op transexual who used to be the same gender as you, is that considered homosexual or not?

Oh, and yes, they should disclose, but I don't think they're legally required to.
If you think of the person as the same gender as you, then it is homosexual, if you do not, then no.

And you know what type of person only does what they are legally required? Bad people.
 

Monkeyman O'Brien

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Fuck yes. They know it is a very important issue for many people so they know that knowledge of the fact may change the other persons opinion. So by hiding it they are decieving the other person into thinking they are something they are not.